This drabble is shit. It's not good. It's trash, but it's trash I need rn bc I've lost control of my life and I just need to de-stress.

So here, have some stress-relief trash with the boys being pissbabies about spiders.

Enjoy! ;)

"Nope! Nope, nope, nope, nope, nope!"

England looked up curiously at the direction the quite frankly frantic yelling was coming from, setting his book down on his knees.

Scotland entered the room a few moments later, shaking his head vigorously, his hands curling and uncurling in disgust. "Nope, not my house, not my problem. You deal with it."

England raised an eyebrow suspiciously, "Deal with what?"

"The fucking massive spider in the cutlery drawer." Scotland replied simply.

"What? No way! I'm not dealing with that shit! You deal with it!" England replied, curling up defensively on the couch, "Go on, deal with it yourself."

Scotland shook his head once again, "Not a chance."

"Scotland!"

"Nope, like I said, not my house, not my problem."

England licked his lips, frowning in thought, before an idea hit him and he perked up, "I'll let you top for a month."

Scotland seemed to consider that with interest, but still shook his head, "I don't mind bottoming, you'll have to do better than that."

"You can tie me up."

"Nope."

"Gag me."

England smiled as Scotland hesitated over his answer. "No way."

"You can go bare-back."

"I..."

"I'll call you Big Brother."

Scotland grit his teeth, grimacing deeply, and England's smile only widened. "I don't-"

"Picture it. Me, bound and gagged, still hard and desperate, moaning for you, Big Brother, legs spread for you and your cum dripping out my arse..."

Scotland let out a pained breath, "Fine."

England almost laughed in triumph.

"But you have to at least come with me for moral support!" Scotland said, before England could get too happy.

"Fine."

"Holy fuck, it's massive!"

"I know! That's why I didn't want to deal with it in the first place!"

England patted Scotland reassuringly on the shoulder, peering over him to see the fuck-off great spider sitting happily on top of his forks. "Well, old chap, just think of the rewards!"

Scotland scowled at him, "Trust me, by the end of this month you aren't going to know how to cum without my dick in your arse."

England shivered slightly, slipping his hands into Scotland's back pockets and squeezing, "The quicker you get rid of the spider, the quicker we can get to just that."

Scotland took a deep breath, before slamming the cup in his hand down blindly over where the spider was, trapping it's legs under the side, and making it thrash around wildly. Both nations made thoroughly ridiculous noises (the kind of noises that would get them ridiculed by their peers for a good long time), jumping away from the glass and the spider, and knocking both of them to the ground in the process.

This resulted in them both screaming again, and Scotland stomping randomly around the floor in the hopes he'd kill the eight-legged demon. And sure, he cut his foot on the glass in the process, but he also killed the spider, so it could have gone worse.

As England finished up cleaning and bandaging Scotland's foot, having spent ten minutes picking pieces of glass out of his cuts (and discarding a sock covered in blood and dead spider) he pressed a kiss to Scotland's knee, "Mmn, there, all better. Can you walk on it?"

Scotland wiggled his toes, grimacing, "It shouldn't take too long to heal, but not right now, no."

England stood up, sliding forward onto Scotland's lap, and wrapping his arms around his neck. "That's okay," he said, peppering kisses along Scotland's jaw. "My handsome, brave Scotsman. How noble you are, injuring yourself while saving me from a horrid beast."

Scotland chuckled, pulling him up into a proper kiss. Well, one kiss usually leads to another, and this one was no exception, so kiss turned to kisses rather quickly. "That's me," he murmured between presses of lips, "Anything for my damsel in distress."

England hummed happily, twisting his head so he could kiss him deeper, gripping his clothes tightly in his fists. Scotland seemed to see no reason not to reciprocate just as enthusiastically.

After several minutes of this, they broke apart, England glancing up at the clock as he caught his breath, "Your month starts now, I suggest you take advantage of it."

Scotland smirked, wriggling his toes and finding the pain dulled enough that he felt confident walking on it. "Well get off me and get yourself ready then, I have some things I need to get."

England smiled back, his eyes lidded, and got off him, "Of course, Scotland."

England made to leave the room, but Scotland stood and held him back, leaning down to press his lips to England's ear.

"Oh, and England," he murmured, making the Englishman shiver, "Call me Big Brother."