Chapter 34

Back to the U.S. we flew, and we kept the promotional tour going. We went from city to city, interview to interview, and the boys were as delightful and charming as ever. The fan group boomed, and Il Volo CDs were flying off the shelves. The response from the public to Il Volo was always remarkably positive, and we were in a happy whirlwind of excitement as we traveled around the country.

Michele and I were planning the Christmas tour, and before long he revealed the plans to have a tour for the new CD, starting late January, and the boys and I were ecstatic.

With all the planning and constant television appearances, I had little time to go out to do landscape photography, though I wanted to whenever I looked out a hotel window over the landscape below.

We finished quickly with our return to the U.S., and then we were headed back to Latin America at a dizzying pace, headed to Nicaragua. I wanted to stay in the U.S. to keep drumming up publicity, trying as best as I could to help them get the AMA.

I dreamed about it, both good dreams and bad, about going with them to the awards show and either watching them get it or watching someone else get it and knowing we were so close.

I knew Ignazio wanted to stay in the U.S. too, and in the airport he gazed forlornly out at the last of the country he would see until we returned in mid-November for the awards show.

"It's okay," I said, moving closer to him and kissing him when he looked at me. "I'll do everything I can to help you get it, even though we won't be here in the country."

He smiled brightly and kissed my cheek.

"It's okay, Tamzin. If we don't get it, I'll still be happy we got nominated."

Then he returned to gazing somberly out the airport window, and I vowed that he must get it. He just had to, and I started wondering if maybe everything I did wasn't enough and wondering what else I could do.

We went to Nicaragua, and I posted pictures and a video of their interview, and then I decided to translate it to English for the U.S. fans and got Barbara to help me. I vowed to translate all the interviews, and Barbara graciously agreed to help.

We would only be in Nicaragua for two days before moving to the next location, and I was constantly wondering in the back of my mind if I'd have time to photograph it. Its thick, dense jungles were dangerously inviting, and I longed to go out and explore and photograph it. From my window in the hotel I could see the lush vibrant green of the plants, the way the earth moved into mountains and dips, and in the distance I could see the blue sky above the land.

When I went to bed on the second night in Nicaragua, I disappointedly accepted that I would not have time to go out.

Until, that is, I woke up early in the morning and couldn't go back to sleep. I decided to get up, even though our flight wasn't until later and I had time to sleep in. I had breakfast and got dressed, and then I froze in front of the window, watching the sun rising up behind the jungle, casting dark shadows among the plants and towering trees.

"Woa…" I breathed, and then turned and looked around the small hotel room, thinking. I slowly started to pack, wondering if there was any immediate work I had to finish. Finding none, I made up my mind to go out, and I immediately began to rush around the room, packing as fast as I could, the exhilaration stirring inside me.

I strapped on a watch, planning to be back at nine at the latest, since Michele said we'd leave at ten.

Then I leaned my suitcase against the wall beside the door, with my empty camera case on top, and left, deciding that that'd be enough to tell them that I'd gone out.

I pulled on my red high-tops and quietly left the hotel room, stopping myself from laughing as I jogged eagerly down the short hallway.

In less than fifteen minutes, I had run through the city and was sprinting gleefully deep into that jungle, my camera around my neck and my laughter filling the forest as it drew me in. It was enchanting, lush and green and huge, and as I climbed hurriedly over low branches and ducked under vines, I felt exhilarated and alive.

The rising sun provided a multitude of vibrant colors for me, and I took every one of them and captured it on my screen as I made my way through the foliage. No wildlife dared to intrude on my playful romp, and everything bent to my whims as I wove a path through it and moved farther and farther from the hotel, which was already far out of sight.

As the sun rose higher, the light danced on the leaves and made patterns on the ground, playing with me, and I happily captured it all, climbing tress and crouching low to get the best photos. Everything around me was wonderful and mysterious, and I easily made my way through it as though I had been through there a thousand times before.

I was lost to the world, and it was just me and nature, together. I was absorbed in it and it let me be intrigued with it, let me run around inside it and explore its vast expanse of beauty and capture it so I could take the images of it with me and share them.

And I was so far into it, so deep inside the jungle and my thoughts, that I wasn't aware of the passage of time until my watch caught on a branch and with the tug on my wrist, I realized that it was already eight.

"Ohh…" I sighed, leaning against a tree and then slowly sitting down and leaning against it again.

I reached back my hand and rested it on the bark warmed by the sun. I didn't want to leave. I really didn't ever want to leave, but time passed still, unrelenting, and I knew I had to go. I sat there defiantly for few minutes, just being still in the midst of the forest, being somber at the idea of having to forsake all the excitement that I had just experienced. But then as I stood and turned and started to retrace my steps, I thought about returning to the hotel, and I thought about Barbara and Michele and Gianluca and Piero, and Ignazio, and suddenly I didn't feel so sad anymore.

I actually smiled and began to walk quicker.

I kept thinking of Ignazio, his bright smile, his dark silky hair and his dark eyes and dimples, and I laughed in excitement at seeing him again, traveling with him to the next location.

My camera was slung over my shoulder, turned off, containing both pictures of Il Volo and the jungle, and I liked that.

My laugh still echoing through the trees, I turned and smiled at the foliage behind me, and then I bowed dramatically, like Ignazio would do.

"Thank you," I said, blowing a kiss to the forest and laughing again, "But I really must be getting back to my boys."

Then I turned and ran along through the trees, back toward the hotel, smiling as I hopped over roots and ducked under branches, easily navigating through the jungle.

Or at least I thought I was, because after quite a bit of jogging and then walking when I got tired, I still could not see the end of the jungle. Time was passing quickly, and I realized I had gone much deeper into the jungle than I had thought. I kept walking, calming myself, but as eight-thirty came and passed, I started to get nervous. I turned around and looked for a good tree to climb, but they were all so high and leafy that I knew even if I did manage to climb one, I probably still wouldn't be able to see anything.

Maybe I had lost track of where the hotel was while I was darting around trying to get good pictures, and I pressed my hands to my cheeks and took a deep breath, trying to relax. Then I remembered my phone, and I reached into my pocket and pulled it out. No service. Of course, no service in the middle of the jungle. I slid it back into my pocket, trying hard to keep breathing.

I remembered Ignazio's gentle voice in Costa Rica, telling me softly to relax, and I closed my eyes and imaged it as I tried to calm down. Time didn't slow for me to collect my thoughts, and I slowly began to walk forward, thinking.

Well, it wasn't a bad place to be lost. It was beautiful and inviting. Then I thought about that and realized that it was actually a horrible place to be lost, and my breath caught in my throat as I looked up and around me. I was in the midst of a jungle, and I couldn't see anything but the dense green surrounding me, nor hear anything except the stirring of wildlife and my own footsteps in the dirt. I played anxiously with my camera strap as I forced myself to keep going.

Michele had said we'd leave at ten, and it wasn't even nine yet. Still, I knew I should be there when it was so close to the time of departure. At least I didn't have to pack or anything. I could worry later. I had some time to relax.

Somehow, thinking that didn't help me to stop my worrying. What if I couldn't get back to the hotel in time? What if I was walking in the completely wrong direction, and I'd come out in some unfamiliar part of this unfamiliar country!

Then I remembered in horror that I couldn't speak Spanish! Following this came the realization that I also didn't know the long and foreign name of the hotel.

"Oh, geez! Stupid, stupid, stupid!" I muttered, distraught as I pressed my fists to my eyes in despair. "Ohhhhh…"

I took my camera from my shoulder and slid to the ground, sitting cross-legged in the dirt, my high-tops bright against the rich brown. I held the camera on my lap, rubbing the strap and looking around me as my heart raced, this time not from excitement. I checked my watch and found that it was past nine, and my mind wandered to the worst-case scenario: I didn't get back in time, they waited for me and we all missed the flight, Il Volo missed the interview, our whole schedule was disrupted, they were all upset with me, Ignazio disappointed…Or they left without me, and I was alone in Nicaragua, knowing no Spanish, having little money…Although they would see my suitcase, and they could leave me money. Still, I'd be alone in Nicaragua, and they'd leave. They'd make their interview, but they'd probably be worried about me, and I wouldn't be there to take pictures or update the Il Volovers…

Oh, no! But I had to do that! Every activity was crucial now that they were so close to getting an AMA!

I leaped to my feet, slinging my camera over my shoulder as I began to run. I had no clue where I was headed, but I knew I had to keep going. As I ran, my thoughts began to flow as quick as my feet were moving, and I began to think about a solution.

I was lost in Nicaragua. I didn't know how to get back to the hotel, and I couldn't ask anyone how to get to it. Okay, well the first thing I had to do was get out of this stupid, beautiful jungle.

I abruptly stopped running, almost tripping over my own feet, and whirled around looking for a path. I had seen manmade paths cut here and there into the brush, and if I could find one, it would inevitably lead out of the jungle. I couldn't see one around me, so I started to walk again, keeping an eye out for a worn trail or a decrease in foliage. Now that the sun was up, it was very hot, and after so much running and incessant walking I was getting thirsty and more and more anxious. After several minutes of walking, trying to ease my gnawing worry, I heard water running, and I turned and left my straight line of walking to find a small clearing with a little spring. Beside it was a path.

I was so relieved I almost collapsed into the water, but I caught myself and knelt to take a drink. Then I jumped up, slung my camera sideways over my chest, and began to run again. The path was going back the way I had come, but I reminded myself that now I had a trail to follow. I checked my watch, and found it was almost nine-thirty, and I began to run faster, fear bursting in my chest. I should be back by now! If only I hadn't been so careless!

I was breathing hard and gasping for air, my legs burning, but I didn't stop, anxiety pushing me on along the trail until finally I had to stop. I leaned over, hands on my knees, gasping. My camera dangled from my chest, and it felt heavy as I panted and tried to ease the burning in my chest and in my legs.

As I stood there, bent over after several minutes of constant running, sweat running down my face, I began to cry. I knew it wouldn't help anything, and I shouldn't be bent over here crying when I had so much more running to do, but I cried.

I fell to my knees and then sat down on the ground, wiping my face when my hands and crying as I saw that it was past nine-thirty.

"Ignazio," I moaned through my tears, "I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry! I didn't mean to run away. I really didn't."

As I buried my head in my hands, I wondered if maybe they thought I actually had run away. But I left my suitcase and my camera bag!

But I was gone.

I reached up and grabbed a low-lying branch, pulling myself to my feet. I wanted nothing more than to see Ignazio, and I started walking again, beginning to feel hopeless as I stumbled along, tired and anxious and …lost.

My vision was blurred by tears, and I watched my red high-tops plodding along through the dirt as I walked seemingly uphill. But when I eventually looked up and saw more than just trees, my breath caught in my throat and I blinked away my tears.

A road! I could see a road!

I started to run again, instantly regaining my balance as I checked my watch. Nine-fifty. Maybe…if I was just a little late…we could still make the flight…

I burst triumphantly from the forest, throwing my hands into the air and cheering, and then laughing at myself as I sprinted away from the dangerously inviting jungle. At least my photos of it were nice…

I reached into my pocket for my phone, and then froze, wiggling my fingers around in terror. The phone was gone. I whirled around and stared into the forest, and I couldn't see it anywhere on the end of the path. It must have fallen from my pocket when I was running! Resisting the urge to scream and feeling my heartbeat in my throat, I turned away from the jungle.

The land sloped dramatically downward in front of me, I looked around for the hotel, and saw clusters of tall buildings in the distance, but there were so many similar ones that I couldn't identify which was the right one. It had to be over there, though. Everywhere else around me there were just houses and stores, so the hotel had to be one of the tall buildings! But they were so far in front of me… I jogged to the road and started to run beside it, my camera pounding against me over and over again as I sprinted.

I was so tired that I had to stop and return to walking, and I went through neighborhoods and mostly empty roads, approaching the buildings that were so far away as time kept passing, unrelenting.

I walked and walked, but the closer I got the farther away the buildings seemed, and I was so tired… I just wanted to see Ignazio, or Piero, or Gianluca, or Barbara, or Michele… I kept walking, on the outskirts of a tree-filled subdivision, and checked my watch. It was already past ten. I stared at it, and my vision blurred with tears as I saw Michele standing in front of me saying, "We're going to leave for the airport at ten…"

I dropped my wrist to my side and stared forlornly ahead of me. I clung to the slight hope that maybe I could be a little late, and I turned and walked up to a tall tree, securing my camera, and then climbed it. I was exhausted, but I held tight to the branches and made it to the top, unharmed, where I could see nicely above the tops of a few neighborhoods. The tall buildings were closer now, and as I looked at them, I recognized one.

The hotel! I was sure of it! It had to be the hotel!

I started to climb down as fast as I could, and I ended up slipping and falling the last few feet, but I landed on my feet and I was okay.

I started to sprint forward again, hustling to get to the hotel, even though I began to feel dizzy. I was so close…If they would just hold on…a few more minutes…maybe…

I ran faster and faster, finally exiting the subdivisions and approached a street that would eventually bring me to the hotel, but then I stopped. I felt as if I was about to fall over, and I took a few steps backward and collapsed onto the grass, falling onto my knees and leaning forward, placing my hands in the grass as dizziness washed over me. I knelt there for a minute and panted and waited for the dizziness to subside.

If I could just keep walking at a steady pace, I could be there by ten-thirty. If I could just keep walking…

I pushed at the ground and struggled to my feet, and felt like I was going to fall again. I just needed to sit for a while and catch my breath. I just needed a few minutes…But there was no time, no minutes to spare, even as I dared to hope that they were still there after I had run away at sunrise and been stupid enough to get lost for hours and hours.

It took all of my energy just to stand, and as I gazed at the hotel stretching farther and farther away from me, I knew I wasn't going to make it. I couldn't keep walking like I had been. If I was going to start walking again, it'd be very slowly and cautiously, and then maybe I'd be there for eleven instead of ten-thirty, which definitely wouldn't work.

They couldn't wait so long. The next flight wasn't until tomorrow, and Michele had said how important this tour was for Il Volo's popularity in the Latin countries. They had to go, and I couldn't.

My camera was heavy around my neck and I gazed forlornly at the hotel. Then I took a deep breath and took off my camera, deciding that if I couldn't make it back on time, I might as well stay here and rest for a minute, and then maybe I wouldn't faint.

But I couldn't stop staring at the hotel, thinking maybe there was some way I could get there, but the streets were filled with people who spoke Spanish, and I was exhausted.

Still panting and feeling my heart drumming in my chest, I stared forlornly forward, feeling all last shreds of hope slipping away. There were going to leave. They had to leave.

Then I heard the distant call, and immediately recognized the voice.

"TAMZIN!"

I turned, and through my blurred vision I saw someone running at me at full speed from around the corner of another block.

"TAMZIN!"

"Ignazio," I said, and then I screamed it, "IGNAZIO!"

I started to walk toward him, along the street, and then, momentarily forgetting my exhaustion, I started to run.

"IGNAZIO!"

He was sprinting like a gold-medal Olympian, flying over long strides toward me as he ran through the street, disregarding traffic, and then he was running down the same street I was on, and I was running desperately toward him, but then a twinge of dizziness overcame me and I stumbled and stopped, swaying, and then he was in front of me, his arms pulling me against him and stopping me from falling. I wrapped my arms around him and hugged him as tightly as I could, and he hugged me back hard. Then after a few moments he pulled back, holding my shoulders, and covered my face in kisses, finally kissing my lips for a long moment.

"Tamzin?" he gasped, pulling back, "Are you okay?"

I looked up at him, and in response, I just started to cry.

"I got lost… and I was trying to get back…and I had to run for so long, and I can see the hotel, but I-thought-you-were-going to-leave-me, and…I-I-I…"

"Oh, my dear, never! We'd never leave you! Calm down, you're starting to hyperventilate!" he said, pulling me back into his arms and hugging me tight. "It's okay…You're okay…Shhh…Shhh… Calm down."

I closed my eyes and felt him holding me, and he stroked my hair and spoke softly but rapidly as I tried to catch my breath.

"We figured you had gone out to take pictures, and Michele said he was sure you'd be back on time, but then you weren't and you weren't answering your phone…Oh, Tamzin, I was so scared! Are you okay?" He pulled back and looked me up and down, still holding me by the shoulders. "Are you hurt? What happened?"

"I'm okay," I gasped, still trying to regain my breath, "I lost my phone. I thought you were going to leave, and I'd be here alone!"

"No, no, no…We didn't leave you in Costa Rica, did we?"

"But being sick wasn't my fault, and this was!"

"Getting lost isn't your fault. Haven't you learned by now that we need you? We're not going to leave you!"

He took my face in his hands and gently wiped away my tears, but I kept crying as I moved closer to him and kissed him, and then kissed him again and again.

"Are you okay now?" he asked, pulling back and looking intently at me. "Are you calm? Can you breathe okay?"

I nodded, and he did too and reached up to wipe away my tears again.

"Okay…good. We do need to get back, though," he said, "Michele sent us out to look for you, and he told us to be back at the hotel for ten-thirty."

He checked his watch.

"If we leave now and walk fast, and find a cab somewhere on the road, we might be able make it."

"Ignazio? I can't walk fast."

"What!?"

"I'm so sorry," I said, starting to cry again, "I've just been running everywhere for a long time now, and I'm so dizzy, and I almost passed out a minute ago, and I-can't-walk-fast-I'm-so-sorry!"

He took my face in his hands, making me focus on him.

"Shh... It's okay. Breathe, okay? Just breathe! It'll be alright."

"How?"

He thought for a moment, and then said calmly, "Okay, maybe we can manage to be only a few minutes late, and then maybe we can still make the flight, if we book it to the airport."

"I'm sorry!"

"Hey, it's okay," he kissed me, and I closed my eyes and felt him against me. Then he pulled back and smiled encouragingly at me, "I'm just glad you're safe. I love you."

"I love you, too. I'll walk as fast as I can go, okay?"

He shook his head, and then held out his hand.

"We have to hope we'll happen upon a cab, but for now, give me the camera."

I handed it over, and then he turned around and crouched down.

"Hop on."

I smiled, and he looked back at me and smiled too.

"Really?"

"Really. Come on. We'll walk until we find a cab."

I stepped forward and got onto his back, and he straightened with ease and started back toward the hotel, quicker than I would have been able to walk.

"Tell me what happened," he said, "So when we get back you can sleep and I can tell them."

"Okay," I said softly, and I told him as he walked back. When I finished the story I laid my head against the back of his neck and closed my eyes, and soon I heard him speaking in Spanish and opened my eyes to see him putting me down into the backseat of a cab. When we pulled up to the hotel, there was cheering from our group when they caught sight of me. The four of them were standing in front of the hotel, with two other cabs already packed up and waiting, and Ignazio gently helped me from the cab and set me down on the sidewalk as they all started pelting me with questions.

"Hush!" I ordered, and they did, staring bewilderedly at me. "I'm okay. I was lost. I'm sorry. We have to go, now!"

"She's right, I'll explain on the way," Ignazio agreed, and then he reached a hand under my legs and picked me up, carrying me to one of the other cabs and getting in with me, and everyone followed suit.

"Okay, tell me," Michele demanded from the passenger seat after we took off. As Ignazio started to explain he moved an arm around me and invited me to lean against him, which I did, tenderly kissing his neck and momentarily making him falter in his storytelling. Then I cuddled against him and closed my eyes, quickly falling asleep, oblivious to the race to the airport.

Thankfully, we made the flight.