Her pockets were empty. Clarke had been a hundred per cent sure she had change in her front jeans pocket but they were empty. Facing the vending machine, Clarke moaned in frustration. Today, she didn't feel like eating chocolate bars, but apples. Walking passed the vending machines on floor twenty-two, she had seen the perfect shining green apples and her saliva was now threatening to choke her. She stopped in front of it, she looked for change in her pockets.
Nothing. Dammit. The money she earned being sent on her account, she didn't go to get it in cash anymore and she had run out of change. She sighed, her eyes stuck on one specific green apple. Someone arrived beside her and she was surprised by a hand reaching to the machine to buy some snack out of it. She raised her and saw a familiar face, one that she hadn't seen in a very long time.
''Bellamy ?'' She used to spend some time with Raven, Octavia, her brother, Jasper, Monty... so many people she didn't know that well and that she was now meeting again one after the other. Was it supposed to be a good thing ? If Bellamy was still working here, then he knew what she had done here.
''Oh, Clarke,'' he said, surprised to see her, a chocolate bar in his hand. ''It's been a while. How are you doing ?''
''I'm doing fine,'' she answered. She didn't want to spill her life to him now. She couldn't understand everything that was going on, so she'd rather keep it to herself. ''What about you ?''
Bellamy opened his mouth to answer but he hesitated. Something was on his mind. ''Look, Clarke... I've heard things and... and I wanted to apologize, you know, about asking you out several times ? I should've seen you were in trouble and help you. Octavia told me about... well, anyway. You didn't go out with us much but, er, I should've been more friendly.''
Clarke had received a few apologies lately. Apparently, people waited for someone to get better before they thought about apologizing for doing something wrong or not doing anything to help. Clarke couldn't blame anyone for not helping her because she had refused their help. But she didn't really care about their apologies either. It was unnecessary.
''It's okay, Bellamy. I never asked for your help. I can't blame you for not helping me. And you weren't the only one asking me out, so, it doesn't matter anymore.''
He looked at her for a few seconds and nodded. There was nothing more to say. He noticed Clarke was frowning at the vending machine.
''Are you buying something ?'' he asked her.
''No,'' she replied, frustrated. She turned around, ready to walk away from this mischievous vending machine.
''Hey, Clarke, if you don't have change you can use your card !'' Bellamy stopped her. She turned around, interested. ''Well,'' Bellamy spoke again, ''I used the change I had left for the bar I just bought but, so you know, you can use your card.''
Clarke came back in front of the vending machine. Bellamy gave her a smile and left. She took her credit card out of her wallet. The latter only had two cards : a credit card and an ID. She inserted the credit card in the machine which answered 'ERROR'. The sign disappeared and the machine went back to normal. Clarke couldn't pick her choice. What the fuck ?! The machine had her card and didn't want to give it back. Clarke failed a few times. I just want a damn apple ! She was pissed off because life kept getting complicated, even for the most usual things like buying an apple from a vending machine. Her nerves couldn't take much lately, and they couldn't bear this lack of luck. Clarke punched the machine's glass. A bad noise escaped from her fist, the latter leaving a crack in the glass. Jaws clenched, she kept her scream in. It hurt, and Clarke thought for a minute that she was going to suffocate as air couldn't get in nor out.
She left the floor before anyone could come to take her to the boss' office for violent behaviour. She went up to get back to her office but was stopped by Lexa's assistant.
''Hey, Clarke,'' she stood up, ''are you okay ?'' she noticed Clarke's bleeding hand. ''Lexa is meeting someone right now, it wouldn't be a very good idea to come in with your hand injured. There's a small infirmery on this floor, no nurse but I can help you clean up your wound.''
Clarke sighed. She thought she could go see Lexa and feel better, but Lexa was busy. She nodded at the assistant. She couldn't leave her hand like this anyway.
They walked to a small room. The assistant, whom Clarke liked calling 'Holy' because she was always the one to help you no matter what, unlocked the door with her badge. Against the wall in front of them, from right to left : a cupboard, a sink and a bed. Clarke was told to sit on the latter.
''Lexa asked for these rooms to be created a few months after she became CEO. She wanted each floor to have one room where people could go in case they got sick during work hours. But you have to use your badge to unlock the door, so you'd be busted fast if you used this room everyday to take a nap,'' Holy explained.
She opened the cupboard and got out what she needed to take care of Clarke's hand. Clarke let her do what was needed. She felt calmer, but she still had a headache and her lower belly felt weird, as usual. Hopefully, with her treatment, Clarke would be okay in a few weeks.
''You seem on edge,'' Holy commented.
Clarke looked down at her hands. She watched the woman clean up her bloody hand. Clarke was often pissed off for nearly nothing lately. ''It's been... complicated, lately. A lot of things going on and – and I can't handle much.''
The assistant threw the dirty bandages in the basket under the sink beside her. She was careful, her moves free from anxiety, anger, tourment. Clarke wished she could be like her.
''I suppose that it must not be easy,'' Holy said, ''the wedding, your son, Lexa... she's different, now, you know. She used to be harsh, and people respected her for that, but now she's... she's truly confident. She always had some kind of sorrow. I could see it because I knew her before her life got turned upside down. So, now, I can see that you make her stronger. Maybe... maybe you should use her as your strength too.''
Clarke frowned, processing the last words. She had already let Lexa help, and she still had some issues. It had nothing to do with Lexa. ''She can't do much herself... I feel like I'm getting insane and I don't know if it's because of my body or if my meds are driving me crazy.''
The assistant threw the last bandages in the basket. ''All done.'' She looked at Clarke for a few seconds, thinking about what she should tell her. She wanted to help, as always, but she didn't know how until she remembered something. ''Hey, look, I have a friend who's a pharmacist. I can hand her your prescription so she can tell you if it's okay or not ? But, for now, I think you should keep taking your meds, I doubt they're the issue. Take them and rest here, Lexa won't be done before another hour. I'm leaving in half an hour, Lexa is aware. Rest well.''
She left the room, leaving Clarke alone. The young mother left to go get her meds from her locker. She took them and went back to the infirmary, using her access badge. She felt dizzy for a couple of minutes before she fell asleep.
She couldn't see much when she opened her eyes. The room was dark, and not a shade of light was coming under the door from the corridor. She carefully stood up. Her head still felt dizzy. She walked to where she assumed the door was and left the room. The corridors were dark. There were only a couple lights : the exit signs. She tried to go inside Lexa's office, but the doors were locked. Her phone was inside. She needed to get it. It was probably the middle of the night and Clarke had promised Lexa she wouldn't get home late again like the other day. She looked around, there had to be a key somewhere ! She searched the assistant's desk. Nothing. Dammit !
She went back to the office's doors and tried to force them open. She wasn't strong enough. She needed her phone. She needed to call Lexa, tell them she was fine, tell her she was coming home. She'd take her car and leave. The keys. Her car keys were inside the office too, along with her phone. But the door couldn't be opened. Anxiety stroke her and Clarke tried to hit the door open. Her fists only got worse, and her feet started hurting. She let herself fall on the floor, breathless. She had to go back home on foot, but she didn't know if she'd be strong enough.
She looked up and noticed the phone on the assistant's desk. It was a desk phone, maybe it would work. Clarke stood up, grabbed it and listened. No noise. It was off too. The building was dead. Why tonight ? Why did the building have to be off the night Clarke woke up too late inside it ?
The elevators were off too. She took the stairs, not without despair.
A thousand floors below – that's what it felt for Clarke – the young mother sat down to rest a few minutes. All these steps had exhausted her. Her hands, legs and lower belly hurt. She had a bit of vertigo. But she had a long way before her.
It took her thirty minutes to find an exit door. There were many doors in this building, but very few emergency exits, something that Clarke would tell Lexa later.
Cold hit her as soon as she walked into the outside world. The streets were dark, light was shining from lampposts a couple streets away. Clarke sighed and started walking. This would be a long walk.
She was walking as fast as she could. She was holding her arms to protect them from cold, but it wasn't enough. Her shirt was not the best thing to wear outside in the middle of the night. She wondered why she had such bad luck, why she had to wake up so late in that small infirmary. She had been exhausted, of course, and she was again, but she had thought that something or someone would've woken her up. But she had woken up to find the whole building empty and electricity-free.
Karma's a bitch, she thought while recognizing the city's central park. She was walking in the street close to it. She could see the shadows of the trees, of the bench far away, and for a moment, she thought there was someone on this bench. She stopped. She tried to look more carefully but her head had been spinning for a little while, making it harder for Clarke to see clearly.
She thought about the shadow for a few seconds, hope jumping up. What if it was her ? The girl ? She should go and see. No, she had to go home, she was already late enough. Lexa was surely worried. She started walking away from the park when a car arrived from nowhere and stopped in front of her.
''Clarke !'' a woman said, getting out of the car, but it wasn't the woman Clarke wanted to see.
Clarke stepped back, blinking several times. Was her mind playing her again ? ''Mom ?''
''Clarke, get in the car, you're not well, you need to get to a good hospital.''
''What ?'' Clarke didn't understand much tonight. Abby grabbed her arms and started pulling her toward the car. ''What are you – get off !'' she yelled. Her mother was trying to kidnap her.
''Clarke, you're sick, come home with me, please ! You're only getting worse here, you shouldn't have left me, I'm the only one who can treat you well.''
Clarke grabbed the hand that was pulling her arm, trying to get it off of her. ''You, you already gave me a prescription, you – huh'' she thought about the meds which she hated for how she felt after taking them. Maybe her current condition wasn't only due to her post-pregnancy issues. Maybe Abigail's prescription had made her worse. ''You... you intoxicated me...'' Clarke should have never trusted her mother again. She attempted to push her away again but she felt something tickling her skin. Everything happened fast.
Someone jumped out of nowhere, pushing Abigail Kane away. What was tickling Clarke's neck fell onto the ground. Clarke's eyes could only see shades of black and white. Her legs lost control and she fell back onto the ground.
''Wake up, wake up !'' a somehow known-to-Clarke-voice said.
Clarke couldn't see, but she could hear almost everything.
''I have her phone, tell me who to call, please, don't die !''
The girl. The girl from the park. The girl who had run away from her the other day. Without realizing she was actually talking, she enumerated numbers. Then a robotic but worried voice spoke into her ear. The voice was fading into her mind.
''Lexa...'' she had only time to say before the noises around her became impossible for her to distinguish.
Lexa had been driving through town the whole evening. Clarke hadn't come home, and after one hour of worrying at home, Lexa had received a call from her assistant who had told her about her conversation with Clarke the last morning. The assistant's pharmacist friend had explained there was something wrong with Clarke's prescription. Since then, Lexa had been looking for her in every street, every park possible.
She was a few streets away from Clarke when an unknown number called her. At first, nothing, no one speaking. And then, Clarke's voice echoed through her phone, calling her name. Clarke didn't seem well. Another voice, some little girl's, spoke into the phone and told her where to find them.
Lexa was glad there was no one on the road that night. When she arrived, she rushed to Clarke and fell harshly on her knees beside her. The girl had disappeared, but at least Lexa had found Clarke.
''Hey Clarke, can you hear me ?'' Lexa called her. Clarke slightly moved, partly reassuring Lexa. A few feet away, Lexa noticed an unconscious woman lying on the floor. Abigail Kane. Anger poured into Lexa's heart, and she decided to focus on her wife.
She called an ambulance. Clarke's skin was freezing cold. ''You're gonna be alright, Clarke, I've got you.'' Lexa took off her jacket and brought Clarke as close to her as possible to wrap her with her jacket. She could only hold her close while waiting for the ambulance to come.
Lexa threw a glance at Clarke's mother. ''How could she even find you...'' Lexa's sorry voice murmured, ''…when I couldn't.''
Lexa was sitting on a chair beside Clarke's bed, waiting for her to wake up. The ambulance had brought the young mother to the hospital. Clarke had to end up there eventually.
Lexa didn't sleep at all. She kept asking herself how this could happen. She always did everything possible to protect Clarke, yet Abigail Kane had tricked her and hurt Clarke.
Clarke's hand moved in her own and Lexa's heart missed a beat. Clarke was waking up.
Lexa let her wife slowly wake up. Clarke's blue eyes filled Lexa's world with warmth and happiness. Their eyes met and Lexa smiled.
''Lexa...'' Clarke murmured.
''Are you okay sweetheart ?''
Clarke smiled. Lexa calling her 'sweetheart' was knew, but she loved it. She nodded.
''I guess you had to go to the hospital, simple treatments weren't enough... I'm sorry.'' Lexa apologized. ''I've figured... we should have a house, with a nice garden, and a nice room for you to make great art, and do everything you want instead of –''
''Lexa.'' Clarke had just woken up and Lexa's words were confusing her. ''Why are you telling me this ?''
Lexa sighed. She was desperate for Clarke to be safe and happy. Clarke pulled her hand to invite her on the bed and Lexa lay down beside her.
''You punched a vending machine for an apple, hm ?'' Lexa said, entwining her fingers with Clarke's.
''It ate my credit card,'' Clake groaned.
Lexa burst into laughter. ''Let me guess, you were told to use your card and you used your credit card instead of your employee card.''
''Employee card ?'' Clarke pouted. She remembered employees had a special card on which to put some money and buy food at their workplace. ''Oh.'' She never had one because when she was offered one she refused : she didn't have any bank account from which to transfer money onto her employee card.
They stayed quiet for a little while. Lexa turned on her side and laid her forehead against Clarke's cheek.
''In a couple days we're leaving for the weekend, just the three of us. And when we come back, we'll talk about that house and what you really want to do with your life. It's time for some change, don't you think ?''
Clarke thought about how her life with Lexa and Aden could be. A house. A garden. A peaceful life with the ones she loved. Maybe some change would be good for them. Many things were to change after the wedding ceremony, moving from apartment to house, maybe finding this girl who saved her life last night, having the opportunity to have the job she always wanted... but above all that, one thing shall never change.
''I love you,'' she told Lexa, ''and that will never change.''
Lexa wrapped Clarke in her arms with caution. She loved her so much it hurt, but it was the best pain she could ever feel.