Thanks for reviewing:

Xenia Marvolo: Thank you very much for your lovely compliment! I'm glad you thought it wasn't unbelievable. When I wrote it I was torn between whether I should think it is funny or tragic. I enjoyed writing the Council meeting with Yoda and Qui-Gon. But then I realised how this must look to Obi-Wan and that it is not funny but tragic. So, Obi-Wan freaking out and Anakin passing out was the logical consequence.

John-Myers: Thank you very much for such a kind review!

amthyst-fire: Thanks again for your help. I've checked "the mickey" on dict. and it was classified as British slang - so you were right about it being BE. Nevertheless, I've changed the "mickey" now ;-) I've learned French too for about seven years and I must say it's MUCH more complicated than English. I could never write something like this in French.

Sentrosi: "she has gone slightly insane during the long years on her own. Just like Yoda!" YES! giggles I think Yoda is absolutely amazing in ESB. To me, the highlight of the movie is when he beats up R2 ;-)

Jedi Knight 13: Thank you!!! It was a nice change to have Anakin as the emotionally detached one, it kind of showed things from a new viewpoint. "Information overload" is a very fitting description for Anakin's state of mind ;-)

Anaya: Ah, Yoda... he's not so subtle... definitely not. But of course he doesn't know yet if Anakin has really turned back to the light. Though... calling him "Lord Vader" certainly doesn't help the process. But sometimes even Master Yoda can be wrong.

When Anakin opened his eyes, he did not know where he was. He was in a bed not his own in a room not his own. He was alone.

"Good morning, Ani. Did you sleep well?" an unpleasantly loud voice suddenly boomed in his head, which felt like it was going to explode any moment.

Ok, obviously he was not completely alone. "Qui-Gon, what am I doing here?"

"You're lying in bed."

"Ha ha, you're so funny. How did I get here? Where am I?"

"First question: Obi-Wan brought you here. Second question: You're on a planet called Uresi where the Jedi currently live."

"Ok." Anakin's brain still worked a bit slowly and it needed time to digest the information. "What happened before?"

"You simply collapsed."

"I collapsed?" Anakin frowned and tried desperately to remember. Ah yes, he had had a very bad headache. "Why did I collapse?"

"I guess yesterday demanded just too much from you."

Yesterday… Very slowly, the memories faded in bit by bit. Yes, that crazy day that had started with Luvia giving the Empire an unexpected call that Knight Kenobi was with her. Oh Force, what a hell of a day! He groaned and sat up in bed. His head protested with a throbbing pain. He blinked a few times in order to get the spinning away and become clear again. "How's Obi-Wan?" was his first coherent thought.

"What should be wrong with him?" Qui-Gon asked slightly alarmed.

"Did someone take care of him?"

"Ah, you mean that. Yes, I tried to comfort him a little bit", Qui-Gon reassured him. "Don't worry, things will be fine. He's recently tended to freak out at times but he will get over it."

"Don't ridicule him", Anakin said threateningly, "that's not funny. If you say something like that about him again –"

"Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop!" Qui-Gon interrupted him. "I'm sorry, Anakin, of course you are right, it is not funny at all, I absolutely agree with you. But I'm afraid I can't quite follow you. For four years you've completely freaked out when I just hinted at the remote possibility that Obi-Wan might not be completely evil through and through from the bottom of his heart. Now, however, you go overboard because you read into my words that I'm not taking Obi-Wan seriously. One day you describe some torture scenarios in detail to me, the next day you threaten me because I say one bad word about Obi-Wan. That's quite some… 180 degree turn, don't you think?"

Anakin just harrumphed. He hated to admit it but Qui-Gon was right of course.

"One day a Sith, next day a Jedi. That's like coming from the deepest dark into the brightest light. Literally speaking, your eyes need to adjust to the light. You were a bit rash. Everything you did yesterday – it takes its toll on you. I mean, you fought a lightsabre duel against none other than the Emperor, you meddled in Obi-Wan's mind again, did such suicidal flying manoeuvres, took part in a so-called Council meeting and then you had to listen to Obi-Wan's outburst. It's no wonder that you collapse after such a day. I can imagine you got some suicidal ideas after Obi-Wan's speech –"

"I told you not to make fun of it", Anakin snarled.

"I don't mean to make fun of it, I'm just trying to dedramatise things", Qui-Gon explained unperturbedly.

"There's nothing to dedramatise", Anakin retorted angrily. "I've just started to get a rough idea of what I've done –"

"Anakin, please just take everything a bit more slowly", Qui-Gon stopped him gently. "That will be better for you, trust me."

"And for those I murdered?! Am I supposed to grief one day for everyone, or what? That would take me a lot of time until I've finished mourning!"

"What's past is past. You cannot make them alive again."

"Seeing things like that makes life pretty simple, doesn't it?"

"What I mean to say by that is that your care should be for the living, not for the dead. Maybe that's how you can make good a little bit of what happened. The living need your help."

"Why would they want my help?"

"Just listen a bit more closely."

Anakin sighed deeply. Qui-Gon made it seem so simple but it most certainly was not as simple as that. How could Qui-Gon, whose biggest crime was probably being impudent towards the Jedi Council, understand this? Suddenly, Anakin's stomach started rumbling. Anakin felt really bad for it. How could he think of such a trivial thing as food in such a situation? His gaze rested on a carafe and a glass on the little table next to his bed. The table had been cleaned, and was not as dusty as the rest of the room. It made him even feel worse. "Is that for me?" he uncertainly asked Qui-Gon.

"No, that's for me of course."

"Qui-Gon, I don't feel like joking right now", Anakin said tensely. Stiffly, he poured himself a glass of the light green juice and emptied it in one gulp. Then he poured himself another glass. While drinking it, his pangs of remorse increased. Qui-Gon was probably the only person who forgave him so readily. He should be grateful Qui-Gon tried to ease him with a bit of light conversation. But what did Anakin do? Snapping at him, threatening him, reproaching him… "Sorry", he mumbled quietly. "I'm such an ungrateful idiot."

Qui-Gon chuckled softly. "Yes, you are. But at least you realise it. I take that as a good sign." He remained silent for a few moments while Anakin emptied a third glass of the strange juice. "You know, I always encouraged Obi-Wan to act out his feelings", Qui-Gon said thoughtfully. "You know he tends to keep things bottled up. Maybe letting it all out yesterday did him good. I tried to intervene in your dispute… well, it was Obi-Wan who did all the yelling, so it was not really a dispute… anyway, I tried to stop him because I knew he was going to regret what he said a few minutes later but none of you listened to me."

"You told me he had such…outbursts more often."

"Yes, but yesterday was the worst yet. I have to admit I was a bit shocked by his last words."

"I can understand him."

"I can understand him too."

"So my presence made everything worse", Anakin said gloomily.

"I wouldn't say that. You were just at the wrong place at the wrong time. He was angry and hurt, and so he took it out on you."

Anakin laughed bitterly. "I'm not exactly innocent for everything that happened to him, am I?"

"And he was just as strained as you by yesterday's events", Qui-Gon continued, ignoring Anakin's interjection.

"Qui-Gon, I really don't know what to do", Anakin admitted. "What do you think: Should I stay here with the Jedi or should I rather leave them in peace?"

"Search your feelings, Anakin."

"No", Anakin whispered. "That's the point. I cannot listen to my feelings."

"Why not?" Qui-Gon asked concerned.

"It would be wrong now to listen to my feelings. There's so much at stake and I… I want to do the right thing. That's why I'm asking you."

"Ani." Qui-Gon's voice had suddenly become very gentle, very affectionate, like a father speaking to his child. "Search your feelings. They will tell you the right thing, I know they will."

Anakin sadly shook his head. "I would like to have another reason than just my feelings."

"Alright, I'll tell you one – no, there are more than one. Obi-Wan asked you to stay, didn't he?"

"Well, yes, but… did he really mean it?"

"Oh, he said it. And if he didn't mean it, it's his problem that he has to endure the consequences now."

"No!" Anakin protested fiercely. "I – I don't want that. I don't want to hurt him any more than I've already done! I can't force them to keep me here! I've –". He was getting slightly hysterical and spluttered some of his juice.

"Calm down, calm down", Qui-Gon said quickly as he had the chance to speak now because Anakin was coughing. "I didn't mean it, ok? Obi-Wan meant what he said, I know he did, trust me. And don't forget that Luke needs you too. He surely wants to get to know his father. Even Yoda seemed not completely against you staying here."

"You heard him: he forbids me to see Luke", Anakin said bitterly. "I couldn't bear to live here with the knowledge that my own son lives next door and I'm not even allowed to go near him."

"Maybe you will succeed one day in regaining Yoda's trust. Yoda is not hard-hearted, he just wants to protect Luke. I'm sure he's soon going to allow you to speak to Luke. And by the way, Luke really lives next door. I mean, he lives in this house."

"Does he?"

"Yes. Right now, he's having lunch but he sleeps in the room next to yours."

"Why are you telling me this?" Anakin asked suspiciously. "Do you want me to disregard Master Yoda's instructions and go to Luke?"

"I never said that."

"But you meant it. I hardly think I'm going to regain Master Yoda's trust like that."

"Yes. Yes, you're right… Hm… Obi-Wan's apprentice through and through, aren't you?"

That comment took Anakin by surprise. It was a really odd thing to say. It was either a very rude insult to Obi-Wan or a great compliment to Anakin. As Anakin had to assume Qui-Gon meant the latter, he was even more confused because no one had ever defined him as Obi-Wan's apprentice in that way. No, the Jedi-Masters rather had desperately wondered how such a respectable Jedi-Master like Obi-Wan Kenobi could come out with such a hopeless case as Anakin Skywalker. Guiltily he swallowed down the old bitterness that threatened to surface again. He was hardly in a position now to hold such an old grudge. "Well… that's just logic, isn't it? There's not really much… You must see the logic in it, Qui-Gon."

"Exactly. I'm glad you're able to listen to logic instead of only blindly following what your heart wants you to do. It's good that Obi-Wan was your Master and not me. I guess with the two of us things would have kind of… misfired."

"I don't know how you want to describe what happened with Obi-Wan and me but kind of misfired seems like quite an understatement to me."

"Oh." Qui-Gon was silent for a moment and it almost seemed as if he was ashamed of himself. "Do you think things would have been different if I had trained you?" he asked cautiously.

"Why are you asking me this?" Anakin said desperately. "The what-ifs do not matter. It – it was the will of the Force that I became his apprentice."

"You tell him that", Qui-Gon said encouragingly.

"Why?"

"Because many times he asked me the question I just asked you."

"Oh no…" Anakin put his face to his knees, his hands gripping his hair. "He doesn't reproach himself for not being a good Master, does he?"

"What would you do?" Qui-Gon said sadly. "Living with the knowledge that you've trained the one who destroyed the Jedi Order must be pretty hard."

"Damn it", Anakin muttered, thumping his fist against his own head. "You should have left me on Tatooine, Qui-Gon."

"Now, what did you just say about the what-ifs and the will of the Force? Ani, you're still the Chosen One and I know that you will fulfil your destiny."

That did not comfort Anakin at all. He did not believe in it and he knew Qui-Gon was the only person ever who was crazy enough to still believe in him. "They were always right", Anakin said miserably.

"Who?"

"Everyone. Everyone but you. They were right when they said I was dangerous and mustn't become a Jedi."

"Will you please stop that?" Qui-Gon said grumpily. "It's bad enough to listen to Yoda's reproaches all the time and now even you say it. Let's make a deal: I helped you and now it's your turn to help me: You mustn't give up because I can't bear Yoda gloating – yeah, the stupid little green troll is actually gloating because he enjoys that I was seemingly wrong. You must prove me right, ok? Only joking, only joking", Qui-Gon added quickly before Anakin could protest.

Tiredly, Anakin rubbed his temples. "You're crazy. I really can't understand how Obi-Wan managed to keep sane after spending so many years with you."

"Unbelievable, isn't it? And it's even more admirable he's still halfway sane after training you. And now excuse me, I must go. I can't talk to you forever. You see, it's exhausting to get my voice back and speak to the living. I've recently done that too often. This means it may take some time until you're going to hear from me again."

"Oh." Anakin felt genuine regret even though Qui-Gon's voice had molested him so many times. "It was…nice to talk to you."

Qui-Gon laughed his characteristic deep Qui-Gon-laugh. "You have a strange way of showing that. But I appreciate your compliment, though I'm not sure if I can return it. On the other hand… talking to Yoda or Obi-Wan was sometimes almost as exhausting as talking to you. May I ask you one more question?"

"Sure."

"Just out of curiosity… I was wondering, was Obi-Wan a strict Master?"

"Um… no, not really. That is… yes, sometimes he was extremely fussy and he used to lecture me endlessly if I made the slightest mistake. But every time I was dead certain I was really in trouble and he was going to be mad at me forever, he was suddenly really nice and made a little joke and things were fine again. Don't get me wrong, I think he was always quite nice but –"

"That's alright, I never thought he was evil or anything. Well then, see you later, Anakin."

"Um…yes. Bye."

"Take care."

"I will."

"And try to stay out of trouble."

"I try."

"May the Force be with you."

"And with you."

Suddenly it was eerily silent in the room. Anakin took a look around. There was a wooden table and two chairs, which did not look very robust anymore. The dirty yellow tapestry was peeling from the stone walls. Above his head hung three very dusty glow orbs and he was certain they did not function. Slowly, he crawled out of bed and staggered to the window. It took him some time to make the rusty opening mechanism move but then he was finally able to open the window and breathe in the fresh air. The sun was already high in the sky but it was still covered by a misty veil. He could see two children – Padawans – who were meditating outside. Suddenly he heard steps moving up the stairs. He quickly got back to bed. He did not really know why he did it because looking out of the window was certainly not forbidden. It was odd that he knew, by just hearing the steps, it was Obi-Wan.

"Ah, you're awake." Obi-Wan offered him a thin smile in greeting. "Are you hungry? We've just had lunch and there's still much left."

"Are you feeling better?" Anakin asked concerned.

"Wha-? Yes. I'm sorry I got… carried away. I should have restrained myself. I should have known it was all too much for you."

Avoiding Obi-Wan's eye, Anakin twisted the blanket around his fingers. He wanted to yell Stop neglecting your own needs! but he did not yell but simply spoke quietly to his blanket, "Did it at least help?"

"What do you mean?"

"Letting off steam."

"Oh… I felt a bit better afterwards but, no, letting off steam is not something that helps me much."

Why would they want my help? – Just listen a bit more closely. "What does really help you?" Anakin asked directly.

"Meditation. Finding my inner peace."

Anakin sighed inwardly. He had not meant that. He did not know how to go on. He did not know what to say and where to look and what to do with his hands, so he awkwardly poured himself another glass of juice.

"It's cold here", Obi-Wan observed. "Shall I close the window?"

"No!" Anakin protested more fiercely than he had intended. In doing so, he spilled part of his light green juice on his blanket. Oh no! He desperately tried to wipe it away but in his nervousness, his glass dropped from his trembling hands and shattered on the floor. "Fuck!" he cried and quickly got up in order to clean up the mess. He bent over and his head was spinning again and his sight got dizzy. "I didn't mean to - I'm sorry - I didn't - damn it!" He was close to tears now. "I'm sorry, I – I –", he stuttered helplessly, collecting the broken pieces without really paying attention to what he was doing.

"Calm down, Anakin, it's really not that bad", Obi-Wan reassured him. "I'll clean that up, get back to bed now." He gently steered Anakin towards the bed but Anakin did not accept that.

"Don't do this!" he said angrily. "I – I – DON'T DO THIS!"

"What's wrong?" Obi-Wan looked worriedly at him and Anakin was really close to tears now.

"Just leave me alone! Please, just – just go. I need to…think. Just leave me alone for a second. Please, I need to think."

"Alright then." A tad nervous, Obi-Wan left the room.

Anakin took a deep, shaky breath. He stepped to the window again, leant heavily against the ledge and struggled to retain his composure. He knew he must not freak out like this, he must learn to control himself but he could not. He could not! He did not want that, he did not want Obi-Wan to care for him like that. He did not want Obi-Wan to bring him food or close the window or clean up the mess Anakin had created. It was just…not right. Forcing himself to exhale slowly, he was able to release at least a bit of his boiling emotions. As if Obi-Wan had sensed that Anakin had somewhat calmed down (well, he probably had sensed it in the Force, Anakin thought, smiling slightly), there was a soft knock at his door. Anakin inhaled deeply once again and steeled himself for the next encounter. "Come in", he said hoarsely. "Sorry for yelling", he said quickly before Obi-Wan had even passed the threshold. "And sorry for that mess." He gestured helplessly at the broken pieces on the floor. "I really needed to think and be alone for a moment and…"

"That's alright", Obi-Wan friendly reassured him.

"It had nothing to do with you. I was a bit overemotional because… I've just spoken to Qui-Gon and he said things…" Qui-Gon certainly would not mind if Anakin used him for his little white lie. After all, he did not want Obi-Wan to think that he was the cause of Anakin's outburst. Obi-Wan was trying to be nice and Anakin's behaviour would surely confuse him.

"I understand that very well", Obi-Wan said lightly. "Qui-Gon certainly has the gift of saying things that make you… overemotional."

"Yeah…" Feeling a bit uneasy, Anakin changed the topic. "So, this planet, how did you get the idea to move here? It seems pretty deserted. What happened to the people who used to live here?"

"It's a safe place. This planet is both economically and politically completely unimportant. It's sparsely populated. Most of the people live on the other side of the planet because the environment there is not as rough as here. A few years ago there was a great migration when most of the people left this side of the planet and went for the other side. So these houses were left behind and, well, Master Yoda has his most useful contacts and here we are."

"I see." Anakin was greatly relieved that he was not the source of all these empty houses. "I guess it's nice enough here. I mean, it's a good place for the Jedi, isn't it? The Force is very pure and…simple here, not disturbed by cities and civilisation and two many different species."

"Yes, you're right. So you like it here?"

"Um… I didn't say that. I just thought it's a good place for the younglings to learn about the Force."

"Yes –" Obi-Wan was stopped by Anakin's rumbling stomach.

"Oh. Sorry." Anakin smiled sheepishly at Obi-Wan.

"Well, as I said, there's still something left from lunch. Shall I bring you something or do you think you can go downstairs and eat there?"

"I can go downstairs, that's no problem", Anakin said quickly.

"Alright. And Yoda wants to speak to you again as soon as you feel better", Obi-Wan informed him.

"Ok. I'm going to see him right now."

"It's three houses to the left. You'll find it easily, it's the smallest house. But eat something first, ok? I don't want you to pass out again."

Anakin nodded gratefully. He was glad he was allowed to move without supervision and they did not forbid everything to him. Trying not to pass out again, Anakin staggered down the stairs. Hungrily he gobbled down some horribly tasting brown mush. Obi-Wan had probably cooked it but Anakin was too famished to be very particular now. As a Padawan, Anakin used to complain about Obi-Wan's miserable cooking skills but of course he was too lazy himself to cook and so they would eat very often in the Temple's cafeteria. Anakin had often advised his Master to take part in a who-is-the-worst-cook-in-the-galaxy contest, and, if his Master was in a bad mood, had got extra hours of mediation as a punishment because of that – though Obi-Wan would never admit meditation was a punishment… Anakin was torn between smiling and crying now. Life had been so easy then… When had it all gone so wrong? Interrupting himself from his train of thoughts, Anakin quickly washed the dishes he had used and then went on his way to speak to Yoda again.

He was actually glad Obi-Wan was not with him this time and Qui-Gon did not have the strength anymore to get his voice back into the living world. Maybe he could speak properly to Yoda now without the Jedi bickering with each other. And, alone with Yoda, there were not so many raw emotions. The little Jedi-Master was always calm in the Force, he was neither accusing nor hurt. It was going to make things easier, in Yoda's presence it was easier for Anakin to think clearly. Thinking about that, Anakin realised how much he actually respected the old Master. So, when he greeted Yoda this time, he bowed deeply and respectfully.

"Sit down, young Skywalker."

Anakin was greatly relieved Yoda did not address him as "Lord Vader" anymore. He decided it was a good sign. "Master, I've been rethinking my decision", he got straight to the point. "If the Jedi Order needs – and wants – my help, I will be glad to be of assistance. If that is not the case, I'm going to leave. I don't want to be a burden to anyone and I don't want to cause disputes between the Jedi. I don't want to beg for mercy."

Yoda scrutinised him for a very long time without saying anything. Nervously, Anakin fidgeted on his uncomfortable chair. "Accept your offer, I will", Yoda declared finally. "Help we need, indeed. No doubt there is, strong in the Force you are. A mission for you, I have. Destroy the Emperor, you must."

Anakin's heart dropped into his boots. He should have seen it coming but somehow he had hoped he did not have to do it. He knew he could not do it. Yesterday in his duel against Sidious, he had sensed how strong the Emperor was. Anakin's power was pathetic compared to Sidious'. But of course, Yoda had every right to ask that of him. He swallowed. "I will do my best", he promised.

"This mission a test is for you", Yoda explained. "Prove you will if a Jedi you can become again."

"I understand, Master." So, his chances of becoming a Jedi again were very low. "If I don't come back, I want Obi-Wan to take care of Luke."

"Accompany you on this mission, Master Kenobi will."

"He's going to come with me?" Anakin's spirits instantly rose. Suddenly, things did not look so grim anymore. Alone, he did not stand much of a chance against Sidious, but with Obi-Wan at his side, the chances of surviving were at least not exactly zero. "Um…Master Yoda", he said hesitantly, "did you force him to accompany me or did he volunteer to do it?"

Yoda's ears twitched. "Hit him very, very often with my stick I did before he agreed."

Anakin stared in shock at the seemingly harmless little Jedi. But then Yoda grinned. "Oh", Anakin said, embarrassed that he had fallen for that.

"Physical punishment not the way of the Jedi is", Yoda explained, still grinning.

"Yeah, I know… The Sith use it – physical punishment", Anakin admitted openly.

"Punished you he did, hmm?"

Anakin just nodded. "He was never nice to me", he said in an unusual hoarse voice. "After Palpatine revealed himself as Lord Sidious to me, he stopped being nice. He was never nice to me but… I stayed with him. Obi-Wan never used physical punishment on me… But I stayed with Sidious. Qui-Gon told me to leave him but I was not strong enough. I could not. I was not strong enough…"

"Alone, defeat him you cannot. Trust in the Force, you must."

"Yes." Anakin came back to the more pressing matters. "Um… I don't mean to be presumptuous but I noticed Obi-Wan's lightsabre skills are not in top form anymore."

"Since Mustafar, not touched any lightsabre he has."

Awkwardly, Anakin stared down at his hands, which he quickly folded in his lap. "He needs to train if he wants to survive."

"With a lightsabre, defeat a Sith-Lord you cannot. Find another way, you must."

"But that's impossible!" Anakin exclaimed. "Have you any idea how powerful he is?!"

"Yes. Fought against him and felt his powers, I did. Defeat him with my lightsabre, I could not. Impossible I thought, to defeat Darth Vader without a lightsabre. Young Obi-Wan proved me wrong. Trust in the Force, he did."

"I see." Naturally, Anakin did not understand it but he was not in a position to protest. "When are we to leave?"

"One week you have to prepare for your mission. Much meditation you need. Train his lightsabre skills Obi-Wan needs."

Anakin tried not to show his annoyance about Yoda contradicting himself again and again. "Master Yoda, you just said we should go without our lightsabres", Anakin reminded him carefully.

"I never said that. Defeat Sidious with a lightsabre you cannot. Use your lightsabres, you may."

"I see." Anakin was happy as long as he was allowed to have his lightsabre with him and so he did not ask further questions. He got up to leave but Yoda called him back.

"Wait, young Skywalker. More to say, I have. Right Obi-Wan was. Forbid you to see your son, I cannot. Allowed you are to see Luke, but not the other children."

Anakin could not believe his luck. It was so much more than he had expected. "Thank you very much, Master Yoda!"

"Hmm. My reasons I have. Need you I do. Always in the minority, I am. Conspired, Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan have. Set everyone against me, Qui-Gon does." Yoda blinked sadly and his ears twitched again, and this time Anakin was a bit faster to grasp the joke.

"I'll try and survive so I can support you", he promised, grinning shyly at the old troll. Until now, he had never known that he not only respected Master Yoda very much but also liked him very much.