/ Thanks for the support!

Chapter 37: Forget You

/

"I absolutely will not do that!" He shouts back vehemently.

Erase my mind. I asked him. I know it may not work. That you may end up erasing life as I know it. Kill me. But at least it will be a clean slate, right? I could just disappear and no one would know. Or I could imprint on Kyo, or someone who I at least have a chance with. Or is the curse already ingrained inside me like a virus? And I'll forever desire him even though I don't know who he is? I know it's a rash decision, but isn't my new life already a muddle of impulsive decisions? I'm not thinking clearly.

"Why not?" I ask with hurt in my expression. "Why can you relieve me of my pain? Do you want me to suffer?"

"No."

"Then why?"

"I'm unsure about where my feelings lie." I can't do that to you. Not again. Why is he finally being honest with his feelings? Of course, when Kana is included in the picture, everything is clear for him.

"Clearly they lie with Kana." I snap back. There's the slightest smirk on my face from my pun. For all I know, they've slept together! I've turned into such a spiteful girl. I've never been so jealous. I had a harmless crush on Yuki that caused me to stutter and blush in his presence. But nothing compared to this.

I've changed. My emotions are everywhere.

"I will not erase your memories." He says stiffly. Something unknown wells up inside him.

I know it's futile to keep pushing him. He's resolute. Am I just testing him? I don't really want that, right?

"Fine. Then at least leave me be." I say sulkily. So much for 'new beginnings.'

I can't stay here any longer. I feel like a fish out of water. When he places his hand over my back to steady my noticeable tremors, I shrug him off with a dismissive, "I'm fine." But when I try to get up, I feel my stomach lurch forward, and the darken alleyway start to spin around me. I lose my equilibrium. The last thing I see is that I'm falling toward the sooty black pavement... oh, it's gonna be painful.

But I never hit the ground. Strong arms catch me, engulfing my teetering form. He pulls me back against his chest. He whispers, "I'm here." Those two words bounce in my head, elevating my headache to greater proportions. Why is he torturing me? His voice is like melted butter… I wasn't supposed to be so weak. I was supposed to get away from him, to clear my head.

After what seems like eternity on the bench, he gets up, bringing me with him, his arm wrapped securely around my waist, holding me up. "Let's get you home."

/

There's a lucid moment when I recall his arm catching behind my knees and his arm around my shoulder to lift me onto the bed. He's so gentle…

/

I wake up in a bed with someone shaking me awake. "C'mon." The voice says.

I open an eye to see Hatori perched on the bed, lifting me to sitting position. In my haste, I knock my head on the headboard. "Ouch," I mutter. He presses a cold glass to my dry lips and I compliantly take a long drink. I don't even bother with the rivulets of water sliding down my chin into my shirt.

"Did you eat today?" The look on his face emanates anger.

I frown. What kind of question is that? And then I remember. I haven't eaten all day. I've been so busy with school. I pulled an all nighter and worked all morning to finish off a 12-page research paper that I turned in this afternoon before I came out with Hatori on what was supposed to be a relaxing tour of the city by night... Instead, there was the unexpected encounter with Kana.

After finishing the glass of water and wiping my face clean, I look around. This place is unfamiliar. When I look out the drawn curtains, I see city lights. "I'm sorry to have put you in an uncomfortable situation. I will pay for this hotel room." My voice is surprising stoic and distant. Just like his.

I've learned from the best.

"Don't ignore my question. You fainted from lack of energy." And as if on cue, my stomach rumbles. I try to raise a protest, but it dies on my lips when his cool lips press a kiss on my forehead.

"I'll be right back." He says.

I lie back down in the fluffy white linens. I'm a burden, aren't I? Every time I try to distance myself, I end up making it worse for the both of us. And now this. I owe him so much.

Why can't he just let me go?

He'd be better off.

He returns quickly juggling several food items in his hand. The smell is fried and delicious. "This was the closest, fastest food I could get. If you want more, I can order-"

"It's perfect." You're perfect.

But you don't belong to me.

"Thank you, Hatori."

He sits on the edge of the bed, and raises a toothpick spearing a takoyaki ball to my salivating mouth. It's an intimate act. I've never seen him do this before. What triggered it?

Whereas his presence drove me to anxiety before, it's calming now. "I'm sorry Hatori." But I can't get over you. I understand if you want to be with Kana, but can you be with me too? Just until the two of you began a physical relationship. I can't be a home-wrecker. But I want my time with you to last as long as possible. I know I'm pitiful.

"There's nothing to be sorry about. The truth is, I'm being selfish. I don't know what I am supposed to do. Yes, Kana has returned into my life, and I've been meeting up with her without your knowledge. That side of me will not relinquish the chance with her. It was a traumatic experience to lose the one you love because of your own weaknesses. But the other side of me, the new side that's been exposed, only to you, wants you. You've uncovered my deepest, darkest feelings. You've changed me and I don't want to lose you. But I know I can't hold onto your feelings for me if I'm unwilling to give her up."

My heart is beating in my chest like a wild horse stampede. He's going to make a decision. I can see the conflicted, warring expression on his face. This is probably the first time he's stuck on a problem he wasn't able to solve instantly.

In my head, I've come to a conclusion. I will be your scarlet woman while you explore the possibilities with Kana.

Because I'm addicted to you.

When we have intercourse (I won't go so far as to call it 'making love'), I see shards of your hard exterior fall away. I think I'm addicted to that power I have over you. In that moment, you belong to me. I lower your barricade. I make you lose control as you pound into me. I make you come.

"I promise to fulfill your needs, but will you give me time to come to a final conclusion?"

He makes it sound like he's writing the final chapter of a book. His life story.

"Yes." Because I love you.

I'll live out this dream for as long as I can. Until one day, it will just burst into a thousand little pieces. But hopefully I'll be left with enough happy memories to last me a lifetime. I don't think I can get over you. Ever. You'll never know.

I don't want to lose you.

But how can I lose you when I've never had you in the first place?

/

In the next two weeks, we see each other once. It's quite rough, like he's trying to let out his frustration or something. But I've fine with it. It's like the curse has made me immune to pain.

Just like I've become immune to emotional pain as well.

I'm sure he meeting with Kana quite frequently. To gauge whether or not he has a chance with her. I'm curious myself. Is she divorced? She is somehow regaining her memory? These thoughts are always on my mind. In school. On the bus. In the shower.

I try to focus my attention on the textbook in front of me.

/

Kana tries to act nonchalant about it when she asks, "Who was that girl you were with? We barely got a chance to say hello last time."

"She's a close friend of mine."

"Close as in potential girlfriend?" Kana nudges with a wry smile.

"Possible."

"Then it seems I at least have a chance."

He stares back at her with wide eyes. Those words he's wanted to hear for years. Another chance. But things are different now. He has Tohru. Selfless, loving, patient, modest Tohru. He's being a two-timing dick. He's fallen so hard. This is something Shigure might do, but surely not stoic doctor Hatori Sohma.

"How are things with your husband?"

He hasn't brought up that sore subject in a long time, enjoying her company instead. But if he's going to make a decision, he needs to know. "He's living with his brother right now. Said he'll give me as much time as I need."

After they both take a long sip of their pomegranate green tea, Kana looks up expectantly. "I've told you this before, but when I'm with you, I feel like I've known you forever. I feel safe. I feel... " Hatori presses his lips to hers urgently. It's his final test.

She responds, her languorous lips meshing with his before he pulls away abruptly.

A tingle of sensation shoots straight to his cock. So much for that test.

"I'm not much of a nightlife type of girl but a bunch of us are heading out for some drinks tonight. Would you like to come with me?"

"Yes."

/

I can't believe I've allowed Shigure to drag me out. I'm wearing a modest navy slinky floor-length dress that has a large cutout on my lower back. He picked it out. He said that the girl he was supposed to bring out bailed on him.

He implored me, and I'm a sucker for puppy eyes. He purposely hugged me to transform so that he could waggle is cute little tail at me and persuade me to go out! The devil! I couldn't resist, and when he started slobbering me in sloppy wet licks on my face, I couldn't help but help but say yes.

I pair it with thick wool sweater because it's cold.

"So what exactly are we here for? This isn't like your book convention of something." I recognize this place from a few weeks back. It's the place where I cried my heart out.

It's my sin for loving him. It's only brought me hurt and confusion, and now, numbness.

"There's an informal get together with some big names at the popular publishing houses in the Europe. If I'm able to leave a good impression, they may consider translating my latest books. I'm trying to branch out and since I'm such a charmer, it'll be no problem."

I grin at his gusto. He may be arrogant, but he's also has a magical way with words. He can make any girl in the room feel like a goddess. I'm no exception.

His large hand is resting on the bare skin of my back as we move forward in the long line to get into the club called Seven Sins. My heart is thumping. The mascara is heavy on my eyelashes. I'm not used to this. I'm pretty sure I've removed all my lip gloss from chewing my lips so habitually. I really want to be a good companion for Shigure. I don't want him to look bad because of me.

When we finally reach the entrance, a voice calls me out. "Hey, good to see you again. I see you've moved on." The burly bouncer gives me a wink.

"Name?"

"Shigure Sohma."

He lets us through with a wave of his hand.

"What was that about?" Shigure questions me.

"Oh, nothing."

"Didn't seem like nothing. Moved on, what's that supposed to mean?"

"Probably mistaken me with some other girl." I reply quickly.

/

A/N: 4.16.2013 - Hatori, you're breaking our hearts.

In some Asian countries, they have 4 hour stay hotels (ahem ahem). That's Hatori took them after Tohru fainted. :)

Warrichan: Woot, you're a fast reader… thanks!

Mcangel1976: Lovely review, thanks!

Savethesalmon: Shyness is no reason not the review (ahem, I'm shy too)! Still wuv u! Shuji is coming back.

Guest: u guessed it! Nice!

Alwayskougacola: Hello newbie, good that you have self-esteem!

Phenylephrine: Moah dear! You are so cute! Yes, a serving of jealousy comin' right up! So many men, so little time… hahaha!

Kouga's older woman: Hmmm, we shall see it bite him in the butt in due time.

Onebluefairy: Haha, Kana the Homewrecker. Agreed that Hatori needs to sort out his feelings, at least he was honest in this chapter. He's 'freeing' her up…

Miaboo011: Hehe, love ya!

May96: Roadtrip…! Very cool girl!

Kris11993: Tohru's so shy. She feels so inferior. And OMG, you caught it, girl. You are finding all my evil little clues. Hehe. –high fives u- Emotions bring out the curse, so…

Glad I made u laugh too! :)

Tap, tap. What now Shigure? You want to go to again? -throws him back to u- but unsure whether u will accept him or not. P.S. You can always use him as a manservant. :)

KierasFantasy: Thanks new reader! Glad you are hooked!

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