Chapter 37

'There's no point, honey, really. I told you, I'm fine' Neal said into the phone. 'Now, rest up and I promise to call as soon as she's out of surgery.'

'Love you too' he added, before hanging up.

'Hope?' Peter asked as Neal nodded.

'Yeah…' Neal replied. 'There's no point in everyone being down here holding my hand. That includes you by the way.'

'Me? Oh, I'm not here for you' Peter teased. 'I… I just wanted an update on your meeting with Bosch.'

Neal laughed. 'Right' he countered. 'The case…'

'It was worth a try' Peter said with a smirk as he handed Neal a cup of coffee and settled in beside him.

The waiting room was practically deserted on this Wednesday morning, just a handful of people waiting for their loved ones to emerge from the operating theatre. Neal had been surprised to see Peter appear a few moments after Sara had been whisked away - pleasantly surprised if he was honest with himself. He'd shooed the kids and Emily away, convincing them to concentrate on being there for Sara when she finally came out of surgery but now, he was relieved not to be sitting there alone.

'Did they tell you how long the surgery would take?' Peter asked.

'A couple of hours' Neal replied, taking a sip of coffee and sighing.

'So how was she… before she went in?' Peter asked.

'Good… good. She was quiet' Neal replied, his eyes meeting Peter's. 'A little too quiet.'

Peter searched Neal's eyes, picking up on some vestiges of worry.

'I guess it's been a shock for her, finding out she needed a pacemaker' Peter commented.

Neal shrugged. 'I think it's made her feel… old and…' he hesitated for a moment. '… past her best by date — which is ridiculous.'

'You know, when I think of Sara, all I can think of is those damn heels of hers and the way she moves around the room like a cyclone' Peter admitted. 'She… scares me sometimes.'

Neal chuckled. 'Tornado in heels, isn't that what you called her once?' he asked. 'And just for the record, sometimes she scares me, too.'

Peter watched with interest as Neal's face grew serious.

'You know, I've known Sara for over thirty years and she's the most fearless woman I've ever met. She's always been so vibrant and full of life' Neal confessed, his eyes moving to look at Peter. 'I don't want this to change her but I'm afraid it might, maybe not physically but —'

'Isn't that your job? To keep reminding her that she's still the same old Sara.'

'I suppose…' Neal mused.

'Last night, in bed…' Neal volunteered, letting Peter read between the lines. 'She was just like she's always been, sexy, funny, full of life but I couldn't help picking up on some weird vibe, this… sadness, like it was her swan song or something, like she was afraid we'd never be together like that again.'

Peter listened, reserving judgement. Neal seemed to realize he might be oversharing and shook his head.

'I think she'd afraid that, from now on, she's going to spend all her time in a rocking chair and have to take up knitting and needlepoint' he added with a smile.

'Needlepoint is pretty' Peter mused, lightening the mood.

'It is' Neal agreed with a playful grin. 'But I just can't see Sara taking it up, not in the near future, anyway. And the icing on the cake is the timing. Sara's about to become a grandmother and I know that's freaking her out. I mean, don't get me wrong, we're both ecstatic about the baby but it's still… well, it took me a long time to get used to being a dad, being a grandfather is… kind of hard to wrap my head around.'

Peter let out a long, painful sigh. 'Getting older isn't easy' he commented as Neal looked over at him. 'The essence of Sara will always be the same but we're all getting older, Neal. Even you.'

Neal's eyes grew in response. If there was one thing he hated, it was the thought of getting old. He was still healthy and virile but lately, he'd noticed his body wasn't quite behaving in the way it used to and he planned on fighting the aging process all the way. He knew Sara was struggling with the same thing and after today, she'd be faced with a reminder of her mortality every time she looked in the mirror and saw that scar staring back at her.

Peter wasn't done sermonizing, it seemed. 'We can try to do things to stay healthy, keep moving and put if off as long as possible but it catches up to you and there's not a goddamn thing any of us can do to stop it.'

Neal defaulted to humour, uncomfortable with where the conversation was going. 'Gee Peter, it's a good thing you're here to cheer me up.'

'Sorry, buddy. I guess we're all struggling with the same issues, whether we like it or not.'

Neal nodded; he knew Peter was right. 'I think that's why this vow renewal ceremony is so important to me' Neal admitted. 'I guess deep down, I realize we only have so much time and I want to make sure Sara knows how much she and the kids mean to me.'

Peter brought his hand to rest on Neal's shoulder as the ex-con continued.

'When we first got married, we thought we had all the time in the world. Hope was just three months old and we were both busy with our lives and our jobs. You know, sometimes, I don't even remember the details of when Hope was little, it's all a blur.'

He looked up at his best friend. 'And then we blinked and… where does the time go, Peter?'

'I know what you mean. I look at Elizabeth sometimes and I'll notice the way her eyes crinkle when she smiles or I'll see her struggling with the pain in her knees and I'll wonder when did that happen?'

'I guess it makes the time we have left all the more precious' Neal philosophized as he got to his feet and walked over to the nearby the window and back. 'You know, I could really use a little walk. I noticed a nice little area out back with park benches…'

Peter followed suit, getting to his feet. 'Sure' he said, feeling the tension radiating off Neal's body.

'Neal…' he added as the younger man glanced over at him. 'She's going to be fine.'

WCWCWC

Sara Ellis was no stranger to hospitals. She'd been hospitalized more times than she cared to remember and she'd been wheeled into operating rooms on a few occasions — none of them happy memories. The brightness of the room took her by surprise as she was wheeled in and brought alongside a narrow table covered with nothing but a stark white sheet. Knowing she'd be conscious throughout the procedure only served to heighten the sense of doom she'd been feeling, despite the medication she'd been given to help her relax.

'Let me give you a hand' one of the nurses said as she guided Sara off the gurney and onto the narrow operating table.

There were several other staff milling around the large operating room, each of them seeing to their specific tasks in preparation for the procedure. Sara's IV was repositioned as the nurse helped her settle onto the hard table.

'Would you like a cushion under your knees?' the kindly nurse asked.

'Yes, please' Sara replied, her voice quiet.

It was cold in there - or maybe it was just nerves and as if reading her mind, the woman produced a warm flannel sheet and placed in over Sara's shivering body, without bothering to ask.

'Thanks' Sara muttered as she closed her eyes and tried to relax.

The procedure itself had been explained to her in detail; it was fairly straightforward and Sara had no doubts as to the competence of the team who would be performing the surgery. It was the aftermath that freaked her out, the thought of knowing she would have this foreign object implanted in her chest and the constant reminder that her body had failed her, unable to do its job properly.

She was pulled out of her musings by that same voice, speaking to her.

'Ms Ellis, I'm going to give you some more medication to help you relax' the woman said, standing menacingly over Sara with a syringe in her hand. 'You might feel a warmth come over you and you might drift off to sleep. Just go with it.'

Almost instantly, Sara felt the warm sensation throughout her body and her mind seemed to wander, unable to remain focussed. What was she here for, again?

She saw Neal's face in her mind's eye, looking down at her with that mischievous look in his eyes. Was that her imagination or a memory she wondered as she felt her body start to relax. He was lying there next to her, running his hand through her hair, telling her she was beautiful and just how much he loved her, how much he wanted her. 'Let me show how much…' he murmured as his hand ran down the side of her body. Sara giggled softly and felt a warm hand on her arm.

'You all right, Ms Ellis?' the female voice asked as Sara's eyes flew open, surprised to find she wasn't in their bedroom at home but in some cold, sterile environment.

'Fine' she mumbled.

'This is an electrocardiogram monitor' the woman explained as she hooked Sara up to another contraption. 'That way, we can monitor your heart's activity throughout the procedure. We'll also be checking your heart rate, blood pressure and oxygenation level' she added as she put a blood pressure cuff on Sara's left arm.

'Can you sit up for a moment?' she asked as Sara complied, holding the woman's arm for support.

She could feel pads being placed between her shoulder blades and she was instantly set back down on her back.

'How's our patient this morning?' came a disembodied man's voice.

'Good morning Doctor' a chorus of voices replied.

'Hi Sara, how are you doing?' Dr. Hines asked, appearing in her field of vision and leaning down to look at her.

'Good… foggy' Sara admitted with a weak smile.

'Foggy…' he repeated. 'That's exactly how I like my patients' he said with a grin.

'I'm going to start by giving you some antibiotics in your IV line' he explained. 'That'll help prevent infection. And then, I'm going to numb the area where I'm going to make the incision so you won't feel anything.'

Sara's relaxed face seemed to tense and he touched her arm in an effort to reassure her.

'Now, I can talk you through this whole thing, step by step or I can let you rest while I work. What's your preference?' he asked.

'Hum…' Sara murmured.

She'd been walked through the whole process and told what to expect, how he would insert a needle into a large vein, then use the needle to thread the pacemaker wires into the vein and place them into her heart muscle. Suddenly, a play-by-play description didn't seem like such a good idea.

'I think I'll just rest' she finally said.

'Sounds like a plan' he responded with a smile.

Sara closed her eyes, intent on keeping her mind occupied. She thought back to Neal's description of the Champs Élysées and she imagined the two of them seated at a small café in the middle of the busy square, surrounded by throngs of people, yet focussed solely on each other. With a sigh, she let the image take root in her barely conscious mind.

WCWCWC

'Wow… maybe old man Bosch isn't as mean and ornery as we thought' Peter commented as the two men strolled through the hospital grounds.

'I was surprised too but… everybody's got regrets, right?' Neal replied. 'I think coming face to face with Iris Hastings and seeing how sick she was brought out the softer side of him.'

'So what happens now?'

'That depends on him. He said something about working out the return of the stolen items with Rebecca. I get the feeling he's not going to push it any further than that' Neal said, slowing down and taking a seat on a nearby bench.

'I guess there's something to be said for finding out you have a long-lost daughter' Peter replied, following suit. 'It's kind of a game changer.'

It was a beautiful early summer day, fragrant tulips and colourful daffodils in bloom and the men settled in side by side to continue their chat — all in an effort to keep Neal's mind occupied, not that Peter's not so subtle tactic was lost on his best friend.

'So, any news on the baby front?' Peter asked, moving on to their favourite topic.

'Except for the fact he could be arriving anytime… no' Neal replied, thankful to have a friend like Peter Burke.

'Cameron's a bit of a mess' Peter commented with a soft laugh. 'Yesterday, I caught him selling the same painting twice.'

Neal looked at his best friend and smiled. 'Oh, no!'

'It kind of reminded me of the day Sara went into labour. Remember?' Peter asked.

'How could I forget' Neal replied. 'You'd dragged me all the way out to Brooklyn during rush hour on the Campana case when we heard she'd gone into labour.'

'Yeah, you were a little… distracted, to say the least' Peter recollected.

Neal laughed as he recalled that crazy day, the anticipation and excitement he'd felt as Peter rushed them back to the hospital, trying desperately to get there in time. It had been a memorable day for so many reasons, not the least of which was the arrival of their beautiful firstborn. During her long hours of labour, Sara had fluctuated between being calm and focussed and being cranky and outspoken - typically Sara. Neal had always thought she was the most determined woman he'd ever met but that day, he'd been amazed to discover the extent of his then girlfriend's strength and courage as she'd pushed through, giving birth to the light of his life, their precious little Hope.

'It's kind of hard to believe Hope's going to be a mom' Neal mused, thoughtful.

'She's going to be great. After all, she's learned good parenting from the very best' he said, bringing his hand to rest on Neal's shoulder.

'It didn't exactly start out that way' Neal reminded Peter as he recalled the restless hours following Hope's birth, how he'd panicked and escaped to one of Mozzie's out of town safe houses, convinced he was somehow going to mess up the whole parenting thing. Thankfully, not unlike today, Peter had come to his rescue, talking him down from the irrational fears the new dad had somehow let creep into his psyche.

'Awww, that was just a brief moment of panic' Peter said good-naturedly. 'You've been there for both your kids from the moment they were born.'

Neal shook his head and laughed heartily.

'What?' Peter asked, puzzled as to Neal's reaction.

'I just… who would have thought we'd end up here. An FBI handler and his criminal informant' Neal mused, shaking his head in disbelief.

'No matter how much you liked to think of yourself as a ruthless conman back then, you were never going to be a hardened criminal. You're just not wired that way.'

Neal gave his best friend an eyebrow wag. 'Took me long enough to figure that out.'

'But you did and here we are' Peter said.

'Here we are…' Neal repeated, thoughtful, his mind returning to Sara.

He checked his watch; as much as he was enjoying the beautiful summer day, he didn't want his wife to be wheeled into the recovery room only to find he wasn't there for her.

'We should get back, just in case' he said, getting to his feet.

WCWCWC

Sara took a deep breath, the smell of fresh croissants hitting her nostrils.

'That smells heavenly' she cooed as Neal smiled back at her.

'I told you… best croissants you've ever tasted.'

She'd been to Paris several times in her lifetime, always for business but having Neal with her to share the sights and sounds made everything more intense, more magical.

'You were right' she replied with an unrestrained grin as she took a sip from her bowl of café au lait.

'So, you ready to hit the Louvre after lunch?' he asked, reaching for her hand across the tiny table of the small bistro.

She closed her eyes, and let the ambient sounds wash over her. 'I suppose… I just don't want this moment to end.'

'It doesn't have to end. You can wrap this little moment up in a tidy red bow and keep this memory forever' he reminded her.

'A tidy red bow…' she repeated dreamily. 'I like that.'

She brought her hand to rest on her chest, feeling a gaping hole there and she gasped in response.

'What happened?' she cried as she removed her hand, noticing it was dripping with blood.

'It's nothing, baby, you're fine' Neal replied, his face confused.

'No I'm not!' she cried out, getting to her feet. 'There's a huge, gaping hole in my chest.'

Suddenly, they were no longer in the quaint little café but on some sordid street corner, surrounded by crowds of people who were all stopping to stare at her.

'Neal…' she cried, her voice desperate.

'It's going to be okay' he said, not sounding certain in the least.

'No, it's not going to be okay' she cried, looking around at the throngs of strangers.

She turned to look back at Neal but he was gone, leaving her all alone as everyone continued to gawk.

'Neal! Neal!' she cried.

'How are you doing there, Sara?' she heard a voice say, far away.

But that wasn't Neal's voice.

'Sara?' the voice repeated as her eyes fluttered open.

'You okay?' the man said.

It took her a moment to place him. Dr. Hines, that was his name she realized as she came to.

'We're all done. We're going to take you to the recovery room. Your husband is waiting for you there' he explained. 'Everything went perfectly according to plan, you're all set.'

Sara nodded, still disoriented as reality slowly set in. Her breathing slowed and her heart rate seemed to settle in her chest but she wouldn't feel quite right until she laid eyes on Neal.

WCWCWC

The next time she opened her eyes, Neal was standing over her, his hand tangled up in her hair.

'There you are' he murmured lovingly. 'You had a long nap.'

Her hand went instantly to her chest, the memories flooding back.

'Hey, hey, don't touch that' Neal urged, taking her hand in his. 'You're all bandaged up.'

She took a deep breath, quieting her mind and connecting with reality.

'You did great, honey' Neal said with a warm smile. 'And it's all over.'

Sara nodded, her voice still stuck in her throat.

Neal just kept smiling down at her and she began to relax, responding to his loving grin.

'Now, we can finally get married…' he said, obviously relieved that the whole thing was behind them. '…unless you've changed your mind.'

She smiled and shook her head, giving in to his charm. 'No…' she whispered weakly.

'Good. Because everybody's coming and there's going to be tons of food and you know how I feel about wasting food…' Neal teased as he ran his hand lovingly through her hair.

She nodded. 'Yeah, let's do it. Let's get married' she murmured, her voice gaining strength.

'They're going to move you to another room in a few minutes and everybody's out there, waiting to see you. Hope, Liam, Emily, Cam, Cody, Caitlin, Peter and Elizabeth. Even Mozzie. I couldn't keep them away' Neal offered, his eyes twinkling.

'Okay…' Sara replied, now fully grounded in reality, which as it turned out, wasn't so terrible.

'And I had to tell everybody else to wait until I get you home tomorrow to visit… you know, Lydia and Sam, Diana and Christie, Clinton and Ivy' he continued. 'You're a rock star, babe.'

She gave him a look of mock annoyance.

'Thank you…' she murmured, bringing her hand to rest on Neal's cheek.

'Hey… smile' he said. 'The worst is behind us, now all you have to do is sit back and let all of us spoil you.'

Sara nodded; maybe this wasn't so bad after all.

TBC