Chapter Thirty-Six

Thanks to Snowy the Sane Fangirl, Kuroi Kage X (who still catches all the references. all of them), and A Dreaming Songbird for reviewing.

Special thanks 2x combo to A Dreaming Songbird for beta-ing this chapter. (go read Darkness and Dreams before it's too late!) (you could die soon) (have a good day)

= Be Dave Strider

DAY FOURTEEN.

You are Dave Strider. Good thing too…

Ugh, who are you kidding? It's never a good thing to be you.

No matter what you've heard, even if you think you know, it is not good to be Dave Strider. Sure, it's a little fun at first. You crack some jokes, make puns, act arrogant, smash a few heads together, and then woo the ladies. Who doesn't wanna be a badass every once and a while?

But then there's the other side of the coin. You know the one, that side of the coin that's horribly scratched and disfigured, the side where all of the bad things hide, leaving the good side sparkling and pure.

There are times nowadays where you find yourself roaming the rocky hills around the temple by yourself, looking up at the stars with an expressionless gaze behind dark glasses and just wondering…

About John. About Jade.

About Bro.

Where is he? Is he okay? What is he doing? Does he still want to want to kill you and your friends? How will he even know where to find you? Will he even still care about you if you bump into him again?

All questions and no answers, a running theme in the sci-fi, space opera that is your life. You haven't seen your Bro since the first battle for The Scratch on LOHAC, where he fought John, where you saved his life, and where he spared yours. He'd disappeared, as much a phantom as ever, leaving you to simply wonder as to his whereabouts.

You kick a stone a few steps ahead of you, then abandon it in favor of counting out the seconds once more. Fighting the subconscious desire to vocally keep track of time has proven to be fruitless. It's much easier to embrace the crazy than to try and resist if. If you can't beat them, join them, amiright?

"Fifty-eight, fifty-nine, sixty, one, two." You scrape your sneakers as you ascend a hill. At the very top, you get down and sit crosslegged on the jagged stones. "Twenty, twenty-one, twenty-two."

If your Bro were here right now, he'd probably have already found a way off this meteor. You don't know how, you just know that he would. Bro takes care of business like that.

Not that everyone else here hasn't been trying. In the three days after Nepeta's exile, everyone has been setting their sights on the next problem: escape. Sitting around, waiting for John and Jade to show up (if they ever do), just isn't cutting it for everyone. You're a group of action-oriented people, therefore you must act.

Equius in particular has been working around the clock in a makeshift lab that he scrounged together. Closed off with thick, plastic curtains, his silhouette can be seen bustling around all types of machinery. You assume that he's building a space ship, although it's hard to tell exactly. The one time you peeked in, the place just looked like one, mechanical, wiry, mess. No one's bothered asking him either. It's like he's also been exiled in a way. Everyone just seems to want to give him space at the moment, you included.

Dude probably has some major aggression to work out, so it's probably best for you to be out of his impressive reaching distance.

Footsteps on the rocks draw you from your bottomless well of thoughts. You turn to see that Harley is struggling his way up the loosely packed stones.

"Stupid old man." You mutter. "He's gonna bust his ass out here."

"Not if you give him a leg up!"

Oh shit, apparently he heard you.

Grumbling enough to make Karkat proud, you stand up and stretch, before carefully traversing the hill down to his level.

"Here, take my arm." You say, extending your elbow. "That way if you fall, I'll be dragged down with you."

"There's a good chap."

The pair of you slowly continue towards the top of the hill.

"What are you doing out here, Harley? Don't you know it's dangerous?"

"Not any more dangerous than where I used to live."

"The island?"

"You betcha," He nods around the grey landscape. "Both were isolated, but beautiful in their own little ways, both deserve to be explored too."

You snort at his words.

"Well explore away, pal. Let me know if you find any diamonds or beach resorts. I've been looking all over for them day and night."

As you reach to top, he gently pulls away and points towards the sky with his remaining hand.

"No need for sarcasm, Sonny. This place ain't much at the ground level, but…" He nods with his head. "Just stop for a moment, Son, and take a gander at this."

You follow his pointing finger and see the massive expanse of stars stretching overhead like some great blanket of blinking light.

"Wow, stars. Someone call the news."

"Take off your sunglasses and look again."

You turn to Harley and find him staring at you intently.

"No." You look away again.

"Why not?"

"Because…" You shrug. "Just cause, man."

"Suit yourself." Out of the corner of your eye, you see him look skyward once more. "But you sure are missing out."

Psshh. What the fuck does this old bat know about anything? You're Dave Fucking Strider. You've worn shades since birth. You aren't about to whip them off just to go star gazing with your main girl's old pop.

And yet...

The way he's looking towards the sky now, with unabashed wonder and amazement, piques your curiosity. What's so cool about the damn sky? Why is he so interested?

More questions. You hate questions.

"Fuck it." You pull off your shades.

The sky and everything around you erupts into vibrant color. Harley's green coat looks infinitely more green, your red pants are more obnoxious than ever, and the sky… the fucking sky, man…

It's not just black, intermitted by little white specks of light. There are deep purples and blues, violent reds and clashing golds. The whole thing reminds you of that Van Gogh picture which looks like he painted it whilst celebrating four-twenty with reckless abandon.

"Wow." You breathe before you can stop yourself.

"Beautiful, isn't it?" Harley agrees. "In its own little way."

His words remind you that he's there. You quickly re-don your shades, hiding once more in the cover of darkness. The world seems more manageable with panes of glass between you and it.

"Can't deny that smashing view, huh?"

"Yeah." You turn to leave. "Think you can make it down on your own?"

"Nope."

"Ugh." You slouch to a stop, almost to the edge of the hill. "Well then do you wanna come with me?"

"No." He waves you back over. "I'm not done yet."

"Well hurry it up. Some of us got places to be."

When you come back within reaching distance, he puts a hand on your shoulder and steers you over to his side.

"Look up, Dave." He says. "And don't worry about the future. Don't be rushing off to do something else. Live in the present and just think."

You roll your eyes.

"About what?"

"About whatever comes to mind." His eyes grow distant. "For me it's God."

"Wonderful."

"Are you a man of God, Dave?"

"No."

He pats you twice on the shoulder and the soft impacts burn more than any fierce fist-bump from your Bro.

"That's alright, I suppose. Do you mind me asking, why?" His voice is even and not demanding in the slightest. Still, you begin to sweat.

"I dunno." You shrug once more. "Shit just doesn't seem real."

"By 'shit', I assume you're talking about religion, right?"

"Sure." For some reason, you're starting to talk. "I mean, with all the crap we've seen and done, how can there be a God? Doesn't it seem like he would have done something before me and my friends blew up our planet? I've seen the afterlife, man, and trust me: there are no pearly gates."

"Oh yeah," Harley nods with understanding. "The most common of all the rubbish arguments. 'If God is real, why haven't I seen him?' That's as old as time itself, you see? That young Rose lass told me about 'the void' or whatever you chaps call it. You've died before, right?"

"Yeah." You remember the feeling of Jade's lightning bolt blasting you in the chest when you leapt to defend your Bro. It had burned like a hot iron, an intense pain that had rippled through every muscle of your body. You shiver at the memory.

"And you mean to tell me, that in that moment, you did not feel The Lord's hand in yours?"

You turn from the sky to look into Harley's eyes. You see warmth and openness, and all other sorts of disgusting fatherly-things.

"No." You answer. "No I did not."

He's silent for a moment, simply staring into your shades as if trying to scrutinize every detail of the black glass. You feel uncomfortable under his gaze, like you've got something to hide. You don't though. The old man already knows that you have a massive boner for his granddaughter. What else do you have to worry about?

"I see." Harley eventually says with a slow nod. "It's alright to feel that way."

"What way?"

"Like you aren't worth his time. Most blokes feel that way. What you got to realize is that you are."

"Psshh." You snort and step away. "Fuck, man. What the hell's your problem? Did you come up here to just to sprinkle me in your religious bullshit? What makes you think that you know what I'm 'feeling'? You don't know the first thing about me."

You expect him to go on the defensive, or to at least show some signs of injury from your partially barbed words.

"Well, this is me trying to get to know you." It's his turn to shrug. The nonchalant movement doesn't suit him. It seems too forced. "I'm just asking a few questions is all."

"No. It seems like you're trying to convert me." You start towards the temple. "If you wanna know where I stand with the big man, then get out a pen, because here it goes: I think it's best that me and whoever's pulling the strings just stay out of each other's way."

"Come on back, Sonny."

"No." You glance over your shoulder at him. "And stop calling me that. I'm not your son, and you're sure as hell ain't my dad."

"Dave." His footsteps tell you that he's giving chase. You stop at the crest of the hill, not wanting to risk him tumbling down behind you. "Dave, just hold onto your trousers for a second."

"My trousers have never been held tighter."

"That's good." He grabs your shoulder again and turns you around. "Now listen up. I don't want us to have any more rows. You and I are stuck here together for the rest of the foreseeable future and the way you and I hit it off now, may depend on whether or not I let you continue to see my Jade when we meet up with her again."

"Why are you even considering letting me and Jade be together?" You demand. "Don't you know that I'm an insufferable prick?"

He chuckles at that.

"You know what, Dave? I think you're only trying to fit into the shoes of an insufferable prick. You have a capacity to be good, and brave, and genuine. I belive that." He motions towards the sky. "Sometimes you just gotta take off those sunglasses and see what other people see."

"I think I'm gonna throw up at how cheesy this is."

"Well then get that out of the way, cause there's more where that came from." He grabs onto your arm and motions for you to lead the way down the hill. "I just think that you should know, Dave, that I'm proud of you."

This catches you off guard, causing you to stumble over your next step. You brush it off though with a quick cough.

"Uh… What for?"

"For accompanying that young alien fellow to get rid of that young alien girl." He says. "Not many people would have done what you did that day."

"Well…" You look away so he won't see the grin tugging at your lips and focus your gaze on the dimmed stars. "I can think of a few."

= Be Rose Lalonde

DAY TWENTY.

You are now Rose Lalonde.

You are currently in the process of alchemizing some sweet new gear. Nothing too fancy, just a little something to spice up your sparse living quarters. As an accomplished witch and psychologist, you understand the emotional and mental impact of being in the company of things that make you feel at ease. There's a certain magic that comes with a soft blanket, a cup of tea, and the latest, weighty tome containing various facts about the zoologically dubious.

For a grim witch, you sure do appreciate the creature comforts.

The Alchemiter is relatively easy to manipulate. Using what leftover grist your group has available, and a few miscellaneous ingredients, such as a hand knitted pot holder and some of Kanaya's spare fabrics, you can create something new.

Like a blanket.

With a high-pitched whine, the Alchemiter spits your new, plushy blanket into your lap.

"Perfect." You allow yourself a small smile and hold the cloth up to the light. "It's utterly perfect."

You can already imagine this fine example of craftsmanship draped over your cot, waiting for one of the slow days when you can give it the attention it deserves.

Namely: snuggle the absolute snot out of it.

Huh. You guess it's ironic that the only thing you feel comfortable snuggling with is an inanimate object. Late nights, curled up with your mother by the fire were never a thing, you didn't have a big, warm dog to pile atop of in your bed, and until now you've never been in a relationship with anyone where you deemed such intimacy appropriate.

Kanaya isn't much of a spooner either. Every article of clothing that covers her glowing skin, down to her lacy knickers, are constructed of the finest fabrics, never to be wrinkled or dirtied in any way.

Least of all by your disgustingly plain body, which contains about as much sex appeal as a rotting piece of road kill.

Kanaya has never said this of course. She probably hasn't even thought it either.

You know full well that your poor body image is simply within your own mind and that Kanaya finds you perfectly attractive. It's just hard to block out the negative thoughts sometimes.

Thoughts of Kanaya lead you to the next, most rational course of action: actually going to talk to her. Seriously, what else are you going to do? Sit here and admire your blanket? If you go talk to your Matesprit, there might actually be a chance that you'll get to test this bad boy out.

If you know what I'm saying. (wonk)

(wink*)

With a sigh, you remember Kanaya's words from over a week ago. The whole 'trolls cannot forward their relationships physically without a blessing from their partner's lusus' is a real drag. You wonder how John and Vriska became intimate without such stipulations. Probably because both of their guardians are dead, or because Vriska just doesn't give a shit and John is too emotionally weak to stop her.

Your stomach rolls uncomfortably when you think about John and the possibility that he and Jade might be dead. You feel sick and the thoughts of John being with Vriska don't help in the slightest, quite the opposite. If you could talk to him now, you'd remind him of how manipulative and evil Vriska can be, how much of a bad influence she was, and how much of a bitch she is.

If you could talk to John you'd tell him… you'd tell him a lot of things.

Clutching your blanket tighter, you stand up from the Alchemiter and make your way towards the center of the temple. Not many people are inside at the moment. Equius can be seen behind those curtains of his, working tirelessly on some mysterious project, and Terezi is sitting at the table, laughing loudly with Dave.

"Hehe. No, no, no." She's saying as you approach. "His horns are waaaay shorter than that. They're more like this."

You see that they're bent over a sheet of paper, drawing a rather crude picture of Karkat getting familiar with an extremely phallic looking construct. Such childish exploits don't amuse you normally, but with your new blanket under your arm, you'll award them a small smile.

"Stretching your artistic legs, I see." You comment, bending over Dave's shoulder.

"We were playing tic tac toe." He replies as he colors in Karkat's sweater. "But after Tz licked the page for the fourth time, I decided our efforts best spend elsewhere."

"We're gonna put this on the fridge!" Terezi cackles happily. "Right, Dave?"

"Damn straight."

You nod in appreciation and make a mental note to take it down before your mother or Harley get a good look at it.

"I'm sure Karkat will enjoy that very much." You say and then skip to the point of this conversation. "Is there any chance that you've seen Kanaya around anywhere?"

Dave taps his chin with his pencil for a moment, exchanges a look with Terezi, and then turns to you.

"She came by a few minutes ago, asking to see our mom. I told Kanaya that she was outside by that rock that looks like Randy Newman."

You raise your perfectly shaped eyebrows in surprise. That's certainly interesting.

Not the Randy Newman rock. That's old news. The Kanaya tidbit.

Kanaya: Looking for your mother, without you, without your consent, without even talking to you. There could only be one reason for such behavior. She is going to circumvent you completely and tell your mother everything about your relationship together.

How childish, how meddlesome, how very… Kanaya.

"I see." You purse your lips. "Excuse me."

Dave looks at you nervously as you back away. He's obviously thinking along similar lines as you, albeit more worried about whatever drama he might have accidentally caused by being honest with you. Terezi goes immediately back to drawing, howling like a manic, as you make your exit.

Outside the temple, you can see Karkat standing by himself against the wall, arms crossed, with an air of complete and total teenage angst swarming around him like a hive of bees. Before you even open your mouth, he jabs a thumb around the side of the temple.

"Over there, by the Nandy Rewman rock." He says darkly. "Tell Kanaya I said hi, okay?"

You don't pause to correct Mr. Newman's name. His words have given you bigger fish to fry.

"Why don't you tell her yourself?" You immediately catch onto the subtext of his words. "If you feel that your relationship with Kanaya is threatened by our Matespritship, then simply make an effort to spend more time with her. Don't mope around and sass me just because you lack the spine to back your words with actual action."

He rolls his eyes.

"Wow, Lalonde. Great perception skills. Once again you impress us all with your vast knowledge of obnoxious shit." He pushes off the wall and brushes past you. "I'd hurry up if I were you. Kanaya can be a real chatterbox sometimes."

You have the urge to turn on him, whipping out your wands and blasting him with a well aimed spell. However, you let him pass. He's right, of course. You're bad mood and anxiety is causing your piecing words to only grow in stopping power, not to mention your lack of sensitivity.

In the future you'll make an effort to reconnect Karkat and Kanaya. Right now though, you have a tea party to break up.

When you round the corner, both of the women are sitting on the ground with their legs folded up beneath them. They're both smiling, Kanaya's is warm and genuine, and your mother's is plastic and forced. Hopefully you aren't too late.

"Rosie!" You mother cheers when she sees you. "Come have a seat darling, we were just talking about you."

"Is that so?" You give your mother your sweetest smile.

Kanaya's eyes are pointedly fixed on the ground.

"Yes, yes." Your mother continues. "Kankan here was just telling me what a fantastic knitter you are. Of course I already know this. You should have seen her room, Kankan. It was littered with these little knitted socks and scarves. How adorable!"

You grit your teeth as Kanaya laughs lightly and smiles once more at your mother. This is coming to a stop right now.

"I'm sorry, mother, but I'm afraid that I'm going to have to steal Kanaya away for a moment." You speak calmly in harsh contrast to the fire raging in your chest.

"Whatever for?" You mother pouts horribly. "We were just getting to know each other finally."

"You'll have plenty of time to bond later, but for now." You motion to Kanaya. "I need to speak with her. Come, Kanaya."

You turn and start towards the temple entrance. After a moment, you stop, having come to the realization that no one is following you.

"Kanaya?" You look at your Matesprit.

She's still folded delicately on the ground. So elegant and regal is her appearance, she could have easily been sitting in a gilded throne as opposed to the grey dirt.

"I think I'd rather stay and talk with your mother, if it's all the same to you." She says. "We are having a nice conversation after all."

Her lyrical voice is like a soothing song to your ears. However you don't want to be soothed right now. At the moment, you're craving confrontation.

You thrust your new blanket towards her.

"I have a question about alchemizing." You lie. "As a patron of fashion, I was wondering if you could give me some advice."

"That can wait." Kanaya replies sweetly. "Come and sit down, Rose."

If you grind your teeth any harder, you're pretty sure that they are going to crack.

"Yes, Rose." You mother grins and pats the ground next to her. "Come and talk with us."

"No." You hold your chin up high. "Kanaya, you will accompany me."

"You know what? I don't think I will."

"Kanaya."

"Rose."

You stare at her. She stares back. Tension builds between the two of you like the flames of a great bonfire. If you don't get out now, you're liable to get burned.

You'll appreciate that metaphor later, after you've absconded.

"I have to go." You say curtly "I'll see you both later."

Your mother's mouth opens, but you pretend not to notice. Turning on your heel, you start towards the temple entrance, this time determined not to stop or look back even if your life depends on it. Orpheus has nothing on you.

Suddenly, slim fingers wrap around your arm and you don't have to look to know that it's Kanaya. A small smirk forms on your lips, like a fly to honey, you know she couldn't resist the temptation to give chase. She's not the type to leave something like this hanging in the air over the pair of you.

"Rose stop." Her voice is firm and a little wobbly at the same time.

You try not to feel too satisfied.

"Yes?" You ask, affording her your full attention. You wait for the apology.

"That was very rude what you did back there." She says crossly. "Ignoring your mother, ignoring me. Is it really such a chore to spend time with her? You're acting like a spoiled wriggler right now."

You resist the urge to throw your head back and laugh.

"Oh, Kanaya." You grab her hand. "It's almost funny how quickly she's gotten under your skin. My mother is indeed the smoothest of all the operators. Tell me, how did she take the information of our relationship?"

She pulls her hand away and folds it under her arms.

"I haven't told her yet. I was hoping you'd relay that information yourself."

"And I will. In time." You try to take her hand again, but she steps away. "Kanaya what is it?"

Her face is still hard, like she's determined to argue. However you can notice the slight wobble in her bottom lip.

"Are you ashamed of me, Rose?" She asks.

You've suddenly lost the urge to laugh in her face.

"What? Kanaya- No. No of course not." You stammer. "That's not what's happening here at all."

"Then what is happening?

You sigh heavily and press your hand to your forehead as if checking for a fever. Taking a second to organize your thoughts, you try to appeal to her good judgment.

"I simply do not wish for her to know about us at the moment." You begin. "There is too much going on now without adding that to the mix. It would be easiest for everyone if that information stayed between those in which it concerns."

"You don't think it concerns your own mother."

"Not enough for you to take matters into your own hands like this." You point back to where you mother is probably still sitting alone. "That woman is my problem and mine alone. I'm not upset, but I truly think that you should learn your place here."

"My place?" She echoes incredulously. "Do you realize how you sound right now? Setting up ground rules, calling for me like that. It's almost as if you see me as some sort of…. Some sort of pet!"

You're eyes widen. This is quickly getting out of hand.

"How can you even assume such a thing?" You hiss, trying to covertly remind her to keep her voice down. "I would have thought it was obvious that I hold you in the highest esteem."

"Then why do you act like my opinion does not matter." She shoots back. Her skin is steadily glowing brighter and brighter. "Has it occurred to that big brain of yours that maybe I would like to forward our relationship some time before the next sweep?"

"And you think I don't? We would have ascended well into the ranks of intimacy if you weren't so desperately clinging to some outdated, overly formal, nearly barbaric code of morals."

Her mouth hangs agape and her hand rises to her chest as if scandalized. It would have been comical if it wasn't the most unfunny thing in the world.

"How dare you." She gasps. "Who do you think you are to insult my culture, my heritage? Just because you insist on acting like a wriggler does not mean you have the same reprieve as one. You should know better than to be so crass."

"Crass?" It's your turn to sound incredulous. "You want talk about crassness? How does going behind my back to convene with my mother sound for crass? I specifically asked you to respect my choices and my privacy. John would never…"

"Aha!" She cuts you off with a shrill shout and jams her finger into your chest. "There it is! There it is! John Human Egbert would be a much better Matesprit than Kanaya Alien Maryam!"

"What!? NO!" Why had you said his name? Why were you even thinking that name? What on earth even possessed you to say that? "You've got it all wrong. Just let me start over. Let me explain!"

"You've explained enough, Rose, more than you even know." All the firmness is gone from her face. Now there's nothing but soft skin and watery eyes. "You're not happy with me and I… I have known that for a long, long time."

You lunge and take her hands quickly before she can move away again. Shit is clearly hitting the fan, meaning it's time to go for broke.

"Listen to me, Kanaya." You plead. "I am happy with you, very happy. The reason I do not wish to tell my mother about us is because she's singlehandedly managed to ruin everything that's brought me happiness in life since birth. I do not want her to ruin this too."

Kanaya looks away from you, towards something that you can't see clearly, a blurry shape in your peripheral vision. You turn to not just see your mother, but Dave, and Karkat, and Terezi, Harley, Equius, all standing there with various expressions of shock and surprise. Apparently your private conversation had grown a little too loud, and is hence: no longer private.

"Rose…" Your mother is pale in the face. "Is that true? Have I really done that to you?"

"M- Mother." You blink furiously, trying to keep your vision clear. You look between the group and Kanaya quickly, trying to formulate some sort of words. Your Matesprit's face is streaked with silent tears and she's staring forcefully at the temple wall. "Kanaya?"

"You don't have to worry about your mother ruining this too." Her voice cracks as she speaks. "You've done- a fine job of that yourself."

Then she pulls her hands from yours and takes her first steps towards her group of friends.

"Kanaya." You reach out for her. "Kanaya, are you… breaking up with me?"

She does not grant you another look. Kanaya races forward, parting the crowd and disappearing into the temple. The dam breaks and tears fall from your eyes like the April showers. Slim arms wrap around your shoulders and you bury your face into the familiar, martini-scented scarf wrapped around your mother's neck.

You hide from the humiliation, the shame, and the world. For the first time since before you can remember, you cry into your mother's arms and do not care.

Welp. I just want all of you to keep in mind: I love Rose, I love Kanaya, and I love Rosemary. This was difficult to right, but I went through it anyways, for a number of reasons, some that should be obvious, and others that will become obvious in the future. This was hard, partially because I dislike writing arguments, and because KANAYA LITERALLY HAS NO OTHER ROMANTIC PROSPECTS. (at least in the flushed quadrant) You could say Kan/Vris is a thing, but within the context of this story, I don't think either of those characters have said more than one word to each other.

There will be more Rose and Kanaya interaction in the future. Along with more Dave and Grandpa interaction. (which was my favorite part of this chapter)

The way things are going now, this Act is looking to be the longest of the bunch, with two different groups having two different stories which travel upon the same timeline. Things should flesh out nicely in the end. (or maybe not)

Thanks for reading and thanks A Dreaming Songbird for beta-ing again. (⌐■_■)

- Mike