"Immature love says: 'I love you because I need you.'
Mature love says: 'I need you because I love you'"
- Erich Fromm
PART 36
Loki's heart stopped beating once again. Need. They need one another. Someone actually wants him. And is openly admitting it. As much as he didn't want to believe such a simple statement to be true, he has seen too much to not take it to heart. Tony Stark wants him. Treachery truly means nothing now; not that it meant anything in the first place. But claiming something that would be so simple and natural to most, it is dangerous for them. It could cause the Earth and its people more harm than good.
Loki was unsure how to respond to such serious claims. And Tony's deadpan serious face was not helping the situation either. He stayed quiet as he collected his thoughts. Thankfully, for once, Tony didn't try to coax an answer out of him. Instead he stood there, letting him think. As he looked into the deep pools for brown, Tony's words continued to resonate within.
Does he truly need Stark?
Yes.
That one, simple word came so easily into mind. He does need Tony. The desire for the mortal is like a hungry monster clawing at him from the inside out. And this unwavering lust will continue to drive him forward. It will be making what he needs to do so hard, but necessary. He needs such passion, for without it, he won't be able to change the futures the Norn have set for him. But this passion. Fuel. It's different than what pushed him when he took Laufey's life. And is vastly different from the animosity he feels towards his father and Thor. He cannot put his finger on it, but these feelings are reminiscent of when he was still a boy. Naive. But still. It's not quite the same. Taking a few more breaths, Loki stood tall, his eyes now unwavering as he gazed into Tony's.
"I have come to terms with it, accepted what we have so foolishly acted upon. But I also know what will happen if we continue to partake in such folly." He took another deep breath, his shoulders harshly moving up and down. "While every fiber in my body is telling me otherwise, I still want to talk to you. Spend time together. Continue with our plans. But I cannot allow myself to get that close to you again...No matter how much I may desire it." Loki quietly whispered that last part, but Tony could still hear him. Because to him, admitting such a thing. Knowing Loki desires him too. Those words speak the loudest of them all.
"And why is that? If we want this, then screw the rest of the world. This is all about you and me. No one else." Tony shot back without a second of hesitation. He is sick of the dancing around. Loki pulling him one way, then quickly forcing him another. For once, he wants the two of them to stand on solid ground. Even if it is crumbling around them.
"While I was gone..." Loki started, but regret immediately began to swell within him. "I visited an old ally. Karnilla. Queen of the Norn."
"I don't think right now is the time to be talking about one of your exes." Tony interrupted, but Loki held up a hand to silence him.
"She has a man whom she loves unconditionally. Mine and Thor's youngest brother, Balder..."
"You and Thor have another brother..." But Tony was cut off once again.
"I know of her one sided love for him. And I, myself have exploited that knowledge. Used him to get her to take part in my plans. That if she helps me, I will spare his life. Personally hand him over to her. If not. When I am crowned king. I will execute him. And force her to watch his beheading." Loki spoke venomously, but not as passionately as he did when it came to Thor or his father. "If word got out of our relations. How close we have gotten. Other parties may try to exploit us in a similar way. Use that information against us. And I won't let anyone else kill you Stark. That pleasure solely belongs to me."
Tony wished he understood why he felt slightly roused by such threats. Why hearing this calms his beating heart and makes him want the god even more so. It's an addiction. There is no denying that now. For either of them. Tony knows the dangers that come with such cravings and Loki knows what could happen if other villains find out. That they would do anything to take down a hero. Use a fellow comrade for their schemes without a second thought. But compared to everything else they have gone through, this would just be another bump in the road they could overcome if they so choose to.
"I thought you said me and Iron Man are two different entities." Tony questioned as his heart and mind both began to sober up. He cannot let Loki's actions slide that easily. "That we are not one in the same. If I am captured as Iron Man, which is highly unlikely seeing as I don't surrender as quickly as you do. But let's say for the hell of it, some super villain has me chained up to some wall. My suit is in shambles, but still on me. I'm still as you put it, Iron Man. Not Tony Stark. Our agreement is null and void. We will fight. Not attempt some Loki only loophole that you are an expert at finding. So, unless we add a new clause. An addendum. You can't save me. And I won't let you."
Loki cupped Tony's cheek, and slowly moved to his chin, tilting it up a few degrees. "Then I will just kill you where you're chained. Swiftly. But still full of pain and anguish that it was not done on my own terms." Loki once again betrayed his promise to himself and pressed his cool lips upon Tony, as if he were sealing the deal. That because those words have so openly been accepted and exchanged; there is no turning back on them.
Tony tightly gripped the curls forming at the tip of Loki's hair. His body getting warm, and head light from the unexpected snowy breath clashing with his own.
As their lips began to part all the warmth he felt dissipated. He wanted to force the thin, pale lips back on his own. Let the tongue that is reminiscent of an icicle, slide down his mouth, exploring all the crevices. But his own brilliant brain decided such blissful actions were not necessary. "I thought you just said moments ago no more of this. That I'll become the damsel in distress and you not being the valiant hero on a white stag if we are found out." A small, but crooked grin began to form, his dimples making a rare appearance.
"If you actually listened to me, you would have heard me say no more of what we did on Christmas and the night before. As you worded it so eloquently the last time, no more slumber parties." Loki said, knowing all too well they should not be kissing. Touching. Intimacy should be off the table. So why is he the one that keeps putting it back on? Goes back on his words. Changing quicker than night and day.
"Well seeing how it is me here." Tony said a small grin making its way. Struggling to stay mad or keep any form of resentment. It felt like more work to stay angry at him then just moving on, and acting as he normally would. "Anything could lead up to a slumber party." It was a simple response and he decided its best not to question the kiss any more than that. For all the aches and pains he felt this past month of not seeing Loki. Of not knowing what he is thinking or doing. All that anguish has officially evaporated. All that matters is he still has Loki beside him for a little while longer. The dream is not completely coming to an end. "So what did you need from this Karnilla that you threatened your baby brother's safety for her help?" He questioned as sense still tried to keep some grasp on him.
"While Balder is my brother by title, by no means do I see him as one as I did Thor." Loki stated plainly, apathy rung clearly in his voice. "Imagine your parents having a child while you were gone at university. You never saw them. Spoke to them. Knew nothing about them. Would you feel any emotional attachment to him at all? Could you truly care for them? See them as your own flesh and blood?"
Tony shrugged his shoulders."Not sure. Probably not since I never would have seen him?" He thought out loud, more to himself than directly answering Loki's question.
"Thor made an effort to get close to Balder despite the unusual circumstance our father put him in. And the constant journeys the two of us went on probably didn't help either."
"Unusual circumstance?" Tony questioned his interest about this other brother piqued even more so.
Loki breathed in deeply, not wanted to talk about Balder any more. However, he knows all too well the persistence of Tony, so he swallowed his annoyance and told the story. "It is thought that Balder's death will trigger Ragnarok. So, our father kept him well hidden, even from Thor and myself. He was isolated. Never allowed to see the city. All he could do was study and train with his own private tutor. As Balder got older, the Allfather could no longer keep the youngest son as hidden as he would have liked. So other arrangements were made." Loki finished, shrugging off any more talk of this brother even more so than he does when Thor is mentioned.
Tony rose an eyebrow curiously. Other arrangements were made for the son that is going to kick start the Norse apocalypse. Cheery. But with the finality and the obvious lack of interest in wanting to talk about Balder, Tony knew not to force it. He needs to keep little nuggets of info like this to himself and bring them up at a later time. A time where both won't be butting heads. When they will be more open with one another. Spill more secrets they will eventually use against each other. There must be something about Balder. About this other son of Odin that pushes Loki the wrong way. He may act like Balder is nothing to him. But that just makes Tony believe even more so there is something else going on. That this is just another layer to the onion that is Loki. "As interesting as all this is, what does any of this have to do with you going to her or even needing her help for that matter." Tony decided to go with something safer, steer the conversation to Loki's narcissistic nature.
"Karnilla is a powerful sorceress..."
"Obviously. All of your fellow Asgardian allies are." Tony said rolling his eyes.
"But Karnilla is different. Her skills in magic vastly differ from my own."
"Well then Elphaba, what is Glinda's specialty?"
"It's of no importance. She was of little use in the end. She cares not about the Asgard Earth relations. Only those of Asgard and Nornheim. She will only come into play when I start my conquest of Asgard." Loki finished, leaving it at that. To tell Stark nothing more of his plan and what really happened with Karnilla.
"How did you meet her?" Tony asked, curious to see how much more information he could get out of Loki today. Especially since it's information about a sorceress that doesn't care about Earth or its people. It's information Tony should not care about. But oddly enough, there are too many similarities to not ask about her. She, like Amora, also loves a hero of Asgard that's a son of Odin. Despite both loving, what Tony could only assume on Balder's behalf, good natured people, they ally themselves with Loki. Someone who is known in all the realms as a menace. Villain. What is it that brings these powerfull forces together?
If he thought about it, Amora is easy enough to understand. She grew up with Loki and Thor. She was there during their growth from boys into grown men. She probably saw all their good and bad qualities. So in a way her plotting with Loki makes sense. But this new ally. She is somewhat and enigma. What is it that ties her to Loki besides her love for his brother? A brother that is also a question mark in Tony's book.
"Nornheim is a province of Asgard, but Karnilla rules there as queen. She is protective of her land and will do anything to keep it separate from Asgard and the rule of the Allfather."
"So like the US and Canada..." Tony said talking quietly to himself.
"For the most part, you cannot travel between worlds without the use of the bifrost. In mine and Thor's youth, most of our adventures stayed in Asgard. During our travels I heard of Karnilla, a powerful sorceress, who became the newly crowned Queen of Nornheim. I was curious about her and her magic. Amora, even studied under her at one point, but was expelled." A smirk began to curl on Loki's lips. "She lacked the discipline necessary to learn from the Norn Queen. In my later years, after I mastered all I could from Amora and on my own, I presented myself to her. Showed her my skills and requested for a chance to learn from her. See what powers she possessed. Despite studying with her, my skills are nowhere near her skill level. Then again, I possess powers that not even she has yet to master."
"So you are the black mage and she is the white?"
"All sorceresses can learn any form of magic, but some spells come more easily than others. Myself, Karnilla, and Amora all have different strengths and weaknesses. It is no different than you and the beast. You both excel in your mortal sciences, but in different branches."
"So Amora is the master of mind control and sexual charm, you seem more like a jack of all trades but master of nothing." Loki gritted his teeth at the comment, doing his best to hold his tongue from being snarky. But Tony had a point to some extent. He has excelled in every form of magic he has studied, but to truly master them. He has yet to do so. He is still young after all. And has plenty of time to perfect his skills. At least, that is what he still tells himself. "But what about the cougar?" Tony questioned as he placed a hand on his chin and began thinking. "In Norse Mythology, the Norns rule over the destiny of both men and gods. So, it sounds to me like the Queen of the Nornheim would be like them, a master of fate as well. Perhaps seeing what the Norn control?" Tony said thinking out loud to himself. "So what was it you wanted to see?"
Loki had to do everything in his power to remain stoic. Not show Tony how right he actually is. Not let any hint or sign that was exactly what he did. See the future. Their own future. A happy, blissful life. A war torn future resulting in both possibly dying. "I make my own future Stark. I am not a coward like Odin who hides from their fortunetelling. I choose my destiny. Not follow a path that is supposedly laid out before me. Now that you know where I vanished off to, why don't you astound me with your tales from the past month?" Loki said making it clear he did not want to discuss this any further. Which in turn, made Tony even more curious. Fantasies about what Loki could have seen came in waves, but he had a feeling that what Loki is keeping secret won't stay one forever. "Well Stark?" Loki asked since Tony was not answering him. "What did you do besides fret over my disappearance?"
"You know, just usual Tony Stark tinkering to pass the time." Tony finally said, not wanting to admit how many restless nights he actually had over the guy. "Well, now that I know you are not out troll hunting again, I should head back to New York. I have some stuff to work on there." He decided it was best to leave now. Go and meditate on the words that were shared today. Also he needs to do some serious thinking about these two new names being tossed around. Balder and Karnilla. Tony walked back over to the door, but turned around before grabbing the knob. "I told you once before, and I'll remind you again. You can tell me when you are going to Asgard. The Isle of Silence. You don't have to say what you are going there for. But a heads up that you are going won't kill you." Tony then opened the door and left without a second thought. However, as he closed the door behind himself he let his body rest against it and slide down to the floor. He and Loki are still together. But the god is definitely going to be more cautious than he was before. They slipped, and needed this break to reexamine their choices. Loki definitely did. But this possible ex girlfriend. This other Sorceress. Karnilla. She must have been the reason behind Loki taking three steps back. Maybe, just maybe it's time to call upon big brother Thor and get some more info on these other people who have affected Loki's life.
Loki turned back to his kitchen counter, tightly gripping the edge of the granite. He breathed slowly, making sure to keep not only his mind, but body calm. That visit by Stark was a close call and also strangely different than usual. He didn't press as much as usual to get what he wants. Demands Loki to explain everything and anything he did or say. If anything it just seemed like Tony came to make sure he was truly alright and make sure they were keeping up with their arrangement. Tony Stark. Why is it that he is so drawn to the man? His almost charismatic charm. All that the mortal is doing is really just making it all harder.
With a wave of his hand, the books and papers from earlier appeared. Research papers on early forms of the Super Soldier Serum were sitting on the top of the stack. He looked at the title, but not at the paper itself. With another wave of his hand, he made them all vanish again. His crazed research mode had all but vanished when Tony stepped through the door. With another wave, he made a couch appear in his living room. One of the few times he actually felt the need to have a piece of furniture. He laid down on it, his legs propped up on the armrest. Using his left arm he covered his eyes to block the late afternoon sun.
He needs to get focused again, but his body is still flustered. Not wanting to cooperate with his mind. His plan once again feeling the need to shift. He still needs Tony. To figure out more about him. One week. He told himself. One week to clear his mind. Get focused. Then he will visit Stark on his terms. He won't allow himself to be taken off guard by the mortal again. Especially in such a critical time. A time that could possibly allow him to avoid the futures the Norn have laid out for him.
A/N: Thank You all for reading and I hope you all enjoyed and are looking forward to the next chapter. Also Thank you to those of you who have faved, follow, and reviewed my fic. It means a lot to me you all do so, and gives me the encouragement I need to keep moving forward. So until next time.
A second brief note: In this chapter I have taken a few liberties with the character Balder. Seeing as how he has not been introduced into the MCU, I was not sure how to approach him and his relationship with Thor and Loki. I know in the comics they all are technically brothers, and Balder and Thor are close friends. But seeing as he was not even MENTIONED in the MCU, I just was unsure how to tackle him. So if you do not care for my take on him with the Thor/Loki relationship I apologize. But, this is how I personally see him fitting into the MCU with what they have established thus far.