Leo's POV:

There's a particular vile taste that you can't swallow. It's a taste in your mouth and a pit in your stomach. It's an over-heated feeling and a heaviness in your heart. It's where your heart seems to connect straight to the darkness in your stomach and you feel your very existence weighing you down. You can't eat. You can't drink. You can barely hear anything except for your own self-deprecating thoughts.

And for my own case, I can't forget how it feels to push a blade through somebody's back. To see their back go straight up in shock, and then have them collapse to the floor.

I can't look at my katana.

I stare up at the ceiling, lying limp on my bed. I've been in this position for a long time and can't bring myself to stand.

There is a knock at the door. I prepare for Mikey, or Donnie or Raph.

"My son." Splinter's kind and gentle voice feels like a stab in the heart. Guilt washes over me again.

I can't reply. I can't even look at him.

"My son," Splinter says again. In my peripheral vision, I see him sit down. "Kneel before me."

I wait for a few moments, and then find the strength to move. I slowly make my way over to my father. My knees feel heavy as I drop them to the ground. I still can't look at him, until he specifically orders me to.

"What troubles you, my son?"

"I..." I croak, but can't seem to form words.

He waits.

"Father..." I mumble. "I've never killed anyone in my entire life. But I killed Melinda. I killed her. She didn't see it coming. I was right behind her."

"What was she doing?"

"She was..." I shut my eyes. "She was about to kill Lexi. She was leaning right in front of her, and had the knife in her hand. She was going to kill Lexi. Just moments away from it." I shake my head. "But it wasn't self-defense. I wasn't killing her to defend myself. I was killing her to defend Lexi."

"And you don't believe that is the same thing?"

"Well..." I pause. "Master Splinter, I don't know what's right and what's wrong right now. All I know is that I can't stop thinking about it. I killed her. I killed someone."

"My son, you are traumatized. I can see that," Splinter says. "But you are letting guilt consume you. A guilt that accompanies your conscience. Your conscience tells you that killing is wrong. By no means am I trying to go against your conscience. I have taught you that it is wrong to kill someone who is defenseless." He pauses, and I look up at him. "But think of circumstances in war."

"I wasn't in a war."

"Were you not in a battle?"

I don't answer.

"Leonardo, you acted in dark bravery. But bravery nonetheless. I know it will take you much time to recover from this trauma, but you have no need to forgive yourself. For, I believe that if you had have allowed Melinda to kill Alexandra, you would never forgive yourself for that." He puts his paw on my shoulder. "Leonardo...my son. I still love you. And even if you feel you have blood on your hands, time will heal you. All you can do is recognize the circumstances, and remain true to the values I've taught you. Do not make killing a habit."

"I won't, Master Splinter," I whisper. "Believe me, I won't."

He offers a small smile, and takes my hands. "Then we must be brave once more and move on. I will offer you the time you need to recover but don't forget that we are here to help you get through this ordeal. We are your family."

Lexi's POV:

I'm still not used to seeing the Police Force within the walls of the Headquarters. I'm used to young people running around with katanas and bows and arrows; not people shooting glares at the fact that we have young people with weapons.

"Detective King." My head shoots up when I hear my name. Usually it's just Serena who calls me by that name; everyone else has grown used to calling me Lexi. It's a friendly environment and it always has been. Some people used to call me "Agent" but most people have always stuck to Lexi.

My feet bring me over to where Agent Serena is standing, though my mind doesn't consent. She is surrounded by police officers, and since I'm still not used to them here, I'm a little unwilling. I keep reminding myself that the NYPD is on our side: they're not here to expose or hurt us. We are one in purpose: we want to fight crime. I guess the only difference is a lot of us take it more personal because we're more personally involved.

"This is Detective Alexandra King," Serena says, smiling and standing up straight. But the smile isn't towards me; it's towards the police officers.

"Hi," I say. I sound awkward, and I know this. I don't have to look at Serena to know she's looking at me expectantly. I don't know whether to hold out my hand to shake or not. There are four or five officers, and that's a lot of hands to shake. "It's good to have you here."

"Thank you for all the work you've done here," one of them says smiling. He smiles and gives me a nod. "I know it's hard work."

I don't know how to reply to this. "Hard" isn't exactly the way I would describe the work we do. More like dangerous? Risky? Uncomfortable? Those may be subcategories for hard. But I take the compliment and nod.

"Well we appreciate what you do too."

"We want to let you know the incredible progress your findings have made in our own work," another one of the officers says. She's female, and has auburn hair, layered and at her shoulders. She smiles at me.

"Is that so?" I ask.

"We've had over thirty murders solved because of the footage and information you have," she says. Her voice is gentle yet strong. It's like a silk cord – it's calming, but it brings my attention forward.

My head bobs up. "Really?"

"Yes, Detective," she says, smiling. "Almost all of them related to the Dark Angels. There were many people who had been framed, or missing. I don't think we would've been able to find these things at all if it weren't for you guys." She looks me directly in the eyes. "You do more than I think you realize, Alexandra."

And that's the moment I realize something that took me ten years to realize.

The headquarters is more than just a place I've gone all my life for my "protection". It's not just a place we go to protect others. It's not just a job.

The Headquarters, from the time I was very young, was one of my first and longest big life lessons. In the Headquarters, we are taught to defend ourselves, yes. But it's much more than that. It's to learn to defend yourself but also to learn that the things you do affect more people than you can imagine.

Master Makai affected me and my ability to fight. He taught me how to recognize when I gain wisdom, and taught me how to fight the right way.

Mom's actions affected plenty of people. When she told the Headquarters of her secret, she was suspended from the Headquarters. We don't know if she'll ever be welcomed back; I have hopes that she will. But for now, consequences must be served.

Every little thing we do affects others, and sometimes you can't see that line of effect until years later.

Three short raps come from my window. It makes me jump a little bit. I'm in my pajama pants and hoodie, my hair thrown into a bun. I'm on my laptop, looking through Amazon. I groan when I see Leo at my window, and reach my arm out.

"It's too far...I don't wanna stand up," I complain, groaning.

Leo rolls his eyes. I see him mouth You're so lazy, and I laugh. I stand up and unlatch the lock on the window. He smiles in satisfaction, and wraps his arms around me. We hug for a few moments, and the moments turn longer and longer. I snuggle my head into his chest, and he wraps his arms tighter around my waist. When we pull away, I look into his eyes and lean in to kiss him.

I take a seat on my bed again, and he sits down too. I push my laptop to the side and take his hand, rubbing it.

"How're you doing?" I ask softly. I find his eyes, and he maintains eye contact for a few moments, but then he has to look away. He starts fidgeting.

"I'm better," he says. Although I can tell he isn't lying, I also know he isn't doing as well as before. "How are you?"

I ignore his question. "Come here," I say, pulling him closer. He doesn't object. I slide my arms around him, and he looks grateful for the comfort again.

Leo killed Melinda. Stabbed her right through the back. And if it makes me cringe to remember Melinda's eyes suddenly losing all their emotion as she fell directly onto me, I can't imagine how Leo feels knowing that he's the one who made those eyes fall cold.

"I'm okay," he says. "Really. I'm just trying to get used to life again. The Dark Angels aren't really a problem anymore."

"They're not eliminated completely," I remind him, rubbing his arm. "Sullivan took off with a lot of them." I realize soon after that I shouldn't have mentioned that to Leo. His eyes grow wide and soon they close. Leo rubs his forehead, which is creased in worry. Before he can say anything, I speak again. "Hey, hey, but don't worry about that!"

Leo takes his hand off his forehead. He looks like he's aged. He's tired and experienced a lot. I probably look like a grandma too.

"What were you doing before I came?" Leo asks, motioning to my laptop. "Writing?"

"Not this time," I say. I pull my laptop forward. "I've just been searching for different things on the internet."

I turn the screen towards him. He studies it for a few moments, and then his forehead creases again, but this time out of confusion.

"Looking for anything in particular?" he asks.

I shrug. "I might buy some small things." I shoot him a grin. "But I'm mostly looking at crazy things that people sell."

"Like, purple lawnmowers kind of crazy?" Leo asks as a grin creeps onto his face. "Or your 'silent toilet' idea?"

I gasp and hit his arm, which makes him grin even wider. "I'm telling you, people would buy that! I've already got a name for it: the 'Shush-and-Flush'."

"That's why you're not a salesman."

"That's saleswoman to you!"

"Okay, okay." He puts his hands up in surrender. "So any purple lawnmowers?"

"That's normal compared to some of these things," I say, laughing. "Look at this."

Leo peers at the screen again, and then laughs. "An albino pet rock?"

"With a walking leash," I add.

"I would not spend $12.50 on that!"

"It has a leash, Leo!" I say. "I think that's worth it."

"You already have a pet rock."

"But I don't have a leash for it."

Leo snorts. "Save your money for something that's actually worthwhile."

"Like the 'Grow a Boyfriend' for $4.33?" I point to the second item that pops up on the screen.

"You already have a boyfriend!" Leo exclaims. "That's a no from me."

"What about these bacon flavored mints?"

Leo makes a face. "That sounds disgusting."

"Okay," I say, putting my hands up. "But how does this sound: a yodeling grapefruit."

"A yodeling grapefruit?" Leo repeats, looking incredulous. "Is that an actual thing?"

"It's only $11.01."

Leo starts laughing really hard. The corners of his eyes crinkle up. "Who would buy that?"

"It's a grapefruit...that yodels!"

"Well I understand that," he says, laughing. "But why?"

"Imagine making grapefruit juice!"

"It would be screaming the entire time!" Leo exclaims. "I would be traumatized!"

There's a knock at my door. Both our heads bounce up, and the door is pushed open. Dad stands in the hallway and smiles when he sees Leo.

"Hey, no boys in your bedroom," he says teasingly.

"Oh believe me, Dad," Rose says, leaning against the doorway. "They've been in a bedroom before."

"Shut up, Rosalie," I say, shaking my head. "We were just talking."

"But what were you talking about?" Rose questions, putting her hand under her chin.

Leo and I both share a look and then start laughing.

"Yodeling grapefruits," Leo says, amusement glistening in his eyes.

"Well that's not a very sexy topic..." Rose mumbles, raising her eyebrows.

We all talk and joke for a while. Eventually, Dad and Rose leave and it's just me and Leo again. We keep looking at crazy things that people sell on the internet, but as the night grows on, our conversations only get better.

It's around midnight when all finally goes quiet. Leo and I just sit there, peacefully. Neither of us feels the need to fill the silence. It's a beautiful silence – one of those silences that don't need any words.

"I'm so in love with you, Lexi," Leo says after about ten minutes of this silence. His voice is soft and just above a whisper.

My eyes are drawn to him, and they hover over him for a few moments. I just stare at him.

But it's more than that. I'm taking in every part of Leo. All the parts of him that I know, all the parts I never thought existed and all the parts I have yet to know. Everyone has different skins, layers of skin and layers of personality.

But for a brief moment, I see Leonardo who saved me on that cold December night in the subway station. I see the Leonardo who retrieved my katanas for me, because he knew how he would feel if he lost his. I see the Leonardo who got me water when I woke up from being knocked out by Melinda, that very first time. I see Leonardo, who I went to a Christmas shop with.

One year can do a lot.

And I see him for who he is. Not what he looks like. Not what he does. Those are components to who he is, but not all he is. He isn't just a protector. He isn't just a mutant. He isn't just one thing.

He's a ninja. He's a son. He's a brother. He's a friend. He's a counselor. He's a fighter and a leader. He's a boyfriend, and a best friend.

He's so much more than what you might think at first glance.

But I guess we all are more than we seem. Nobody—absolutely nobody—is exactly how they seem at first glance.

I pull him close. He holds me in his arms for a long time, and we sit in silence once more.

And for those moments, he is both the Leonardo that I met that cold December night, and also the Leonardo I now know.

And he's someone worth knowing.

A/N: Guys I'm so sad): this is the second to last chapter. I can't believe it's finally coming to a close, this story. So, so, so much has happened & I know lot's of editing needs to be done because it's not perfect but it's mine. It's mine, it's my characters (mostly, besides the originally TMNT characters) and it's my story and it's my creation. I have grown so attached to these characters & their lives, but I guess that's being a writer. You make some friends along the way. Including the readers(: