Author's Note: Happy New Year Everyone! Boy oh boy has it been forever since I updated! I've had a few...hmm..glitches going on with my account so I don't know if everyone is getting the notes when I update so for those of you who check back regularly for updates, much appreciated. Also many, many, many thanks to everyone who has been so patiently waiting for these updates! So here is the latest one with more to follow, promise!

Disclaimer: I do not, nor have I ever, owned Voltron. I simply play in their world.

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"Does the sun promise to shine?

No, but it will,

even behind the darkest clouds it will.

And no promise will make it shine longer or brighter,

for that is its fate,

to burn until it can burn no more.

So, to love you is not my promise,

It is my fate,

to burn until I can burn no more."

Atticus

"Hey guys," Allura called out, her tone subdued as she realized Lance, Hunk and Pidge were going out of their to way to try and not look at either her or Keith.

It would seem, she thought with more than a hint of chagrin, that I am not the only one who is embarrassed by all of this as well. "Look...Keith and I we talked about it,"

"Is that what you called that?" muttered Lance softly but in the echoing silence it was heard by all.

Keith gave a hard cough and looked at the abashed male while Allura once more felt the rush of heat across her face.

"And," she continued as if she had not heard Lance's awkward comment, "we have decided to let the team make the decision. We take a vote," she clarified when Hunk and Pidge gave her confused looks, "the majority wins."

"So," she looked at each of them in the eye and strove to keep her voice neutral, lest her feelings betray her once again, "what do you say? Do we stay and investigate the ship...or do we go home?"

All three heads turned to Keith, who merely shook his head and leaned up against the door frame.

"I will cast my vote last. It's as Allura said, this is a team vote. You have to decide for yourself what we should do."

"Well, as much as I'd like to kick Sven to the curb... I can't ignore a distress signal, so I say we go." Lance told Allura with a gusty sigh.

"Yeah!" piped up Pidge, "we should definitely go!"

"We should at least go and see if the ship is salvageable," Hunk replied, his modulated tone clearly showing he was thinking about what he wanted to say, "I don't think we should go back without at least taking a look at her first."

Allura turned to Keith, who had remained quiet through the whole thing.

"No," he told her, his voice unyielding, "I don't agree with this, but since it is a team vote I will not be the one to screw up what has been decided. However," he continued his voice whipping across her skin like a lash, "we will take every available precaution before proceeding."

"I...yes, of course," she told him, stung that he would think her careless as to not think of the team's safety first. "Pidge...just how far are we away from the distress beacon?"

Pidge held up the handheld scanner and quickly began tapping in the configurations they would need for the journey.

"Hmm, at least ten hours, give or take. Just enough time for the Lions to recharge and give us some rest and enjoy," he shuddered slightly at the last part, "the rest of those drule rations. Man, I think dirt would taste better than whatever those things are made of."

"Cool, down time it is. Y'know I might be able to whip up something edible..." Lance looked at the rest of the team, "anyone else up for some food."

Hunk laughed and patted his stomach, "Always. Even if it Drule food."

"Sure...," replied Pidge who was considerably less enthusiastic than Hunk.

"I...I think I'll try and get some rest, I don't feel very hungry." Allura gave a feeble smile and turned, instinctively, to Keith.

Keith refused to look at her and merely shook his head and Lance's inquiry.

"Great, more for the rest of us!" he rubbed his hands together with manic glee, much to Pidge's dismay.

Allura wanted to laugh at his antics, she knew he was trying to diffuse the tension in the air...but she could barely muster a smile and quickly made her way back to her borrowed quarters and quickly shut the door behind her.

Her pet mice, a gift from her late father, looked at her with what she could only describe as sympathy.

So even robotic mice feel sorry for me. I truly must look terrible.

"Hey, she whispered to them as they came up her, chattering in their own language, "why don't you go and find Pidge? He seems lonely and I...I need some time to myself, okay?"

She didn't really know if they understood her, but they nodded their heads and quickly left her room, giving her the privacy she had asked for.

The tears built in the back of her eyes as the crushing silence bore down upon her. She had gotten what she wanted. The team had decided to go look for the missing arusian ship and possibly a location for Sven...but she was completely and utterly miserable.

They had ten hours before they would reach the ship and she knew she should sleep...but she couldn't.

Not after the way she had handled Keith.

She needed to talk to him, to explain why she had to do this.

"But why do I need to explain myself?" she muttered angrily as she paced the bedroom, "if he trusted me I shouldn't have to explain!"

She stopped and shook her head. That outburst had sounded more like a petulant child than a grown woman. Trust, she knew, was a fragile thing. Easily broken and hard to earn back once it shattered.

She knew, deep down, that Keith's trust in her was shaken when he had asked her what had happened with Sven...and she had turned away from him, refusing to answer.

"If I tell him...I break the faith of my people, but if I don't tell him...will I lose him forever?" She had already broken one taboo by showing him her healing powers. At that time, she had not regretted the decision and she still did not. But to tell him the secret of Voltron that had been hidden for a millennium...

She didn't know what to do...to be the queen her people needed, or be the woman that Keith deserved. With a sigh that was more akin to a sob, Allura threw herself on her bed, hugging the pillow tight to her chest.

"Actually, I do know, it really isn't that hard," she murmured, her voice husky from holding back the tears, "I just don't want to face it."

She knew, had known since she was a small child, that to be a good leader to your people meant that sometimes you had to give up personal sacrifices to better their lives.

She thought she had made enough...but apparently she had been wrong.

It was just that she...

Allura's head whipped up from her bed as a knock came from her door. She quickly dashed the tears from the corner of her eyes and put on a mask of calm, forcing a small smile to her face.

"Coming!" she called out, sliding off of the mattress. She hoped it wasn't Lance trying to get her to come down to eat or Pidge wanting to go over coordinates once more.

"I was just..." she stopped when the door slid open and revealed Keith once more towering over her. "Keith...I, that is Commander," her voice sounded breathless as though she had just for miles, "what are you doing here? Is something wrong?"

"Can I come in?" There was a forced politeness to his words, a tension in his body that hadn't been there before.

He isn't certain of his welcome anymore, she realized as her eyes widened as she took an immediate step back. "I...yes, of course. Come in."

Her reaction was shaky as she had not expected to see him so soon. They had been so angry at each other, she had been certain he wouldn't have wanted to see her again until it was time for the mission.

So then, why is he here?

He prowled about her room like some caged tiger, the taunt energy of his body filling the tiny space that it danced along her skin, making her acutely aware of the last time she had been alone in a bedroom with him.

Allura bit hard on her lip as the shock of desire lit through her at the remembrance of that time on the Explorer.

It seemed like a lifetime ago that she had lain in Keith's bed, exhausted but utterly content to stay in his arms. She had felt, then, that she had belonged there. That they had belonged together.

How then, she thought with aching sorrow as she watched him pace her room,"did it go so wrong?"

Allura blinked, startled to hear her thoughts said out loud...yet it wasn't her voice.

"Keith," his name trembled on her lips and he was suddenly standing only meters from her, "What did you...say just now?" Was I imagining it? Did he really say that?

"I said," he reiterated with a soft growl, "how did this go so wrong between us?"

Allura pressed a hand to her throat, as if that alone would dispel the lump that had shortened her breathing. "I...I don't know..."

She turned away from, unable to stop the tears that filled her eyes. She hated to cry, hated it! Yet that was all she seemed to do lately. She just felt so...helpless.

"Allura turn around and let me see you."

There was an ache in his voice, a subtle vulnerability that pulled at her chaotic emotions for this male that made her turn and look at him, even as a single tear slid down her face.

He moved, as though to reach for her, but instead he clenched his fist and left the distance between them. It was barely a meter, and yet it could have been the distance of an ocean the way they stood before each other.

She with her hand still to her throat and he with his fists at his side.

"Let me ask you something and I want the truth. No dance of words, no evasions."

Allura swallowed hard but nodded her head. She owed him that much, at least.

"Do you love Sven? I don't mean in friendship or family ties. I am asking you if you love him the way a woman loves a man."

There were shadows in his eyes and a stillness to his body that told Allura that he was bracing himself for her answer...

...as though the words she spoke next might shatter him to pieces.

"No," she found herself shaking, her arms closing about her body as if in protection, "No, I don't love him that way. I have never loved him that way."

Several emotions chased themselves in his eyes, some flashing by so fast that she could not catch all of them.

The one that stood out the most, that dominated his face, was relief.

Utter relief that she did not love Sven.

"Then why?" his words were soft yet no less powerful even as he held his body oh-so-still, "why are you doing all of this for him?"

Allura closed her eyes, wishing that he would not ask that question.

"I...I told you," she was still shaking, her knuckles white against her skin as she gripped her arms, "he's our friend..."

"Cut the bullshit Allura. He practically ripped the team apart before pulling his Kamikaze stunt. You forget I was there that night he attacked us, I saw the way he spoke to you."

Allura opened her eyes and stared at him, the relief on his face had been chased away by hot, hard anger.

If I tell him, I break faith with my people. If I stay silent...I lose him for good.

"Do you remember, back on the Explorer, how I explained to you my gift of healing?" The words fell from her lips, surprising even herself. She had not thought to bring up that particular time.

It seemed liked nothing more than a dream from another life.

She saw the surprise alight his eyes, quickly chased by wary suspicion.

"I remember, you told me that you broke taboo by showing me. What of it..." Keith stopped mid-sentence, slowly realizing what he had just said.

She doesn't love Sven, she already admitted that. Yet she won't speak of what happened between her and Sven that suddenly made him have a change of heart...those times that we couldn't feel her through Voltron...

"Allura, are you telling me this has something to do with Voltron? With Arus?"

Her silence was his answer.

Keith ran a hand through his hair and blew out a hard breath. "Damn. What a time for secrets."

"Keith...I..." she began but he waved her off and sat heavily on her bed.

"Stop." he told he with a resigned sigh, "you've made it quite clear that you can't talk about it. Guess we don't really belong after all."

"No!" she cried out and crossed the room, flinging herself on the floor next to where he sat so she could bury her face in the side of his leg. "You do belong on Arus, all of you!"

"Allura..." he lift his hand, then cursing under his breath, he laid it on the silken mass of her hair.

She made it hard for him to remember that she was only nineteen. Her strength, her knowledge, that air of self-assurance she wore like a cloak about her made one forget how young she truly was.

At nineteen he had already joined the military and the only responsibility he had was making sure he followed the commands of the senior officers so that others wouldn't fail.

At nineteen Allura had managed to hold the scattered remains of her planet together, stand up against the Drule, survive not one, but several Robeast attacks, and handle the diplomatic nuances that made her the ruling sovereign of Arus.

"It's not because you don't belong on Arus," she told him quietly as he stroked her hair, unwilling to move from her slightly awkward spot by his legs, "even Coran does not know about this."

That paused his hand mid-stroke, "Wait, you're saying your chief adviser doesn't know about this either?"

Allura shook her head, her braids gently tapping his legs in rhythm to the movement. "No...only those of royal blood...and the science-priests who studied the science and sorcery of Voltron."

"But they were all..." he stopped before he said the word but Allura lifted her face from his leg and gave him a weary sort of smile.

His hand was still resting in cool silk of her bound hair.

"Dead. Yes. Those who studied the art of Voltron were put to death, along with their acolytes. Zarkon feared that if any were left remaining, knowing the secrets of Voltron, then the Knight could be resurrected. I, as far as I am aware, am the last of the royal line of Arus."

Keith gave her a searching look. "You are aware? You told me you're an only child, correct? The same as your father?"

"Yes, from as far back as we can remember, the royal house of Arus has only ever born a single child. No more and no less. However," she gave a slight, pained smile at that, "my mother was not of Arus originally."

Keith gave her a blank look. "I'm missing something here."

"My mother, who became queen of Arus, was not born to Arus. She was from another planet called Pollux."

"Pollux," the name sounded vaguely familiar to Keith, then it hit him. "That planet, its on the far side of the drule empire right?"

Allura nodded her head, wishing he would continue to stroke her hair. She felt...calmer, when he was touching her. As though he were her anchor in this storm that had become her life.

"Then how?" he began and once more he saw that flash of happiness in her sapphire gaze.

"Mother was a diplomat and when...Zarkon opened the borders between the ninth kingdom and the rest of the galaxy, it allowed for peaceful trades and explorers to cross that part of the drule empire. My mother was one of those diplomats. It was how she met father. They fell in love and she agreed to stay on Arus as their queen."

"But she wasn't born on Arus? I thought Arusian royalty married their own people?" For some reason Keith was having a difficult time with this conversation. His wits felt scattered and he was glad that he was sitting down.

There was no anger, no outrage on her face, but faint amusement at his words. "Not at all. In fact since the time of my many greats-grandfather, Altair the Just, the royal line of Arus has always chosen their co-ruler, or consort, from beyond the borders of Arus."

"So your mother just...left Pollux?" It was the only thing he could think to say. Her words had stolen the wind right out of him.

"In a way, yes. She left behind two siblings both older than herself. A brother, who is some seven years older than mother and sister who was born exactly one year before mother."

Her previous words suddenly made sense. "So if your mother's siblings had children then..."

"Exactly," she finished for him knowing where his words were leading, "they would be my cousins, and therefore carry the royal blood blood of Arus through my mother's marriage. But," she gave a tiny shrug, "that is all speculation. When Zarkon closed his borders and annexed Arus, we lost contact with Pollux. I...haven't heard from mother's family in thirteen years. Until I learn otherwise, I must assume I am the last of the royal line of Arus."

Keith closed his eyes, her words making clear her desperate need to find the lost Arusian ship. If the ship was still halfway salvageable, and if the communications relay's were still working, then she could use that technology to contact her missing people who were not on or around Arus during the massacre.

She could use that to contact her missing relatives, assuming she has any left.

It was a powerful thing, he knew, wanting to belong to a family.

"No wonder you want to risk everything..." he murmured quietly, but her ears picked up on his soft words nevertheless.

"Keith," she reached out and gripped his hand that was not still resting in her hair, "I have to. I promise you, I am not doing this to get anyone killed. Do you honestly think I want to see anyone else I hold dear, die in front of my eyes?"

"No," he acknowledged, "but I also know how driven you can be and sometimes that can blind a person to dangers."

His voice was husky and their positions to each other, him looking down upon her with she at his feet looking up at him, made her aware of just how intimate they were being with each other.

The pulse in her body sped up and her heart doubled its speed as his midnight eyes locked with hers and she saw when he too, became aware of just how close in proximity they were to each other.