A/N: Thank you for all the reviews and messages. I wouldn't leave this story hanging...well for long. I want to know what happens, too. Lol. It is just that Possession was burning brighter for me. I think I'll hand write that one and post as I get chapters done. That way it will take longer and give me more time to work on this one to its completion. As always, please read and review. I love to hear from y'all about the stories and I do take into affect what you say and try to work some of it into the story. Thanks again for your patience and your want for more story. I will do my best to keep you all enthralled and coming back for more. ~JET
Chapter Thirty-Four - Good-night
Alex and Olivia watched as Abbie and George went into their shared hotel room. Alex held the key cared to their room, which adjoined the other. Olivia stood in the hallway still dazed from the flight and reeling over the case. Alex could see that she was still trying to process the crime scene without actually being there. It was consuming Olivia and Alex had to pull her into their room. Olivia was still mumbling under her breath as she stumbled into the room via Alex's tug.
She looked up into Alex's worried sapphire eyes and smiled. She knew that Alex was worried about her, but she couldn't stop thinking about the case. There was just something about the photos that was bothering her. It was like something was missing and she had to find it.
"Olivia, sit," Alex said, pointing to the hotel table with chairs.
Olivia took a seat at the table. She pulled her beat up, written on, and folded case binder and threw it on the table. She grabbed a bag from the pile that Alex made on the bed. She tore through the bag until she found a legal pad and a pen. She put them on the table and went back to sit down. She pulled the cap of the pen and dropped it on the table. She bit the end of the pen as she began to flip through binder again.
Alex just watched her, knowing that there was no way to stop her. Olivia would pour over the case book until she found something they missed. It was what she did when she couldn't find the perp. Alex knew it firsthand. She could remember catching Liv sitting at her desk in the bullpen of the 1-6 many a night as she came in to get an extra copy of something for a case. Alex knew that it would hours before she would stop.
Alex took their luggage off the bed. She put her laptop and brief case on the table across from Olivia. She didn't try to disturb her. She moved around the hotel room, around Olivia as she tried to make the room somewhat livable for them, not knowing how long they would be in Montgomery working this case.
Alex went to the minibar in the mini-fridge and made herself a drink. After she poured the drink, she went back to the luggage. She sat her glass down on one of the bedside tables and then went to the garment bag. She pulled out what needed to be hung up and placed it in the closet. Then she put the rest of the clothes in the hotel dresser. She separated their clothes in each drawer. She then stored their luggage in the closet. She went back to the mini-bar and poured Olivia a drink. She placed it on the table within Olivia's reach.
Olivia reflexively picked it up and took a sip. Alex didn't wait for her to acknowledge her or the drink. She went back to hers and took another sip. She then went to the door separating their room from Abbie and Huang's. She gave it a knock.
Abbie opened the door and let her in their room. Abbie looked at Alex's hand and the glass and smiled. She peeked around the doorway to see Olivia at the table reviewing the case.
"Need to talk?" Abbie asked.
"About anything but the case," Alex replied.
"I'll go talk with Olivia, then," George said.
"Two hours and then, I'm making her go to bed," Alex told him.
"Deal. I would like to sleep myself. I'll try to get her back for you, Alex. I am not going to help her back down the rabbit hole," George told her, shutting the door between the rooms.
"This room is nice," Alex said.
"Bullshit, it's a hotel room. Two standard queen beds, a table, a mini-fridge, and a TV, it's all here. The only missing is some person randomly knocking on my door in the middle of the night telling me that I'm needed at front desk," Abbie told her.
"I don't think that I want to know the story about that."
Abbie laughed, "No, and neither did I."
"Do you think she'll sleep tonight?" Alex asked her.
"If you tire her out, she might. You know that girl is like a dog with a bone when she gets on a case. She isn't just going to let this drop," Abbie stated.
"I know. Trust me, I know. I used to be the same way."
"What changed?"
"Everything. First thing was being shot and being put in Wit Sec, then there was my time in Major Crimes and Appeals, then there was my time in the Congo. I had to learn to go after what I could and do what I could. I couldn't go all out anymore. I had to think about everything and everyone. I needed to find something else besides the law and winning to survive on."
"So that is why you had a slight stint on the straight side?"
"Don't even go there, Abbie. It was a mistake. I know that now. Besides, I like a little danger in my love life. I just didn't think it all the way through with him," Alex replied.
"A little danger huh?"
"Yeah, you don't think that Olivia is dangerous?" Alex asked.
"Oh, she's dangerous alright, in the heartbreaking kind of way," Abbie replied.
"Don't I know it."
"Which is why you are perfect for each other," Abbie added.
"Come again."
"She is dangerous. You love her. She loves you. You're dangerous for her. It is the perfect balance for the only two crazy perfectionists and crime fighters I know."
"Well, that is an interesting theory," Alex replied.
"Theory? No, it isn't a theory. That is fact. You didn't see her when you weren't around. You didn't hear about the craziness she caused. You didn't have to come to New York and reassure her that you would come back, in one way or the other. She wrote you that letter because she needed you to know. She didn't know how you felt. She didn't need to know. She needed you to know how she felt about you, because if she died while undercover, she would do with a clear conscience. Damn it, Alex, how could you have been so blind?" Abbie asked her.
"I wasn't blind. I chose not to act. That is the difference. Neither of us tried to act upon our feelings. I can't say that if we did back then that we would have worked. I don't know that we will ever work. We love each other. We know that. We want to work on a relationship, too."
"Then what's the problem?" Abbie asked her.
"Our need for justice," Alex said simply.
"Then maybe you need to find your own justice."
"What do you mean by that, Abbie?"
"Alex, you and Olivia both have punished yourselves for long enough. You both deserve to be happy. You have served the great city of New York with your lives. You have both given up everything for justice. Now, you need get your own. You two need to work on yourselves. You need to make a life together, because you understand each other. You understand each other weaknesses and you love each other for it. You are perfect for each other and you have fought it long enough."
"Don't you think that I know that," Alex replied.
"I do. I know that is why you are here, now. You are fighting for her. You are fighting for a future with her. She is fighting, too, but she can't let go of the case. Don't make her. Help her through it. If you want her, if you want her to want you, then you are going to have to suck it up and help her through this. Personal feelings and all, she needs you. She may not tell you that, Alex, not in the way you want, but trust me, when I say that she loves more you than you know."
"I understand that," Alex said.
"Do you?"
"What is that supposed to mean?" Alex questioned, hurt by the connotation.
"Look, I'm not trying to hurt you. I am trying to explain her side from a different perspective. She loves you. She lost you. She lives New York because life there has become too hard to live without even the slightest bit of contact from you. Even when you were in the Congo, she could survive knowing you were coming back. Elliot told me how she was unbearable after you went into Wit Sec. It nearly killed her after you came back to testify and then back into hiding. She was inconsolable. She went on binge dates, cruised from whatever she could for a while, just trying to feel. She understood why you didn't say good-bye. She knew that it would be too hard for you to leave again. But, she was lost and she didn't have an anchor."
"I'm sorry," Alex said.
"It isn't me that you need to tell that to. She lost the only thing that she was willing to fight for. She didn't know if you were coming back. Then, you did, but you hid and almost married that guy. That GUY, Alex, you almost married him. But, still you didn't seek her out. She wasn't going to make the first move. She isn't like that and you know it. She was happy with whatever your arrangement was. She didn't understand it, but at least it meant that she got you somehow. Then, you come back, act as if nothing happened. It hurt, but she had you. She forgave you."
"How do you know all this?"
"I keep in touch," Abbie answered simply.
"Damn it all to hell."
"I don't think that will help. Then you go off on your crusade in the Congo. You don't tell her you're leaving. Nardelee does. That hurt me, Alex. I can't believe how bad it hurt her. You come back again. Both you and Casey start taking cases. Then, back to the Congo. If you loved her then, why did you keep running away from her? She thought it was her fault. She thought that she had done something to you that made you leave. She was willing to follow you if you would have let her. But, you left, no word, no good-bye, no here is how you can get ahold of me, you just vanished."
"I'm a bitch," Alex said, quietly.
"No, you aren't. You weren't thinking. She wasn't thinking clearly when she went on this case. You were gone. Elliot left her. He didn't even tell her, either. He just retired. It hurt her even though she understood why he did it. But, at that moment, after he left, everything in her head changed. She didn't have anything to live for. She didn't have anyone to worry about her. She didn't have a reason not to go."
"I know."
"That letter was her way of forgiving you and forgiving herself. She let it all out because she never expected to come back. She knew that she would be going under and deep. She never thought that it would come to this. She figured that they the FBI would move her somewhere else after this investigation was over. She was willing to stay Julie Seabrook if needed."
"I know."
"Do you?"
"Yes, because she gave up everything."
"Yes, she did."
"But, she wrote a second letter to me."
"The 'in case' letter, I'm sure."
"I am sure it was. Dana gave it to me. I haven't opened it. I don't want to know what was going on in her head when she wrote and I know that I will if I ever read it. I just can't know."
"Why not?"
"Because I don't want to hear the pain in her words."
"Then, make her realize that you are here. Make her realize that you are real and not leaving. Make her know that NOW is your time. Let her know what she means to you. I know that I keep telling you this and I know that you keep telling her that, but I know that eventually it will sink in and she'll come back to you. It might not happen here, but it will. It is getting to her, Alex. I can see it. She wants to be with you so badly, but she has to solve this case. Give her this case and let her be done with the Goldings. Once she's done with that, she'll have to find something else to focus on," Abbie explained.
"And, what will that be?" Alex asked.
"Play your cards right, darling, and that'll be you," Abbie answered.
Somewhere in the back of her mind, Alex knew that. Olivia needed closure. She needed to know that Frankie would get her justice. She knew that Mara deserved hers too. Olivia was a crime fighter. It was in her blood, she couldn't fight it. Alex had to admit that she was same the way. It was one of the many reasons that they worked so well together.
"I think I can do that," Alex stated.
"Don't think, Alex. Know. Feel. Love. Let her know."
"I do."
"Then you have nothing to worry about."
"What are you trying to say?" Alex inquired.
"What you didn't see after your spat at Quantico."
"Which was?" Alex questioned.
"The look on her face when you left, when you got on that elevator and left. She was devastated. Her whole world was crumbling again. She'd lost you. She'd lost the case. And, she lost Mara."
"I'm sorry. I broke. I couldn't handle it anymore."
"Anyone would have, Alex. No one is blaming you for what you said or did. She needed that. No matter how much she tries to deny it, she needed to know that you loved her enough to walk away. She needed to know that you loved her enough to leave when you couldn't watch her hurt herself anymore. She needed to know that you would be there when she was done. She needed to know that no matter how much it hurt you, you would go back to New York and wait for her."
"My heart was breaking the entire time."
"So was hers, but she needed to hear it. She needed to know how you felt. You have both been tiptoeing around it. Damn it, just admit you love the woman."
"I have. She did. We are moving in together. She wants me to adopt Xander, too."
"Now, that is closer to what I mean."
"What do you mean, exactly, Abbie?"
"Marry the woman."
"Excuse me?"
"You heard me. Marry her. Give her her anchor. Be the tie that binds. Give her the one thing that she has been searching for her entire life," Abbie stated.
"A loving family?"
"Yes," Abbie replied.
"I could do that."
"Then tell her that. Show her that. BE that. Never let her forget it."
"I will."
"Then go to her, my friend and love her as only you can," Abbie stated.
Alex took her at her word. She went back through the door adjoining the rooms. She found George and Olivia hard at work at the table. The legal pad was sheets in full of notes. She tapped George on the shoulder.
"I think it is time for bed. We have to meet Rock in the morning at the local agency. I think we all need some sleep," Alex told him.
"I think you are right. Good night, Alex. Olivia. Try and get some sleep. We'll put fresh eyes on it in the morning and then, we'll go to the scene for we can see it for ourselves."
"You're right. Goodnight, George. See you in the morning," Olivia stated, getting up from the table.
Alex showed George out, while Olivia cleaned up the table some. She saw her empty glass and took it to the sink. When she came back from the vanity area, Alex was sitting on the edge of their king bed, waiting.
"What?" Olivia asked, confused as if she'd done something.
"I love you."
"I love you, too," Olivia replied, the confusing not evident in her voice.
"I've come to realize that I never told you how much I love you."
"You have."
"No, Olivia, I haven't."
"Alex…"
"Listen, Olivia, I love you. With me being, my every breath, my soul, I love you. I am tired of running from this, from us, from what we can be. I know that our road will be a hard one, but I want to walk down it anyway with you. We can be a family. We will give Xander every ounce of love that we have and he will know what it means to be loved and have family. He will never question it. I don't want you to, either. I want to be your family, Olivia, if you'll let me."
Alex couldn't tell when, but she knew that Olivia was crying. She stood up from the bed and walked over to her. She took Olivia's hand in hers and stared into Liv's chestnut eyes.
"Alex, I don't know what to say," she finally stated.
"Just tell me that you love me."
"I do love you."
"Say it again," Alex demanded.
"I love you, Alex."
"I love you, too, Olivia," she replied and kissed her.
This wasn't a timid kiss. The passion behind it, the raw need, the love that it transmitted was well received by Olivia. She didn't know what she'd done to deserve it, but mentally she was thanking heaven for this moment.
"Now, say it, again," Alex said, breaking the kiss.
"I love you."
"Again."
"I love you, Alex."
"Again."
"I love you, Alexandra," Liv stated and was awarded another soul burning kiss.
"Again."
"I love you, Alexandra Cabot."
"Good, and I love you, Olivia Benson. Never forget that. I love you, Liv. I always have."
Alex broke. Liv stood there, bewildered by the turn of events. She wasn't complaining, but she was definitely moved by Alex's sudden declaration of love and family. Alex couldn't take the look in her eyes. It was too much. It was too raw, too exposed, too much vulnerability.
"Liv?"
"Yeah?"
"I love you."
"I love you, too."
"Liv?"
"Yeah?"
"I love you."
"I know."
"Liv?"
"Yeah?"
"I'm in love with you," she replied closing the distance between them.
"Yeah?"
"Yeah, but promise me one thing."
"What's that?"
"You'll get a haircut tomorrow. Don't get me wrong. I like it shaggy, but this is just too much."
Liv laughed, but agreed, "Yeah, I think I can handle that."
"Good. Now, strip and come to bed. I have more to tell you. And, you won't be needing any clothes for the stories I plan on telling you."
Olivia's mouth dropped, but she began to undress. She hadn't seen this side of Alex…ever. She didn't know whether to be scare or thankful.
"Liv, stop analyzing it and get undressed."
"But –"
"Don't make me do it for you. Trust me. Love me."
"I do, Alex. I love you. I trust you with my heart," Liv answered.
"Then, get undressed and get in bed. Let me prove my worthiness to you. Let me love you, tonight. Tomorrow, we'll go get the bad guy. Tonight, you're mine."