Chapter 37: No Matter What
"Looks like someone's having a good day." Cobb looked questioningly at Arthur, who came in the faculty room like he was Fred Astaire.
"Well, I just had a good weekend, that's all." Arthur smiled as he laid his briefcase on the table.
"Let me guess, you changed your brand of beer?" Cobb sneered at him.
"Ha-ha, Cobb. Very funny. Let's just say I've had my happy ending." Arthur casually sat on his chair and turned on his laptop.
"Don't tell me..." Cobb suddenly stopped laughing, and then he let out a harsh guffaw. He whispered, "Are you telling me you and Ariadne are..."
Arthur looked annoyed. "Yes, Cobb, but it's not like that... We plan on waiting."
Cobb was serious this time. "Are you sure you're up to it, Arthur? This is so unlike you. I mean, as you're friend I don't want you rushing into things like this. For the past three years I've seen you go through three relationships and none of them ended smoothly. How are you so sure Ariadne wouldn't be any different?"
Arthur suddenly felt anger bubble up inside him. How could Cobb dare question his intentions regarding Ariadne? Sure, he has been promiscuous every now and then. He never really considered himself as the type who would make commitments. He has always believed love was about the present; if he feels it in his pants then it's carpe diem. But Ariadne was the game changer. She has the intellect that would challenge his own. She has the beauty that could mesmerize him for days. He saw her as the predictable overachieving student but he was wrong: she is an enigma that's full of surprises. He has never met anyone like her, but in the mire of his thoughts he was not sure if he would be willing to wait for her to be in his arms for the rest of their lives. Needless to say she radically changed him. At this point Arthur has instilled the tenacity to wait for Ariadne, the jewel that he has dreamt of but now has transpired into his reality.
"Judging by how you haven't responded in the last five minutes, I see how Ariadne has really made her mark on you. Arthur, just promise me one thing."
"What?" Arthur's voice was almost a whisper.
"Don't hurt yourself. That way you wouldn't hurt her. I wouldn't want to be the stick in the mud this time, but people have limits. And if you can hold up your end of the commitment then just let it go as soon as possible. What I'm saying Arthur is, don't make promises you can't keep."
Arthur couldn't respond. He was just glued to his desk, lost in thought. Never in his life has he ever put so much thought on love and relationships. And because of this he was afraid. Afraid of making commitments, afraid of falling in love, afraid of caring too much for someone to the point of the no return.
Hours had gone by but Arthur hadn't noticed it. He was alone in the faculty room, seemingly trying to focus on checking a pile of reflection papers. He stopped and took in a deep breath. He needed to clear his mind of everything and make one of the biggest decisions in his life.
He had to let her go.
Ariadne does not deserve a coward like him who couldn't face the love and commitment required by relationships. She deserved someone who had the guts to love her entirely without any doubts or regrets. She deserved the man who was as strong and spontaneous as her.
"She doesn't deserve me." And with that, Arthur softly wept in the darkness that embraced his body and soul.