Chapter 37

Despite being late I was still up for breakfast and then off to church. The topic of the sermon was, 'Balm of solace.' I needed it. After church we headed over to Farmer's Stockade Restaurant for lunch. The topic of the day was about the Reverend Booth and his church. It seems the elders of his church had held a secret meeting and voted him out despite no charges being filed or anything concrete that could point a finger at him. The elders had given the Reverend Booth and his children two weeks to leave the church house he was living in. Bill commented loudly that the Master had said, 'He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone,' and none did while this lot of elders did!

On the drive home Bill casually mentioned that back in November he went to check on the other horses that Mrs. Bohannon received ages ago and found them needing hay and has been feeding them ever since. Now that Bill had to tighten his belt things had to change. Since Mrs. Bohannon was due home today he was going to pop over and have a long chat with her and tell her that he could not carry on feeding her horses for free.

I put my foot in my mouth and asked, "Why is Mrs. Bohannon coming back?"

"Because she lives here," Bill replied in a questioning voice. Then he added, "Don't you remember?"

"I do but that is not what I mean. What I meant to say, why is she coming back right now?" Actually that is not what I wanted to say, but it was close enough. My mind was in a whirl.

"Seems things have settled down the other end and she wants to come home," The euphemism of, 'the other end' was nicely done for me. I appreciated Bill and his dancing ability about the very sore topic of Savannah.

For some reason Mrs. Bohannon's imminent arrival had bothered me and I could not place my finger on it.

That evening Attie called while she was over taking care of Spot. She asked what I knew about the horses out in the rear pasture and I told her, which really wasn't not a whole lot. Attie said it seemed that Mrs. Bohannon had forgotten about them since they were way out of sight and no one mentioned them to her. I told Attie to take care of Spot and get home before a nasty cold front hit before dark. She called me from her home letting me know all was well at Mrs. Bohannon's place. I was glad, I did not want her out on a night like the weather man was predicting.

The cold front hit about ten or eleven that evening. The front was a mixture of snow, hail, some rain and a biting wind out of the north. Somewhere in the back of my mind I thought I remembered the saying, 'brass monkey weather.'

The next day was Monday, February 9, 2009. More than lightly the last full moon day I'd be seeing from this place as I was planning to move on by late February.

We ate breakfast in the kitchen as it was nice and snug there. Breakfast was quiet as we ate pigs in a blanket and southern style scrambled eggs. The snugness vanished when the back door burst open with Attie rushing in and grabbing four pigs in a blanket. She rapped them in a couple of napkins before giving Bill, Mary and me hugs and whacking Jose in the arm before taking off to school. She did not say a word during her entire appearance at the breakfast table. Typical Attie in a rush on a school day.

"Damnation, I need to call her father about that one," muttered Bill. Jose was rubbing his arm and was trying hard to stifle the grin that wanted to come out.

Everyone was dressed warmly for the day. Since I was still stuck in the office I was not too worried about layering up except for tonight.

It was about ten or eleven in the morning that Bill headed over to see Mrs. Bohannon. Seems she did not come home on Sunday, she waited for the front to pass by. Once home she called Bill and off he went.

By four in the afternoon I had worked my way through a pile of papers. Most were useless and I had tossed them into the recycle bin. Because of my consistent hard work the office was taking on a sparse look. I was almost down to the basic necessary paperwork. About the biggest change I made was to use a daybook. For some reason Bill had not kept one even though his ancestors had. Actually, the idea of a daybook came to me when rummaging through old ranch files and boxes and from a comment Savannah made about Mrs. Bohannon. If a daybook was necessary and needful during the early days of the ranch, then why not now? I bought a top quality Boorum & Pease notebook and had been using it ever since. I only hoped Bill would continue the practice.

I skipped the evening meal and stayed in the office before going over to the barn to saddle up Blackie. I suppose I was trying to ease myself into saying good bye to Bill and Mary by slowly not being about them so much. They had been more like family than what I understood my family to be.

Because of the sudden change in my life's direction each day was starting to take on a sense of finality. Sort of, I better pay attention since this might be the last time I do this or that. Or, I'd better be nice to so-and-so since this might be the last time I ever see them again. I had to work hard to shake off these morbid feelings.

I took my time getting dressed and then out to the barn. Saddling up Blackie was easy as I had given him some extra feed that evening. Despite a strong wind out of the north that dropped the temperature way down low, I was hoping for a good ride to Knowles Rise as the sky was crystal clear.

Getting dressed for this type of cold weather requires imagination. I had bought six chemical hand warmers and four foot warmers. If I'm going out in that weather I was going to go well prepared! On top I was six layers deep while on the bottom I was at four including my heavy duty chaps. I was still using the silk scarf but added a wool one for extra protection. On my hands I had two gloves. With everything tucked in and the chemical warmers going I headed out to Knowles Rise.

Blackie was very frisky in the cold wind. I had to remind him several times that we walk and not take off at the speed of light. Once we got that worked out we settled down to fine ride. The cold wind had blown the humidity out of the air to make the stars sparkle extra brightly and the moon glow that little bit more. It was like someone had polished everything in the heavens just for me.

The walk up the hill was tough as we were going in to the biting wind. I was glad when I swung onto the top of Knowles Rise and pulled Blackie up to a stop. The wind was making a low howling noise as it whistled through the naked trees while the strong moonlight was producing sharp shadows that were gyrating in the wind. The light brown grass was like rippling waves on the ground and every now and again the screech of an owl would pierce through the freezing air as it chased dinner. I felt comfortable sitting there on Blackie as he pulled on the reigns to reach down to eat the grass. I let him.

There was a peace that came over me while I rested on the saddle horn while sitting on top of Knowles Rise. The view was spectacular despite the gray washed out color that prevailed in a full moon.

I was gazing down on Mrs. Bohannon's place. As I did so I let out a long sigh. Despite all the stupid mistakes I could not fault the old lady. All the memories of her place started to take on a rosy tinge. I then turned to look over the Circle O Ranch. It has been a good home to me. In fact I had been very fortunate to find such a place through Her Fritz. I suddenly realized I needed to talk to Her Fritz to let him know what was happening. I needed to keep all the friends I now had.

I then turned over to where old man Jones and Attie's ranch was. I had to smile. These guys had been the greatest. I raised my hand and gave them a fond farewell.

I had been up on the rise for at least thirty minutes thinking and looking. Finally the cold was starting to eat through me despite all the layers and heaters. It was definitely brass monkey weather. It was time to go.

Turning around I suddenly jerked hard on the reins stopping Blackie. I was staring at a ghost rider about thirty feet from me. It scared the bejeebies out of me. I almost fell out of the saddle in surprise. Regaining my composure, I looked to see who it was. I could guess but I wanted to know. Giving Blackie a "click," I walked toward the rider.

The closer I got the faster my heart went. When I got close enough, I said, "Hay Savannah."

"Hay John," was the short reply.

I walked Blackie along side of Savannah on Spot. The anger, frustration and betrayal I had felt melted away as I looked at her face. Slowly I started, "Savannah, I'm sorry how I acted. I had no right…"

She reached across and put a finger on my lips and said, "John, you are right, I should have told you. I guess I didn't know how. Then things changed and I didn't see… didn't know… Geeze, John, you were right to be upset," She paused and then said, "…and I should have told you. I'm sorry I let you down.'

Looking in to her eyes, I felt that falling feeling all over again. I was looking at her with old eyes that had been here before and knew that all was well. I had to tell her before I forgot to say what was on my mind and, more importantly, before I lost my nerve, "Savannah, I don't want to loose you again, I love you. I have loved you, still love you and want to love you forever." The words tumbled out and then I waited for a reply.

"Oh, John," she bit her bottom lip before she said, "I love you." Trying to kiss is easy when there is only two, we had four. The horses were cold and restless from standing still too long.

I said, "Let's go to the barn, it's too cold here." Savannah nodded and we headed down the rise to Mrs. Bohannon's barn. It was the closest and I wanted to get out of the cold.

As we started down Savannah asked, "You were here when I collapsed? And rode down hill flat out?"

"Had to. I wasn't going to leave you there." I said.

"Wow, I didn't realize you risked your neck for me." She said with pride in her voice. "That must have been some ride."

"I don't plan to do it again." I could see a smile of contentment on Savannah's face.

When we rode into the barn I got down to hold Spot steady while Savannah got off. She was so slim after having Tim.

"Do you want to go inside?" I asked,

"Not really, I'd rather stay here for a while." There was not a good place to sit and after looking about Savannah said, "How about the hay loft?" I readily agreed. Savannah climbed up while I went and pulled out several heavy winter coats that Mrs. Bohannon had bought Spot over the years. Spot was one spoilt horse. I climbed up and found Savannah had rearranged the bales of hay to give us good protection from the wind. I threw down one blanket and we snuggled under four others. Once we had got comfortable we started to unthaw slowly.

I was starting to get some feeling in my toes when Savannah poked me in the ribs and said, "Just what do you remember?" Her voice was soft and worm. I melted.

I got a little closer and started with, "I remember you and your friend walking down the pier; I remember you looking at me and saying 'Hi'; I remember some boys and then your bag going into the water and me going in after it; and I remember you watching me swim back to the beach. It was the jump that brought it all back to me in a flash. Then it goes blank. I have a vague memory about a fight at a house on the beach followed by something like you and me in a wood house when it was raining. That's about it for the moment.

Holding her tightly, I asked, "Savannah, look, I don't want to make you do something that will cause problems, I would like to know. I know I have no right to intrude on your past, but, if it has to do with me, can you help me?"

"John, we have a history…" the pause was very long as if she was making up her mind about something. I snuggled a little closer to get a little warmer. It was like she had to make an agreement with someone who was not there. Once done, she started talking with a positive note in her voice. "If you don't mind, I'll give you the high lights now and if you want to know more, I'll tell you later. Deal?"

"Deal."

We lay there in Mrs. Bohannon's barn loft wrapped around each other while Savannah talked and I listened. She started at the pier at Wrightsville Beach, North Carolina in the summer of 2000. I closed my eyes to see the pictures she was giving me. Her voice was melodious and every now and again she would choke up or laugh when she came across something humorous.

It was about 1:30am when Savannah's cell phone went off. She had a look at the number and turned the phone off and added, "Aunt Bess can handle it."

Who's Aunt Bess?"

"Mrs. Bohannon to you."

"When did you get here?"

"Someone had to drive her back. She's not up to that type of a drive. So I brought the kids along." I could tell Savannah was smiling when she added, "They did make a mess in her car."

Savannah turned to face me and carefully said, "Look John, it's a package you are getting. The carefree days of being single are history. You will be sharing me with three others and I can only go so many ways before it gets too much and then I need a break. There were days I waited for Tim to come home and I'd be waiting by the door for him to walk in and give him the twins and I would walk right out. I needed some space. Are you ready for that? And don't forget there are a lot of poopy diapers to change. I don't want you thinking it will be easy, it won't." I could see she was being honest with me and wanting to make sure I knew what I was getting into. Of course I didn't have a clue. No amount of talking can prepare you for an instant family of three.

Jumping in with both feet I said, "There is no way I'm going to lose you again no matter what the price. I'll need your help, I'll make mistakes, I'll goof up, but I know if we pull together, we can do it."

"Oh John, I've missed you so much." It was then that we started to kiss and kiss. As we were kissing there were memories moving about inside. Nothing permanent, just fleeting images and feelings that would quickly come and just as quickly go. It was hard to concentrate on Savannah rather than the memories so I pulled back to ask, "Just how close were we? I'm getting impressions flashing through me that this was not a casual relationship. How close were we?"

Savannah's hand was going over my face, feeling the scars and other features. She did not stop for quite a while. "We were close."

"Close as in…?" I let it hang there.

"Let me carry on and you will understand better."

Savannah picked up her story and I wrapped around her. It felt like we belonged together just like this. I really don't know what time it was when I fell asleep next to Savannah in the hay loft. All I remember was her voice and her warmth next to me.

I vaguely remember some banging about down below and then someone climbing the ladder to where we were.

"Hay, what are you guys doing? Don't you know you are corrupting an innocent mind here!" Attie's voice was sure and strong. "I'm only seventeen and shouldn't be seeing this sort of stuff going on in the barn."

Before I could say anything Savannah piped up from underneath the blankets, "Oh shut up Attie and go and get Tim. It's past his feeding time and I am ready for him."

I didn't have a clue what just happened and started to slide out from under the blankets. Savannah said, "Oh no you don't. You stay right here and start finding out what you have gotten in to. Biology 101 starts right now. When you breast feed a baby, it means you are giving the baby the best food available and it comes from one place and that's me. Help me get out of some of these clothes, I've got too many layers on.

Even though it was cold, the wind had died down so it did not feel as cold as it did last night.

Attie brought Tim over with his diaper bag and a change of clothes. She lingered before Savannah reminded her she had to unsaddle Spot and feed him before going to school. Attie disappeared while Savannah settled back to feed baby Tim.

"I have something for you," Savannah said pointing at her top coat, "In the coat pocket. It's a letter Tim wrote to you."

I was caught of guard and my face showed it, "For me?" was all I could say. Then I blurted out, "He's dead!" I felt like a prize idiot. Of course he was dead. My dumb statement didn't faze Savannah.

"He wanted you to have the letter if I felt it was right. I do and want you to have it." Quickly Savannah added, "I haven't read it. He was very specific and made me pinky promise not to read it."

"Pinky promise?"

Savannah held up her hand and showed me her bent pinky finger and then connected the other one. "Pinky promises have to be kept."

I sat on a bale of hay and opened the letter. It was written in longhand with easy to read penmanship.

Dear John:

If you get this letter it means two things. First, that I am dead. Second, that Savannah feels that I can be of some use by coming to you through a letter. I know it is a poor substitute and I should have spoken to you. Too many regrets and not enough time to right them.

It was Savannah's father and I that dropped off the horses at my aunt's place. I was so surprised by seeing you there I didn't know what to do or say. Stupid really. I asked Aunt Bess about you that night and found out you have amnesia.

John, I am deeply sorry I did not have the nerve to come and talk to you as we have had many good chats in the past. I did not know how to approach you when you would not have recognized me or know what I was talking about. I am ashamed to say, I backed away from trying to help, even if it came to nothing. I should have tried. Now it is too late. I'm sorry for letting that opportunity pass, sorry for not trying.

I won't go into ancient history, just to say we knew each other before your accident. Not fantastically well, but well enough for me to ask you to do important things for me. What they were is of no consequence now, just to say you were man enough to say 'yes' when I needed it. For that and many other things, I have to say, thank you John for being the person you are and the many things you have done for Savannah and myself. I think I can honestly say, without you we would never have married. Savannah might disagree, I see it a little differently.

John, I have cancer and have decided not to fight the inevitable any longer. I have a little time to live and want to live it without tubes and needles. I would like to live at home with my family and friends until it is time to go.

Enough of me, lets get down to business.

I have asked Aunt Alice to invite Savannah and the children to her place for a while. Of course there is a reason. I'm hoping you will rediscover Savannah without any outside influence. You met once, and I am hoping you will meet again. What happens from this point forward I can't tell. Yes I worry about her and the future of our small family. I worry and realize I can not fix the future, all I can do is read my scriptures and say my prayers and let the good Lord handle what I can't.

Good luck John in trying to regain your lost memories. I hope you succeed. If not, don't live waiting for it to happen, make new memories and go forward. There is a whole world out there waiting for John Tyree.

I bid you a fond adieu until we meet again.

Tim.

I read it through two more times and then folded it carefully back up and slid it back into the envelope. I got up and walked about the loft. I stopped by Savannah a couple of times wanting to ask her questions. She was busy talking to Tim in a soft voice as he gazed into his mothers eyes. I was beginning to see what she meant by sharing. I put the envelope away and sat beside Savannah and waited.