Pairing: Jogan

I Care

"Julian?"

Logan stepped outside, the chilly breeze whipping his hair and pulling on his clothes. Looking around, he finally saw the actor, standing in front of a memorial, his hands in his pockets and his eyes expressionless as they stared into space.

"…Jules?"

It was deadly quiet as Logan walked towards the brunet, standing next to him and looking at him in an almost shy manner. When Julian didn't say anything, his gaze shifted to the memorial, wincing when memories and grief immediately welled up in his thoughts.

Logan opened his mouth to say something—anything—but he hesitated and fell silent again. He stared to the ground awkwardly, closing his eyes a moment and sighing loudly, before he resolutely walked forward and wrapped his arms around Julian's slender waist.

Julian's eyes widened and he was absolutely frozen while he let Logan hold him. He didn't say anything, only raised his hands to grab onto the front of Logan's coat.

Logan's breathing hitched, his pulse going a mile a minute, and he couldn't help but wonder what the hell he was doing. But it felt good, what he was doing… so he kept holding tightly onto the brunet, not having any intention of ever letting go.

"You're okay, Jules," Logan whispered in Julian's ear, watching as Julian squeezed his eyes shut and as tons of foreign emotions crossed his pale face. "You're okay."

But Julian shook his head, trembling slightly as his fingers dug in Logan's coat. When he spoke, his voice was hoarse, broken, and Logan could immediately tell he'd cried.

"That's the point."

Logan's heart froze, dropped, and it hurt—it genuinely hurt to see his best friend this sad, this broken—still this broken, even after a year had passed since… since the Art Hall and since Adam and since the death and since the months and months of therapy had started.

Exactly a year…

Julian buried his face in Logan's chest, still shaking his head with short, jerky movements.

"That's the point," Julian breathed again, and Logan held him closer, his head resting on messy dark hair. "That's exactly the point. I'm okay and—and he's not—he's—he's dead, Logan. And—and you're not okay—"

"I'm okay, Jules, I'm fine—"

"Now you are. But not—not then. You were broken and hurt and it was all my fault—"

"Julian."

"You were hurt, Logan. You got hurt so badly—"

Logan shook his head, trying with everything he had to not let the tears fall. "You got hurt, too," he whispered brokenly, memories of screams and blood and broken bones and so, so, so much painflashing by rapidly. Horrifying images, illustrations he only saw in his sleep—when he'd had a bad day and the night wasn't anything better, maybe even worse.

He knew Julian didn't only see them in his sleep.

"You got hurt, too."

"Who cares?" Julian muttered, almost impatient, almost irritated at Logan for daring to argue with him. "Who cares."

It was silent for a little while then. Julian had finally started crying, quiet tears that trickled down his face, left salty tracks over his flushed cheeks, and gathered on his pink lips. He didn't sob, didn't make a single sound—as if he wanted to be alone with his grief, as if he wanted to be alone with his overwhelming guilt… guilt that was still present, even after all those months, even after an entire year.

"I care," Logan finally whispered—his breath almost inaudible over the gentle whooshing of the wind. His arms tightened around Julian, crushing the actor against his chest. "I care," he repeated with a rough voice. "I care so much, Jules."

"But why?" Julian breathed and when his voice cracked, so did Logan's heart.

"Because you're—because when we left that building, when we got out, when we finally got out—you were so hurt and I couldn't—" breathe—live with myself—make all the pain go away and I'msorry—Logan swallowed, closed his eyes.

Everything hurt.

"I couldn't do anything," Logan slowly continued. "You were so hurt, Julian, and I couldn't do anything about it. You're my—" best friend didn't seem to cut it, and both boys knew as they looked up and into each other's eyes.

What were they?

After all these months of rebuilding friendships, fights, love, hugs even… what were they?

"I care," Logan repeated, brow furrowing almost in anger as he looked down at Julian. "Because—because I love you."

Julian shook his head, trying to step away even if Logan's arms wouldn't allow it. "What?" His eyes were wide, the light of the setting sun reflected in them, and not for the first time in the last few months Logan realized how utterly beautiful Julian was.

Inside and out.

"I love you," Logan said simply, shrugging lightly as if it wasn't a big deal.

As if it wasn't Julian's direst wish coming true.

"And I care," Logan added. "Maybe a lot more than I should—but that's how much I care about you."

Julian smiled—maybe for the first time in a year—the traces of his old Cheshire smirk even visible, and Logan's expression softened when he saw it. He'd missed that smile.

He could've been snarky about it, he could've given a snappy retort and be done with it—because how sad and self-loathing he might have been the last year, he'd never lost that aspect of his personality—but Julian snorted, shook his head and widened his smile.

"Thank you," he whispered. "I love you, too."

Logan smiled and even dared to wink. "I know."

Julian mumbled something that could've been an insult and leaned forward, resting his cheek against Logan's collarbone. "Thank you so much."

Logan's embrace tightened and he smiled tenderly as he laid his head on Julian's. "You're welcome, Jules." He grinned, his lips forming around those infamous three words, his tongue easily accepting the new taste as he conveyed them to someone he should've seen standing a long, long time ago.

"I love you."