Guys I worked so hard on this chapter, it was so difficult to write, but tried to throw a bit of humour in as well enjoy!
Ronnie woke with a wet sticky patch on her cheek, she rolled her eyes to her left and noticed Roxy snoring heavily, saliva dripping from her mouth.
"Eww Roxy" she moaned startling Roxy who jumped immediately, they both noticed something and said it at the same time " where's Danielle?"
It had been a hard night, they had slept on and off, Ronnie had the least amount of sleep, waking constantly to check Danielle was ok.
On one occasion Ronnie awoke to find Danielle dreaming and talking in her sleep, she sat upright on the side of the bed, Roxy was still sound asleep, taking her habits from Phil she was able to sleep through an earthquake.
Ronnie watched as Danielle murmured quietly in her sleep tossing and turning, she gasped as Danielle appeared to cry in her sleep and call out for Cameron, it brought a tear to her eye. Here was her daughter, her baby girl she'd wanted for so many years and Ronnie could relate more than anyone to what she was going through losing a child, but it broke Ronnie's heart to see Danielle in so much grief and guilt especially for considering her options during early pregnancy.
Danielle shot up visibly shaken by her dream "Mum" she whispered wiping her eyes noticing they were wet "I can't do this, I miss him already". They talked again into the very early hours again with Ronnie providing soothing motherly words, determined to take her mind off her baby's funeral in the morning, Danielle now lying in Ronnie's arms decided to ask her one thing she'd wanted to know for most of her life.
"tell me about when I was born" she asked letting out a little sniff "please", she sounded like a little girl begging for a bedtime story and Ronnie couldn't let her down, she let out a tiny smile, it wasn't something she'd been expecting. But this being one of her favourite stories, she decided to indulge Danielle especially as she needed it.
"OK you were born on 26th June 1989, but you knew that. It was like one of the hottest days of the year and I was overdue with you. To be honest I wasn't in the best of moods but I was so excited to finally see you. I just knew that you were going to be a girl, I was so confident I didn't bother picking out a boy's name. This one time, Roxy and me managed to bunk off school to go to Oxford street and we were on the bus down, Roxy turned to me and said "it's a girl Ron, I can feel it, I'm going to pick her out the prettiest blanket ever". She was only about 11 but so excited about the prospect of being an auntie. One thing you need to know about Roxy when she says she'll do something, she does it, no excuses and she bought you the most beautiful blanket I'd ever seen. She saved all her pocket money to buy you it, green with a little duck on it"
Danielle looked up at Ronnie and felt so safe in her arms listening for the first time about her mother and aunt as children.
"So that day I decided to go for a walk to the park, I was on the swings being pushed by Roxy and that's when I realised I'd gone into labour, Rox ran away laughing "Ronnie's wet herself haha". After our aunt Eileen took me to the hospital, I was so terrified but I just couldn't wait to see you. I was in labour with you for 18 hours and Dan they weren't pleasant" Ronnie said giggling " but it was all worth it just for you and I know people say some babies aren't beautiful when they're born, I was so proud to say like Cam you were. This little tiny thing with big blue eyes and you had really light blonde hair. I remember when they brought you to me after they cleaned you up, you looked up at me knowing I was your mum, you were so beautiful, my little Amy"
Ronnie stopped her story, both of them knew that that story didn't have the most happiest ending.
"You know, I don't hate you for what happened, I could never do that, you're my mum and I'll always love you. The good thing that came from us being separated was my family in Telford, we've found each other again and I know you're doing the best you can to help me with Cameron but I guess like everything it takes time" Danielle said still laying in Ronnie's arms.
Ronnie ran her hands through Danielle's short blonde hair, sometimes she couldn't believe Danielle was actually hers, how had she been so lucky to now have such an amazing child in her life and here Danielle was suffering so much. She felt helpless but knew there was truth in her daughter's words that everything takes time.
"where's Danielle?" Ronnie asked Roxy "did you see her leave?"
"No" Roxy yawned stretching "maybe she's downstairs getting breakfast Ron, you worry too much?"
"Well today of all days, I think that's allowed" Ronnie snapped putting her dressing gown on and heading downstairs.
Ronnie wandered round the house desperate to find a trace of Danielle, she checked the kitchen to see if she had made herself a cup of tea or had breakfast. The kitchen was spotless, immaculate as it had been left the night before.
She glanced at her watch, it was just after 10am, the funeral was due to begin at 1.30pm and Danielle was nowhere to be found. Worryingly she put her coat on over her pyjamas and set out into the square to find Danielle.
Danielle reached the destination of where she wanted to be, she felt a bit uneasy about not telling Ronnie where she was going but she looked peaceful sleeping happily for once she didn't want to disturb her. Danielle knocked the door and waited patiently for an answer.
Meanwhile…..
Ronnie had appeared back at their house, having searched numerous places including the Slaters where she believed solely Danielle would be, she wasn't and with Stacey's suspicions now intact she was waiting on Stacey coming over to help Ronnie search.
"Did she call?" Ronnie asked Roxy who was in the process of ironing everyone's clothes for the funeral.
"No Ron, it's early yet give her some time" Roxy replied "come on I'll run you a bath eh"
Ronnie nodded and sat in the living room while Roxy raced upstairs to run her bath, it felt nice being looked after for once, but not even for a second Ronnie's mind didn't fall of Danielle.
As she closed her eyes for just a moment, the door bell rang, Ronnie bounced off the sofa hoping it was Danielle who had maybe just forgotten her keys.
Ronnie opened the door and stared open-mouthed at the visitors although she wasn't surprised at all because she knew they were coming. It was the Jones family minus Andy.
"Hi, I just wanted a quick word" Danielle said meekly walking into Jack's living-room.
Jack looked at Danielle strangely just like he had done a few weeks ago, but she was the most important person in the life of his true love. Jack loved Danielle like his own almost as much as he loved Amy and if she needed Jack to listen, he would, it was simple.
"Dan what can I do for you?" Jack smiled, he didn't want to bring up the funeral because Danielle would be thinking it constantly and that was perhaps the reason she had came to him to get away from it for a while.
"Jack I'll keep this short" Danielle shaked nervously and sat down " I want you to come to the funeral please"
"OK" Jack replied "if that's what you want Danielle, I'll be there"
"It is, I never told you Jack how grateful I am for the heart-to-heart we had in R&R and you helped me make up my mind to keep my son. It's only right you should be there with us as a family"
"family?" Jack looked a little confused, he didn't know what Danielle meant.
"Roxy and me have known about you and Mum for ages now, we're so happy. You're our family Jack and I couldn't be happier"
Jack smiled at Danielle " and we thought we were being subtle about it"
"nope" Danielle replied " here I want you to have this Jack" handing him an envelope.
"what is it?"
"open it" Danielle instructed taking Amy in her arms and playing with her while Jack obeyed.
Inside the envelope contained a Polaroid picture of Cameron with his full name and date of birth on the bottom, with it was a tiny lock of Cameron's hair. Danielle watched as Jack filled up "you named him after me"
"Yes, I think he suits his name don't you?" Danielle smiled.
Jack kissed Danielle on the top of her head "thank you Danielle, you better go get ready for the funeral, I'll see if Tanya and Max will take Amy for a few hours. I'll meet you at the house in about an hour".
Danielle put her key to the door and opened it, the house was busy with the sounds of various electrical things whirring around.
She walked into the living room and noticed immediately her family were sitting waiting on her. Her brother Gareth, her sister Rachel and Gareth's girlfriend Kirsty.
Gareth walked up and hugged Danielle "Dan, I'm so sorry"
Ronnie appeared with a few cups of tea " Danielle I was beginning to get worried"
"I'm fine don't worry Mum" Danielle replied "where's Dad?"
"He wasn't fit enough to come to the funeral" Gareth said and they all knew what he meant by that "Dan aren't you going to introduce us?"
"Sorry Gareth, Mum this is Gareth my brother and his girlfriend Kirsty, this is my sister Rachel, this is Ronnie, my mother"
Ronnie smiled politely "darling you should go up and start getting ready, everyone will be here soon".
Danielle left the room to get ready while Ronnie took the time to get to know her daughter's other family.
Rachel was younger than Danielle and was fiercely protective of her older sister since having found out she was adopted. Rachel took an instant dislike to Ronnie and glared at her constantly which Ronnie found uncomfortable, but she couldn't rock the boat not with Danielle in the fragile state she was in.
A little under an hour, Danielle walked downstairs dressed in a little black dress to a packed house of well-wishers including Stacey and Bradley.
"the funeral directors are outside Danielle, they're waiting to start" Ronnie informed her linking her towards the door.
"where's Jack, I want him here" she said almost in a begging tone.
"I'm here" Jack answered appearing at Danielle's other side and linking her too.
Outside, Danielle began to weep when she saw her baby's coffin inside the hearse, everyone else began to get upset upon seeing Danielle cry.
With Jack and Ronnie holding her up, Danielle made it to the church and for just five minutes, Jack left her side to help carry Cameron's coffin inside.
The minister began to talking about how children are lent not given and how we should cherish every day with our children while we have it.
Danielle gathered herself, she wanted to make her son proud and went over her words of what she wanted to say in her mind.
"now" the minister began "there's going to be a few words and thought said about Cameron"
Stacey took to the podium "Danielle asked me to say a few words, I thought about it all night and didn't know what the right words would be to say. So I found a small verse and thought it was appropriate…
An angel wrote down in the book of life
Cameron's date of birth
Then whispered as she closed the book
Too beautiful for Earth"
Stacey sat down near Danielle who mouthed "thank you Stace"
Danielle went to stand up, Ronnie was clearly shocked at the thought of Danielle standing up talking about her child worrying about how she would react.
She made her way to the podium and felt sympathetic eyes fall on her but she didn't care, today wasn't even about Danielle, it was all about Cameron, then she reached the podium.
She coughed and looked around, so many people had came out of respect for her and Cameron, she saw Peggy, Phil, Billy, the Slaters, the Foxes, Ian & Jane and even Bianca and Ricky.
"Most people here know I wasn't ready to be a mum, but I'll be honest I had my doubts but I'm glad that I decided to keep him because even though I had him for just that little while I'm grateful. I was up late last night writing down some thoughts about Cameron and before I knew it, I'd wrote a poem, I hope you'll all bear with me while I read it"
Tell me God why, do all people have to die.
Whether they're young or whether they're old
Whether they're nice or whether they're bold
God why o why do you let me cry
Why do you let me live in vain
I'll have to live my life in pain
Why did you take this baby away
Why did you not let him stay.
Today, tomorrow he'll never know.
How much I miss him so.
While the gates of heaven open wide
And the angels line up side by side.
God take him in your arms and never let him be at harm
Then overcome with emotion, Danielle broke down in tears while Ronnie and Roxy rushed the alter and moved her back to her seat. Most of the church were in tears, the sounds of sniffing and sobs could be heard throughout the church.
"You're doing really well sweetheart" Ronnie comforted her squeezing her hand.
When the mass was over, everyone moved to the side of the chapel which had a little graveyard attached to it, Ronnie was fairly unsure about what Danielle had planned but she had done so well so far so she trusted her.
Jack and Phil were among the pallbearers who carried the tiny coffin round, it didn't take much effort with it being no bigger than shoebox size.
As the coffin was being lowered into the ground, some familiar music began to play and everyone was gone with tears at this point, they all knew the words and it was sad hearing them. It was too much for Danielle and she collapsed into tears screaming how she didn't want her baby put into the ground, she was then being held up by Ronnie, Roxy and Rachel who were now fighting back their own tears in a vain attempt to be there for Danielle.
Would you know my name
If I saw you in heaven
Will it be the same
If I saw you in heaven
I must be strong, and carry on
Cause I know I don't belong
Here in heaven
Would you hold my hand
If I saw you in heaven
Would you help me stand
If I saw you in heaven
I'll find my way, through night and day
Cause I know I just can't stay
Here in heaven
Beyond the door
There's peace I'm sure.
And I know there'll be no more...
Tears in heaven
- Tears in heaven- Eric Clapton
Aww Don't hate me, I had to do the funeral sad LOL, that poem Tell me God why- I actually wrote it when I was 14 after someone close to me died. So... new character Rachel, a shoulder for Danielle to lean on or trouble??!! Oh and the story about Ronnie & Roxy and the blanket, I know she went to live with her aunt until she had the baby so made bits up cos it's my fic =)
Update hopefully on Monday xx