Chapter 33: Parting Words

Holly woke in her cheerful hospital room a few hours later with Dimme's parting words still ringing in her ears.

You'll have a tough time of it, you good guys. She'd warned. But I hope, for Cas's sake, that you win in the end. You always seem to, anyway.

Holly thought back to the ride home: Buck had been absolutely terrible at piloting a whirlwind- he'd claimed that he'd been out of practice for too long- and Mark had actually thrown up twice, just on the way to London where they'd dropped off Mark (who made his way swiftly to a first-floor bathroom, both to vomit and to think about the sudden news that Holly's uncle was his great grandfather,) Dr. Godwin, Dr. Moore, and Zoe. Then it had been decided that Buck should take Holly and Cas, who was still out cold, up to Braemar and the djinn clinic.

Holly raised her hand out in front of her and made a fist. True to his word, Raphael had indeed dropped by, and now Holly felt no trace of the terrible fever that had afflicted her mere hours ago. She was breathing evenly now, too, no more coughing up blood. She looked over at the wall and noticed that, maybe the pattern of little red camels was a bit blurry after all. Alexandra may have been right in saying that Holly needed glasses.

Speaking of Alexandra, there she was, fast asleep on a padded bench, cuddled up against Nimrod, who was snoring quietly. Holly smiled, thinking that they looked as though they deserved every second of sleep they could get.

Holly let her arm fall back to her side and sighed. She pulled herself up into a sitting position and stretched, yawning. Silently, she slipped out from under the covers and placed her bare feet onto the soft, carpeted floor. Creeping quietly across the floor, Holly eased open the door and slunk into the hallway without a sound.

It was still early, and the halls were eerily silent. Outside, it had started to snow heavily, reaching blizzard-like proportions of snowstorm.

She wondered how Cas and Buck were doing: once they'd arrived at the clinic in Braemar and Holly had slipped out of Buck's mind to return to her own body at long last, the boys had been fussed over by a few of the late-night/ early-morning nurses and immediately checked in, since Buck was half-frozen and Cas was as limp as a bloodstained rag doll. She'd seen them being ushered into rooms of their own along this hallway, though she couldn't remember exactly which rooms.

She was saved the trouble of having to try and figure out, however, when a door down the hall opened and Buck crept into the hallway, pulling the overlarge aviator's coat that he'd conjured up for himself on.

"Buck,"

Buck flinched. He knew that he should have known that Holly would try and stop him, but he'd been banking on the probability that Nimrod and Alexandra would be so relieved at Holly's miraculous recovery that they would fuss over her for a good long while, at least enough time for him to make a quiet escape.

But she'd found the time to come after him, after all. Buck couldn't look her in the eye, so without turning around, he spoke.

"What is it?" He asked, staring at the pale blue wall.

Holly took a few steps forward, running her one hand against the wall and using the other to close the irritating gap at the neck of her hospital gown. "Where are you off to in such a hurry?" She sounded sad to see him leave, and perhaps weaker than she knew from the demon-fire sickness. Buck looked down at the toes of his leather boots.

"Dunno." He finally said. "I suppose I'll figure it out when I get there."

"Don't you want to tell Nimrod that you're good again? Or have him send a message to your mom? He's asleep in my room, it wouldn't take-"

"No." Buck said quietly. Holly stopped talking immediately. He was silent for awhile as he scuffed the toe of his boot against the marble tiled floor. "I can't."

"Can't what? Why?" Holly pressed.

Tears burned in Buck's eyes as he answered. "I can't talk to Nimrod, okay? I can't go to my mom, either! I'm not the same djinn they knew before! Hell, I don't even know if I'm really good or not! I've lost my powers, got split in two, killed half of myself, got my powers back, almost died of radiation, came back as a ghost and repossessed my own body! Do you have any idea what that's like?! No, no you don't!"

He whirled on her as he shouted and glared.

Holly leaned on a pillar as she listened with remarkable calmness.

"You're right. I don't know. I hope I never do. If you want to leave, if you think it's the best thing for you to do right now, then I won't stop you. I just wanted to say goodbye."

Buck stared at her for a moment in faint disbelief. Then he looked back down at his boots. "Don't send a message to my mom, but... If you talk to John and Philippa..." He trailed off, and looked up to meet Holly's gaze again. "Would you tell them that I'm sorry for all the stupid stuff I did?"

Holly smiled weakly. "Sure, I can pass that along for you."

Buck nodded. "Thanks, Holz."

"As long as you're passing on messages," a new voice suddenly chimed in from behind Holly, "Would you pass one on for me?"

Holly turned, still resting against the wall, and her eyes widened. "Cas! You shouldn't be up, you'll hurt yourself!"

Cas ignored Holly's well-meant worrying and wheeled his wheelchair over to where Buck was standing. "Would you mind telling my best friend in all the world that I have to go and clear my head for awhile?" Cas glanced sidelong at Holly, a melancholic smile playing across his lips. "She'll understand. She's awesome like that." Then he shifted his gaze to Buck. "I'm coming with you."

"Can you even walk?" Buck asked skeptically, eyeing Cas's wheelchair. "Azazel beat you up pretty bad back there."

Cas shrugged. "I healed up pretty well. Besides, this thing is fun!"

"Cas?" Holly's voice cracked as she called her best friend's name. Cas clumsily turned his wheelchair to face her.

"What's up?" He asked cheerfully.

"Why are you leaving?"

Cas smiled sadly. "Well, it's like this, you see: I have no idea who or what I am anymore. That's all. I just need to find myself."

Holly nodded tearfully. "I understand." She all but whispered. "I understand."

"I knew you would, Hol. I'll see you again soon, don't worry. Everything's going to be okay."

"Are you coming or not?" Buck asked, already halfway down the hallway.

"Yeah, just a sec!" Cas called back. He reached to his neck and pulled one of the two pendants he always wore- Holly's coin had left with Angelic Cas- off and tossed it to Holly. "Hang onto that for me, will you?"

Holly looked at the necklace and recognized it immediately. "But this is the crucifix you got for your Confirmation, isn't it? And anyway, I'm not even Christian, what am I going to do with this?"

Cas smiled again. "You may not be Christian, but you know that Jesus was a pretty cool guy, right?"

"I'm gonna leave without you!" Buck threatened.

"Just hang onto it, okay? I'm gonna want it back eventually and I can't think of a more qualified person to ensure its safety. It's real gold, you know." He glanced back at Buck and sighed. "Look, I have to go-"

"Wait, there's something you should know. You too, Buck." Holly called after them. "It's something that Wisdom told me."

Buck stopped, as did Cas.

"Lay it on me," Cas prompted.

Holly took a deep breath and recalled the few, strange lines that the Voice of Wisdom had spoken to her. "Those whom you seek were once among the stars, but have become like stardust, lost but not forgotten. After Flame splits from Light, a gate shall be closed, and Good and Evil will be reunited once more to guide you on your path to the spot between a rock and a hard place. Walk into the sky to seek the stardust on the path to the stars."

"That's a bunch of mythic mumbo-jumbo," Buck observed.

"Important mythic mumbo-jumbo." Cas muttered. "It's talking about us, isn't it?"

"I think so," Holly nodded. "But I don't know where you're supposed to be going."

"It's fine, Hol. Thanks for telling us. But hey, I swear I'll come back. I promise, okay?"

Without further ado, Cas turned and zoomed after the impatient Buck, raising his right hand in a final farewell.

"Goodbye," Holly whispered, as her fingers closed around the small golden crucifix, and, unable to stand the strain of standing any longer- it was as though the chill of the marble floor bit into her bare feet, chewing at them painfully- she slid down the pillar until she was kneeling on the cold marble floor. She heard the automatic doors of the djinn clinic whirr open and shut, and she couldn't stop herself any longer.

Holly cried. She sobbed. She wept. It felt as though her own heart, like Cas's, would split in two.

She hardly noticed when, roused and drawn by the sound of Holly's cries, Alexandra hurried out of Holly's hospital room and towards her. Holly hardly noticed when Alexandra knelt beside her and caught Holly up in her arms.

"It'll be fine, dear, everything will turn out all right." Alexandra murmured comfortingly, "I've seen it."

xxx

Author's notes: wooow I wrote this like ten months ago... I've been waiting for the moment I could put it up...

Actual note~ I really like that last line, so I didn't change it and here's my reasoning: yes, Alexandra hasn't heard the voices since June, but my reasoning is that she could have seen/heard any number of predictions before that point.

Also Holly's hospital room wallpaper having camels on it is a random detail that has been with me since the beginning. It just makes me happy.

Thanks to my lovely readers! Don't forget to leave me a review!

~Lucinda