Blind, Thick-Headed and Handsome – 37

Unlike evenings of late, Matt couldn't wait until the sun rose. He had been awake most of the night and was anxiously looking forward to first light so he could jump on a fast horse and spend some time in the open air … to think. Surely some wide open spaces would help him deal with a whole smorgasboard of emotions that he had only begun to identify. Some were memories he wanted to block out of his mind, forget that he had heard the news, or better – that he had ever met Elizabeth. This sounded a bit cruel, but it was honest. It had to be better than the way he felt now and he was sure that CJ would agree, for even though she hadn't voiced it in exactly those words, he couldn't blame her if she did.

He had to figure out what to do with the feelings of regret and remorse regarding an innocent woman whose memory was now tainted with an image of her holding a baby in her arms – a baby that resembled him and was his responsibility. Was this why he had such dreams the previous night? Was it some kind of omen that he needed to protect her and his unborn child from imminent danger? His gut has always been quite reliable, so why did he ignore it? Did he mourn for the loss of a woman he once loved more than any other because he still had unresolved feelings for her or was it because she was now elevated to sainthood, being the dead mother of his child? It was a very brief but recent time in his life, his feelings were very strong and it was probably only natural that he felt great sadness in his heart. He had to find a way to deal with it privately, a way to get past yet another personal tragedy, or else he'd risk jeopardizing the relationship with the woman he now called Wifey.

He started sorting through his memories, trying to remember the details of the times he and Elizabeth made love, wondering which time he could have impregnated her. But, his memories were at best fuzzy, probably because he had more recent, stronger memories of CJ.

Oh, CJ.

He loved his wife very much but had he succumbed to sexual desires, been too foolish and irresponsible thinking he could transition from one relationship to the next so quickly? It wasn't as if he didn't always have feelings for CJ. There were times over the previous year that he felt they were growing closer, and moments when he felt he was keeping her at arm's length.

She admitted she loved him, and he let her down. At a moment of ultra courageousness, she initiated a long overdue conversation, then thanks to a gunshot wound and being a wanted man, he was able to flee her and his fears. Being on the run was no time to start a relationship he reasoned, but even on a tropical island when he became a free man … well, free from handcuffs and a prison cell at least, he didn't make a move. He wasn't free from his insecurities to share his heart or his hotel room … even after they shared several long and heartfelt embraces throughout the day. By evening he made some excuse about being tired and wanting to spend some time alone de-escalating from his ordeal.

He missed another opportunity when a few months later she suffered a gunshot wound that nearly took her life. She almost slipped away from him then, but even that didn't shake him enough to spill his thoughts.

Then there was that drive through the desert that nearly landed her lost permanently – stricken with amnesia and gone from his life for days. During that time he couldn't think of anything but her, even though he was spending his downtime with a pretty blonde friend whose name escaped him now.

So instead of admitting his feelings, instead of acquiring true happiness, he kept banging his head against the proverbial wall, like a moth foolishly trying to flee the confines of a closed window instead of flying through an open door.

Then he met Elizabeth. She needed him. She was easy to fall in love with. She was pretty, she was sexy … she didn't scare him.

But, she left him.

She left him standing on a balcony with all those aforementioned feelings now in contradiction with others. With all the pain in his heart, there was only one person who he could turn to... to soothe his soul, his troubled mind … his body.

His CJ.

He kissed her sleeping forehead pledging to work out his issues before she awoke. He saw the first peek of the sun through a crack in the curtain and climbed out of bed.

CJ awakened almost an hour later and looked at the empty space on the bed next to her and sighed: no Hubby. A surge of worry entered her thoughts, knowing that he had must have risen early because he had things on his mind he didn't want to share with her. The news about Elizabeth should have quelled her insecurities once and for all, but it had the opposite effect. Maybe he was trying to protect her? There were times during the night that she could feel him gazing at her, perhaps studying her while she secretly hoped he would wake her and blurt out everything that came to mind. The most hurtful words couldn't be as troubling as deafening silence, could they?

With great angst in her heart she started for the kitchen, but not before wincing in pain as she put her feet on the floor.

"Ouch! Must be from those new pair of heels," she thought out loud, ignoring the swelling as she climbed out of bed, dressing and heading downstairs, hoping to find where her husband went. As soon as she arrived in the kitchen, she noticed Roy ending a phone conversation and holding a glass of orange juice.

"Good morning!" he greeted cheerfully.

"Good morning," she answered a bit distracted. "Have you seen …"

He swallowed. "The barn."

She stretched her neck over the kitchen sink looking out the window then turned around and leaned against the counter. No, on second thought, she shouldn't follow him. If he was in the barn at this hour he probably wanted to be alone.

"You look exhausted. Did you sleep at all?"

"More than Matt. He tossed and turned most of the night, couldn't sleep."

Roy nodded. "He has a lot on his mind."

So did his wife, he surmised, knowing he was in for a deep conversation. He didn't mind - it was his assumed role in the crime-solving trio to make sure these two knuckleheads didn't do anything to usurp their relationship.

"I'm losing him Roy."

"Nonsense! You couldn't lose him if you tried!"

She shook him off. "I should have waited, not been so pushy that night. And then the very next day … what was I thinking? I should have deterred him from getting married so soon. I should have known he'd still have some baggage to deal with. He can be so impulsive at times. I'm the one who's supposed to help him keep his feet on the ground. I let him down."

"CJ, don't … "

She pounded her fist onto the counter. "Oh, why did he ever have to get involved with that woman in the first place! Couldn't he see she was trouble right from the get-go!"

He shook his head. "Obviously not, but she did play a role in getting you two together, and for that, I will be eternally grateful."

She glared at him, unhappy with his statement.

"She was the catalyst that forced Matt to analyze his relationship issues and for you to finally admit a few things."

Now she was beyond peeved.

"I'm right, aren't I?"

Mrs. Thick-Headed looked away and refused to answer him.

"You two! Oh, you're a pair if there ever was! You're both so damn stubborn! Time and time again it seemed that no matter how much your friendship grew or how many times you cheated death, you couldn't seem to get your heads together and admit to each other how much you loved each other… at least not until Elizabeth came along. It took a failed relationship with her for Matt to see he had been ignoring the obvious for way too long. And for you ... I know it was hurtful to watch, but it finally forced you tell the most important person in the world how much you love him – a man you kept at arm's length for years!"

Now she wanted to slug him.

He bravely placed his hands on her shoulders and looked into her eyes. "The way I see it, CJ, you and Matt belong together more than any other two people I know. You'll get past this. Take advice from a man who was married for decades. All relationships go through bumpy times. If they didn't it wouldn't be normal."

She wasn't so sure about that.

"But, first the car accident, now this!"

"He's fine, you're fine, everybody's fine … well except for ... Don't let her death be the catalyst to tear you two apart, CJ!"

Wouldn't that be ironic?

As if on cue, Mr. Thick-Headed came into the kitchen, locking eyes with CJ before glancing at the clock.

"I was thinking that we should, uh, check out the morning news."

Roy nodded as CJ willingly turned the television on just in time.

"… news out of Los Angeles this morning that police and the FBI are looking for international terrorists Michael and Deborah Sheridan. They are both members of the IRA and are suspects in the brutal slaying of renowned detective Matt Houston and his wife lawyer CJ Parsons-Houston. Police are asking for any eyewitnesses to come forward..."

They saw accompanying photos posted on the screen and swung around to glare at Roy. It seemed Roy wasn't gonna be uncle of the year today.

"Oh, that was the other thing I wanted to tell ya. Robert and Elizabeth were dressed like you two, like some sort of disguise. Hoyt and the FBI weren't sure if they were intending to look like you two or not. Well anyway, since it was dark that night, we thought that the Sheridans mistook them for you two. With the two of you believed dead, we thought it would be a little easier to find them."

Shocked beyond words, Matt leered at Roy.

"Well, what are we waiting for?" CJ offered.

Matt warned his eyes at her. "We, CJ?"

"Uh huh. Fly back to L.A., examine the crime scene, and then go back to the office and get Baby running. I'll get packing."

She thought he would love that she suggested this, as kind of a sympathetic gesture, but he looked quite unsettled and stopped her.

"You don't have to do this, CJ."

"Yes, I do. We're a team, remember?"

Roy saw the looks they were exchanging and suddenly remembered he had something to do.

"Ah, if you two dead folks will excuse me, I think I have to uh …. um, ah … visit Will while I'm in town. Yeah, that's right, visit Will," he said as his voice trailed away.

Matt held up his hand. "No, stay, Uncle Roy. I have a few questions for you."

Damn.

"It's too dangerous, CJ. Besides, I'll need you to keep tabs on Baby, be a liaison with the police."

She shook him off. "Roy and Chris can do that. Right, Uncle Roy?"

Roy nodded. "Ah, sure I guess …"

"No, Uncle Roy," Matt immediately negated. "CJ, I want you to stay put, here in Houston. Yes, that's right, here. It's safer than L.A. You'll have round the clock protection with Bo and Lamar here at all times. The mansion is surrounded by a security system, cameras, fencing, the works."

"But no Baby," she quickly stated.

He already thought of that.

"I'll send the portable computer with Chris."

"Chris is coming here?"

"Yes, and I'd like you to set up shop in the den and Chris can stay here with you too. Be safer for everyone."

His plan was starting to sound logical...

"But, you shouldn't go alone," she lamented.

Good point, Roy thought, but Matt already had an answer.

"I'll take Murray with me."

"Murray?"

Did he realize what he was saying?

"Mr. 23 Nervous Breakdowns, you're going to take with you to track down a pair of extremely violent terrorists?"

"Yeah," Roy added just before Matt cut him off with a glare.

He turned back to CJ. "It's better than risking your life."

"What about yours?"

"I told you, this was something I have to do."

"And what if something happens to you? I thought we agreed that we'd always be a team, that you wouldn't treat me different just because we're married."

That was true, but Matt didn't have an answer ready. She turned her back on him and stared out the window to hide the tears she was fighting back while Roy brought his hand to his head. "This is getting painful to watch," he murmured softly. Matt was digging a pretty big hole for himself.

Matt eased closer to her and rested his hands on her shoulders tenderly. "CJ, this is something I have to do."

She swung around and revealed her tears. No, not the tears! Roy started for the garage to fetch a shovel...

"CJ ..." Matt sighed.

"I can't help it," she said, trying to collect her tears.

"It's not safe, CJ. If something ever happened to you … I'd be so lost …"

"You got that right!"

"The Sheridans are looking for both of us. If we are geographically separated, it'll be a lot harder for them to find us, especially since I don't look like myself right now," he pleaded, gripping both hands on her arms.

She stared back at him, shook her arms free and marched out of the room.

Roy held up a finger. "On second thought, better make that a bulldozer."

Matt turned towards him. "What?"

"You're deep in horse manure, Boy."

"No thanks to you!"

"Hey, I'm just trying to keep the two of you from permanently harming your relationship!"

"Yeah, well I'm trying to protect my wife from international terrorists, not keep her from performing at the club!"

"Take advice from someone who's been in your boots once or twice. You better find a way to reconcile your career and your marriage or you're gonna lose both!"

"Roy, this is none of your business."

"None of my business! None of my business! I swear, if you were five years old I'd take you over my knee…"

"Yeah, well I'm not five years old anymore. I'm a grown man … a grown man who's tired of lowlifes hurting and killing his friends and family! A man who's tired of dealing with a justice system that continually undermines everything that people like me are trying to do! A man who's tired of taking bullets just so repeat offenders with high-priced lawyers can get out of a serving life sentences on technicalities! And I'm a man who's tired of getting advice from people who think they know what I'm going through when they have no idea!"

So much for the the soothing wide open spaces ...

Roy set his jaw. "I think it's about time you apologize before I do something I haven't done in years!"

Matt stared back at him for a second, refusing to do so and turned towards the living room, bolting for the stairs.

CJ heard the shouting and knew she had only seconds to prepare. She quickly wiped her tears away as Matt entered and took a view of her before throwing the suitcase on the bed and hastily filling it.

"I'll call you when I get to L.A., after I talk to Hoyt."

She bit her lip, wondering what to say. She was angry, that was for sure, but knew from experience she didn't want her last words to be in vain, just in case she'd never see him again. "Don't forget your eyedrops," she managed to say as she took them from the dresser to hand to him.

He took them from her hand and stopped a second, clasping her hand in his and forcibly locking eyes with her, those gorgeous warm eyes that he knew he'd miss dearly. He wanted to kiss her, and did so on her cheek, then immediately tore himself away and ran down the stairs out the door. She watched helplessly from her window as her business partner, best friend, lover and husband threw his suitcase in the car and left her.