A/N – Sorry this one is late (and short)! Last week was totally exhausting, but I'm back on track again. I can't believe how much of this story I've written now, and how amazing all of you reading and supporting me are! I love each and every one of you.
35. Beginnings
The rest of the days sandwiched between Kathryn's wedding and Emma's operation felt like the days between Christmas and New Years – they all blurred together, similar, forgettable, bleeding through the lines on the calendar.
Regina still wasn't sure how any of it was possible.
A year ago she was sitting in a penthouse in Portland, stressing over late files and if Henry had made any friends at school and barely caring when Robin didn't come home. Three months ago she was sitting on the kitchen floor with Henry, certain she wouldn't have anything to do with Emma Swan ever again.
And now here she was, standing in her bedroom, putting together an overnight bag for the hospital. Emma kept insisting she didn't need to stay with her – both her parents would probably end up sleeping in the cramped hospital ward, and it was only one night anyway. But not staying was no longer an option. It never had been.
Regina frowned, carefully stowing the airplane pillow into the bag. It couldn't hurt – she was pretty sure she needed a chiropractor after last time she fell asleep in one of those godawful hospital chairs. The surgery wasn't for a couple of days yet, but she wanted to be prepared. The last thing she needed on the actual day was to be stressing about whether or not she had a toothbrush.
She'd already arranged for Kathryn to come and watch Henry that night too – she said it was okay since Frederick was out of town that weekend anyway. Regina would be back early the next morning too, providing the surgery went smoothly.
It never entered anyone's minds to question why Regina was such a big part of the process – she just was.
That afternoon, after she picked Henry up from school, she got to work fixing him a snack and making herself a coffee while he sat at the kitchen table, legs swinging while he puzzled over his homework. He was going on about some plan he and his friends had to go searching for pirate treasure on the beach now the sun was out longer.
"'Cause Nick said that Ava said there's definitely treasure buried near the canneries because that was where the pirates used to dock." Henry was saying. The robot eraser on the end of his pencil bobbed as he wrote. "Is that true?"
"Maybe you'll have to investigate and see," Regina replied diplomatically, opening the cupboard for a coffee cup. "It sounds very exciting to me."
"No it doesn't," Henry said, pencil pausing as he frowned at the worksheet. "You hate pirates. What's the square root of sixty four?"
"Eight," Regina said, pouring the coffee. "But next time you need to work it out yourself."
"Okay," Henry agreed, head down again. Regina added a splash of milk to her mug and put the carton back in the fridge. "Anyway, Nick wants to go looking on Saturday. And then I said that maybe if you're okay with it and Aunty Kathryn doesn't mind picking me up I could go and I'd let him know," Henry explained, not looking up from his homework. "Is that okay?"
Suddenly, Regina was hit with a wave of guilt and anxiety. Damn it. She thought the worst of this feeling was over. It was just the sound of his voice – so happy and casual, like asking Kathryn was just the normal thing to do, when the truth was it should be Regina picking him up and doing these things for him. She sighed, setting down her teaspoon.
"Yes – yes, that's fine. Regina managed to speak before the voice in her head started up again. She turned around and stared at him, catching his gaze with a sharp intake of breath and a furrow between her brows. "Look, Henry, can I talk to you for a minute?"
"Okay," Henry shrugged his skinny shoulders, watching as Regina came and pulled up a chair opposite him at the kitchen table. "What's up?"
"Henry..." Regina trailed off. She set her coffee down in front of her, hands wrapped loosely around the warmth of the cup. "You know that Emma's about to have a big operation, and after that she'll have another one, and I have to be there for her."
Henry nodded, big eyes bright.
She breathed in, carefully studying his face. "But I just want you to know that I'm going to find a way to balance Emma and you. I don't care what my mother or anyone says. There's enough room in my life for both of you. There's enough of me for both of you, for all of us."
"Mom." Henry said, big eyes bright and trained on hers. "It's okay."
"I –" Regina frowned at him. "What?"
Henry paused a second. "Emma needs you more than I do now." He told her, voice filled with childish sincerity. "Anyway, I knew all that already."
Regina stared at him, blown away for the thousandth time by the incredible complete person sitting across from her. "You did?"
"Sure." Henry assured her easily. "We're a family. And that means we don't have to fight or share or sacrifice anything. We just... are." Seemingly unaware of his mother's awestruck stare, Henry shrugged and flashed a crooked grin. "Can we get pizza tonight?"
Regina faltered for a moment, still totally baffled by this incredible wonderful human being she'd somehow created. How could he be so perceptive, wise even, and then switch back to being a child again in a second? Still not over it, she just nodded, and smiled. "Okay." Regina allowed. "Just this once."
"And... can Emma come over and have some too?" Henry asked, looking up at her with puppy dog eyes.
Regina smiled again, incredulous. "If that's what you want,"
"Cool," Henry looked up at her for another minute before suddenly jumping up from his chair and pulling her after him, launching himself at her in a tight hug. His skinny arms wrapped around her middle and squeezed her close, his head burrowing into her chest. "Thanks, Mom." He told her, voice muffled by the hug. "You're the best."
Regina's brows drew together slightly. All of a sudden, there was a lump in her throat and a weight in her chest and tears stinging behind her eyes. She smiled, tentative arms pulling him closer. Her fingers brushed absently through his hair. "So are you, Henry." She swallowed. So are you.
"Awesome," Henry gave her a final squeeze, and then untangled himself from her with a toothy grin. "I'm gonna go make Emma a card!"
And he charged off, leaving Regina standing there marvelling over him, and everything that had happened over the last year.
True to her word, she did let him order pizza that night, plus all the trimmings – garlic bread, salad, dip – it wasn't often Regina let him splurge on junk food, so he might as well enjoy it when she did. She texted Emma too, just a quick message telling her she could come over or pizza if she wanted, but she didn't expect her to. Surely she'd want to be with her own family this close to the surgery.
So it was a surprise when, after settling down in the den with Henry to find something on TV, her phone buzzed obnoxiously on the coffee table – Regina's brows drew together as she reached for it, confused as to who would be texting her so late. A small smile appeared on her lips when she saw who it was from, and it grew when she read the three words they'd sent her. Open the door.
"I'll be right back," Regina told Henry, biting back a smile as she got to her feet and headed out into the foyer. Her heart was racing. God, you're being ridiculous, she told herself, but she couldn't help it.
She opened the door and was met with a rush of crisp spring evening air, and Emma Swan, looking up at her with a lazy half-smile and fading sunlight in her golden hair. "Hey."
"Hey," Regina replied, trying to fight back a smile. Outside, the sun was going down, final wash of orange light spilling down the deserted street and casting long shadows over the garden. She paused, wondering what else to say. "We've got pizza coming."
"So I've heard." Emma said. Green eyes darted up to meet Regina's. "Are you going to invite me in?"
Regina snapped out of whatever thought she'd been lost in, nodding. "Right –" She stepped through the door and around the back to push Emma into the foyer. "Come on."
When she turned around to close the door, she heard Emma's wheelchair making its familiar noises over the hardwood floors and remembered all those nights like this one, just sitting around with Henry, watching TV or talking about anything.
"Emma!" Henry cried happily, suddenly skidding around the corner in his socks. "You came!"
An easy grin came over Emma's face as she wheeled herself closer to him. "Course I did." She pushed after him into the den, and Regina followed closely. "Wasn't gonna say no to pizza, was I?" She paused, smirk playing over her lips. "And I guess you two aren't bad either."
So they fell back into their old routine, easy as anything, the three of them piled onto the couch reaching across each other to share food straight out of the box (Emma insisted it was part of the experience, and Regina had learned not to argue when it was two against one).
Outside the open window, the sky turned from orange to pink to purple and the stars began to appear one by one. None of them noticed. They were back in their bubble – still, safe, faraway from the outside world.
After a few hours, Henry fell asleep, head falling back against the arm of the couch. The pizza boxes were left abandoned on the floor, scattered with the odd crust or salad leaf. Somehow over the course of the evening, Regina and Emma had shifted with all the blankets and cushions, so Emma was half lying back against the couch, and Regina's legs were tangled with hers, practically in her lap. But that didn't mean anything. It was a small couch, after all.
It was full dark out, the only light coming from the dim lamp in the corner. A slow, sleepy energy had come over the room.
"You've got someone to pick you up?" Regina asked softly, after a while. She shifted around to meet Emma's eyes. "I don't want you going back on your own this late."
"I'm in a wheelchair, Regina, not preschool," Emma said, but there was a hint of a smile on her lips. "My dad's working late anyway. I'll get a ride with him."
Regina nodded. "Okay."
"Hey," They were so close, she could the warmth of Emma's whisper on her cheek. "You okay?"
"I'm excellent," Regina assured her, still whispering so they wouldn't wake Henry. She twisted slightly, staring up at Emma. In the dim yellow lamplight, she looked tired and happy and relaxed, green eyes bright and trained on hers. "What about you?"
"Hmm?"
"Are you okay?" Regina asked. "About the operation? It's getting close."
Emma paused a second, lips open before she answered. "I'm... Good." She paused, slightest furrow between her eyebrows. "Really good, actually." She turned to look over at Regina properly. The shadow of her eyelashes fell on her cheekbone. "Thanks to you."
"Don't say that," Regina whispered. On instinct, she reached out to touch Emma's forearm under the blankets. Her heart was thumping, mind filled with images from Kathryn's wedding. The lights. The music. To be continued. "I'm not..."
"You've done more for me than anyone," Emma told her, bright green eyes never leaving hers. "I'm in a really good place right now. And a lot of that is to do with myself. But a lot of it's to do with you too, and that kid over there."
"Emma..." Regina breathed, unsure what she was going to say. She didn't remember moving but suddenly they were so close she could feel Emma's breath on her skin, and she was sure something was about to happen. Their noses bumped.
"No –" Emma's brows drew together suddenly, and she pulled back. For a second, with her eyes closed, she looked almost pained. Or like she was reminding herself something. Regina watched and waited for her to look back up at her. "Regina, I –"
"Shhh." Regina hushed, catching Emma's hesitance. She let her hand trail down the other woman's cheek. When did that get there? "Let's just be quiet, for a moment."
"Okay," Emma whispered. Regina could hear her breathing. After a second, just to make sure, Regina shifted herself so that she was lying beside her, letting her head rest on the cushion beside hers.
Just as she let her eyes close, she felt Emma's lips press against her forehead. It was just for a second, but the warmth from the kiss spread all down her body and into her toes.
She couldn't have said how much time passed with them just laying there like that, leg entwined under the nubby old blanket, faces close together. All around them the air was thick and heavy and quiet, and the only sound was the two of them breathing, two hearts beating out of time. Henry fast asleep the other end of the couch. All of them warm, safe, together. Regina couldn't have said how long they stayed like that, somewhere between sleep and waking, but she knew one thing. This is what peace feels like.
After a while, she felt Emma's head shifting across from hers and made herself sit upright again. She looked at the blonde - hair now rumpled, green eyes soft and sleepy - with questioning eyes.
"I have to go," Emma whispered to her. Her voice was rough. "My dad's just pulling up outside."
"Okay," Regina nodded, pushing back the blankets carefully so she didn't disturb Henry before finding the wheelchair and helping Emma back into it. The soft, sleepy energy hung in the air even as she pushed Emma out to the door and knelt to hug goodbye, like the world still couldn't find them.
She stood in he open doorway, leaning against the frame, and watched as Emma wheeled herself up the garden to where David's silhouette was climbing down from the minivan. She watched them get in the van and watched them drive away into the night before she finally closed the door.
-0-
The morning of Emma's first operation dawned bright and balmy, a few white clouds skating over a blue sky.
Emma forced herself to just lay there calm for a moment and get to grips with the day ahead of her. Anticipation squirmed in her stomach. By this time tomorrow, she'd have had the first operation. God, that was a weird thought. None of it even felt real. Although to be honest, nothing did since Regina walked into her life and refused to leave.
Regina. God... Like the surgery, her recent reconnection with Regina was another thing she hadn't counted on. It had just happened. No explanation, no over thinking. It was just the done thing. Spring comes after winter. You dance with Regina at weddings. She was finding it harder and harder to keep herself distracted and distanced because she never was. But somehow... that didn't seem to matter anymore.
She glanced up out the window again. It was going to be a nice day. Sunny, and warm. She could hear birds singing in the garden. Spring seemed to drag on for years in Storybrooke, one day hot and the next day drizzling, but this year had been unusually kind. Beautiful day to have strangers dig around your nerves for a couple of hours.
She braced herself, running through the list of positives and possible outcomes in her head over and over, until her alarm was ringing and there was nothing left to do but face the day.
In fact, by the time her dad was wheeling her up around the breakfast table at the main house, she was actually feeling kind of good about the whole ting. Nervous, but good nervous. Breakfast was a jittery kind of affair, toast and orange juice and bad jokes. As soon as her mom sat down, Daily Mirror resting on the table beside her, it started.
"So how are you feeling?" Mary Margaret asked, leaning across the table with bright eyes, searching for hers.
Emma swallowed and took a breath. After a second, she nodded slowly. "I'm actually feeling... Good about the whole thing." She glanced down at her breakfast plate for a second, then back up at her mom. "I know I keep saying that but it's true. It's like... even if nothing happens I'm glad I'm trying."
A smile appeared on Mary Margaret's face, spreading from her lips to her cheeks to her eyes. "So are we," She glanced up at her husband, washing the egg pan at the kitchen sink.
David finished the dishes and came down to sit with them, helping Emma and making jokes while some folksy old song came on the radio. The window was open to let in the sun. By the time they were finished and everything was cleared away, a nervous tingle had started up in Emma's stomach. It was weird getting on with the day – sitting with her parents, watching TV, talking – it just felt like waiting, like everything was just to kill time.
As the day drew on, an unstoppable force, Emma's phone chimed hourly. Messages of good luck and love chimed in from people all over town and outside – from Ruby, from Graham, from Uncle James and Mary Margaret's assistant and people she hadn't seen for God only knew how long.
Every text or phone call or post on her Facebook wall put a fresh spark in her stomach, and just reminded her of how many people she really knew. People who hadn't forgotten her or given up on her. There was this whole network of people out there, caring.
Regina's text was last, supportive in a whole other way than the rest. I'll be there in 10.
Emma stomach flipped. God, is it time already? She stared up at the clock on the wall – sure enough, it was nearing the time neatly printed on the hospital form and when Mary Margaret bustled back into the living room, she was wearing a jacket and her bag was slung over her arm. Emma's own overnight bag had been waiting in the minivan for days.
"It's nearly time," Mary Margaret announced, nervous smile on her face. "Your father's just setting up the van. You want a jacket?"
"Yeah, sure," Emma said. "Regina's on her way, I think."
"Oh good," Mary Margaret said, going to the coat stand in the corner and digging for Emma's red leather jacket. "How's Henry? Has he got care for the night?"
"Yeah, Kathryn's looking after him," Emma assured her.
"Good." Her mom said, finally coming up with the jacket. "I told her she didn't need to stay the night but that woman is impossible to argue with –"
Emma snorted. "Tell me about it."
Mary Margaret smiled softly, turning around and finding Emma's eyes. She hesitated a moment before telling her, in small voice, like she was worried she might scare her off - "You got a good one."
Something in Emma's chest flipped over. "Yeah," She said hoarsely, feeling herself smile.
Before she could say anything else, there was knock on the door and Mary Margaret's face lit up, a mess of hope and nerves once again. "Speaking of..." She smiled again. "I'm gonna go let her in, okay? You ready?"
Emma nodded. "I'm ready."
The drive to the hospital was mostly filled with nervous chatter from her mom, small talking with Regina about Henry and the weather while some cheesy pop song playing on the radio. Emma, for her part, barely took her eyes off Regina, sitting in the backseat beside her, beautiful as ever. She couldn't stop thinking about the wedding, or the other night, lying with her half-asleep, across from Henry on the couch. She'd nearly told her so much that night – but Emma was starting to think she didn't need to.
Once they arrived, the receptionist transferred them to a waiting room, and then another, and then the room where Emma would be spending the night after the procedure was complete. It was once they were settled in there – bags and coats strung over the cramped vinyl chairs by the beside – that Mary Margaret and David immediately went on a supply run. Emma wasn't supposed to eat anything more before the operation, but the other three were going to need coffee from the shop downstairs.
That was what they said anyway. Emma was pretty sure Mary Margaret just wanted to give her some alone time with Regina. Not that I'm complaining.
When the door closed behind them, Regina stood from her chair and crossed the linoleum floor, heels on her boots clicking. She turned around by the window to open the blinds. Sunlight flooded in, washing over the floor and shining off the plastic bed rail.
Emma bit back a smile, watching the light hit Regina's hair as she turned back around. "That's better," The brunette announced, looking around. Emma just watched her a second more. In the weirdest way, she suddenly felt unbelievably happy. Just perfectly content to be there in that hospital room with Regina. To just be with Regina.
"You wanna know something dumb?" Emma asked suddenly. She glanced up, green eyes meeting Regina's across the brightly lit hospital room.
"What?" Regina's eyes, wide and deep and dark as coffee, found hers and never wavered. She was wearing less make up than usual today – it made her look softer.
"The reason I didn't kiss you at the other night – or at the wedding –" Emma broke herself off, almost sighing and almost laughing at how stupid she was. She looked back up at Regina and paused for a second. "I wanted to wait. Until I could... touch you and put my arms around you or whatever." She paused again. "I thought it would be romantic."
Regina was staring at her with a look on her face Emma couldn't quite read. The brunette took a step forward, arms folded over her chest. Her heel clicked loudly on the polished floor. "Emma..."
"I know, it's stupid," Emma said, biting back a smile. "That's probably never gonna happen. Even if it does, it'd take years maybe."
Regina didn't say anything.
"Yeah," Emma glanced back down at herself. "I'm kind of regretting that now."
"Emma," Regina said again, and as always, the sound of her name on the brunette's lips made her heart soften. After a second, Regina glanced around to the half-open door to check no nurses were nearby, then crossed the room to fold down the plastic frame and ease herself up onto the hospital bed. Emma stared at her, feeling the mattress sag beneath the weight of them.
Regina curled her legs up beneath herself on the bed, taking a moment to settle closer opposite Emma. Behind her, the light from the wide open window spilled over her shoulders and found gold in her dark hair. Her dark eyes met Emma's and a slowly, a small smile appeared on her pink lips.
"Don't regret anything," Regina told her, shifting forward over the covers and reaching out to slip a hand to Emma's cheek. She paused, and Emma's stomach tightened, and for a second she was sure she was going to kiss her. Instead, she dropped the hand and gave her a quick brush on the cheek.
"And don't say it probably won't happen," Regina told her, voice suddenly crisper and more casual. She fixed Emma with a stern look, brown eyes wide. "You don't know."
"Come on Regina," It was Emma's turn to stare. "You can't believe –"
"You have to believe or else you wouldn't be here right now." Regina told her crisply. She raised a manicured finger to flip her hair back from her face. "You know, I have a good feeling about this."
"You have a good feeling?" Emma stared at her, one eyebrow cocked. Her green eyes were wide and bright, and the corner of her mouth pulled up in promise of laughter to come. "You? Regina Mills, firm manager, genius, history nerd, are putting your faith in a feeling?"
"Well," Regina bit down coyly on her lip, dancing brown eyes flickering up to meet Emma's. "It's worked for me before."
Emma held her gaze for a minute, stomach fluttering. Eventually, a smile crawled across her lips. "Ah," She said. She was grinning softly, easily. "I get it."
"You certainly do," Regina agreed softly.
As they both fell into silence Emma kept looking at her, and she couldn't deny that there was a feeling in the air between them, rising up like ash off a fire. And sitting there on that hospital bed in the sunlight with their knees touching, Emma understood what Regina meant about faith and feelings and trust. Maybe we'll be okay, Emma thought. If the surgery worked or not – maybe, just maybe, they'd be okay.
"Now come on," Regina breathed in and looked back up across the bed at her, perfect teeth still toying with her bottom lip. A brilliant smile came over her face, and she reached for Emma's hand. Emma watched her twine their fingers together. "Let's get this done."
August came in not long after, in his green scrubs, flanked by Emma's parents. Regina squeezed her hand. Emma stared between her parents and the nurse, nervous energy zipping and popping through the air.
"Are we all ready?" August asked, glancing between them all.
Emma swallowed, and nodded. "I'm ready."
August nodded. "Well then it's time to go through."