On Christmas eve, two days after, Athena came to my office smiling. I hadn't seen her in about three days and so I greeted her with a hug. She seemed surprised, but after I had heard about what she had told Albus concerning me, I wanted to make sure she knew how much I cared about her. She hugged me back tightly on her tip toes and gave me a quick kiss on the cheek.

"I have a proposal that you're probably not g0ing to like, but if you don't want to come then that's fine."

"oh yes?" I asked, sitting down on a desk with her, intrigued.

"You and I have been invited to Grimauld Place for Christmas dinner tomorrow."

"I don't eat there." I said harshly.

"It's Christmas," she insisted.

"I don't care."

"So because you have a thing against Sirius you're not going to spend Christmas day with me?"

Would she really choose him over me?

"why don't we just both not go and then we can send the whole day together?"

"I have already given my word to Sirius and I want to spend Christmas day with my friends and you, not one or the other."

"I'm not setting foot in that dog's house again."

"ok, fine." She looked like she was trying not to look hurt. "you don't even have to talk to him," she muttered without looking at me.

I thought about what she was asking. Finally I was defeated. "I won't talk to him."

"you don't have to come if you don't-"

"I won't talk to him," I repeated more firmly.

She smiled at me, making my heart skip a beat.

"can I give you your present tonight?" she asked quietly.

"I thought we weren't doing presents?" I said sharply, panicking a moment.

She smiled. "It's not… an object…"

I realised what she meant. "Can't I unwrap it now?"

She laughed. "afraid not." She got up and left laughing to herself.

"that was definitely the best present I've ever unwrapped." I murmured when she awoke in my arms on Christmas morning.

"Merry Christmas Severus" she said kissing my lips and trailing her burning lips down my jaw and to my collar bone.

We stayed in bed all morning until she finally dragged me for a very pleasant shower. She made me change into my best robes whilst she changed and she came out of the bathroom looking absolutely beautiful. She was wearing a low cut golden dress, just above the knee, showing her slender long legs. I blinked when I saw her, it was almost too good to be true.

"you look…" I was speechless.

She laughed softly and took my arm. "come Professor, it's Christmas and we are to be waited on in London."

I laughed and we walked from the room together, stopping to pick up a small silver bag of hers. It knocked against a table and there was a loud crash from inside. "oops."

"oh, undetectable extension charm" she explained.

Her bag was a lot bigger on the inside. I walked into Grimauld Place for her only, and we were greeted with that awful festive buzz of chatter and laughter. I smelt food and mead and wine and there were stupid decorations everywhere. Athena led me through a crowd of Weasley children into the kitchen. I waited in the corner, pouring myself a drink whilst Athena chattered and hugged everyone and handed out presents.

"Sirius!" she exclaimed when Black walked in. I scowled as she hugged him tightly; it was just as I had hugged her yesterday. She handed him a present and I looked away, my hand tight on my wand in my pocket. I felt a hand on my arm and she had come back over to me. She seemed to notice my tenseness,

"will you relax!" she asked.

I said nothing but I took her hand and let her steer me from the room. We found Remus and I was happy to talk to him, and we sat by him and Tonks for dinner. Black was opposite Athena but that meant he was quite far away from me so I didn't mind.

He was wearing some ridiculous red and green waistcoat and I couldn't help commenting on it.

"did your mother make you that?" I sneered.

"no Snivellus, it was a present, people generally get them at Christmas if other people like them. How many present did you receive this year? Oops: not even one from your girlfriend."

"Actually I did get Severus a present but…I gave it to him last night," Athena said, smiling seductively at me. That shut Black up straight away.

Albus dropped by for an hour and greeted everyone, not seeming surprised at my being here.

"I knew you'd stay with her" he murmured in my ear.

I watched Black's movements through most of the night. He only dared come up to me after dinner when Athena was in the other room. He kept his hand in his pocket, as did I, both clutching our wands, desperate for a chance to duel.

"the only reason you're in my house Snivellus is because I have a new theory. The more she spends time with you the quicker she'll see you for what you really are. Plus, she spends so much time with me too. Not just today, but other days, just the two of us…all alone…"

I stepped up to him, squaring my shoulder and said in a low malicious voice: "you really think so dog? Because this is my theory. You're jealous because although she may spend a lot of time with you in the day, she spends even more time with me at night."

He pushed his face right into mine. "getting the sympathy vote are you snivellus?" he sneered.

"oh I wouldn't call what we did last night sympathy Black."

"Oh don't you worry, she'll see sense soon enough, she'll leave you, you slimy-"

"gentlemen."

Came a voice in our ears, making us both flinch. It was Remus, he'd noticed us. "may I join you for a drink?" he said in a firm voice.

I took one last threatening look at Black and then stepped back from him.

"of course Remus, it is Christmas and I must admit I'm in an… entertaining mood." I said in a harsh voice. He stepped between Black and myself and poured us both a drink. Black took his in the other room.

"don't rise to him," Remus said, sipping his mead.

I said nothing but we were joined by Athena at that moment. "Remus that cauldron you got Sirius is absolutely shining, it must have been so expensive!"

He shrugged and said, "he's a good friend," but he smiled whilst he said it.

She laughed. "then where's mine?"

We left about an hour later and I even shook Remus' hand in a sort of Christmas greeting. Black smirked at me over her shoulder as she hugged him but I returned the gesture when I put my arm around her waist after… except I put my hand a little lower than her waist. He looked threateningly at me and I saw his hand move to his wand. My other hand mirrored his movement but Athena leant up and whispered something into my ear. It distracted me for a moment and then we walked out together. I gave a final smirk to Black and then we apparated from the doorstep together.

We spent Christmas night sitting on the sofa together in her room with the lights off, listening to music and talking and kissing, a lot.

I spent a limited amount of time with her during the Christmas break as I was busy with Albus and the order and she spent a lot of time at Remus' or at Grimauld Place. I usually only saw her after darkness had fallen. Sometimes we would walk around the grounds, conjuring flames and wrapping our arms around each other to warm ourselves. I tended to be in fowl moods a lot after having to spend hours locked in a room with potter, who is incapable of occlumency! He's not putting any effort in the arrogant lazy idiot! It's like he enjoys the connection between his and the dark lords mind- he loves the attention! And it's wasting my time! God I could so do with an excuse to get him out of my life!

I met Athena tonight in Hogsmeade. We went for a drink in the quieter pub, the hog's head, only to be stalked by Rita Skeeter the journalist. Athena sent her marching straight away, something that made me laugh. She warns me: "you don't wanna get on my bad side."

Potter! How- how could he? How dare he! He was in my office whilst I went to sort something out with Dolores and he had the nerve to look at the memories I had out in the pensieve. I'm… so angry. And scared- how much did he see? He's seen me be humiliated! God I hate him so much. I absolutely loath him more than anyone. The insolent boy! I've thrown him out of my office. He's not coming to me for occlumency ever again! I don't care if Dumbledore wants to sack me for it- I'm never letting him into my office, not ever.

I have paced around my room for almost an hour now. I think I am calmer. I do know what shall calm me down though and so I'm going to Athena's office.

I knocked on the door and waited impatiently. There was no answer but I was sure I could hear someone moving about so I knocked again louder this time. Finally the door was flung open and she was standing there slightly breathless with wet hair and wearing her pyjamas, that were so short and tight they momentarily robbed me of my anger. It returned quickly enough as she moved to let me in and I sat down on the sofa with her.

"what's wrong?" she said immediately.

How does she always know! I shook my head... did I really want to bother her with it?

"Harry? Occlumency?" she said, watching me with a slightly pitiful and yet knowing look.

I nodded.

"did you throw him out?"

I was startled for a moment and then I thought. She needs to know… of course she needs to know…

"what… do you know of my past?"

She thought for a moment. ""I… I know that it was a sad one… tainted by wrong choice and unrequited love. I know that you're still not over actions and people of your past, and with some I don't blame you at all…" She paused for a moment, looking away as if ashamed. Finally she said in a quiet voice, not watching my reaction:

"you still love her, don't you?"

The question shocked me. How could she know? How could she say it so calmly? Why was she with me if she already knew about Lily… sweet Lily. I owed her the truth. I wouldn't deny I loved Lily.

I nodded once, not wanting to upset her.

She seemed to nod understandingly and I was confused. "aren't you angry?"

"angry?" she said incredulously. "you think I've never been in love before?" the moment she said it she looked like she regretted it.

I was stunned for a moment… the thought had never really occurred to me about… people she had been with before me… other men she loved…

"I'm gonna go… eat" she said standing up, even though she was in her pyjamas. I grabbed her arm to stop her leaving.

"Is it the man in the photograph?"

She flinched a little and pressed her lips together. I noticed tears in her eyes. "don't." she said firmly and quietly and then she turned, grabbed her coat and left. I stared after her wondering where on earth she was going in her shorts with only a coat on top. It was freezing outside and gone midnight! I stood up feeling confused. I was worried about where she had gone and why she had gone. Did she love him that much? I walked over to her shelf and picked each of her photos up. At the back of one of her friends a small corner of white was sticking out. I took the glass from the front and found a crumpled and creased photo hidden behind it. I straightened it out. It was her, she looked gorgeous with laughter lighting up her face. Her arm was around the waist of a man, who in turn had his arm around her shoulder. He was tall with brown ruffled hair, stubble and bright blue eyes. He was wearing a bright jumper and laughter was spread across his face too. I swallowed the lump in my throat. She seemed so happy with this man, whoever he was. She didn't seem that happy with me… Where was he now? Dead? I wasn't sure but I knew she still loved him.

I thought about Lily. How did Athena known about her? About my love for her? My love for dear Lily… So if this man, in this photograph is her version of lily does that confirm his death? Will I die? I paused for a moment, thinking that last question through. She knew the future… she knew some of my future, but…Did she know of my death? It hurt to think about it… I have never been afraid of dying. Right now, at this moment. I'm afraid of losing Athena. I'm terrified of it. If she knows I die does that mean she's been with me, spending time with me knowing my end is drawing nearer? How could she not tell me! How could she look me in the eye everyday knowing that?

I put the photo back exactly as I had found it and left her room. Perhaps she was watching, waiting for me to leave before she returned. I had a good look around but I could not see her anywhere. I went to my office and looked from the window. It was pitch black. I scanned my eyes carefully and saw a tiny flicker of light. It seemed to be the tip of a wand. It floated about by the lake. There was a sudden swish and a slightly larger light burnt: someone had conjured flames to keep themselves warm. It was her., I was certain. I watched as she conjured more flames, setting them to hover in the air around her. She then lay back against the grass and didn't move. I knew I should go down there and comfort her, making sure she didn't get ill from the cold, but I couldn't go just now. I had upset her: I was certain I was the last person she would want to see right now. I couldn't tell if I was upset with her or not. Did she know about my future? If she did surely it was her right to tell me?

I tore my eyes away from her still figure and walked into my bedroom. I lay on the bed and slept without bothering to change.

I lay in bed for over an hour the next morning, just staring at the ceiling and thinking. It seemed my anger at Potter was the least of my problems right now. I forced myself to get up and I went to find Athena. I wasn't going to mention anything about the man or last night, I just needed to ask her a question.

I knocked on the door and it opened by itself. I walked in to find her sitting on the sofa with a book. She smiled a little when I entered. I shut the door quietly without saying anything and I leant against the shelf opposite her. She shut her book and looked at me expectantly.

"good night?" I asked, already knowing that if she'd slept out all night she couldn't have.

"Was alright… you?"

I shrugged.

"listen… I'm sorry if I upset you last night…"

She shook her head. "you didn't upset me. I'm sorry I walked out on you like that."

"weren't you cold? Where did you go?"

"just in the grounds, I wasn't cold."

"did you stay out all night?"

She nodded.

"Athena you could have caught your death, are you ok?" I knelt down in front of her and pressed a hand to her forehead. She was boiling.

"I'm fine, Severus," she said after my exclamation.

"you've caught a fever."

"Severus I am fine, stop fussing or I'll throw you out." She said it sternly but she smiled. I relaxed; glad she didn't seem to be angry with me anymore.

I smiled back at her and brushed a piece of hair from her face. She leant in and kissed me lightly, sending electric thrills to my stomach.

I sighed and sat next to her, remembering why I was there. "can I ask you a question?"

She looked at me enquiringly.

"it's a serious one. Will you answer it truthfully? You promise?"

"I'll either answer it truthfully or not at all, is that fair?"

I nodded, it seemed reasonable enough. I took a deep breath before posing the question that had been on my mind all night. "do I die?"

She looked shocked. "what-"

"In the short term, have you seen it? A vision of me dying?"

I watched her face closely. She seemed to be going through an array of different emotions, trying to hide each one from me. Confusion, panic, fear, determination, acceptance?

The fear scared me the most.

"no Severus, you don't." she said it with confidence and I nodded at her. I got up and poured myself a glass of pumpkin juice. Did I believe her? I shook my head, of course I did, I couldn't stop trusting her. We talked for a while but my thoughts were elsewhere and I left, giving her a quick kiss on the cheek.

She'd said she'd come and see me tonight at my office, and so I had until then to think things over.