The next morning came and I learned what happened to Jaeha. He freely chose to drink the drug and that pissed me off. I tightened my fist because of it. I was on the verge of giving him an ass beating. "Hak, you better hold me back! I'm about to pounce him" I shouted, alerting Jaeha to coward into a corner. "I'm about to beat his ass into pulp! That boy got me all sad and shit because I thought something bad happened."
"Well, something did bad happen to me though." Jaeha interjected, and I threw my shoe at him. My shoe bounded off his head and came back to me like a boomerang. "Oww…!" He rubbed his bump that was on his forehead because of my shoe.
"Don't talk to me." I stormed out of the room.
The rest of us who weren't with Jaeha, aka Shinah, we were out to investigate how the drug got to Water Tribe. I was still mad about what happened to him but I will soon let it go when I feel like it. We moved around in the town. It was lively and it stopped raining, that's a plus side to this.
"Oooooooh." I moaned around quietly, puffing out air from my mouth as my hands were on my stomach. My belly didn't feel so well that I excused myself to find a place to sit down.
I sat on a bench that was viewable to see the others on their search. I was breathing lightly as I rubbed my stomach. I extended my hands to see that they've gotten a bit fatter. I was gaining weight through this pregnancy. I'm going to be out of shape when the baby is out. I won't be fit no more. I won't have my fighting skills, like I guess I will but it's going to be rusty or bad at the start.
"Hello, is someone sitting here?" I looked up to see an older lady smiling sweetly at me.
"Oh, no! It's just me… Waiting for my friends." I pointed where my friends were and she sat down next to me so quickly that I was taken away by her movement.
"So what brings you down in the Water Tribe?" She asked.
"Oh, just traveling. It's beautiful to see the landscape and all, you know?" I chuckled, straightening out my skirt. "How about you? Do you live here?" It was my turn to ask the question.
She nodded her head. "Yes, I do. In fact, I make tea for a living! Do you want some? I have some tea on me." The woman pulled out a fresh brewed tea out of nowhere, and I started to feel uneasy about this. Just her pulling out a cup of tea was sketchy like who does that? But then I was also reminded when Jaeha freely drank drugs from a teacup.
"Uh…" I looked at the steaming cup. "I think I'm good. I'm not thirsty. But thank you though." I smiled, trying to find a way to leave.
"Come on! Just a sip. I want to see if you would like it! I made other people try it and they said it tasted plain because there's no flavors, the people say. Take it as a free sample." She pushed her cup to me, insisting for me to drink it and give her a feedback of improvements.
My gaze was shifty. I looked at the cup then to my friends for help, but they couldn't see me looking at them because I was a far from them. Shit… "No, no… I'll be fine." I politely refused again, begging for them to see or hear my cry of desperation from afar.
"Come on, sweetie. There's nothing to be afraid of. It's just tea."
She called me sweetie… "No, no, no, no!" When I was about to get up from the stone bench, the woman grabbed a hold of my wrist, wrapping a great amount of strength onto me. It was like a snake's hold. I could feel her nails digging into my skin and her hand imprinting a red mark or a purple bruise on my skin. I gritted my teeth in her dumb decision to do this to me. She made the wrong move to inflict pain to me. "Why don't you drink your damn tea for yourself?!" I grabbed her hand that held the tea and shoved the liquid down her mouth, then pushed her off of me. She tripped on her skirt as she fell behind. "Touch me again, and I'll kill you. Maybe someone will finish you off because laying a hand on a pregnant woman isn't good, is it?" I glared at her before walking back to the gang.
I looked at my wrist to see a red handprint marking my delicate skin. "That wretch…" I cursed under my breath.
"Feeling better?" Kija asked when he noticed me next to him.
I moved my marked hand behind my back and replied back, "Yeah, I do." I nodded quickly.
I knew Jaeha was here, but I chose to ignore his presence. He got me all worried yesterday… Because he did something dumb and knew it would risk his life… Dumbass.
"Seina."
"Mmm?" I looked to see who was calling my name.
"Are you hungry? If you are I can buy you some food to eat." Yoon motioned me to come and follow him, taking my redden wrist as I let out a little winced.
"Ngnnnn…!" I held in most of my noises in my mouth. But I knew Yoon saw and heard my noises and expression. "Y-yeah!"
When I walked off with Yoon, Jaeha's eyes laid on my walking figure until I was out from his sight.
"What happened? Why is your wrist red?" Yoon sat me down near a river bank. Mother Yoon was now interrogating.
"This older woman wanted me to drink her tea, but it felt sketchy because she pulled it out of nowhere. She told me to drink it and tell me how it taste so she could improve I guess. But I rejected her offer two times that she grabbed a hold of my wrist, leaving a mark on it." Then I started to laugh because the next part that I was going to tell him was about me… "Ahaha… So like… Umm… I used a little force on her… I made her drink her little tea. Then threatened her to kill her if she does it to me again." I chuckled, turning my head away.
He sighed, shaking his head. "Let's get you something to eat, then I'll tell you about the drug."
After when Yoon told me I understood what was happening.
"So what are we going to do now? Solve the mystery?"
"Yeah. Yona wants to solve it because she doesn't want the people to keep on suffering."
"That's our Princess, Yoon!" I wrapped an arm around his neck. "She's growing to be fit as a queen that she deserves to be."
Tonight the others except I were going to a bar filled with the nadai. Everyone complained how dangerous it'll be for a pregnant woman to be there… I had no choice.
The room reservation was only for one day so we couldn't go back there anyways… because of Jaeha's wild side showing when he drank the nadai. So we had to camp tonight.
I made the tent for us to camp in tonight when the guys arrive back from their little mission. I skipped over to the river bank near by the campsite and sat on the grass. I looked at the water in front of my eyes. It was casting the full moon from above in the reflection and it made me sad. I breathed in the cold as I shivered a bit.
Then I started to think. I look back at the memories when Jaeha was with beautiful women. They were fair skinned, skinny, long beautiful hair, and wore revealing dresses. My heart felt empty. Just seeing him yesterday, accepting to go inside the building to drink with the two beautiful girls got me jealous. And it also brought up that one time when I was with Hak, and Jaeha made Hak and I go with him into this place filled with gorgeous women. I bet they had softer skins than I do. My hands are rough from the centuries I've been alive, as I've been a rag doll since I was kidnapped until now. And when I thought I could stop them from hurting and touching me, I was wrong. I was too weak to do anything. I guess I'm just a fool who can't learn from the past and learn how to love myself.
I remembered giving birth to Hyunki. It was the happiest yet saddest moment of my life. I thought if I actually had his child we'd be together, and I could finally get out of this jail place to live with him… but I was wrong. Totally wrong. I was only a toy to be used since I was young and naive. I didn't know any better.
"It's a boy!"
"What should I name him?" I looked all around me to find the general that did this to me. I was dumb. I was so dumb. I thought our little quarrel could lead up to something, but it was wrong. I was wrong. I should've killed the baby when I had the chance to.
The General wasn't even here for his son's birth. He didn't even have the pride to even hold him as he went down to check the enslaved people. He would make eye contact with me and look away quickly like I was a regular slave. I never knew why I hoped for him to see his son, see Hyunki. Hyunki wanted to see him because I fed him lies because I fed myself lies. The general would coldly reject him like he was not even his own flesh and blood as Hyunki grew up.
There was this one time where I felt so numb that I almost drowned Hyunki when he was a baby. I was washing him as I was clouded in my thoughts. I saw the General with another woman. But even after almost drowning Hyunki, I was scolded by other enslaved women. I didn't care about their hurtful words because it didn't get to me. I still believed he didn't love the woman he was with but me.
It was not until after Hyunki was growing a bit that I started to see who the General really was. He never really cared about us, and that is when my heart molded into hatred for the General…
Just thinking about the stupid naive me, I was going to cry because it was an emotional ride for me to be in. "What are you, Jaeha? Are you like the General who only plays women's hearts, or are you the one who actually is committed?" I choked on a laughter as I was crying to myself.
Jaeha is such a gentleman that it hurts. It hurts to feel jealous because he is one. Why couldn't he be like Hak who is a dense dude? And who doesn't have eyes but the only person he actually loves? Jaeha must've meet beautiful women than me.
I cried in my hands.
Yesterday night, he made me feel like he was going to die. Why does he do this to me? Why do I feel this way towards him? All the comfort and care from him made me feel happier about myself than living in the past. Small little things from him got me thinking there's a possibility that we might become one. The hallucination was the key to make me think that. But all his niceness, caring and loving side was all in his personality as a gentleman. That's what they do. He's a free man as I'm just a slaved woman in my heart. "I was just a broken bird to begin with." I frowned, letting the cold wind take down the tears from my eyes.
I walked over to the water to splash my face. I needed to cool my puffy eyes and red nose. "Maybe a goodnight sleep will help me…" I murmured off, walking back to the tent to sleep. I didn't care about making food because I was already eating up my own emotions that filled me to the brim.
The next morning I was met with a woman named Lili. She must be the Princess' friend or something. "A friend of yours, Princess?" I asked, as they both walked to me.
"Somewhat." She nodded.
"Nice." I smiled. She's finally expanding her relationship. If Princess is ever endanger or ever needs allies, she would already have one right here.
When Lili was talking about something dealing with fly kicking, the first person I went to was Hak. "What is she talking about?" I moved over to him.
"Oh, well, so Princess…" Hak explained every missing gap in my brain that I missed out on.
"Okay then…"
I stepped back from Hak and was sudden stopped by a firm hold from Jaeha who had a concern look on his face.
He dragged me to a secluded area away from the others. "What is it?" I asked, not really wanting to talk to him. I wasn't in the mood at all really. My mood was fouled last night when I connected some pieces of my life from the present to the past.
"I know you're mad—"
"Please. I don't really want to talk to you. I need some time to myself." I peeled off his fingers that was molded around my wrist.
"What are you thinking about?"
"Things that doesn't revolve around you." I coldly spoke, finally ripping his hand off of me.
For a split second, I caught a glimpse of his torment in his expression before it returned back to normal.
"Is it not me? I'm pretty sure that it's me who's hurting you. You've been ignoring me and giving me the cold shoulder since yesterday and right now! What did I do to deserve this?" He yelled, grabbing me again, but this time he used both hands to grab my wrists to lock me in place from leaving.
"Just stop. If you know if it's you then stop." I cast my head to the side, avoiding his hungry gaze.
"So you're admitting it? It's my fault." Jaeha was pressing my questions to make me speak. He wanted me to explode so I could tell him what was on my mind… And damn right he was going to make me tell him because it slipped out.
"YES, IT'S YOUR FAULT! WHY DO YOU DO THIS TO ME? BEING A GENTLEMAN THAT YOU ARE! YOU USE YOUR HANDSOME FACE TO GET WHAT YOU WANT. WHY DO I FEEL SO UGLY WHEN YOU'RE AROUND THE WOMEN YOU CALL 'BEAUTIFUL'? MAYBE BECAUSE I DON'T LOVE MYSELF…!" My voice cracked. "You have your own swooning words that makes me feel beautiful you know? But in reality I compare myself to them when you're not around because you make me feel like I'm in love with you. You're a man of freedom, and I'm a woman of a slave! That's why you're so free to do anything because you don't have nothing chaining you down unlike me! I'm a slave to my past and will always be because I can't find a way to love myself. Not even this pregnancy will make me love myself, or them." I looked down at my stomach and balled my fists. "I'm just letting history repeat itself onto me…" Jaeha let me rip my hand out from his hold and let me walk off. He didn't dare to stop me.