A/N: *sigh* I humbly apologise for yet another boring-ass chapter. It's going somewhere, I swear. Just...bear with my potatoness.
A note for those who don't understand - 'throw caps down'. I don't know what the word for that is in England or America, but caps are tiny little plugs of gunfire that make a really loud bang when you happen to throw them against a solid surface. So yeah. That's what that's about.
Chapter 37: I Am Not A Girl
The rest of September brought the first proper shower of impending fall, a lot of time spent bed-hopping for Tony and Loki - most nights were spent together in one of their towers or the other- a talk show getting a hold of an aerial photo of Tony and Loki getting drunk on Tony's balcony before Loki's testimonial last month, which led to more theories about their relationship, two new villains deciding to make their wholly unwelcome presence known (and what kind of name was Namor anyway?), a huge argument between Steve and Loki about Loki's attitude that quickly morphed into American Capitalism vs English Socialism, and Tony getting bored and using chalk paint to write dirty suggestions on Loki's floor to ceiling windows.
Most of which were enacted at some point during the month.
Starfeyson - Toki, Lark, IronLightning, whatever - was going ridiculously well. They'd both been privately expecting for there to be chaos and arguments and all sorts of unpleasant events, but the worst they'd had was Loki demanding Tony scrubbed the chalk paint off his window after it scared the exterior window washer. As it turned out Loki definitely liked the sight of Tony cleaning on his hands and knees, so even that turned out pretty fun
Sure, Loki and Steve's argument had been pretty vicious - Steve had called Loki a spoilt child and Loki had offended Steve rather a lot by saying 'My dearest Tony represents modern America: pride, arrogance, business, wealth, weaponry, hedonism - what aspect does he not represent? Perhaps he should be wearing your Stars and Stripes instead.' which had led to a bit of a fight between Tony and Loki about exactly when is appropriate to drag someone into an argument, but which - again - had ended with make-up sex.
There's a common theme there.
But - even with the threat of interplanetary war hanging over them and a lot of Loki's time spent planning for it - Tony and Loki were happy.
Clint and Darcy were getting along great too, going out a lot, and Loki - in a fit of playful douchebaggery - randomly sent them to Pennsylvania on a romantic weekend without their consent. So that was probably Loki's way of showing his approval.
Steve was in line to get reassigned to the Middle East. This fact made everyone except Loki sad. The Avengers were getting broken up, unless they could fight back.
As an agent of SHIELD, there was every risk that Clint could be reassigned too, so Darcy coerced Loki into fighting SHIELD tooth and nail to keep him in New York.
On the argument that the Avengers needed them, Loki and Tony together managed to get both Clint and Steve permanently assigned to the Avengers. Now they just needed to get Natasha back.
Darcy and Loki lived more in the Avengers' Tower more often than not by that point, helping with all the domestic thingies and starting a thousand rumours as they went, the two strongest ones being - again - the idea of a relationship between Tony and Loki, and also that Laufeyson Corp and Stark Industries were planning a merger.
Bruce was working almost every day at a SHIELD facility on his custom antibodies as well as his other interpretations of Chitauri technology. He was making miracles as himself, and people were relaxing around him, treating him like he wasn't the Hulk, which made him happy.
Pretty much everyone's favourite time was when they all piled into the living room so the two couples could snuggle together and everyone else could enjoy a companionable familiarity.
Bruce, Loki and Tony also thoroughly enjoyed intense sessions of science in Tony's main lab, working on their seperate projects but asking each other for help. A biologist, a physicist and an engineer, combining genius intellects to create magic. It was amazing.
Tony and Loki's latest project had been tracking Dr Doom to his place of residence before he attacked again, and they were finally successful on the last day of September.
The resulting battle in Latveria against half-finished Doombots and the manbotthing himself in the castle had been messy and bloody, and they hadn't won. Doom had simply taken his remaining Doombots and left, promising to contact the UN about America's assault on his country.
Referring to himself in the third person as he did so was something that pissed Loki off to no end.
On the bright side, Steve had saved Loki by warning him about a collapsing staircase, so there was a little bit of relationship-mending going on there.
Tony hadn't yet told Pepper about his new relationship. After that battle, and after he and Loki had had a post-victory makeout session in Tony's lab, he resolved to finally call her and bear her wrath.
"Pep-" He had said.
"Whatever it is, Tony, can it wait two days? I'm flying to New York on business then and I'm a little busy right now." Pepper had said. When Tony had made a noise of acquiescense, she'd hung up.
On the subject of the invasion, all countries that had been addressed so far were on board and Loki's obscure preparations seemed to be going well - for some reason he'd made a perfect replica of his own sceptre out of titanium and had requested of Tony 'the small sonic device that causes paralysis - I saw it on the list of Geneva's banned weaponry.' Having confirmed that a portal from a different area of space gives an electrical interference for about a day before opening, he seemed rather smug. He had time to prepare when it started.
There were four countries left to come on board, including England, of which Loki was planning to visit at the start of November with Tony to attend a clean energy conference. Two birds with one stone.
-O.O-
"I'm guessing this is what you wanted to talk to me about?" Pepper said, prodding Tony's shoulder with one manicured finger.
Tony and Loki were asleep under a blanket on the couch in a slight state of undress. Meaning they were both naked. The only reason there was a blanket in the first place was because it was drizzling outside and therefore a little chilly.
Stirring awake, Tony's eyes widened in shock. He'd forgotten about Pepper's visit already.
Pepper herself was looking amusedly at the way Tony was wrapped around Loki, one arm protectively around his waist to hold him close. Loki himself was fully conscious with a wholeheartedly entertained look on his pale face.
"Er...yeah." Tony said awkwardly. "So, Loki and I are dating. Don't tell anyone."
"I guessed." Pepper said dryly. "And don't worry, your secret is safe with me, considering what it would do to my company."
"Well, the heart wants what it wants." Tony shrugged, looking over Loki's shoulder to the floor to see if he could find his pants anywhere.
"Greetings, my dearest Pepper," Loki said warmly, speaking for the first time.
Fortunately - or unfortunately, depending on your perspective - Loki solved Tony's pants-finding dilemma by climbing to his feet in just his birthday suit to affectionately pat Pepper on the back and throw the aforementioned lost garment to his partner.
"Loki no." Tony said as he yanked his pants on and went to make coffee at the bar. "At least pretend to be civilised."
"I am perfectly civil. Look at me, saying hello to your friend." Loki said with a chuckle.
"Put some pants on, you whore." Tony called.
"I don't mind!" Pepper said with an appraising look.
"Nothing she has not seen before, dearest!" Loki said in agreement.
Tony's response was to walk around the bar, pick up Loki's boxers and throw them on the other man's face.
"Thank you, sweetheart. I could not possibly have found them myself." Loki said dryly, pulling his underwear on.
"You ruined my fun." Pepper sighed.
"Looking at my partner is not fun. It's mean." Tony sulked.
"Partner?" Pepper said bemusedly as Loki went to look for the rest of his clothes. "Not boyfriend? As in, Tony Stark's boyfriend?"
"It sounds...off, somewhat." Loki's voice was muffled through a t-shirt. "Too childish."
"Oh yeah, 'cause you two aren't childish at all." Pepper said with an eye roll. "Tony, I'm only in town for the day to meet with Loki's people-"
"Actually, I am supposed to be there too." Loki pointed out.
"Okay, meet with Loki and his people to negotiate the rights for blah blah blah Tony you're not listening. So I'm going to be heading back soon and I'd appreciate it if you could come with me." Pepper said.
"Wait, what?" Tony said. "Go back to Malibu with you?"
"Yes." Pepper sighed. "You can avoid work as much as you like, but eventually you'll have to do it."
Tony turned to Loki. "Whaddaya say, boy toy? Coming to Malibu?"
"Tony, you don't have to take him everywhere-"
"Whyever not?" Loki said cheerily. "Let's make an event of it."
"We should bring everyone! We just beat Doom, c'mon, we deserve a break." Tony beamed.
"No, Tony, you won't get anything done-" Pepper groaned.
"It is settled." Loki declared, smirking at Pepper's obvious annoyance. "We leave for Malibu with Pepper."
Pepper actually facepalmed.
-O.O-
True to their word, Tony and Loki had everyone - including Darcy - heading to Malibu with Pepper for a break.
Despite the drizzle back in New York, it was searingly hot there, so everyone immediately slapped on their swimming costumes and dove into the pool, even Loki in black boardshorts.
That afternoon was the longest time Tony could ever remember Loki staying in direct sunlight. He was surprised the man didn't sparkle.
And this marked the first time Tony and Loki had officially agreed to share a room - Loki's things were brought to Tony's bedroom and and it was there they both slept. Like real boyfriends. So cute.
Not so cute when Darcy and Clint burst in at 4am to throw caps down and scare the shit out of both of them. Loki was halfway across the room about to throttle the pair of them before Tony had realised what had happened.
"Clint, honey," Darcy said sweetly to her boyfriend who was pinned against the wall by Loki. "Loki sleeps on a hair trigger, so be ready in case he jumps up suddenly."
"Why do I feel like Darcy is the only one here who didn't draw a short straw?" Tony said blearily.
"That could change." Loki said wickedly, scooping up Darcy - and yes, all of this had been done naked, there's another theme there - and marching out of the room to dunk her in the fountain just before the stairs down to Tony's workshop.
Then he went back to bed.
And the workshop - oh, the workshop! Loki and Bruce loved it, loved the display of Iron Man suits and all the tech, and Tony had never felt completely comfortable with other people in there but knowing they were scientists was a lot of reassurance.
-O.O-
To Loki's utter horror, the next morning Pepper and Darcy decided to go on a girl's day out while Tony worked.
Because, for some reason, two people was not enough for a day out, they had the gall to approach Loki as he worked in Tony's workshop.
"Lo'lo..." Darcy said sweetly.
"Oh, I recognise that tone. No, Darcy, whatever it may be." Loki scoffed, getting back to designing on Tony's holograms.
"C'mon, it'll be fun!" Darcy said excitedly.
"...What is it?" Loki groaned resignedly.
"We're having a girl's day out and we're a girl short, so we wanted you to come!" Darcy beamed.
Loki gave a patient sigh and finally turned to face them. "Now, girls." He started, and the condescending tone was on full blast. "You having both seen me naked within the last week, and in fact having both had sex with me at one time or another, I think we can agree that I am not a girl."
"Yeah, yeah, we know, dick and everything, but you're easily the girliest guy here so..." Darcy trailed off expectantly.
"How is that?" Loki pouted.
"Don't get me started. If we move past the ridiculous amount of self-grooming you indulge in, and the fact your shoes cost more than Pep's dress, and that you drink tequila like a broken-hearted teen, you're still ridiculously effeminate." Darcy pointed out.
Loki shrugged. "Well, I cannot deny you have a point there. That doesn't mean I want to go on your 'girl's day out'."
"Awwwww, Lokester, it'll be fun. We can get manicures. You love manicures." Darcy pleaded.
"That I do..." Loki said thoughtfully.
"He's interested!" Pepper declared, having stayed silent for the whole exchange. "Loki, suit on, you're coming."
Loki winced.
-O.O-
As it turned out, apart from the amount of time nodding at dresses, Loki rather enjoyed the excursion.
And then he realised. He was their gay friend.
Oh the horror.
Upon his return to the mansion he teleported straight past everyone to scrub the weird smell of the various stores off his skin.
To his annoyance, Tony joined him just as he redressed.
"Nice nails." He commented with a grin.
Loki did like them - a surprisingly intricate golden painting of his helmet on each nail with a green and black striped background. "They are rather nice, are they not?"
"Yup. My pretty princess, all dressed up." Tony teased.
"I will end you." Loki growled.
"Nah, you love me too much for that." Tony chuckled. Loki didn't confirm or deny that. "So, uh. How're we going to get Clint and Darcy back tonight?"
Loki broke into his wicked trickster grin and starting detailing his plans.