Disclaimer: I do NOT own rights to any of the characters from Glee. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.

A/N: My last suggestion of a rocket into the sun has left me with something of a dilemma. I now have a one shot rattling around in the old noggin worked around the lyrics of Rocketman!

tmaass – Murdering people as inspiration for a writer only works if I'm writing a detective novel... ooh hey... detective Noah Puckerman hunts for the Maltese Fairy... a missing exotic dancer by the name of Kurt Hummel... I smell a one-shot coming on!

Firithnovwen - I hope you mean the shit will hit the fan in terms of plot and not that I'll lose my way and the story will stutter to a rubbish ending :-)

Calette - I write so fast because I am the Jellybaby Bandit and everything about me is fast... *blushes*... well maybe not everything...

ahem...right moving swiftly on... there's a slight time jump in this chapter, just by a few days though so you won't have missed much of anything.

Enjoy!

Chapter 37 - Dum... dum...dum... (dramatic music...)

Santana Maria Angel de Santos Lopez had always been a naturally suspicious person.

She guessed it all stemmed from the fact that she was a cut-throat bitch and so it was her normal state of being to suspect the worst of people. After all if she didn't then they'd only do to her what she did to them. For the most part being suspicious and ruthless had never steered her wrong but for once Santana hoped she was wrong.

She had caught Aretha shooting her calculating looks and smirking at her during the past few days. That coupled with the fact that Puck had taken to disappearing for hours after school, only turning up at her place after dark, led her to the conclusion that the jock was cheating on her. She didn't know for sure who Puck was tapping behind her back but she suspected it was probably Aretha.

She lay in the dark with her head pillowed on Puck's chest as he snored gently and found that sleep continued to elude her.

She had surprised herself with the realisation that she wasn't angry at the jock for his wandering eye. Well she was angry but more at that he'd thought she was stupid enough that he could get away with it. Hurt however? No she didn't feel hurt at all.

The boy she now had following her around at her beck and call wasn't the same Puck she had known before all this mess with homo explosion began. The Puck she'd wanted had been brash, defiant and self-confident but this new Puck was quiet and subservient and she knew in her heart that he was only with her out of obligation.

She had tried her best. She had schemed and plotted and tried to get back the life she wanted. The life she deserved. Unfortunately Puck had already damaged his rep with his announcement in the lunch room that day. And as it turned out, no matter what Santana did, no matter who she threatened or what stunt she pulled with Puck in a sexual situation where she knew they'd get caught, their rep as a power couple had been irretrievably contaminated.

Puck was supposed to have been her ticket out of Lima and on to greater things. But the more she thought about this new Puck, the more she realised that she wasn't attracted to him. Hell she didn't even particularly like him.

And then there were the raspberries.

That had been the clincher for the Latina. She didn't like raspberries and wore a different brand of lip gloss, yet when she'd kissed Puck one time after he'd come over for their regular play date she'd tasted raspberries on his lips.

The bastard was cheating on her and it had made her mad at first. The resulting sex had been angry and none too gentle.

Shifting off Puck's chest and coming to lie beside him instead, Santana winced as she rolled her shoulder and neck. The downside to rough sex with Puck was that he always gave as good as he got. She was still suffering slightly from the trapped nerve that had been bothering her for days after he'd twisted her up like a pretzel.

'I came like a train though...'

She'd considered on a couple of occasions now just dropping the boy. The more she thought about it the more she didn't know whether she even wanted the boy anymore. A spiteful part of her however would fight to keep him even if only to keep Aretha from getting her claws into him.

And then there was the whole thing with Brittany.

Santana had never realised until the blonde was no longer around just how empty and silent her life was. She had no real friends to speak of and the other Cheerios mocked her about being a beard for her gay boyfriend.

She missed the Dutch girl. She hated to admit it but maybe she'd made a mistake in fixating on Puck. What she'd had with Britt had been fun and the girl was now hooked up with that stupid dancing jock Mike.

'I mean seriously if anyone needed a beard it'd be Mike...'

Glancing at the clock on the bedside she realised that the solitude of the night was about to be broken. '6.59' turned to '7.00' and she was there in the instant before the rapid beeping started to slap her hand down on the snooze button. She was gratified to see her sudden movement had caused the slumbering Puck to wake with a start.

'Serves him right the cheating fuck...'

No, Santana wasn't angry. She wasn't angry at all.

"Get up it's time for you to leave."

Her tone was harsh and she saw a momentary glimpse of the old Puck in the jock's eyes before the flame diminished and was replaced by this new bizzaro-Puck.

Rolling off the bed, Santana stood and scooped her hair back into a ponytail. Watching Puck in the mirror as he shuffled listlessly into the bathroom, she wrinkled her nose in disgust at the subsequent grunt of relief from the boy as he emptied his bladder.

Opening the drawer on her bedside cabinet, Santana looked out her hairbrush before running it through her ponytail to untangle the strands.

By the time the girl was satisfied her hair was tangle free and she had returned the brush to the drawer, Puck had finished in the bathroom and was scratching himself while he searched for a missing sneaker. Santana couldn't help but snap at the boy again,

"Will you not do that? It's disgusting...", she scowled at the boy as he jiggled his junk around. The old Puck would have just stared at her as he redoubled his efforts, however bizzaro-Puck flinched at the sound of her voice and stopped his movement immediately. It just served to piss her off more.

Huffing and pushing past him into the bathroom she called over her shoulder,

"Will I see you tonight?"

She already knew the answer.

"I... uh have something to do but yeah... later."

'Something to do... yeah Aretha...'

She switched on the shower with more force than was necessary and shrieked as the cold water splashed back off the tiles and into her face. Glaring at the shower in anger she could feel Puck hovering in the doorway.

"Shouldn't you be gone by now?"

A sigh and the sound of the door closing was the only response she received.

It had been nearly two weeks now since 'Operation Stun-tana' had been put into effect and Noah was starting to feel the strain.

He felt like none of his time was his own anymore. He spent all day at school with Santana hanging off his arm as she tried everything she could think of to repair their social standing. He'd considered on several occasions just telling her to give it up but she kept at it like a dog with a bone.

Add to that football practice three times a week, glee club three times a week and trying to keep up a relationship with Kurt and it was fair to say he was running on empty.

He'd also noticed in the past few days that Santana was becoming more hateful and cruel, if that was at all possible. And her ire appeared to be aimed at him.

'Santana always was a suspicious bitch...'

Her latest crazy scheme to get the school talking had been the straw that broke the camel's back.

"We have to do this Puck... c'mon...", she said while she slipped a hand down to massage his cock through his jeans.

They were currently in the janitor's closet by the Library, which the jock thought was pretty ironic.

'Me... In a closet... does she not see the problem with that?'

Santana had ambushed him after football practice with her plan to get them caught having sex in a closet. She honestly thought that possible expulsion would be just the kick-start their rep as a couple needed.

So that's how he found himself standing in a broom closet with Santana pressed against him as she bit and nipped at his jaw. And he felt nothing but contempt for the girl.

"Santana... no. This isn't a good idea."

"Don't argue with me Puck. I will not be called a beard ever again. This... this will show everyone you're the same Puck as before."

She'd slipped the fly on his jeans down and pulled his cock out and tugged on it the way she knew he liked. And she'd continued to do so for several minutes thereafter.

"Puck... what the hell's wrong with you?"

Noah had been as bewildered as Santana was. He'd never had a problem before in his entire life with little-noah not being ready for action. His genuine concern for his prowess warred with the relief he felt at knowing Santana's plan would be foiled.

"I... I don't know." he offered looking down to his limp manhood.

The Latina was clearly unimpressed as she'd given up stimulating his limp appendage before stepping back in the small space and putting her hands on her hips.

"You're not helping here Puck."

The accusation in her tone was clear and for the first time in several days Noah's control slipped for a moment,

"Not helping? I'm the one being manhandled like a slab of meat here! You've done nothing but scheme and plot for days Santana. Face it, our reps are fucked and there's a difference between being popular and being the village bicycle y'know..."

He didn't know what had prompted him to say it, he knew it was overly dramatic and he blamed his boyfriend for his new found penchant for dramatics. He still flinched in discomfort however a moment later.

"You'd better get your priorities straight Puck. Either this goes up...", she said taking a painful grip on his cock and digging her nails into the soft flesh, "... and you commit properly to this relationship. Or you go up. In an airplane."

The threat was unmistakeable and Noah found an entirely new level of loathing for the girl. He was poised to push the girl away from him when his Q-voice, that damned Q-voice, piped up again.

'You need to apologise Noah...'

He closed his eyes in the gloom of the closet, both to regain control of his emotions and also because the girl's grip on his cock was becoming painful. He knew the voice was right. He knew if he blew his relationship with Santana she'd see to it that he was shipped off to Utah. Hell she would probably even buy his ticket for him. And so as much as it killed him to do it he hung his head and looked repentant.

The Latina smirked cruelly as the Jock capitulated again. She released her grip on his cock watching as Puck quickly tucked his now red and abused member back into his jeans.

"We'll try this again tomorrow Puck and you'd better be able to perform."

'I'll be he gets it up for Aretha no problem...'

The traitorous thought struck Santana like an arrow before she came to a decision.

'I need to put an end to that and stake my claim..."

Noah had fled the closet, almost knocking over Miss Pillsbury such was his rush to get as far away from the Latina as possible.

Santana had smoothed out her uniform, sneering at Miss Pillsbury as she'd poked her head into the closet. The counsellor had squeaked at the glare and had promptly retreated without a word.

Just as she'd finished reapplying her lipstick, she froze as she overheard a conversation taking place by the doors to the Library.

Inching closer to the door, she craned her neck to see Tina and Aretha in mid conversation.

"Oh he's so wonderful girl...", the black girl gushed, "... he comes over every night for a few hours and we just spend time together."

Santana just rolled her eyes at the girl's childish euphemism,

'Spending time together...'

"I wish I could spend more time with Artie... but his Mom's a real stickler for 'acting proper'...", she giggled at Mercedes teasing expression.

"So have you?"

The Asian girl looked down and blushed as she nodded.

"Oh my GAWD!" squawked Mercedes before she was hurriedly shushed by a mortified Tina.

Controlling her outburst Mercedes pulled the girl away from the Library doors for privacy and ironically closer to the eavesdropping Latina.

"So... how...how..."

"How'd we do it?" asked Tina her blush still staining her cheeks.

Mercedes had the good grace to look abashed but she nodded. Tina didn't look offended and simply answered,

"Artie's legs don't work... but the rest of him works just fine. We're all the same height lying down... ride 'em cowboy...", she quipped before breaking into gales of laughter at the almost comatose Mercedes.

"Earth to 'cedes...", Tina said as she waved her hand in front of the girl's face bringing her back to reality.

Mercedes looked to Tina and replied,

"I didn't mean... you know I love Artie..."

"I know you didn't mean that 'cedes it's cool."

"So..." she said conspiratorially, "... how was it?"

Tina giggled at Mercedes before deciding to play her trump card.

"Let's just say if Artie ever fell forward out of his chair, he'd have a quite handy kick-stand to prop him up..."

"Really?" asked a stunned Mercedes.

Tina just nodded before making a gesture with both hands and the girls broke up in hysterical laughter, only broken up by the Librarian leaning her head out of the door and shushing them.

"Oh girl... you're killing me here!" said Mercedes while wiping her eyes.

It was now Tina's turn to question Mercedes,

"So what about you and your new beau? I'm so happy for you 'cedes."

'I knew it...'

Santana was absolutely furious, the girl less than ten feet from her right now was trying to steal away her man. I mean, yes she didn't actually care about that but still, she would not have her boyfriend stolen from her by some ten-ton heifer.

"I... he's... well he's wonderful. I'm seeing him again tonight, in fact I should get going if I don't want to be late. He'll be driving over soon."

Nodding and linking arms with Tina, the pair sauntered off in the direction of the parking lot while an indignant Latina schemed.

'Puck belongs to me for as long as I say so... and nobody... no Weather Girl wannabe was going to steal him from me...'

As he'd pulled out of the school parking lot and driven his truck across town Noah had failed to notice the small hatchback tailing him.

He'd pulled up outside the Hummel's and hit the horn before a smile blossomed on his face as his boyfriend came skipping out of the house and climbed into the truck.

Leaning over he kissed Kurt in greeting before the brunette slipped his seatbelt on and Noah pulled away from the curb.

Santana had been trying to tail Puck for several blocks but she'd gotten caught at a traffic signal while he hadn't. She'd sat impatiently drumming on the wheel while an old lady with a pushcart took her sweet time at the crosswalk.

Finally the light turned green and Santana swung her car around the corner just in time to see Puck's truck pull away from the curb and turn at another junction about a half mile up the road. From the silhouette in the passenger seat Santana could see that her man had picked up his 'date'.

Keeping a reasonable distance back Santana followed the truck as it headed up past the reservoir and the hospital and out towards the golf course.

"Where the hell is he going?" she muttered to herself as she checked on her fuel gauge to make sure she'd be able to get home.

Her ruminating over Puck's destination meant that Santana was not paying attention and when she looked back to the road, she was startled to see the truck had disappeared.

The road was straight as a die for another mile at the least and she knew that she'd not been that far behind the truck.

'Where did he go?'

Turning in a wide circle, Santana made to move back the way she had come looking for anything that might indicate where Puck had turned off the road.

Finding the entrance to the narrow single lane track by complete accident Santana turned off and her compact struggled up the hill. There was no other possible place the jock could have driven his truck, he must have come this way.

Cresting the hill, Santana quickly brought her car to a stop while using the foliage of a nearby tree for cover. From her vantage point at the top of the hill she could see the old beat up truck winding down the track road towards the lakeside.

'So this is where you come to make out with Aretha is it Puck?'

The girl couldn't help the momentary feeling of jealousy that the entire time she'd know the jock he had never thought to bring her here. It was beautiful.

The truck pulled up and parked with the driver's side door facing flush to Santana. She growled realising she still couldn't make out Aretha's face at this distance.

Unbuckling her belt, Santana got out of the car and crept down the hillside slowly, keeping low to the ground just in case her quarry decided to look back up the hill.

She could see now the silhouette outline of Puck as he hopped from the cab and rounded the truck. She froze and ducked, scratching her hands on the sharp gravel when she lost her footing momentarily sending a mini-rockslide down the hill.

Holding her breath she kept perfectly still hoping not to be discovered.

The drive up to what Noah was now coming to think of as 'their spot' was just as pleasant as it had been every night for the past 10 days.

The only real bright spot now in Noah's life comprised those stolen moments he could find with his boyfriend. They both were grateful for Noah's Oasis in the middle of the golf course as it was the only place they could relax and not worry about the pressures of their lives.

Kurt had been in a particularly chirpy mood on the drive as he thought he'd found the perfect song for them to perform at the Glee club and then hopefully at the Cheerios Exhibition. He'd rambled on about lyrics and harmonies and costumes and the jock had just smiled at the way the boy's face came to life.

"Easy Princess... don't need you having a heart attack before we blow the other pairs out the water with our badassedness..."

Kurt just rolled his eyes and giggled at the boy,

"Badassedness isn't a word Noah...", said Kurt as you would to a small child.

"Sure it is. They invented it when normal words failed to adequately describe me!"

They both laughed as the truck pulled off the Highway and onto the dusty single track road.

They'd sat for a couple of minutes in the truck just kissing and properly saying hi to each other before Kurt's excitement to perform broke the moment.

Hopping from the truck, Noah made to round the truck to help the brunette from the cab. Pausing and looking back up the hill his eyes focused on a small plume of rock tumbling down one of the steeper sections. Seeing nothing that could have caused it, Noah shrugged.

'Must have been an animal or something...'

Putting the thought out of his mind he rounded the truck and with a flourish lifted Kurt from the truck, spinning him in dizzying circles as the boy squealed and laughed.

"Noah... Noah put me down... Noah..."

"Not putting you down Princess... not ever... round and round and round..."

"Noah I'm going to barf all down the back of your neck...", Kurt warned and he was gratified to find his bluff had paid off as his boyfriend practically dropped him down onto the wood of the jetty in his hurry to avoid any potential spray.

"Gotcha..." cheered Kurt as he stuck his tongue out at the jock before dashing off down the jetty in a drunken zigzag pattern, as Noah took a playful swipe at his backside.

Santana had watched from her hideout as Puck had looked right at where she lay hidden. She breathed a sigh of relief when he shrugged and moved around to the far side of the truck out of sight.

Not wanting to chance another rockfall, Santana decided where she was would have to be close enough to observe. She sneered as she heard a feminine squeal from the other side of the truck before Noah's deep voice drifted on the wind.

"Not putting you down Princess... not ever... round and round and round..."

'So he calls her Princess does he?' she thought spitefully.

She could hear the giggling and the laughter of the pair followed by two sets of footfalls on the wooden planks of the jetty.

Realising she'd never be able to see anything from her current vantage point with the truck between her and the pair, Santana edged sideways away from the loose shingle and crept down the grass embankment instead.

Finally reaching the same level as the truck, she edged closer and settled herself with her back to one of the front tyres. She could hear Noah's voice again from here though Aretha's was too soft to pick up properly.

"Careful Princess... don't want to get your pretty outfit ruined."

She scowled again at the use of the pet name. Princess? More like Queen... as in Queen size!

She could clearly hear soft tinny music being played from a small set of speakers at the end of the jetty now and realised while she'd been fuming silently that the conversation had stopped.

'Probably making out' she thought though she didn't intend to check to see.

Kurt had raced to the end of the jetty, almost overbalancing and falling into the water when he felt the strong arms of Noah grip him by the waist and haul him backwards.

"Careful Princess... don't want to get your pretty outfit ruined."

He'd pecked Noah quickly on the lips before sitting down Indian style and setting up his iPod and portable speakers.

"Ready?" he asked the jock as Noah settled himself down with his legs outstretched.

Pressing play both boys fell silent as they listened to the soft melody and the lyrics of the song. It was perfect and Noah felt the urge to say so.

"It's... it's perfect..."

The brilliant smile on Kurt's face warmed his tortured soul as he reached out a hand to tug the brunette towards him.

Kurt settled himself on Noah's lap as they lazily kissed and the jock hugged the smaller boy to him.

"We're totally going to win the Glee competition..." murmured Kurt smugly.

"Yes Princess... I think we are."

Santana had listened to the song as it played and had to admit that it was pretty good. Not exactly Puck's style though, but then his style wasn't exactly all it used to be these days.

The conversation had dried up and all Santana could hear was the occasional smacking of lips or low murmuring. Deciding that she'd had enough of hiding in the dark she intended to stand up and to raise all Hell.

Taking a deep breath she rose to her feet, the hood of the truck between her and the pair on the jetty.

She froze.

'Oh my fucking God...'

It wasn't Aretha. It wasn't ten-ton sally. It wasn't the heifer or the Weather Girl wannabe. It was Kurt fucking Hummel.

Her breath escaped her and she collapsed back to the earth with a muffled 'oomph', not picked up on by the entwined lovers just a few metres in the distance.

Getting her breathing back under control and managing her shock, she scrambled back up the embankment and locked herself into her car. In the moonlight she could clearly see the pair as they writhed on the decking.

'It's obscene.'

Fishing in the glove box, with shaking hands Santana typed out a short message and hit send. Starting up the engine, no longer caring if she was heard, she reversed the entire length of the dirt track road before with a jolt her wheels met tarmac.

Knuckles white, she gripped the wheel as she drove at speed back in the direction of Lima and her house. Her mind was a jumble but it was starting to clear. Puck was still fagging about with Hummel. Her Puck had... ew... he'd touched Hummel and then slept with her.

She needed a shower, a long one and then she'd consider what to do. One thing was for certain. Noah Puckerman and Kurt Hummel would rue the day they crossed Santana Maria Angel de Santos Lopez.

Noah had just hooked Kurt's zipper with his teeth when he felt a vibrating in his pants pocket. One that had not been caused by the writhing brunette beneath him that is.

"Shit...", he groaned as he rolled off the smaller boy, who mewled in disappointment.

Fishing in his pocket he flipped open his cell to read the message he'd received,

"Don't come over. Period. S"

Snapping his cell shut Noah grinned at Kurt before announcing,

"Looks like you get me all to yourself tonight Princess... Santana's on her period."

The brunette wrinkled his nose in disgust before the thought of spending a full night with his boyfriend quashed his distaste. With a sarcastic little pom-pom wave of a gesture he cheered,

"Yay menstruation!"

Leaning back over the brunette, Noah latched his lips onto the smaller boys before echoing his sentiments,

"Yay menstruation indeed."

A/N: Uh oh! Santana knows! Santana knows. SANTANA KNOWS! AHAHAHAHAHA!

Poor oblivious little Kurt and Noah – they have no idea what awaits them. Only a couple of chapters left now and maybe a little Epilogue, see how I feel.

Hope you enjoy this latest instalment. Today is now one month to the day since I published Chapter One. Thirty-Seven Chapters in a month ain't bad going now is it?

It's also only 2154 GMT and I'm about to upload this. I am so looking forward to going to bed, sitting up til after midnight to upload chapters really cuts into my beauty sleep!

PLEASE REVIEW IF YOU LIKE. PLEASE REVIEW IF YOU DON'T. JUST PLEASE REVIEW.