Saturday April 10 continued

"You sunk my battleship!" Brent lamented theatrically. "That's twice in a row. You're not peeking, are you?"

"Nope!" Ryan insisted, grinning gleefully. "I'm just really good at this game. I beat Grandpa all the time."

CJ, who was cheering for both of them, cupped her hand around her mouth. "Grandpa lets him win," she whispered conspiratorially. "It's the cutest thing ever."

The little boy flopped back on one of the bean bag chairs taking up space on the livingroom floor, along with almost every blanket and pillow they owned. "Can we watch a movie now?"

Brent began putting all his little white and red pegs back in the correct boxes. "Sure buddy. Unless your mom wants to play something else?"

CJ shook her head. "A movie sounds good to me. I think we've played almost every game in the place." Trouble, Guess Who, Operation, Perfection, Don't Break the Ice, Aladdin, Sorry, and the Memory Game were scattered in various places around the room. She headed toward the kitchen. "Why don't you guys pick while I make popcorn?"

Ryan swivelled in that direction. "Do we have Kettle Corn?"

CJ leaned over the counter. "We do. But Coach doesn't like that kind."

Brent waved them off. "Don't worry about me. As long as there's licorice."

"No, we should share," Ryan decided. "Butter popcorn is good."

Brent dropped a kiss on his head. "Thanks buddy. How about we get some of this stuff picked up so Mom doesn't feel like she has to clean before the movie starts?"

Between the two of them getting things back in order didn't take long, and they were crouched in front of the movie shelves debating the merits of various films when CJ came back carrying a mixing bowl full of steaming golden popcorn. "Well boys, what'll it be?"

"We can't decide between Despicable Me, Horton Hears a Who, and Up," Ryan sighed.

"How about eenie meenie, miney, mo?" CJ suggested. "Or Monster's Inc."

"You know," Brent mused, "if we watch Horton it's a short movie, so we'd definitely have some for one more before supper, right?" He checked with his girlfriend in case he'd overstepped.

She grinned and snitched a piece of popcorn. "Definitely. Or maybe we'll have to eat supper while we watch a movie."

Ryan's eyes lit up. "Okay. Then Up, please?"

"Whatever you want buddy." Brent handed him the DVD cases. Ever since Alec and McKenna were born he had lots of practice watching kids' movies, but it was even better like this, when he was watching them with the people his heart had long ago decided would one day be his forever family, just like he'd dreamed about after his parents died.

Ryan took up residence in the center of the room, laying on his tummy on a Winnie the Pooh bean bag chair. Brent slouched against the armchair to one side of his favourite kid and CJ sat crosslegged on the other. Dr. Seuss' genius began to play out on the screen but Brent had a hard time concentrating on the narrator's voice. Instead he was thinking about how nice it was that they could all relax together, how much fun the games afternoon had been, how full his life felt when he was spending it with CJ and Ryan. It took him most of the first movie to realize that CJ, whether on purpose or not, was slowly moving closer.

Before Up was put in, Ryan ran down the hall for a bathroom break and CJ went back to the kitchen, rummaging through the fridge and cupboards for more snacks. She got a plate of vegetables and dip ready, but also brought a bag of their favourite chips with her. Brent noticed and smirked. "Don't those kind of cancel each other out?"

CJ rolled her eyes and nudged the bag towards him. "Says the man who's favourite drink is milkshakes. Eat and enjoy, we'll worry about healthy vs. junk later."

"Works for me." He popped a handful of the crunchy, hand fashioned chips in his mouth and waited to press play until Ryan was settled again. They got as far as the balloon festooned house rising into the sky, and then suddenly he noticed that CJ was only a few inches away. He studied her carefully, wondering about the right response to the change. "Need a movie buddy?" Brent whispered in her ear.

CJ jumped, having not expected him to speak, but turned with a small smile gracing her lips. "If you're offering I won't refuse."

He piled a couple of the bean bag chairs together to make a more solid mass to lean on and stretched his arm across the back. "I dare you."

Her eyes sparked and she got comfortable against him. "Never let it be said that I turned down a challenge."

"Guys," Ryan said in exasperation, "you're not paying attention."

The adults chuckled and then composed themselves. "Sorry buddy, got distracted for a minute."

Between the boy scout wannabe and Dug they were quite amused, but when things got a little more intense with the dogs and the crazy old man near the end, CJ and Brent suddenly found Ryan sneaking in between them, the security of their nearness balancing out the scenes. They exchanged amused glances and it suddenly struck both CJ and Brent that they'd never felt more like a family than today, which is why it suddenly seemed like the best timing ever for CJ to lean over to her boyfriend and whisper in his ear. "I love you."

Wide eyes snapped to hers and she smiled a bit nervously, mouthing it again in case he misunderstood. Relief and unadultered joy shone out of his face and when he beckoned her closer to kiss her behind Ryan's head, CJ couldn't think of anything that could make the afternoon any better. So this was how forever began.

NCIS

Ziva was laying with her head where her feet should be on a lounger on the back porch when Tony got home from a trip to the batting cages with Adrian and Jordan. He dropped his things by the front door and wandered through the house to find her, knowing she was around because her car was in the driveway. When he came out the sliding doors from the office, Tony dropped down on the deck beside her and leaned over to kiss her. "Hey, how'd it go?"

She lifted her sunglasses slightly and took in his damp hair and shirt. "Did you fall in a pool?"

He chuckled. "We settled a scoring disagreement with a couple water guns borrowed from Alec and McKenna. They got left in Adrian's trunk." Tony pressed his lips to hers again and Ziva's hand came up to caress his cheek. "It's even better than rock paper scissors."

"Boys." She rolled her eyes in mock disgust and he got serious again, twirling a piece of her hair around his finger.

"You didn't answer my question Zi."

Ziva sighed and shifted to face him. "I had a very nice afternoon Tony. Gibbs is...gruff as always, but he makes a good father." The sunglasses fell back into place. "I have missed that very much."

He curled his arm around her shoulders and rested his forehead on her temple. "I know honey. I'm glad you get it now." His fingers trailed down her arm. "So it wasn't awkward or anything? He didn't ask about us?"

She fit her fingers between his. "As far as Gibbs knows, there is no 'us' ahava. And no, I don't think it was awkward. He...smiled, more than once. I like the way Gibbs looks when he smiles. He wants me to come back. I would like that."

Tony thought about how many times in his nine years on the team that Gibbs had acted as the father figure in his life. He remembered when Gibbs first dragged him to NCIS after the incident with his partner and Wendy, how the team leader would invite him to the basement, toss a sanding block at him, and tell him that sorrows were best drowned in work, not alcohol. Later, once they'd been together longer, fireplace steaks after a hard case became more than just occasional. Sometimes he'd gone over just to sit in the basement, breathe in sawdust, and share a silent drink with his boss. But Tony was glad it was different for the girls, Abby and Ziva needed him to be the dads they both were missing. Those voids had been empty for a long time, they needed to be filled.

"That's great babe." He started to stand but her fingers curled around his wrist.

"Will you stay, for a little while? It's a beautiful day."

Tony grinned and rested his arm over her waist as he covered her mouth with his. "Your wish is my command principessa. Besides, there's nowhere else I'd rather be."

For that she tugged him closer and their lips met in a kiss that made his toes curl. Honesty was clearly its own reward and he'd take that any day. There was nothing better.

NCIS

Sunday April 11

He gave her space. He gave her time. So much so in fact that Tony only gave her the briefest of kisses and shared the most fleeting touches with her for four days after their conversation. Except for yesterday when they seemed to forget any tension that existed and could just be themselves. Ziva appreciated his consideration, she really did, but by the end of the weekend she'd had enough and was ready to try and fix things...again. She was waiting on the bathroom counter when Tony got out of the shower and almost wanted to laugh when he jumped and made a rather girly noise at her unexpected appearance.

"Geez ninja, warn a guy first, will you?" He frowned and wrapped a towel around his waist. "You're going to give me a heart attack one of these days."

Ziva watched drops of water roll down his muscled back as he stayed by the shower and cocked her head to the side, knowing he'd have to come over to her eventually. "Actually, it is your heart I am wondering about. Or perhaps," she mused, "it is just a mess you've created in your head."

Tony stalked over to the sink, swiped his hand over the fogged up mirror, and started combing his hair. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"You do," she corrected gently. "And I know I have no right to be demanding when you have gone through so much because of me, but Tony, in what part of me needing time did you hear that I did not want you to be close to me at all?"

He braced his hands on either side of the sink and stared at the silver drain hole. "That's how it has to be."

Her brow furrowed. "Why?"

Tony spun away from her. "Why do you need me to explain this to you?! Isn't it obvious?"

"If it was," Ziva said slowly, "I would not have to ask."

He was suddenly right in front of her, standing between her legs, their faces mere inches apart. "I can't be close to you, I can't touch you or kiss you or sleep with you in my arms without wanting you." His jaw clenched and he closed his eyes. "I'm doing what you asked, there is no middle ground. Because you're not ready to accept what it would look like if I held nothing back." No man was a saint and he'd had more self-control over the last seven months than ever before in his life. This was the point where it finally ran out.

Her fingers brushed across the tight muscles in his cheeks and she leaned her forehead on his, her breath ghosting over his eyelids. "I have said 'I'm sorry' too many times, after awhile the meaning is lost." Ziva's mouth met his almost hesitantly. "Show me tonight ahava what it is to hold nothing back." She swallowed hard with the offer, not sure if she could handle what the next hours might look like, but willing to try because she loved him so much. The victory would belong to both of them when this part of their marriage finally stopped being a fight.

Tony's hands gripped her hips and pulled her against him. "You need to be sure about that Ziva. I'm pretty much at the end of any patience I have left. You don't know...I've tried honey, I've tried so hard. I just can't be the guy you need anymore."

Tears pricked at the corners of her eyes and Ziva's lips claimed his again, the touch so familiar and welcome to his ragged spirit. "Tony, come faccio a fartelo capire? You have always been what I need. From the very beginning when you determined to love me for me the way no one else had, until these months of being patient and pushing and waiting and helping and holding on while I heal... Vita mia, you have done nothing wrong." How can I make you understand?/My love.

He groaned into her mouth. "I really wish I'd paid more attention when my nonna tried to teach me Italian during my childhood. You have no idea how fabulous that language sounds sliding off your tongue."

"Good enough to make you listen?" she asked.

"I heard the part about going to bed...there rest is a little foggy."

Ziva's eyes narrowed and she poked his chest. "This is serious."

Tony's mouth possessed hers with strength and intent, and all else was lost in the assault he launched on her senses. Before he scooped her into his arms to carry her to their room, he breathed a soft 'thank you' against her cheek, which Ziva took as the answer to her question. After that, Tony didn't leave her the faintest bit of ability to focus on anything but him.

NCIS

Monday April 12

It was tea time in Israel and Eli David was deep in thought. He was troubled, which was an unusual emotion for him, since he carried with him the same confidence in his actions that he demanded of everyone under his authority. Six months had passed since the day his sister stormed into his office and gave him a tongue lashing like he hadn't heard since he was a young man. And, true to her word, she hadn't spoken to him since. He never realized how much he missed his older sister's company and wise counsel until being deprived of it for so long. Setting his cup and saucer back on the table, Eli stared out the window and contemplated what should be done.

An idea finally came to him and he called for his second in command. Hadar responded moments later, stepping inside the office. "Director?"

"I want you to go to my sister. Extend to her my personal invitation for lunch tomorrow."

If Hadar seemed a bit uncomfortable with the order, it was only because he remembered Nettie David storming out of the building, all fire and brimstone and bristling so much that heaven help anyone who got in her way. He swallowed back his own feelings and nodded once. "Of course."

He didn't move and Eli looked up. "Now."

The man was gone the next instant and all too soon found himself in front of the little cottage in Haifa that was Nettie's pride and joy. Hadar knocked on the door, straightened his suit, and waited. A moment later her familiar voice floated through. "Hello?"

"Ms. David? It is Hadar. May I come in?"

The silence was not encouraging and when she spoke this time her tone was considerably less friendly. "Did Eli send you?"

"Yes ma'am, he wishes me to-"

The door was flung open and the tiny old woman stood glaring at him. "I do not care of his wishes, nor do I acknowledge his existence. Good day."

"Ms. David-" Hadar tried again, but the door was unceremoniously slammed in his face and he sighed.

The drive back to Tel Aviv did nothing to provide Hadar with a good way to explain the situation to his leader, but as it turned out, that wasn't necessary. Eli took one look at his face and sighed. "Am I to assume you were not received well?"

"That is the...polite way of putting it," he agreed.

Eli, however, was not a man who accepted defeat. He thought back to arguments with Rivka and how long it sometimes took to get back in her good graces. "Perhaps," he mused, "I will start with flowers."

Without it being explicitly stated, Hadar understood that the flowers would be his responsibility and he paused on his way out the door. "Shall I have one of the teams observe for her reaction?"

The director thought about that briefly. "Yes," he decided. "Then I will know better how to proceed. That is all."

"Of course Director." Hadar bowed slightly and left the room. So began a campaign between two sides that were both too stubborn to give up. The following days should prove to be quite interesting, quite interesting indeed.

NCIS

Adrian was waiting at the door the Emma's apartment building when she got home from work. "Are you stalking me now Mr. Platz?"

A bouquet of flowers appeared from behind his back and her delighted smile was echoed in his. "No need, you're not very had to find."

She touched the blossoms gently and breathed in the scent that drifted up to her nose. "Why am I getting flowers?"

He kissed her gently. "We've been dating for four months."

Emma's eyebrows rose. "Have we now? Does that call for a celebration?"

Adrian bit his lip. "Maybe a bit later? I'm actually on my way to a meeting. Can I take you out for dessert tonight, say around eight?"

She tilted her head. "Yes." Her gaze drifted to his car. "Do you have to leave right away?"

He lifted her hand, pressing his lips to the back. "I'm afraid so. If I followed you upstairs right now I'd probably forget all about any remaining responsibilities."

Emma chuckled. "Is that your way of saying you like spending time with me? Or were you just hoping for a few more of those cookies I made?"

Adrian winked. "Guilty on both counts." His eyes twinkled. "But now I have something to look forward to." He started to back away and she reluctantly let go of his hand.

"Thank you for the flowers Adrian, they're beautiful."

"Not as beautiful as you." She rolled her eyes and he shrugged. Sure the line was cheesy, but it made her smile. "Hey," he called just before getting into his car, "I love you."

"I love you too." Emma watched her boyfriend drive away and carried the flowers upstairs. The man never stopped surprising her and she'd been thinking for awhile how nice it would be to spend the next fifty years where every day would be something unexpected.

NCIS

"Hey Coach," Ryan began while he held the basketball in his hands, "can you be my dad?"

Brent froze mid-motion and looked over at him, scrambling for what would be the right thing to say. After a few seconds he knelt in front of the little boy. "Where did that question come from buddy?"

He shrugged. "I don't know."

Brent put his hand on Ryan's shoulder. "Yes you do. Is that something you've been thinking for awhile?"

Ryan scratched his head. "A little while I guess. But mostly since coming home from seeing Aunt Kate. Sometimes..." he looked embarrassed. "Sometimes I almost call you 'Dad' and have to stop."

Brent really wished CJ was here for this, but even between the two of them he wasn't sure they could come up with a suitable answer. It seemed like too big of a situation to be explaining to an eight year old, but he had a right to ask. "I can't think of anything more special than you thinking I'm the kind of guy you'd want for a dad. But Ry..." He sighed. "This is one of those grown up things we talked about a few months ago. It's something I have to talk to your mom about before we can explain it to you. Can we come back to this when I have an answer for you?"

Ryan's nose wrinkled. "Am I in trouble?"

Brent shook his head. "Not even a little bit. It's just...complicated buddy. I'm sorry I don't have a better way to say it."

"That's okay. Mom says complicated sometimes and I have to wait. Want to play HORSE?"

Relieved at how quickly Ryan could shift from one subject to another, Brent agreed and after the game he left his charge to play fetch with Cody while he went inside and grabbed his phone. Need to prepare you for what you might hear tonight. Ryan asked if I could be his dad. Didn't know what to tell him, said I had to talk to you first. Don't freak out, we'll figure this out together. As an afterthought he added 'ILY', hoping she'd know what the letters stood for.

Brent was supervising Ryan's book report when CJ arrived and he stood a bit quicker than normal for the hug he could tell at a glance that she needed. "I'm already freaking out," she whispered in his ear, resting in the solace his arms offered for longer than she usually would in front of her son.

He rested his cheek on hers. "Me too."

CJ rolled her eyes. "Great. We're just one big mess."

"We'll figure it out," Brent reaffirmed, letting go of her to make coffee.

CJ slid into the empty chair beside her son and told him a story about one of her dancers from tonight's class, then asked about school. She deliberately avoided any mention of after school and hoped Ryan wouldn't bring up the question again tonight. There was no way she'd have an answer for him until she and Brent had a chance to talk somewhere away from little ears.

NCIS

Tuesday April 13

Tony wrung out a wet sock into his desk drawer and hung it over his desk lamp while Ziva watched in mild disgust. She was about to hiss something at him about office appropriate behaviour, but Ducky chose that moment to walk in. "Jethro working you so hard you have to do your laundry at the office Tony?"

He wiped his hands off with a towel and glared darkly at his partner. "I stepped in a puddle."

She smirked. "He did not watch where he was walking." Or more close to the truth, Tony had been paying far too much attention to where she was walking and how a certain part of her anatomy looked in a new pair of jeans that he hadn't noticed the puddle until he was already standing in it.

"Was he texting?" McGee asked, having known the senior field agent to do that before.

Ziva snorted. "He was distracted."

"It was probably a girl," the probie reasoned.

"For your information I was in a hurry," Tony snapped. "Things took a little longer this morning and I didn't want to risk the Gibbslap of being late."

"You should plan your time better," Ziva advised, her eyes dancing when his glare turned on her. She knew very well why he was distracted and running late, but he couldn't blame the lateness on her without raising suspicions.

"I hate rain," he muttered.

"I love it," Ducky countered, meandering through the bullpen on his way to the back elevator. "Rain is so invigorating, cleansing. It makes the air fresh and the city sparkle."

"I agree," Ziva said. It was no secret how much she enjoyed rain.

"You would," Tony grumbled, digging through the filing cabinet to find where he'd put his extra socks.

Gibbs appeared without any warning, yanked open a drawer in his desk, tossed a pair of dry socks at Tony and led them behind him like a line of lemmings to the crime scene of the day.

Thankfully they took two cars and on the way back to NCIS after everything had been processed, Tony and Ziva discussed what had happened earlier. "Do you think Gibbs' desk is like Mary Poppin's bag?"

She frowned. "I don't understand."

He sighed. "Ziva, you know Mary Poppins. Julie Andrews plays a magical nanny for a stuffy banker's two kids. Spoonful of sugar and all that?" Her blank expression was not at all encouraging. "I just mean that he's got everything we need in there. Dry socks for me, nail polish remover for when McGee gets pranked, seasickness meds for the probie's unsteady stomach when we're on ships. It's strange."

Ziva's fingers played over the back of his hand. "He is like a father, is he not? Looking out for his children."

Tony conceded the point. "In some ways. But his people skills need work."

She chuckled. "That is why he has us."

NCIS

Later that afternoon while Tony was at the hospital waiting for the guy with two identities to wake up so he could be questioned and Ziva stuck behind a desk, she made her way downstairs to the lab. A little yellow ball of fur came trotting over to meet her. Delighted, Ziva sat indian style with her back to the wall and scooped the puppy into her arms. "Hello little one, what are you doing here? Oh, you are so soft and cuddly." A pink tongue swiped at her cheek and Ziva laughed. "You are so sweet! What is your name, hm? I wish Gibbs would let us keep you for a mascot. Then there would always be a reason to smile, yes?"

At that point Abby came rushing out of her office. "Mortimer! Where did you go puppy? I hope-Oh." She stopped on seeing the ninja completely disarmed as she got her fix of puppy love. "Ziva!" She dropped to the floor in front of her. "I'm glad you came, what's up?"

Ziva shrugged. "Nothing. I am just waiting for a break in the case. Thought I would see if you had anything and then I met your friend. Gibbs let you bring your pet to work?" She and Tony should have thought of that, but if anyone could get away with it, Abby could.

The girl shook her pigtails. "Oh no, Mortimer's not mine. He's a guide dog puppy." She leaned forward and kissed his nose. "I get to keep him for six weeks and then he goes to an eighteen month placement after that." Abby giggled. "I get him for all the fun parts."

"He is beautiful," Ziva put in, rubbing Mortimer's silky ears. "It must be very hard to give him up."

"Yeah," she sighed. "I want to keep all of them, but it's for a really good cause." Abby studied her friend and the gentle way she had with the puppy. "Did you ever have a dog Ziva?"

Ziva cuddled Mortimer. "No," she said wistfully. "Tali and I wanted one, we begged for years. Ima would have let us, especially as Tali got older and Ari was away more, but Eli..." she glanced to the side. "He did not approve of dreams."

Abby's indignation was hard to mask, but it wasn't all that often Ziva shared about her childhood and she didn't want to scare her off. So she did what Abbys do best and launched into a story. "My grampa's best coon dog Bubba and I were best friends from the time I could walk. We did everything together - fishing, swimming, driving." Her lips curved up at this and Ziva could picture a pre-teen Abby stealing off with a ratty old pick up truck and teaching herself how to drive. "We even went to the county fair together every summer. Gloria drew the line at letting him into church with us, so he'd lay outside the front door and wait. People used to bring him treats. He was such a sweetie. I even taught him some signs. He was the only friend I ever had that never told me I talked too much."

"That is a lovely memory," Ziva commented, getting to her feet. It was dangerous to spend time alone with Abby like this, when their secret might be too close to the surface to hide. As much as she wanted to she could not tell the bubbly forensic scientist about the dog she and Tony had adopted, or the love and comfort Meira brought into their lives. "Do you have anything for us?"

NCIS

Wednesday April 14

Tony paced back and forth across the empty conference room after his partner temporarily disabled the camera. "I killed him Zi." He ran agitated fingers through his hair, leaving it sticking up all over the place. "I followed Gibbs' orders instead of the doctor's and I killed him."

Ziva, reflecting calm when her husband could not, tried to reason with him. "You told him the truth Tony. Perhaps you could have been more gentle, but he was in a mess of his own making. Lies always catch up with you sooner or later and one like this..." She shook her head. "He probably did not expect to get caught."

"Or to have both Mrs's show up at the same hospital." He sighed. "I just...his first wife seemed to really care about him. It doesn't seem fair that she had to lose him twice, especially when she just found out he was alive."

"That was cruel of him to let her think he was dead," Ziva commented.

Tony stopped in front of her and took her hands. "There's no excuse for treating the woman you love like that." He kissed her knuckles and gave her a half-grin. "One wife is enough of an adventure for me, I can't imagine being married to two at once."

"It is not easy to juggle two lives, nor to separate them when everything becomes blurred." It was a veiled reference to his undercover operation, but her tone held no malice.

"He must've been something to get both women to fall for him, but he was a fool. When people make stupid choices, it's almost always about love or money. I can guess which one was a stronger draw this time."

Ziva came back to her original point. "This was not your fault Tony. Are you okay?"

He drew her into a hug. "I will be. I guess I just wish this case could have a happier ending."

She nodded against his shoulder. They all wished that from time to time, but life did not often turn out in their favour.

NCIS

They met for coffee in a quiet little shop halfway between their homes, both more than a little apprehensive about the coming conversation. He held the door for her and led her to a secluded booth in the back after they'd gotten their drinks. CJ wrapped her hands around the hot mug. "What are we going to tell him?"

Brent blew on his steaming coffee and shook his head. "It's one thing to try and explain dating, but to say that we love each other, that we're sure about a future together, but I can't be his dad yet?" He shook his head. "That seems so unfair. He's not going to understand."

She stared into her tea, then glanced up at the dark blue eyes watching her. "Don't," she whispered. "I know what you're thinking Brent, but please don't rush everything we need to take time for because you want to make this easier on my son."

He was beginning to really dislike that possessive pronoun. Ryan was as good as theirs already, but he couldn't claim him because they'd only just gotten to 'I love you' and were still quite a distance from forever. He rolled his shoulders. "I was only thinking about it."

CJ's hand crept over to wrap around his. "I love you Brent. Six months ago I could never have envisioned feeling, much less saying that to any man, but here we are. I know how you feel about Ryan and I, believe me, ever since we got back from California I've been able to see that vision of us as a family as clearly as you can, but we need to take this time to get to know each other better, to learn more of the depths of our hearts and hurts, before we make this...more."

Not that he would ask her yet, Brent had more sense than that, but he'd been thinking about how to phrase a proposal ever since the conversation with Aunt Kate. She was just lucky he hadn't gone shopping for a ring yet, because he wasn't altogether positive he could hold onto it very long before the words would just come pouring out of his heart, whether she was ready to hear them or not. He cleared his throat and managed a small smile. "Relax CJ, I'm not going to spring anything on you. I just wish there was a simple way to make Ryan understand what we do."

She wasn't entirely sure he did understand, really. CJ was quite certain that if she gave him just a hint that she was prepared for the future he wanted, Brent would be down on one knee before she could blink. And that really would be too fast. "This was one of the things I was afraid of when we started dating. Sometimes I'm just winging this mom thing, never sure if I'm doing any of it right. This..." she waved her hand, "...is definitely one of those moments."

Brent thought about leaning across the table and kissing her as a distraction, but that might be considered unfair. "Our first parenting challenge." The words came out before he thought through them and he winced. "Am I allowed to say that?"

CJ tensed in her seat and swallowed. "Not yet. I don't think...'our' just sounds so big. I forget sometimes that saying yes means I'll have to do more than share my son's love and his time, I'll be sharing the responsibility for his life too. That's a really...difficult thing to consider."

He couldn't even imagine after eight years of raising Ryan almost entirely on her own how hard it was to think about letting someone else take over some of that responsibility. Brent laced their fingers together rather than try to say anything that matched the momentous change engulfing her mind. "Do you think we're failing some sort of test?" he ventured after awhile. "By not knowing the answer to this?"

She twisted the mug around. "I think we better go home before I lose my nerve. Maybe inspiration will hit us somewhere between here and there."

Brent grasped her hand tightly as they left and was suddenly wishing they'd walked the distance to the coffee shop because it would give them more time to think. All too soon they arrived back at the apartment and he sat on the couch to watch the end of Atlantis with Ryan while CJ took care of paying Keri, and apologized for the briefness of the job. Keri smiled and pocketed the bill. "No worries Ms. Taylor, we had fun. See you around kiddo!" she waved to Ryan and took off down the stairs where her bike waited at the bottom.

As soon as the movie was over CJ pressed the power button on the TV and DVD player remotes and sat on the coffee table in front of her son. "Ryan, Coach and I need to talk to you."

His gaze shifted nervously between them. "This is about what I said on Monday, huh?"

She put her hand on his knee. "Yes, it is."

He crossed his arms. "Coach said I wouldn't be in trouble."

"You're not," CJ assured him, glancing at Brent. "Ryan, do you know what dating means?"

Ryan rolled his eyes. "Like, kissing and stuff?"

The adults had to suppress their smiles. "It's a little more than that buddy." Brent held out his hand for CJ's. "Your mom and I are dating Ryan. That means we care about each other, and we want to be a family, someday." It wasn't a great explanation, but he hoped it made sense to the little boy.

Ryan looked at them hopefully. "So you can be my dad?"

CJ touched his cheek. "Someday Ryan, yes. But we're not at someday yet. So for now Coach is still your friend. When that changes we'll let you know. Is that fair?"

He rolled that around in his head. "Is someday a long time?"

"It's going to seem long for all of us I think," Brent offered. "But your mom and I, we have to talk about a lot of things, and learn more about each other before we get closer to being a family."

"We already are one," Ryan tried to argue. "We just don't live in the same house."

Brent put his arm about the boy. "And when we get to someday, that'll change too. But try to be patient with us, okay? Grown ups aren't always very good with change."

"Change can be good," Ryan put in thoughtfully. "I didn't like it at first when we left Aunt Kate and came here, but I got Gram and Grandpa, and Wes and Breanna, and Cody and you, so now I'm glad we came."

Brent wondered if he should feel offended, coming in at last place even after his dog, but children's minds didn't work the same as adults, and for that he was glad. CJ noticed the order as well but kept her amusement to herself. "Do you have any questions monkey?"

He shrugged. "I guess not. Can I go read my comic book now?" He'd recently become interested in old comics, ever since CJ brought home a box of Chris's things from her parent's basement.

"Brush your teeth first, so you don't forget," CJ answered. Ryan jumped up and almost made it to the hall before she called him back. "Say goodnight to Coach before you go."

Ryan frowned. "Can't you stay long enough to tuck me in?"

Brent turned to CJ helplessly and she smiled, nodding. "I think I can handle that. What time is bedtime?"

"My light has to be out by eight o'clock, so come in before that please."

"You got it." He disappeared into his room and Brent sagged back into the cushions. "That was terrifying."

Her weight settled beside him and she leaned against his chest. "I didn't realize eight year olds could be so intimidating." Tilting her head, she looked up at him. "How do you think we did?"

He rested his head on hers. "We bought ourselves some time, but we better make sure we have most of those questions answered by the next time he asks. Ryan is not the kind of kid to leave this for very long."

At that truth CJ held her breath and tried to call some order to her racing thoughts. Brent was right, this conversation was far from over.

NCIS

Ziva walked in the door that night after her time at Ops, fresh from the shower, her hair damp, and looking more relaxed than she'd been all week. She dropped her gym bag and went to the couch, leaning over and putting her arms around her husband from behind. Shampoo scented hair draped across his chest when she kissed his cheek and Tony's grip on her wrist tightened. "You smell like heaven," he murmured.

Her voice was low and throaty. "How would you know what heaven smells like?"

He was out of his seat and at her side almost before Ziva could register his movement, hands cradling her face as he attacked her mouth with an intensity that stole her breath away. She fell into the kiss because she couldn't help it, his heated touch drawing her in, his lips demanding a response that matched his own passion. She was dizzy from lack of oxygen and her husband's ardour when he finally let her breathe again. "Tony, what?" was all she could manage to form of a sentence.

Tony buried his face in her neck, the scent of her body wash driving him crazy with need. He nipped her shoulder gently. "I want you Zi."

She chuckled and pressed herself into him. "That part is obvious my love. It has been a long time since you surprised me like this."

A bit of clarity returned to his desire cloaked eyes. "It's been a long time since you've been okay with this kind of surprise."

Having no appropriate response, Ziva sought his mouth with an eagerness that kindled the fire in Tony's blood to a consuming blaze that could only be sated one way. How they ended up in their bedroom she would be hard pressed to say, but there was a freedom to their lovemaking that night which had been missing for a long time. When she could think clearly again, Ziva resolved in her heart to be more available to her husband in the days that followed. He'd waited long enough, it was his turn to be rewarded.

NCIS

Tony lay on his side, head propped up on one hand while his fingers lightly traced the scars crisscrossing Ziva's back everywhere the sheet didn't cover. She turned her face partway into her pillow. "Are they horrible?" She made it a point not to check the desert evidence engraved on her body in the bathroom mirror.

He leaned down and pressed his lips to one of the marks. "Not nearly as bad as they could be Zi." The words came out husky and Tony covered her with his body as if to protect his wife from what he was thinking.

Ziva felt him tremble and reached back to touch his cheek. "Where is your mind ahava?"

Tony breathed out hard against her neck. "Watching you die," he whispered, "all the different ways that could've happened before we found you." She was back to herself, healthy and whole and near the end of healing, but all he could see in his head was the frail, scary skinny, battered and frightened shadow who'd come home to him.

She closed her eyes and folded her hand over his, digging her nails into the back. "Stop," Ziva commanded. His heartbeat at her back didn't slow and she could feel the memories wreaking havoc on him. Unwilling to let it continue, Ziva pushed back forcefully enough to make him move and turned around, crawling in to her husband's lap and framing his face with her hands. "Look at me Tony." He struggled to do as she asked and Ziva leaned her forehead on his. "Tony, please."

Tortured green eyes met hers and she breathed in slowly, then out, willing his too fast breathing to match hers. It took awhile, but Tony finally calmed down enough to listen and surrounded her with his arms. "Do not do that any more mio caro, you need to be free of that place and you deserve it just as I do." Ziva pressed herself into his chest and clung to the man who had always been her rock. "Can you feel my heartbeat?" Tony's grip tightened, then a nod. "And I feel yours as well. We are alive ahava, we made it out. We are here together, remember nothing except that."

Tony shuddered against her and Ziva absorbed his fear, leaving soft kisses on his chest and shoulder, working her way up his neck, and finally meeting his mouth with hers. That broke the hold Somalia had on him and Tony's hands came up to rest on her cheeks, fingers sliding into her hair as the intensity and passion of the kiss built and flowed between them. He possessed her lips over and over, drinking deep of her willingness and overwhelming Ziva with his need.

His body responded to the heated touches and frenzied kisses and Tony broke away, letting his hands slide down her arms and slowly up her back, eliminating all space between them. "I know what you said...about needing time, but-" He couldn't finish the sentence and she bowed her head, wrestling with the unspoken request, her body desperate for the same thing her mind and experience had conditioned her to fear.

When Ziva finally had an answer, her voice came out small and quiet. "You are very worked up Tony. I would need your promise that you will still be gentle." What she wouldn't give for one night that didn't require such care, a night when they could both let go and give everything to the other, to work out emotions with the meeting of their bodies and not have it matter if they went slow and gentle or fast and rough. But it did matter and both knew the consequences of tossing caution to the wind.

The urgency faded from Tony's body language and he cradled the back of her head in his hand, claiming her mouth for a long caress that reaffirmed his promise before a word was spoken. "I'm sorry that question was necessary. I'm not trying to use you honey, if you don't want this..."

"But I do," she whispered on his skin, "only I am afraid because of what happened last time." Last time was a whole month ago, after the trucking operation when they gave into emotion and tried to salve the tension by making love. But she couldn't handle less gentle and slipped away from him. "I do not like the numbness, even if it is trying to protect me. I want to stay here with you."

The progress they'd made since that night was huge and her confession cemented Tony's resolve. "I want you here Zi, I hate losing you to that disassociation stuff. You can trust me honey, I'll be gentle. I just want to be with you." He intertwined their fingers. "I don't know if I can ever explain what that oneness means to me, to be so connected that we're no longer two distinct beings, or two people with something missing, but for those few precious minutes complete and whole...it's amazing. Sometimes I have to fight tears just because I'm feeling too much and there's no other way to express how deeply I love you."

Ziva's fingers trailed down his cheek. "I would not make fun if you cried." She closed her eyes. "I have never met a man like you Anthony DiNozzo. I could say it in every language I know but that would never be enough to tell you how much I love you." Her lips ghosted over his. "Yes."

Needing to be the dominant one this time, Tony rolled them over so Ziva was on her back and searched the sheets for the little pink lock that was her anchor. It was under a pillow and he placed it in her palm, kissing the warm skin. His eyes conveyed everything that needed to be said and the next thing she knew his lips were on hers and the only thing that existed in her world was her husband and the love they shared. A memory that would linger in her heart long after the night was over.

Replies:

Christie (MIT32) - Did it again. Seem to be having some memory problems, sorry. Well, any chapter you are able to acknowledge I appreciate, trust me. haha...I never thought of it that way, but I guess Aunt Kate plays a similar role for CJ. You're right that everyone should. Who among us doesn't need a spunky old Israeli lady telling it to us straight? lol :P Funny that you should mention that, about M&C. I just wrote a scene where Cassie wonders how they ended up wtih that role. Yes, Tony standing up for himself was great, Z needs to be able to see beyond herself. I'm a fan of happily ever after too. It may take us several hundred thousand words, but we'll get there eventually :) Thanks for your confidence and the review. ~Aliyah

amaia (MIT32) - I know, I'm sorry. Believe me, the pain has a purpose. Things often get worse before they get better, but T&Z really are on their way to better. haha...I know what you mean. It might take Z a little longer than ideal to get her priorities straight, but she will. Thanks, I like knowing how to pronounce people's names. Thanks for reviewing! :) ~Aliyah

Christie (MIT33) - Thanks :) Yeah, B&CJ made some unexpected progress there with the ILY. I didn't expect that to happen so soon. It just kinda jumped in there without really asking me :P Agreed. And Brent will make a very good dad. He already has. T&Z hit a rough patch in this chapter, but there is light at the end of this tunnel at last. Gibbs, always the enigma. Of course I can't give anything away, not with this much build up, but I believe his reaction will be something unanticipated ;) Thank you for the lovely review! :) ~Aliyah

Guest (MIT33) - I feel like I should recognize who you are from the tone and wording of the review, but a name would help :) I'm glad the B&CJ moment was something you looked forward to. A bit unexpected for ILY to come this soon, but there it was. By the time you read this reply I hope you'll appreciate the breakthrough T&Z found. It's tough writing their story sometimes, I am just so anxious to get this season of healing over with so they can relax and get back to enjoying being married. But we have to go through this stuff first. Me too. I've been holding onto the idea for a GZ scene for awhile and I like how it came out. Someone else asked and I hope to put more of them in at some point. She needs his brand of love as much as he needs to claim her as his daughter. It's a good match. You're very welcome, I'm glad you think that. Thanks for leaving a review! It's always a pleasure to see someone's thoughts :) Believe me, we are far, far from the end. ~Aliyah