Dear Diary,
I haven't moved since Zevran got hurt and he hasn't regained consciousness yet. Although Morrigan says she has healed him, She warned it make take some time for him to come to. I'm still worried. Tamlen and Serena have pulled out the sleeping mats and we gently place Zevran on his bedroll, I place mine beside his to keep an eye on him. Morrigan has given instruction on what to look for. Everyone is exhausted. We eat a light meal and retire to our beds.
I am suddenly awakened by someone shaking me. I panic. The fleeting thought that Zevran is worse crosses my mind before I even open my eyes. Much to my surprise, Zevran is shaking me. "Elly, you were having dream, you were shouting. Are you ok?"
I look around and it seems everyone else is still sleeping. "I'm sorry I woke you Zev," I say quietly as not to wake everyone else up. "But I'm glad to see you regained consciousness."
"You stayed with me the entire time then," he says looking at me. His expression is indecipherable.
I nod sitting up. "Of course I did. It scared me that you might not wake up."
"Do you have dreams all the time like that, Elly?" He asks concerned as he settles himself beside me.
"I call them blightmares," I explain. "All wardens have them, some worse than others." I glance at over at Tamlen. "They are worse during a blight because of the archdemon. It talks to us, sometimes I almost understand it."
"That's how you and the other wardens are able to sense them?" He asks curiously.
"Wardens can sense darkspawn and each other, while in certain proximity." I explain, "It's similar to how Templars can sense magic, I think."
"But if the darkspawn can sense you, there isn't any real advantage, to being a warden?" He says thoughtfully, half asking.
"Not really but I can warn others," I say slowly.
"But where is advantage?" He probes curiously.
I sigh heavily. "From everything I've been told there are many disadvantages and few advantages other than it takes a warden to kill an archdemon. As one of the other newer recruits I have been left out of the loop about how that works. I assume it has something to do with the taint. Another advantage is that…grey warden stamina, Alistair talks about all the time."
"I notice you wardens don't tire a quickly as others," he says thoughtfully, and then he grins wickedly, "You know, my dear warden, we could put that stamina to the test."
"Tsk, tsk, tsk, a few hours ago you were unconscious and now you are trying to bed me," I tease lightly shaking my head at him.
Suddenly his demeanor changes to thoughtful. "So what are the disadvantages," he asks seriously.
"Well…" I say slowly, "I'm really not supposed to tell but since you offered to teach the crows secrets I don't see why not."
He looks at me curiously.
"First we are tainted, the process of that can kill you," I explain softly, "the taint takes away the ability to have children, and I have about 20 years or so to live before the calling starts."
"In war, victory, in peace, vigilance, in death, sacrifice." I recite the motto.
I look up at Zevran and he has the strangest look on his face. "What is the calling?" He asks quietly. The words seem to come out throatily and reluctantly. But he seems very concerned.
"The calling from what I understand is when taint has gotten so strong the nightmares are constant; Wardens will go to the deep roads to die fighting the darkspawn," I muse, "but after what I saw with Tamlen I wonder how many wardens have become ghouls. He was already tainted we just reversed the process slightly and made him a warden to slow it. As far as I know the only cure for the taint is death. You can never have normal life or family."
I look at Zevran. He looks tired.
"I think the wardens ask much and give little in return," he states slightly bitter, "but I could say the same of the crows, but at least the wardens won't kill you for trying and failing."
"Well, I think if we fail to kill the archdemon, I may be just as dead," I quip lightly.
"I faith in you, Elly," he says softly, "If anyone can do this I believe it will be you."
"You should get some rest, Zev," I offer kindly. I lay back down on my bedroll sighing and hear him lay back down as well.
"Elly?" he asks.
"Yes, Zev" I say sleepily.
He shifts to his side and puts his arm around me sliding me back toward him in a spooning position.
"Is this ok?" he asks.
"Yes," I reply drowsily teasing, "so long as you behave yourself, I don't want to have to knock you unconscious."
He chuckles sleepily. "I have no doubt you could do so if you desired. I promise I will be perfect gentleman."