Song: Run by Snow Patrol

Disclaimer: I am obviously not in Snow Patrol, so this disclaimer is pointless.

I'll sing it one last time for you

Then we really have to go

"We have to go now, Matt," I whisper, reaching forward to brush my hand through your hair. It's still that musty red color that it always is, still soft to the touch. Some things don't change.

You look up at me, green eyes glittering, free from the goggles for once. And, as always, I can read you like a book. You're scared. You don't want to be, but you are.

I wonder if you can see in my eyes that I'm scared, too.

You've been the only thing that's right

In all I've done

I regret a lot of things. But I've never regretted being with you. Not once in our lives together did I regret meeting you that day in Wammys House, nor did I regret falling in love with you.

Not until now. Not until I found myself looking at your angel face, at those pure green eyes, at the smoke-ball gun that rests in those same hands that held me all those years. Not until I realized that I was going to be the death of you.

I was going to regret that for the short remainder of my life.

And I can barely look at you

But every single time I do

"Do we have to go?" you whisper quietly. I can tell by the tone of your voice that you already know the awnser. That you have lost any hope you might have had before that I would change my mind.

"I do," I respond. I hate myself inside for how hard and cold my voice sounds, as if I don't care. Despite this, I know that you understand that I'm breaking up inside. Because you know me better than anyone else.

I know we'll make it anywhere

Anyway from here

Proving this point you smile at me. It's a melancholy kind of smile, so far from the glowing, loving smiles that usually accomidate your face. "Then so do I," you reply, getting to your feet to stand beside me. I wonder if you can tell that my hands are shaking.

We walk out of our shit-hole apartment together without a word. It pains me to glance over my shoulder at it, at the broken door that doesn't rest right on it's hinges, at the ever-crooked door handle. Shitty as can be.

It's our home. I'll never see it again.

"You don't have to go," I say suddenly, glancing gup at him. "This isn't your fight. It's mine."

Light up, light up

As if you have a choice

You smile at me again, your green eyes flickering with surprise before you pull the goggles over them, shielding them from me, leaving me only with the view of the empty smile on your lips. "Don't be stupid," you whisper. "What's yours is mine, Mel, and vice versa. I won't be left behind. I'm yours."

Most men wouldn't admit to that. Most wouldn't give up. But you've given up a long time ago, haven't you?

Even if you cannot hear my voice

I'll be right beside you dear

Somehow we reach the elevator. As the doors slide shut, I look down at my feet, feeling the tears burn in my eyes but knowing that they won't fall. It's been so long since I've cried. So long. "I don't want to leave you," I whisper. I think for a moment that you don't hear me, but then, you always do.

"Hey now, Mel," you laugh, reaching over to hold my hand. The feeling, despite how small, is a good one, and I return the squeeze you've given. You smile, an expression much less melancholy than the last of it's kind. "You're not leaving me. We'll make it out."

Louder louder

And we'll run for our lives

The elevator door slides open with a ding. I smile, but I know it comes out pained and horrible as I mutter the truth.

"No we won't." It was the first time I had admitted it to myself. But you smile, because you already knew.

I can hardly speak I understand

Why you can't raise your voice to say

You follow me as you always do, still holding my hand as I lead the way out of the elevator, out of the apartment building. I wonder, in the back of my mind, if I'll ever see that grumpy old bellhop again. He glares at me, lke he always does, but for once I only smile at him. Really, I think it only makes him frown more.

"You're not leaving me," you whisper again suddenly as we reach the parking lot, haulting out of no where in your stroll. I flinch and look up at you to find that you've removed the goggles again, pushed them down to rest lazily around your neck. I can see your eyes there, the green beauties that I'd always adored, even as a child.

To think I might not see those eyes

Makes it so hard not to cry

"Even if we die, you'll still be with me," you whispered strongly, pulling me gently forward. I relax into the movement, letting my forehead rest on your chest. You still smell like you always do - like an ash tray. To think that I would ever miss that smell…

"We'll always be together, Mello. I love you," you promise me into my ear, hugging me tight. You sound so sure. I can't help but believe you, even if I'm not sure myself, despite my consant ranting about being a Catholic. Really, I never truly believed - it never really settled into my heart just saying Hail Marry over and over, just wearing the rosary and listening to the Bible stories.. Now, having you hold me, I want to believe.

And as we say our long goodbye

I nearly do

I feel myself choking up now, and I burry my face into your shirt. Same stripes, the black and red one today. Some things really never change, do they? Same for me, I suppose. I can feel myself choking, the tears stinging my eyes and making my breathing harsh in the process, but still the tears do not fall. They never do. I haven't cried since I was 8 years old; I'm beguining to think I never will again.

"I love you too, Matt," I whisper, my voice high and wavering in it's strggle not to cry. I don't know why I struggle. I want to cry so bad, and that it would make me feel better…

But it won't fix anything. I know this. And it's days like this one that I realize I hate being so rational.

Light up...

"We have to go," you remind me quietly, your voice gentle. I can tell just by that voice that you didn't want to remind me, that you wanted to let me simply forget. But you know… you know it simply doesn't work that way.

I pull away from you, looking up into your eyes. For a moment there, I wish I could simply fall into them, drown in that expressive sea of emerald green. But I know my wish won't be granted, and settle instead for leaning up on my tip toes to land a kiss on your lips. The move is chaste and sweet, nothing sexual about it, simply loving. I know, pressing my lips softly to yours as I have a million times before, that the action isn't really a kiss.

It's a goodbye.

Slower slower

We don't have time for that

I pull away from you, letting my fingers linger on your chest a few moments more before I take a few steps back, keeping my eyes on his for as long as I can. We don't exchange any more words. We don't have to.

In the end, I suppose silence has always been the best way to talk to me.

I just want to find an easier way

To get out of our little heads

You pull your goggles back over your eyes, smile one last, sarcastic kind of half-smile, and turn away towards your car. This movement is so final I could have broken down right there, had I been a weaker person. But, painful as it was, I was too strong for that.

Have heart my dear

We're bound to be afraid

I don't remember crying. I don't remember breaking down. I don't remember being afraid.

I know that if I survive and he doesn't, I will be forced to.

It doesn't matter though. I won't get that chance.

I climb onto my motorcycle and force myself to drive away without looking back at the angel watching me leave. Knowing that, if I do, I won't be brave enough to leave you.

I died within the hour of your death. I died because I took the helmet off, a move so stupid that I you might call me stupid for doing so, but it wasn't an accident. I knew what I was doing - I was giving Takada an opening. To kill me. Because I knew you were going to die. And you did.

Even if it's just for a few days

Making up for all this mess

I can't tell you that I regret the path I took, because it led me to you. I can only hope you'll forgive me for dragging you down it too. And as I close my eyes, that last thought of you filtering through my mind, I hope that wherever I end up next, you'll be there waiting for me.

Fin

A/N: Ummm… I really don't know where this came from… I was in the middle of writing a totally light-spirited chapter of the co-authoring fic I'm doing with Atryel when I started listening to this and… this fic happened :P Yeah… anyways, this is so genaric I could barf, so please, forgive me ^^; I'l go work on something important now… if I don't procrostinate some more ; )