Chapter 35 – The Motives that Drive us (The Sith)
Dubrillion, Royal Palace
Rooftop
Reide pulled the cigarra from behind her ear, lighting it before she spoke. "Xerrin's droid is planet side."
"I know."
Reide frowned darkly at me. "Why haven't I taken it out yet? You're risking Elliah's cover, you realize that?"
"Mekethia knows about Elliah. But, now that he's killed the Emperors first son if he is removed from the Jedi Order it's of little consequence, he doesn't need to be there anymore."
"Okay how about not letting the enemy spy on us?"
"Reide-"
Frustration clouded Reide's face, heightening the anger I could feel building inside her. "Do you think Xerrin is going to magically see you're some kind of good person and forgive you if you let that droid stay here?"
"The T7 relays the information I want it too. It knows nothing of importance."
"You don't know that. They could sneak into the space port, they could plan an ambush-"
"She won't. My presence means she's must assume Dubrillion is under the Empires rule. She can't risk a blatant altercation of the treaty because she's got a grudge against me."
"And if they think they're striking against the Emperor?"
"They know he's not here. They won't Reide."
Reide took a deep inhalation from her cigarra. She blew smoke up into the air, her non-cybernetic eye narrowed at me. "You need to stop this," she said finally.
I arched my brow at her. "You know what this is about."
"I did. At first it was about building something that made sure we could do things our way. Then it was about the fraking Emperor and your need to atone for shit that just happened."
My back stiffened. "I've always needed to atone for it-"
"Kazrin challenged you, he died. You're a Sith. It's not a unique story."
She'd sparked my anger now. It was a tender subject between us, it just was. In a way, Reide was more Sith than I was when it came to Kazrin. My jaw set. "Do not tell me what I am-"
"She is never going to forgive you!" Reide exploded. "You look like a Sith. You dress like a Sith. The darkside is IN your frakking face, Laresa! Xerrin is never going to accept that. You fit into her bubble, or you're out. It's black and frakking white with her. When are you going to let it go?"
I narrowed my eye, stepping closer to her. "Never going to forgive me, or never going to forgive you?"
Reide shoved her finger into my face. "If Mekethia gets an open shot at you she's going to take it. And she doesn't just want to kill you Laresa, she's going to kill your whole family. Xerrin will be nicer, she'll just throw you in a cell until you meditate long enough and can recite the Jedi Code with feeling."
There was the possibility Reide was right. I'd always known that. The Sith in me rebelled vehemently against my decisions. But if I started killing my sisters allies unnecessarily, it would be that much harder to convince her that I might be Sith, but I was not the monster she thought I was.
A fool's errand perhaps, but the Jedi that still sat inside me had to try. "Leave the droid alone."
"You're putting us all at risk."
Reide would not understand and I didn't expect her too. It was my burden to bare. I need only keep my family safe through it all. Reigning in my own temper I turned on my heel, walking away and calling back to her, "Then we're either strong enough to handle it, or we aren't. That Sith enough for you."
Dubrillion Spaceport
Fury Class Imperial Interceptor
The Crystal Vanguard
The ship was silent. Everyone was planet side. It was why I'd chosen to come aboard my vessel. I sat in the main hold, meditating over the feelings of the day. I was so close to all of them their emotions ran rampant around me. I did not mind the feeling, but after the events of the day, and my argument with Reide I just wanted to sit in my own.
My eyes were closed, a quiet dramatic piece of music playing in the background. Hours later, I knew the moment he stepped aboard.
"You can't have it both ways Captain," I said without opening my gaze. My cybernetic eye was off. I did not turn it on. "You said you couldn't do it anymore. I released you."
"Perhaps tonight I wish to be reminded of that pain," Quinn said softly.
"And if I don't?"
"Then be reminded of the times before it."
I realized after the hang of silence he was waiting. I opened my eye and looked at him. Quinn wore the uniform far too well, but he was even more attractive in it when he loosed the collar and looked at me the way he was right then; with raw intense emotion on his face.
I got up slowly, and came towards him. For several heartbeats nothing happened. We just stood there, close enough that I could feel his chest move every time he took a deep breath. I lifted my hands, toying with his open collar. I didn't want to fight, not just then. Not him.
He pressed his lips against my forehead tentatively, and I could feel the control he was exerting over himself. "Laresa…" he said it tightly. Warning me. Asking me.
I tipped my face up just enough that when I spoke my lips teased against his own. "If you're going to do it, do it."
One thing I always appreciated about Quinn; I never had to repeat myself.
I laid in bed, hugging his pillow to me, watching him dress. He'd stayed the night and we hadn't slept much. It hadn't been nonstop full of the other either. For once, the silence a comfort.
"Do you know why you never sensed my betrayal?" He asked quietly.
My eye narrowed. I didn't want to think about it. I wanted to bask in this moment and be nothing but a well satisfied woman. But now he'd brought it up and my thoughts were there, my emotions suddenly spinning, and I had the urge to force choke him.
"It's because it wasn't a betrayal to you. I owed a debt to him. I was honor bound to pay it," he continued.
Quinn was right, in a way. Even so I said lowly, "You should never have started anything with me if you owed him."
"I know that. I knew that one day he might call in my debt in some cruel way, but I wanted you anyway. I am a selfish man. I had to have you," He looked over at me, a wry smile on his mouth. "My weakness is you, Laresa."
My face pinched with emotion. "Malavai…" I hadn't said his first name in quite some time. I don't know why I said it then.
"No, it's fine. You admire strength above all else. I understand." He bent to kiss me. I touched his jaw, lingering it.
His forehead remained against mine even when the touch of his mouth left. I kept my eyes closed, my fingers against his skin. "This can't happen again," I said very quietly.
"I know," I could hear the faint smile in his words, "I'm glad it happened though."
I did allow him this. "As I am."
He drew back and left my chambers without another word. I sighed quietly, hugging the pillow that smelled like him closer to me, and fell asleep.