This did come from somewhere, but I'm not sure where now. It would be nice if it were coming from my philosophy lectures, but it quite certainly isn't. It was just something to cheer me up a bit and give me a bit of a break.

I would thank reviewers but I haven't much time and I haven't posted for months. I'm sure you all know who you are anyway, and recognise your wonderfulness. This is for you.

Knots

"Do it again." Tosh ordered.

Ianto did so, as the others watched entranced.

"How do you do it?" Gwen asked.

"You just sort of wriggle around a bit then you just… slip out."

Owen snorted. "I bet he cheated. Him and Jack."

"You try it then."

Jack watched with some amusement as Owen wrapped the piece of string around Ianto's hands as tightly as possible and tied it up with a tangle that put the Gordian Knot to shame.

Ianto wriggled around with it a bit, then…

"How do you do that?"

Ianto shrugged.

"That's amazing, you know that?"

Ianto smiled back at Tosh. "And very helpful too, sometimes."

Jack grinned at both of them. "You should teach them all, Ianto. It'd save some of these awkward hostage situations we keep having."

"Have you lot tie my hands behind my back? I'm not that crazy, Jack."

"Better us than someone else." Ianto pointed out in answer to Gwen's protests.

"It looks really easy anyway." Owen sniffed. "I bet anyone could do it."

"So you're willing to give it a try?"

"No." Owen couldn't think of a defence so he went on the attack instead. "Why doesn't Jack try it?"

"Me? I learnt all that ages ago."

"Off the Great Houdini, I expect."

"Possibly, possibly."

Owen smirked. "I bet Ianto couldn't do that. Not proper escapism."

"If you mean the being-hung-upside-down-in-a-vat-of-water-with-a-straightjacket-on type of escapism, no."

"Do you want me to teach you how?"

"Owen, it's taken me years to find someone who can keep this place as sane as Ianto does, and I don't really want him drowning because he can't work out how to get a straightjacket off in time."

"Spoilsport. Can't we even tie him to a chair or something and see how long it takes him to get free?"

"Deal."

"What?" Owen looked taken-aback by Ianto's sudden agreement.

"It's a deal. Providing that if I do manage to escape I get to do the same thing to you."

Owen weighed up the chances of this happening, and then stuck out his hand.

"Deal."

.

"Are you sure you're ok?" Gwen asked again for what must have been the fifth time in ten minutes. Both she and Tosh were looking on concernedly at the huge quantities of string, cord and duct-tape that Owen was currently attempting to mummify Ianto with.

"No. Can't you find me some decent bloody string?"

"I'm fine." Ianto said calmingly, accurately working out who the query was actually addressed too. He looked as much as ease as if Owen was giving him a massage instead, Tosh thought. Somehow, she really couldn't see that happening. Owen would probably rather be hung upside down in a tub of water instead.

"I'm out of tape!"

"Well, why don't you stop then?" Gwen asked, exasperated.

"Oh, all worried about him now, are you?"

"Look, I'm not going to stop you playing your stupid games if you both want to…"

"Well go away and shut up then." Owen stood up. "There. Shout or something when you want to be untied and I'll come down with a scalpel."

Gwen rolled her eyes at the ceiling. "Or just call through the comms and I'll see if I can get you out without cutting any of your limbs off in the process."

Ianto smiled at them both. "I shouldn't be needing that, thanks."

"Arrogant prat." Owen muttered as they all left.

.

Owen glanced up happily from his autopsy and cheerfully examined the CCTV monitor he'd set up. Yep, Teaboy was still down there, and he looked like he would be for a while yet. Owen returned to his work, already savouring in his mind that moment when Ianto's voice would come over the comms, hesitant, humble and defeated…

"Coffee?"

Owen accidentally sliced through a large portion of the weevil's chest.

.

"How do you rate his chances?" Gwen asked, leaning over Tosh's shoulder.

Tosh smirked. "Pretty low."

"I take it he's still down there then?" Jack commented on his way past. He peered at the monitor along with the rest of them. "Hmm, I see you seem to have used much less string, Ianto."

"There wasn't very much left, sir. But I think you'll find the knots are a lot better."

"Yes. A regular seaman."

"No, I just learned how to tie my shoelaces."

Gwen frowned. "Owen's knots aren't that bad, are they?"

"Try them for yourself."

"Jack, Tosh and me are one on this. There is no way we are getting tied up in all this, either actually or metaphorically. Just look at Owen."

They all did again. After a while, Jack asked: "How long has he got left?"

"Until he gives up." Ianto replied simply.

"Ah." Jack reconsidered the struggling Owen. "Yes. Well, I hope he makes his mind up before we all go home."

Everyone nodded in agreement. Then there were a handful of overt sideways looks.

Gwen was the first to propose the motion.

"Anyone fancy an early night?"