CHAPTER THIRTY SEVEN

Georgetown Memorial General Hospital

The Next Morning

Mulder woke up in a strange bed, in a strange place.

He didn't recognise this room, it was different from the last one.

Where was he now?

His mouth was dry, and he tried to reach for the glass of water which was on the beside table but he couldn't as he was so heavily sedated. He sighed in frustration as he felt his head banging, he was dehydrated.

He tried to remember what happened.

He couldn't remember much, may be the sound of an ambulance door closing, then some Doctors talking to him, but he couldn't remember what they were saying.

He felt his paranoia consume him again as he wondered if someone had taken him further away from Scully, further away so he couldn't help her. He felt his stomach tighten with worry as he thought of her, he hadn't seen her for so long, too long.

And he was scared that he was never going to see her again…

She signed a few more forms for his transfer as she stood at the reception desk. She had stayed in a hotel in Washington that night to make it all easier, rather than driving from home. She was actually planning to stay a few more nights, seeing as work had suspended her for a week..

She was angry about it, but she didn't have time to dwell on it. She hadn't had the energy to fight it either last night, only focused on Mulder's transfer.

She smiled a small smile at the receptionist as she handed the forms back. Scully turned back towards the busy corridor, playing with her cross necklace nervously as she pondered over going to see him or not.

She wasn't sure it was a good idea. Or if she was ready..

But she had been torturing herself over the decision all night and she couldn't wait any longer..

He heard the distant sound of the door opening and his heart skipped a beat nervously. Mulder tried to open his eyes after falling into a nap, but the sedative was too strong once again. He frowned in frustration as he tried to look, but it was useless. His eye lids were too heavy right now...

"Who's there..?" He asked, his voice dry and raspy as he wanted the damn water. "Who are you? Where am I?"

He managed to finally open his eyes, but his vision was blurry. He just saw someone near the door. He wasn't sure if it was a man or a woman. He couldn't work it out.

"Where is she?" He asked, desperate. "Where's Scully?"

She froze on the spot, not believing what she was hearing, placing her hand over her mouth in horror.

Tears welled in her eyes and she felt as if someone was cutting her heart out of her chest. Poor Mulder..

"Hey! Talk to me dammit! Who are you?!" She heard him shout out, his voice was so weak and tired.

That was too much for her, unable to stand it any longer...

She ran towards his bed, grabbing him by the hand, her whole body warming as soon as she laced her fingers through his. She squeezed it tightly and he turned to her with a heavy confused frown, his eyes blinking slowly, and she knew that she was starting to come into focus for him...

"Scu… Scully?" He gasped in amazement. She felt the tears sprout from her eyes as he met her gaze and she almost lost her footing as she remembered how his eyes looked deep into her soul.. god, she had missed him, she had missed him so much..

She could hardly speak, so she just placed her other hand on his head, stroking down his messy hair. She felt her lower lip trembling and as she blinked, a tear fell down onto his cheek…

"Scully? Scully babe… am I dreaming? Am I?" He asked in hopeless confusion.

"No. I'm here. I'm here my love." She said, her voice tight with emotion.

Mulder closed his eyes again at her touch and at the reassuring sound of her beautiful voice.

She couldn't resist not kissing him, wanting to pull him into her arms, so she leant down towards him so she was almost lying on top of him, then kissed his forehead, then his nose. She lowered her hand from his hair to his cheek and caressed it softly, wiping away her tear.

Mulder groaned in response, frowning with emotion. She kept her face close to his and rested her forehead against his gently.

"You're ok. You're safe." She soothed, knowing that he was unsure of where he was.

"Oh my god Scully. I've missed you so much, where… where Scully? Where did you go?!" He asked, clearly in shock.

She bit her bottom lip and tried to fight back the tears for him, she didn't want him to worry.

"I'll tell you everything. I promise." She said tenderly, kissing him on the forehead again.

"Are you ok? Did someone hurt you?"

"No Mulder. I'm fine." She reassured him, squeezing his hand gently. She hated seeing him like this. "Mulder you're in hospital. Georgetown. You don't remember why you're here?" She asked, worry raging inside her. She didn't realise he was this bad.

"I… I do. I remember." Mulder said after a pause, his brain ticking over. But the scent of her hair and her skin was distracting him. "Mmmmph.. babe… I missed you so much.." He groaned, turning his head so that his face was in her hair.

"I had you transferred from Our Lady's.. they didn't look after you properly. Can you remember what happened?" She asked with concern, trying to ignore him sniffing and kissing her hair, but it was so hard.. she knew she was going to have to leave him again at some point..

"I… shit, yeah I remember." He mumbled. "I didn't mean to hurt her Scully, she wouldn't let me see you, I just wanted to see you.."

"I know you didn't mean it Fox, I know." She soothed, looking into his eyes again.

She kept fussing with his hair, then his cheek, tracing a line along his jawline, along his lips..

"Scully, what happened?" He asked, moaning a little as she caressed him, "Why did you just leave me? You never told me why or anything. You just disappeared.. why babe, why..?" He asked, her heart tearing apart as he spoke.

His eyes were so distraught and desperate.

She didn't know how to tell him. It was so fucking difficult…

"Let me get you some water, then I will tell you everything ok?" She said, needing a breather herself to try and think of the best way to break the heartbreaking news. She placed another kiss on his forehead then reached over to the side and picked up the glass.

Mulder didn't take his eyes off her, he just stared at her beautiful skin, her perfect lips, her fiery red hair, taking her all in..

It had been such a long time since he had seen her…

"Here." She said softly, helping him drink. She glanced at the sedative he was on and she thought it was a little too excessive. She sighed and adjusted it slightly, hopefully making him more alert. She cleared her throat as she sat on the edge of his bed and kept hold of his hand. Scully looked down at his sheets and tried to find the words.

This was going to be the hardest thing she ever had to do...

"Dr Wellington asked me into her office after I came to see you after work that day, the last day I saw you."

Mulder listened intently, of course he remembered that day. He remembered everything about it. It was the only memory that kept him sane…

"She wanted to talk to me about your progress and she had a few concerns. She said that she had documented a lot of instances when I had brought on your depression." She said, keeping her voice low.

She tried not to look at Mulder or she would cry again.

"Scully… look at me Scully…" he begged, feeling her emotions as he always did. He knew that she was hurting. He braced himself for what she was about to tell him. She slowly raised her eyes to his and he saw the pain inside them.

He was silent then as he let her continue...

"So, she said that she wanted me to distance myself from you, to see if you could overcome this on your own. She asked me to move my stuff back home and to stop seeing you.."

"What? Scully no… you don't make me depressed. I make myself depressed.." He spoke over her in slight panic, unable to believe what he was hearing.

"Please Mulder, let me speak…" She said firmly, squeezing his hand.

Mulder looked at her in silence, confused and afraid of what was to come next, but he let her carry on. Which she did, after a deep breath…

"I didn't want to do it to you, but I understood her reasoning. I just didn't realise that she was going to cut me off completely. She said if you got really bad that she would let me come and see you, but it turns out she was withholding information from me, such as the fact that you weren't taking your meds…"

Mulder was speechless. What could he say? What could he fucking say to her?!

".. and then the incident happened and I heard about it from someone else... Unbelievable, anyway, I was so mad Mulder. So, I got you transferred here, hopefully you should be happier and safer here. And I'm sorry, I'm so sorry that I put my trust in her, I should have gotten a second opinion.."

Mulder frowned with sadness as he tried to process everything.

What was hurting him the most was the fact that she had agreed to it and she wasn't telling him that she had disagreed with Dr Wellingtons advice.

"Scully, you don't make me sick. You make me happy, the happiest I could ever be." He said lovingly, desperately. She was avoiding his gaze again and it made tears spring to his eyes. "Look at me Scully, please babe, I love you, I love you with all my damn heart.."

"Mulder I love you too. More than anything..." Her voice cracked with emotion. She turned back to him, looking into his glistening, soul bearing eyes. She swallowed nervously and felt the tears rise in her throat again. She placed both of her hands on his, holding it tight and stroking it with her thumbs. "But as much as it hurts me to say, I think she was right, at least partly.."

"No…." Mulder shook his head against the pillow, "no, no, no…. no Scully…"

"Yes Mulder, you need to stop depending on me, you need to stop worrying about me, hurting for me, feeling guilty about what has happened to me…" She said firmly but her voice was low, heavy with sadness as she spoke.

The words hurt her just as much as they hurt him, she wanted him to know that.

"How can I do that Scully? How, when you are everything to me. You're the love of my life, my soulmate. I will always be thinking about you, worrying if you're ok, feeling your pain, how… how can you ask me to do this?" He said, aghast, his voice hurried now and frantic, he was terrified that he was losing her, and he noticed that she was crying softly...

"Mulder please… I'm trying to help you, I'm doing this because I love you. I want you to get better.."

"No Scully. This is not what the problem is! My whole life I've been waiting for the colonisation and it didn't happen, I accept that now.. that is what made me depressed!" He cried out, angry and hurt now as she wasn't making sense at all.

"That is part of it, a big part, but I'm a big part of it too." She whispered painfully.

"Dammit Scully! No!" Mulder grunted in frustration as he tried to get up from the damn bed but his body didn't respond. He wanted to hold her in his arms, kiss her, try to make her see sense… but he couldn't. "Fuck!" He raged tearfully as she slowly got up from the bed. He stared at her in shock, unable to believe what just happened..

He was going to fucking die without her..

"Mulder you need to do this for you. You need to depend on yourself, focus on yourself... not me..."

"Scully no! Please babe! What the hell are you talking about?!"

"Mulder, this isn't good bye… you're under good care here, you have the best doctors for this type of illness. I'm staying in Washington and I'll stop by tomorrow, I promise… I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I love you.."

Mulder was shaking his head in shock as she was backing away from him as she spoke, her beautiful face leaving him again, breaking his heart into pieces. And with one last look at him, she left the room.. causing him all most to hyperventilate..

"Scully! DAMMIT SCULLY! COME BACK!"

PLEASE REVIEW *crying*