Disclaimer: I do not own The Phantom of the Opera, but The Phil is all mine.

Author's Note: Many thanks to my reviewers and to my wonderful editors Penmora Zenith and Musicallover.

Chapter 35

Belief

Tuesday

It was business as usual at the Phil, but there was an uncharacteristic lightness in his step and cheerfulness in his demeanor as Erik went about his duties. Rehearsals had resumed in earnest for the new production that was to premier in January, and Erik had attended a rehearsal and found that everything was coming along well. He'd seen Joanna on a couple of occasions, during a break and afterwards, but she seemed to be avoiding him, for which he was grateful.

He'd played Christine's piece for Amir the day before, and he'd been duly impressed. The wheels had been put in motion for it to be released in about a month or so, and the Phil would receive a portion of the proceeds in return for its management of it. Amir admired the fact that Erik had set up a trust fund for Christine out of the proceeds of the royalties to come, but knew that for Erik, one piece, despite its success, was still considered small potatoes. Although most of the world was unaware of the sum total of Erik's contributions to music, his international musical influence and the resulting fallout could be calculated to be in the billions, and the amount returning to Erik to be in the hundreds of millions. He was possibly the wealthiest and most powerful commercial musical influence in the world.

The atmosphere around the Music Center always seemed more cheerful than usual the week between Christmas and New Year due to the elaborate decorations being left up until after the new year after it was found that this boost in morale actually made a difference to their bottom line. And so the decorations stayed up, but that didn't seem to make a bit of difference to one who seemed to go through his days with an uncharacteristic scowl.

"So what's up? Did Santa leave you more coal than presents this year?" Rick asked playfully as he looked across the office to another desk.

Roan glared back. "I got presents, from my family, girlfriends, you, Christine…"

"What did you get from Christine? She got me a matching pair of leather gloves and earmuffs."

"She got me a cowboy hat."

"What? You're kidding."

"No, actually it's pretty nice, I like it. I'll be able to wear it when I go to rodeos and western events at the Cow Palace." He grinned for the first time. "And thanks for getting those pictures for me. I put them in a locket for her."

"Good, I know she'd really appreciate it. I understand she's back with Erik Dupont again."

Roan's features clouded again. "Yeah."

"So what happened with Joanna and Erik after the performance? I saw their picture in the paper."

"I don't know, but it looks like he's trying to play both of them. I heard she gave him a blow job after rehearsals one night."

"You're kidding. Have you ever met her?"

"Yes, I met her briefly at the Gala, but she doesn't strike me as the type."

"I know, that's what I thought, too. She seems too sweet, but that's rumors for you. Why don't you go ask her out? Get your mind off of Christine." Rick tapped his pen on his desk.

"It's not exactly that easy," he muttered.

Rick looked at him sympathetically. "Believe me, I know. But if you really love her, you'd want what's best for her, and if she's happy with Erik, then you should be glad for her. He's a good man, and he'll take good care of her."

"I don't know…I'll think about it." He got up and decided to take a break. He didn't need to hear Erik's praises.

He walked over to the elevators and went downstairs, thinking that some fresh air out in the courtyard for a few minutes might help to clear his mind. He walked through the lobby and through the glass doors, and seeing that the weather was overcast, he wondered if it would rain. He went over to sit on one of the wooden benches dotting the courtyard and stared out at the Christmas decorations that would be up until after New Year, as well as the other buildings making up the Music Center. Everything seemed eerily quiet in the courtyard, but he wasn't sure if it was because it really was or because he was so lost in his thoughts. Christine…

She's with Dupont now. He'll never let her go, and she'll never want to leave him. Shit, I never had a chance. Not even the mask bothers her any more. But she was almost mine, I almost had her…until he came back for her. And why wouldn't he? No man in their right mind would let someone like Christine go. Did I love her? Yes, I did…I do! And I do want what's best for her, but I'm the best, not him. But there's nothing I can do now. I can't make her fall in love with me…

He blinked and thought he'd felt a raindrop hit his nose. He stood and made his way back to the lobby and then to the elevators. As he stepped in and pressed a button, someone else stepped in before the doors closed and pressed the button to the sixth floor. Roan turned and was surprised to find himself standing next to Erik Dupont. He was taken aback by this unexpected encounter, but automatically nodded to acknowledge him, though it seemed to him that Erik merely smirked. Roan continued to look at him in the reflection of the elevator doors until it reached his destination on the fourth floor, but Erik's expression didn't change, and by the time he left the elevator, Roan was certain that Erik had been laughing at him because he'd been able to take Christine away from him so easily.

He strode quickly to his office and tore off his jacket, throwing it forcefully into a chair. Rick glanced up from his work when he heard the jacket hit the chair and saw Roan pacing before a window, obviously agitated.

"Um, you want to talk about it?" he asked.

Roan stopped and looked at him angrily. "Dupont…" And then just shook his head and threw up his hands.

Rick looked at him steadily as Roan stood by the window and fumed. He pushed his chair back and approached his best friend, hoping to reason with him.

"Roan, look, I know what you're feeling, I've been there. But if she's truly happy, you've got to let it go, otherwise it'll just eat you up, and then you won't be any good to anybody. It's her choice who she wants to be with, and there's nothing you can do about it."

"I almost had her," he said quietly. "But then he took her back the next day. If he hadn't come back, she would've been mine."

Rick shook his head. "She was mine for two years, but she decided she wanted him instead. You can't make her love you."

Roan looked up and gazed out the window, his eyes suddenly cold. "Yes, I can, and I will. I'm going to get her back…and maybe she'll even be the one I marry."

Rick had seen that look before, when they were children growing up and going to prep schools, when they were older in high school, and then in college. He knew that Roan wouldn't give up until he got what he wanted, but it wasn't his determination that concerned him…but his methods. From having sat in on meetings with his father, Rick knew that Roan's family had attained success and wealth legally, but perhaps not entirely ethically, and that was probably the biggest difference between them. Although they were best friends, Rick would never bend the rules or do things at anyone's expense just to get his own way. But he knew that like his older brother Philip, Roan had no compunction about doing just that.

It seemed to Erik that he and Christine were starting to settle into a kind of routine after work. When he finished work at five, Christine would meet him at his apartment and either have dinner ready or he would bring something home to eat. She'd made a simple meal for them last night, but they'd decided that he'd bring some Gaston's home for tonight, and then they'd be able to eat in the living room while they watched a movie.

It was wonderful spending their evenings together, and the atmosphere was mellow and relaxed as they ate and watched the latest movie, read to each other, or played an exotic board game. Christine loved that there was always something for them to do and that she was never bored. And at night, when they went to bed, there was never any awkwardness or uncertainty with what they wanted to do because they knew they had all the time in the world. If they chose to make love, they could take their time and indulge in whatever they wished. But if they were tired, it was enough to just hold one another until they both fell asleep, and then happily wake up next to one another the following morning.

Christine loved being with Erik and sharing his life, and Erik had never been happier. She fulfilled him, and he found that there was no feeling of want or emptiness when Christine was near. He was happy, and being with her was his greatest joy. The music that flowed through his mind now was prolific and beautiful, and he seemed a veritable fountain of new ideas. When he and Amir would confer during the day, he noticed that even Amir would inspire new musical directions from his relationship with Megan. Erik smiled inwardly, noting that even Amir couldn't deny what he was feeling even if he couldn't give voice to it.

Megan had dinner ready and on the table when Amir walked in that evening, and he smiled as he kissed her warmly. He went to the bedroom to remove his shoes and get comfortable before returning to the dining room, and as he walked in, Megan was lighting the long tapers on the table. Tonight she'd made pot roast with vegetables on the side, mashed potatoes, a green salad, and garlic bread. Although she was very capable of preparing gourmet fare, she often enjoyed the simple things, and was glad to see that Amir loved her cooking whether she went all out or not.

When they were seated and were enjoying tonight's meat and potatoes, they quietly went over their day and what was new or interesting. When there was a lull in the conversation, Megan looked up and saw Amir looking at her with a tiny smile on his lips as he chewed silently.

"What?"

He shook his head as his smile grew, and he finally asked, "When we first met, why didn't you have a boyfriend?"

She looked at him as though this were a trick question. "Excuse me?"

"Why weren't you with anyone? Why were you still single, unattached, alone?"

"Oh," she smiled, as though she just got it. "That's because I was waiting for you."

"No, seriously, why were you still unattached?"

Megan's smile faded and she looked at him directly. "I am being serious, I was waiting for you." In its simplest form, this was the absolute truth. She'd been with Christine when Christine had fallen in love with Rick and then with Erik, and she had always wondered when it would be her turn, finally concluding that she'd just have to wait

Amir considered her words as he played with his pot roast.

"Would you like some more mashed potatoes?" she asked politely.

He nodded and she passed the bowl to him.

"You know, I could ask you the same question. You work around the most beautiful people in the city. Why weren't you attached when we first met?"

Amir was silent as he thought about this. It wasn't that he wasn't attached…

"Were you waiting for me?" Megan asked expectantly.

"No," he answered honestly.

"You weren't?" Megan felt her heart drop a little.

"No, I wasn't waiting for anyone. I've always been too busy to think about it really."

Megan gazed steadily at him. Duh! Of course he wasn't waiting for you! A guy like that doesn't need to wait for anyone. I guess I should just be glad he even noticed me… She'd already either seen or met a number of his previous girlfriends and remembered how awed she'd been by them, their beauty, their sophistication…nothing like her.

Amir wondered if he was being entirely truthful. He'd been with many beautiful women over the years, slept with them and got to know them, yet he never stayed around long enough to develop a serious relationship. Why was Megan so different from all of them? Of course she was beautiful, but certainly not more so than the professional dancers and actresses that he worked with every day. Yet he never felt the need to move on and start a different relationship when he was with her, and he wondered why.

He'd always treated his women well while he dated them, lavishing them with exquisite gifts and loving them to their heart's content. But when he tired of them, he'd suddenly become very scarce and disappear, not that any of them complained very much for they were always left with thousands of dollars in jewelry, which he had no doubt were sold for a tidy profit. But such things meant nothing to him. The gifts he bestowed were merely a means to an end, and he could always buy more.

But Megan…she was so much more than just jewels or trinkets. She'd appreciated the gifts he'd given her, certainly, but he'd always had a feeling that she didn't really care about them…that it was him that mattered most of all to her. He didn't think he could be wrong about something as important as this…

He noticed that Megan was looking down at her plate, lost in her own thoughts. He pushed his chair back and quietly walked over to her. He placed his hands gently on her shoulders and bent low to whisper in her ear, "You're the one I want, Megan. I want you to stay with me."

Megan turned her head to look up at him and kissed him deeply as a single tear slowly slid down her face. She stood and wrapped her arms around him. She loved him so much and wanted to tell him so, but not yet…

"Besides," Amir murmured softly as he gazed into her glistening eyes, "where else could I get such an incredible pot roast?"

Wednesday

When Erik had awakened, he noticed immediately that Christine was not beside him. But as he raised himself up, he could smell the wonderful aroma of bacon and eggs. He got up and tied a robe around himself as he made his way to the kitchen, and was pleased to see Christine bent over the stove wearing only a long apron.

He wrapped his arms around her from behind and kissed her neck. "Good morning, love."

Christine smiled as she went over to the oven. "Good morning! I have a special treat this morning –.breakfast casserole!" She got a large baking dish out of the oven and set it down on a trivet on the counter.

Erik noticed that his mouth had started to water. It certainly looked delicious as Christine placed some on his plate with a couple strips of bacon and some melon. "You're incredible," he said between mouthfuls. It was wonderful.

Since Christine had to return home and run some errands, they took a quick shower after breakfast and got dressed.

"Will I see you tonight?" he asked.

"Of course you will. I'll be over again around seven tonight."

Erik walked her over to the elevator and they shared a lingering kiss before saying their goodbyes. He looked at her endearingly as he stroked her face. "I love you so much," he whispered.

The elevator doors closed and she was gone.

The day went by normally at the Phil with all departments coming down from a very successful Christmas Gala and gearing up for the new production. Erik had come down to the theater around four in the afternoon to watch the rehearsals and saw Amir talking with some of the orchestra members, and he waved when he saw Erik in his usual seat in the balcony. He noticed that whenever Joanna would see him, she seemed to do her best to stay out of his way and not look at him. He felt rather sorry for her and wished they could have started out on a better foot. Even so, with her considerable talents, he was certain she would excel at the opera if she behaved herself.

When rehearsals concluded at five, he got up and walked downstairs to get to the elevators in the lobby. Christine would be over at seven, so he wanted to shower and get cleaned up so he could be ready for her. He was almost to the elevators and he could hear someone nearby speaking quietly into a cell phone, but he froze when he heard his name mentioned.

"…with Erik Dupont now."

He looked around to see where the voice had come from and realized it was from one of the tall wing-backed chairs in the lobby. Whoever it was had his back to him and was faced away from the elevators

"Yeah, she's been back with him about a week now, but before then, she was with me."

It's that pup, Roan Richards!

"No, but it was long enough, and I almost had her. Oh yeah, she's sweet, man. She tasted so sweet! Yeah, she's really hot, and her body is just gorgeous…her tits, and her pussy was shaved!" He chuckled at the memory.

Erik stood only a few feet away from the chair now so he could hear every word clearly.

"Naw, she was with him since the Bal Masque, but she was getting real tired of the mask 'cause he wouldn't take it off." A pause. "No, he wouldn't take it off for her."

Who is he talking to?

"We were really getting close and she was gonna leave him, but then he went over there and got her back the next night. I went to see her after that to talk to her, try to convince her, and I thought she was gonna come back. Yeah man, she was so hot, kinky, too…yeah, she liked that, too. She goes for being tied up, and she's into pain…it turns her on. And she likes it up the ass! She came when I fucked her there…god, she was so hot, and she was so loud I thought her neighbors were gonna start to complain," he chuckled softly.

Erik was reeling. He was talking about his Christine!

Roan kept talking softly so he wouldn't be overheard by anyone walking by. "Oh man, and talk about your talent, it's no wonder Dupont wanted her back. Oh yeah…she knows how to work it, and she swallowed it, too. God, I was doing her every which way, but then we had a fight over her going back to him and I left. What? I don't know, I heard he was playing around with that new soprano, Joanna. You heard that too, huh? Yeah, she gave him a blow job, lucky fuck."

The boy knows about Joanna! He was with Christine after I'd seen her and he fucked her…in the ass!

"No, she's back with him now, but I'll bet you anything that she'll end up leaving him because of the mask, because she was really fed up with it. She said she liked looking at me because both sides looked the same. Can you believe it?...No, not really, just in passing, but he's seriously fucked up. He almost beat me up once just because I told him he was lucky to have her. No, I'm not kidding! He's crazy!"

Erik had heard enough. He walked quickly through the carpeted lobby and out the glass doors to the courtyard. His mind was reeling. Christine was with that boy after I went to see her that night…she made love to him, and he fucked her…

Roan turned when he heard the glass doors open and close, and he saw Erik hurriedly walking away. He lowered the phone as he continued to watch him make his way over to Gaston's, and he smiled as the phone continued to play…"Good evening. The current time is 5:22 p.m. and 30 seconds….Good evening. The current time is…."

Amir was in a very good mood. The rehearsals had gone off perfectly and he felt that everyone was ready for their opening night, which would be in about another week. He was amused by Victoria's reaction to Joanna having been promoted to second soprano. Perhaps Victoria wouldn't feel so threatened if she kept on top of her own game. But at this rate, unless she can take direction to put more feeling into her parts, I can see her days as the reigning diva being numbered. Her voice is as beautiful as ever, but now it's all about her. She's apparently forgotten that divas are divas because of the parts they play, and not because of their own personalities.

When he'd commended Joanna on her improvement, Victoria had been livid and left the stage immediately after they'd been dismissed. Joanna accepted the praise modestly, but he was sure that it meant a great deal to her after her recent reprimand. He'd felt almost sorry for her in that she'd had to be disciplined so soon after her arrival, and especially because she had come to this country alone, but if she took it to heart as an opportunity to improve herself as she seemed to be doing, then he was certain she would succeed, and so far, she was right on track.

As he closed up his office and locked the door, he decided to walk over to Gaston's and grab a drink before heading home. He smiled as he thought about walking through his door tonight. Megan would be there to greet him. How he loved coming home to that woman! He smiled even broader as he realized he was becoming quite besotted with her. How was it that she knew just what it was that pleased him, from what he liked to eat, to their conversations, and even the little things, like her scratching his back when they'd first wake up, or greeting him with a smile whenever they'd meet? Yes…Megan was different from every other woman he'd ever been with…

As he walked into Gaston's he saw that it was crowded for a Wednesday evening. It looked like all the tables were filled, and the bar was crowded as well, and the noise level was a little higher than he would have liked, but he didn't expect to stay long. He stepped up to the bar and placed an order with the bartender.

"Evening, Marc, I'll have a Grolsch." It wasn't often that he indulged in beer, but he was feeling good and looked forward to relaxing this evening with Megan.

As he looked around, he recognized most of the people there from around the Music Center and the Phil. He didn't normally socialize with anyone but Erik unless it was for business, but he felt that was only because they understood each other so well. Their shared experiences in Persia had left an imprint that few would understand or ever want to. As his eyes swept the room, he saw someone in a booth with his head in his hands and a drink in front of him. He got up and walked over to him.

"Erik?" He looked down at him, but getting no response, decided to sit down. He thought Erik looked like hell and was immediately concerned. "What happened?"

Erik stirred and lowered his hands. He glanced briefly at Amir and then downed a drink that Amir took for whiskey. He just shook his head and looked away.

Amir was worried for he'd never seen Erik like this, even in Persia. "Promise me you won't do anything until you talk to me, my friend."

Amir took his leave, but Erik stayed at Gaston's amid the noise and chatter and brooded, not wanting to return home just yet. He'd thought long and hard about Roan's telephone conversation and couldn't get the images out of his mind. Roan and Christine…he'd touched her intimately…he'd tasted her…he'd fucked her…and she'd swallowed... He ordered another drink…and another…and another…

He got up finally and decided to go for a walk around the grounds. He knew he'd have to talk to her, but he didn't want to. He already knew that it was all true. God, what was I thinking! How the hell did I think she could ever love just me? She never was comfortable about the mask, and I can understand her wanting a handsome man with a whole face, like Roan's.

"Yes, just what were you thinking?" his conscience mocked. "Did you think any woman could just love you? You're pathetic! Look at you!"

A sob broke through his carefully ordered persona, and he fell back against a wall as he closed his eyes and made a wish. God, if there is a God, I want to die…. This life holds nothing for me now. There's no hope, no love…there's nothing in this life for me. Please, please just kill me…I don't want this life any longer…I just want it to end now. Please just let it end…