A Day in the Life

by Ada Kensington

Uchiha Sasuke keeps a diary during his employment at Otogakure Enterprises. A great, big bucket of moreish crack.

37. Chapter 37

A Day in the Life

June 10th

Uchiha Sasuke is at work, and glad for it. I believe you have my stapler?

LATER:

Sorry about the untimely interruption. The phone hasn't stopped ringing since ten to eight this morning. Even though it is horrendously busy, you don't know how glad I am to be at work right now. Seriously. As soon as I stepped foot in my office, I wept salty tears of thanks and ran over to my desk to give it a big, grateful hug and a kiss. I have grown quite attached to that desk. It's like the boss's but smaller, since I don't like having to actually get up to reach scattered items at the peripheries. Many a time I have witnessed the boss stretching for something at the end of his overlarge desk – a pen, perhaps, or a tissue – and have been eventually obliged to physically hand him the damned thing because he gave up and demanded I do so in a curt, impatient manner.

All talk of desks aside, work really has been mad. I know I always say it (because it's always true) but it has been especially so of late. This is because only a week prior, we were informed that Otogakure Enterprises had been nominated for product of the year in not one, but three categories. Naturally, we had been expecting the nomination for the personalised medicine research and the 'protecting the people' category, but not for the cell regeneration stuff (which, admittedly, was a side-effect of our not-so-legal MA-23 series). The boss was delighted, and gave Kabuto the week off as a reward, which he spent mainly in his room and dedicated it to forming a one-man raiding squad in World of Warcraft with his many, networked, high-performance computers. He's back now, and going through rehearsal with Karin and the boss for the awards ceremony in Suna in July. I have to go along later, since the boss has decided to take along all of the higher-ups for the weekend, and he wants them drilled and ready to answer or dodge any awkward questions with style and panache. Obviously, I will have no problem doing this, and I have faith in most of the others, though a slight worry about Amachi, and possibly Kabuto, since he is not unknown to have taken the odd stroppy turn under interrogation.

Jiraiya, Kiku, Kylie and Naruto are going to hang back at the boss's house, "Holding the fort," as Naruto put it. The boss, I suspect, will relish the prospect of getting away from the "Asylum" (as he has taken to calling it), though is most likely experiencing mixed emotions at leaving Naruto alone in his home, effectively unsupervised. I know I would have doubts.

In the end, I suppose, the trip to Suna for the awards won out, since the boss isn't getting on too well with Kylie. He doesn't know how to deal with babies, you see. He thinks he can speak to them, deal with them, and order them around like the adults and other assorted individuals in his employ or otherwise. Unfortunately for him, babies have no idea that he is the mighty Orochimaru of Otogakure Enterprises – have absolutely no concept of rank and deference – and they tend towards giggling or puzzlement when he asks them to do something.

Case in point: when Jiraiya decided that he wanted to take Kiku out for a romantic meal, he asked the boss and I if we could watch Kylie for a couple of hours. Of course, we said. I mean, we could handle an infant for a few paltry hours, couldn't we? It would simply be a matter of depositing it in its basket and then leaving it to its own devices while we got on with our lives. Easy.

The next day, Jiraiya and Kiku kissed their tiny daughter goodbye, and left to catch their flight out to Konoha. The boss and I were left alone with Kylie (effectively alone, since Kabuto and Naruto were hard at World of Warcraft.) She was sitting in her little bouncy chair thing on the floor in the TV room, watching a cookery programme and bouncing. The boss and I looked at each other. During the working day, we had planned to have something nice to eat and later retreat to the bedroom, and it was evident from the looks in our eyes that the plan would still go ahead, baby or no baby. Our strategy? Well, she seemed to like her bouncy chair thing, and since we did not wish to risk upsetting her (her cries are deeply irritating) we brought her along with us to the dining room – chair and all.

While we sat and had dinner and a civilised, flirtatious conversation, Kylie happily gurgled and bounced in her chair. One of the servants asked if the boss would be content for her to feed Kylie, and the boss's eyebrows knitted together for a brief moment before he waved a vague hand and said, "Oh yes. Of course. Go ahead."

He had completely forgotten to feed her. And so had I.

It was mercifully out of our hands, though, and Kylie was soon fed by the servant girl with a bottle of her favourite powder milk formula (Kiku made up her mind early on not breast-feeding as she "doesn't want her boobs to go saggy".) After that, she was deposited once again in her bouncy chair, and the boss and I ignored her until we felt it time to progress to the bedroom.

Now, at this juncture, we had a problem. Obviously it would not do to take her into the bedroom with us. This for several reasons. One, I would feel incredibly self-conscious. Even though I know young babies can't even see properly, I would still think it was watching me, and judging me. I cannot even have Mallory in the room while we're having sex. Especially not Mallory, since he is more self-aware than Kylie at this stage. Two, if we were still in there by the time Jiraiya and Kiku got back, I don't think they'd be too happy. Three, it's just wrong. On so many levels.

Therefore, to get round this obstacle, we decided to leave her outside the door so that we could hear her if she got pissed off for any reason. Success! Our cunning plan formed, we deposited Kylie outside in the corridor (still in her bouncy chair, because we are not total monsters – we wanted to keep her happy) and we shut the door and got down to business. Alas, however, for it was difficult to keep our minds on the task at hand, as we could hear Kylie laughing and bounce, bounce, bouncing out in the hallway. The boss became a touch impatient, and jumped up, wrapping a sheet around his waist, and wrenched the door open with intent on chastising a two-month old child.

"Honestly!" I heard him yelling. "Do you have no sense of discretion—? Oh… oh dear lord."

His voice faltered for a moment, before he turned up the volume once again. "Sasuke-kun!" he bellowed. "Sasuke-kun! Get out here this instant!"

Rolling my eyes, I grudgingly donned the boss's silky, black robe and popped my head round the door. Looking down, I saw the reason for the boss's disquiet. There before me was Kylie, grinning and waving her pudgy little hands in the air, seeming quite content, bar the fact she appeared to be covered in her own sick, having bounced herself to spewing point.

I sighed deeply, running a hand through my hair. There would be no peace until Jiraiya and Kiku returned, I knew that, and I sought to make the best of a bad situation.

"We need to give her a bath or something," I suggested, but the boss was not having it.

"Sasuke-kun, I am not bathing this child. Who do you think I am?"

"Fine. But we'll need to at least change her clothes. We can't hand her back to Jiraiya and Kiku slathered in her own vomit!"

"Then where are the child's clothes kept?"

"I don't know!" I snapped. "Jeez, why are you asking me? How am I supposed to know?"

"Oh for goodness' sake," the boss hissed, turning on his heel and disappearing for a moment into the bedroom, before re-emerging, wearing something more respectable in the form of a towelled robe. He breezed past me, heading down the corridor, calling out over his shoulder, "Bring the child with you, Sasuke-kun, and keep her in that chair. I don't want her sick dripping everywhere."

Back in the dining room, we found some underlings clearing up. They bowed low when the boss approached them.

"Do any of you know where Kiku keeps her clothes?" he asked, a shade imperiously.

"K-Kiku?" one girl said, the same one who had fed Kylie. "She's just had a pink top ironed, I know that. Though I don't think it'd fit a little baby, Orochimaru-sama…"

The boss waved a hand irritably. "I didn't mean Kiku, you stupid girl, I meant—" the boss clicked his fingers as he attempted to recall his goddaughter's name, "—Kylie! Yes, Kylie. I meant where does Kiku keep Kylie's clothing?"

The servant girl blushed and I felt a mite sorry for her. "My apologies, Orochimaru-sama. I happen to know exactly where they are. Shall I fetch some clean garments for you?"

"Please do," the boss said waspishly. "And clean her up while you're at it," he added, as an afterthought, before he turned and walked out, just like that.

For a moment, I stood there, smiling a sheepish smile, still holding Kylie in her bouncy chair thing. Hesitantly, the servant girl approached me and came to take Kylie away. I managed a stilted nod of thanks, and she managed an equally awkward smile in return. I hate it when the boss does that with his underlings. Or at least I hate it when he does it when I'm there, and I have to stand around, discomfited, and absorb the strange aftermath-vibes.

So I said, "Errr… I think you'd better bring her to Orochimaru-sama when you're done. He might get mad if he has to come looking. And thanks for doing this."

The girl blushed again, more furiously this time. The she inclined her head and scurried away. She found us in the boss's study, where we were sitting by the fire, drinking wine. Kylie was put before us on the rug, smelling sweetly of soap and baby shampoo, minus her bouncing chair (which had also been cleaned). The bouncing chair had been replaced by her favourite blanket, a present from Naruto that he bought from the hospital gift shop (the very one in the bargain bin the boss garrotted him with). She looked quite happy, and was entertained by the fire, so entertained that she kept trying to move towards it, despite the boss strictly ordering her to go nowhere near it. Stepping in, I picked her up and put her on the sofa, and her attention was turned to making the shiny, brown leather squeak and poking vaguely at the buttons.

Mercifully, another underling knocked on the door and announced Jiraiya and Kiku's return not long after. In his eagerness, the boss leapt to his feet so fast he almost knocked over his wine glass, and he grabbed Kylie and practically ran downstairs to give her back. He handed her over as though she were toxic. Thankfully, Jiraiya and Kiku didn't notice.

"Have you been a good girl for Oro?" Jiraiya said, chuckling, swinging her up in the air and making her laugh.

"Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! Ba-ba-ba-baaaaa!" Kylie said in reply, which I presume meant, "No. In fact, father, I caused rather a lot of trouble. And I'd do it again, too!"

"Hey, guys?" we heard Kiku calling from the living room before she reappeared again out in the corridor. "Have you seen Kylie's bouncer? I swear to god I left it in there…"

The boss didn't miss a beat.

"I had it cleaned. It should be returned to you momentarily, Kiku, my dear."

"Oh wow, thanks guys! Really, cos I've been thinking of doin' that for awhile now. And she looks real happy. You've been great! Like, awesome, even!" she said, beaming all over her face as Jiraiya handed her the baby and they went upstairs to put her to bed.

I felt bad about lying to Kiku, especially since we were not, in fact, awesome at looking after her beloved first-born, but instead left her alone in a corridor until she was sick all over herself. As my conscience was giving me rare pangs of guilt, I gave the boss a severe look. He merely shrugged and gave me one of his infuriating, smug smiles, knowing exactly what I was thinking.

"Are you going to tell her, Sasuke-kun? Because I'm not."

It was then that I realised the boss was being practical and sensible about matters, and who was I to argue with practical and sensible? Besides, there is never any greater truth than the old saying: "What they do not know will not hurt them," and so it is that Jiraiya and Kiku continue to believe to this day that the boss is, astonishingly, capable of minding their helpless offspring, despite the fact that he routinely yells at her to be quiet and throws fits when it becomes apparent to him that she won't. I only hope they don't ask him again. If they do, then I shall insist that the boss leave her in the care of that excellent female underling, who seems to like babies.

Apart from that, and the Product of the Year award nominations, nothing much else has happened. That's probably a good thing, since I have just realised I have used up nearly all of my lunch break typing up this damned entry! I don't even know if I'll have time to eat anything before I have to head along to rehearsals…

June 13th

Deep, calm breaths…

Deep, calm breaths…

Deep, calm breaths…

LATER:

I apologise if this entry is incoherent in any way, for hate and murder have clouded my mind.

The boss and I have had a ferocious argument over his, frankly disgusting, decision to hold a birthday dinner for Kimimaro on the 15th. I cannot abide it! I will not abide it! I do not give a flying toss if the other higher-ups are going to be there. I do not care if Kimimaro 'has already accepted that I will be there.' I do not give a great, steaming turd-crap about whether Kimimaro's acceptance of my evil presence at his goddamned birthday was 'surpassingly gracious'. Read my lips, Orochimaru-sama: I do not care. I do not want him anywhere near me. I do not want him near this house. I do not want him around. Period.

The announcement was made this afternoon at about five-thirty as the boss and I were getting ready to leave. I was hanging around at reception, waiting for the boss to arrive, as per usual, when he sneaked up behind me and prodded me in the ribs, making me swear at him.

"Oh, Sasuke-kun…" he remarked, spinning me around by the waist, his eyes sparkling with mischief. "Please do not swear at me, for I have the most wonderful idea."

He then suggested that we fly out to Konoha, just the two of us, for a fancy meal at Kitcho, go back to the hotel and take the whole of tomorrow off. Normally, I would have jumped at the chance, quite possibly jumped into his arms, this followed by jumping into the Rolls and telling Zaku to step on it. Normally. This time, however, my threat alert sensors were tingling. I could tell something was off from the way the boss was looking at me. There was something tense there, altogether too keen, too hopeful that I accept. He's usually much more casual about these spontaneous sojourns.

"What have you done?" I said frankly, folding my arms and raising an eyebrow.

"Me?" the boss said, feigning astonishment. "What do you mean what have I done?"

"I know you," I said, pointing a finger at him. "You've done something that I'm not going to like, and you're looking to soften the blow by taking me away to Konoha for the night. Aren't you?"

That wiped the smile from the boss's face.

"So cynical, Sasuke-kun," he said as he took half a step away from me, already colder and more guarded. "But perceptive. I applaud you."

"Whatever," I said dismissively, making him twitch (he loathes it when I say 'whatever' to him). "Just spill it. What have you done?"

For a moment, the boss looked at me in a calculating manner, before a corner of his mouth turned up in a wry smile. Since I had been openly disrespectful to him, he probably decided just to go for it – to hell with softening any blows. With an unnecessary amount of candour, he laid it on me.

"Very well, Sasuke-kun. Since you are so determined to make life miserable for yourself, I shall happily oblige. I intend to host a birthday dinner for Kimimaro-kun on the eve of the 15th of this month. There is nothing you can do to change my mind on this matter, as I have already invited Kimimaro-kun, Kabuto-kun, Amachi, Karin, Suigetsu and Gen'yumaru and they have accepted. I am inviting you now, Sasuke-kun, out of courtesy, although I know perfectly well you will protest."

I must confess, for a long while I just stood there, looking at him, my mouth hanging open in shock. I was so angry, I actually could not speak. Eventually, my thoughts ordered, I decided to start with his most offensive turn of phrase.

"You are inviting me out of courtesy?"

The boss waved a hand dismissively. "Courtesy, attachment, does it matter?"

"Yes!" I exclaimed, outraged and astonished at his complete lack of regard. "You invite your great aunt you haven't seen in fifteen years out of courtesy, not your long-suffering love-interest!"

The boss rolled his eyes and said in a put-upon manner, as though I was merely splitting hairs, "Very well. It is attachment. And I am inviting you. I expect you to be there."

"Yeah? Well too bad," I said, turning my back on him and folding my arms. "Because I've already got something on on the 15th."

Even though I couldn't see his face, I could sense his eyes narrowing.

"I do not recall you having any prior engagements on the eve of the 15th."

I spun round once again to face him, wearing my most insolent smile.

"Yeah, well, you won't recall it because I didn't tell you about it." I paused for a moment, thinking on my feet, and then added, "I'm doing something with Naruto and Sakura in Konoha."

The boss's eyebrows shot up. Since he's a terrible control-freak, I knew that would rile him.

"And when was this arranged?" he hissed, his eyes flashing.

"Weeks ago," I said with a nonchalance I knew would drive him to distraction. "What?" I added, taking in the look of great scepticism on his face. "You don't believe me? Then just ask Naruto when you get in."

The boss smiled a nasty smile and said, "Oh believe me, I will, Sasuke-kun."

You may understand, then, that there followed a brief moment of danger, in which I had not actually been able to speak to Naruto in order to ask him to materialise out of thin air an impromptu, minor calendar event. The boss knew this and he stuck to my side like glue the whole walk back. He did not say a word to me, but when I whipped out my phone in desperation to try a furtive text, he smiled that awful smile again that makes me hate him more than anything and said, "Who are you texting, Sasuke-kun?" at which point, I shoved my phone back in my bag and cursed him under my breath.

The closer we got to the compound, the quicker our pace. It's ridiculous to think about it now, but we were actually racing to get to Naruto first. Every time I put on a burst of speed, the boss matched it, and every time he inched ahead, I lengthened my strides to keep up. By the time we reached the door, we were practically power-walking – to outsiders, we would have looked like complete tools – and when I shoulder-charged my way in first, I kicked off my shoes, firing them in different directions, and headed straight for Naruto's room.

The boss did the same— but was waylaid by Jiraiya as we passed the first floor corridor on the stairs on our way up to the second.

"HEY, ORO!" he bellowed. "YO! I NEED TO ASK YOU ABOUT SOMETHING!"

"I DON'T HAVE TIME!" the boss yelled back, still neck-and-neck with me as we approached the second floor, but then came the thump, thump, thumping of another pair of footsteps hastening upstairs behind us.

Then came my reprieve. Jiraiya accelerated, reached out, and pulled the boss back by the shoulder, and I heard him roar in despair, his plan thwarted. I knew I had been given a golden chance, so I burst into a sprint, taking stairs two at a time, and hoofed it along the east wing to Naruto's room, three doors down. I barged in without knocking, and found Naruto playing Elder Scrolls IV.

"Naruto!" I said, breathless and without preamble. "We're having a night out on the 15th!"

This announcement gained Naruto's immediate and undivided attention, and he paused the game.

"No waaaaaay…" he said, searching my face (which was no doubt embarrassingly red with exertion). "For real, dude?"

"For real," I breathed, clutching at the horrible stitch in my side. "I've had it planned for ages, but I wanted it to be a surprise, and I didn't want to tell the boss because I knew he'd say no. It's on the 15th and we're having it at your place in Konoha – and you get to organise it! Invite whoever you like!"

"Seriously, Sasuke?" Naruto said, his eyes welling up with happiness.

"S-Seriously," I said, trying to smile through the pain. "But remember, it's been planned for ages, in case the boss asks—"

It was fortunate I managed to get it all out when I did, because the boss barrelled into the room but a nanosecond later, throwing the door open so violently that the thing battered against the wall and left a mark. There were red spots high on his cheeks, and he was breathing heavily. Clearly, he'd managed to shake off Jiraiya and had made quite the run upstairs because he only finished a few seconds behind me. If I could have afforded a closer look, I could have sworn there were flecks of foam at the corners of his mouth. He was clutching at his chest, wheezing, and his eyes darted about the room, frantically seeking Naruto. Finding both of us together, he snarled – a desperate sound that signalled his defeat – but it appeared he wasn't going to go lying down.

"Naruto!" he demanded breathlessly, brandishing a finger at him. "Have you something planned with Sasuke-kun on the 15th – and you are forbidden to lie to me!"

Now, being clever as I am, I was certain the boss was going to pull the 'don't you lie to me' card on Naruto. The boss knows well enough by now that Naruto is an honest soul, cannot lie, and that he may be thus manipulated. However, I have been Naruto's best friend since we were kids, and I know better how to deal with him. See, the trick is to feed him the lie in advance and make it seem like the truth. Another dimension of Naruto's mind-boggling honesty is that he believes everyone else is of the same mindset, so it's not hard to convince him of the veracity of one's statement. Therefore, when it comes to spreading the lie, he will be utterly convinced of its truth and will have no problem repeating it to others. Hence the following exchange.

"Yeah, dude!" he said happily. "Night out on the 15th, in Konoha! Be there or be… not there, lol!" (Naruto has lately taken to actually saying lol in everyday conversation.)

The boss turned round and looked down his nose at me with such contempt that I wanted to laugh triumphantly in his face right then and there. Then he directed his attention to Naruto. "And how long has this been planned for?"

"Ages, man!" Naruto said, echoing my exact words. "Sorry you weren't told or anything but Sasuke said you'd say no."

From my vantage point next to the bookcase, I could see the boss becoming angrier and angrier as he realised that, this time, he wasn't going to be able to break Naruto down. I could sense him trying to figure out why; could practically feel him attempting to come up with a plan B. His plan B turned out to be the oldest trick in the book: pulling rank.

"And what if I do say no? Sasuke-kun is obliged to attend a dinner on the eve of the 15th, and I will be most displeased if he does not."

"Awwwwww maaaaaaaaaan," Naruto whined, bouncing up and down on the bed. "No, dude, you can't! We can't have a big night out without Sasuke! And it's been planned for ages!"

"I care not."

"What's it for, anyway?"

"It is Kimimaro-kun's birthday on the 15th and I—"

"Awwwww, no way, dude!" Naruto interrupted, leaping to his feet in outrage. "You can't expect Sasuke to blow off this night out that he's planned for ages for Kimimaro. He doesn't even like him!"

"Believe me, Naruto-kun, I know that only too well—"

"Then why are you making him go to your stupid dinner? Jeez, man, that's totally shit—"

"ENOUGH!!" the boss roared, slamming his fist against the wall, silencing Naruto. Then he whipped round to face me, his eyes glittering with malice. He hissed, "You lying, deceitful, little cockroach. I know very well that you've pulled this out of your arse at the last minute."

"Prove it," I said, with a smug smile.

The boss made a noise of disgust, and his reply made me want to do a dance of glee. First, it all but admitted that the boss could not, in fact, prove it. Second, it gave me a damn good opening.

"I cannot believe you would go to such lengths to get out of it," he snapped.

"And I cannot believe you would expect me to shrug my shoulders, accept it, turn up and be gracious!"

"Kimimaro-kun was surpassingly gracious when I informed him you would be there."

"Oh, so you've arranged all this with him already? When was this planned?"

The boss smiled his infuriating smile and said smoothly, "About the same time you planned your night out, I expect."

He had me. Backed into a verbal corner with sharp words I could not parry that yielded wounds.

Bastard, I wanted to shout. Bastard, bastard, bastard! Unthinking, unfeeling, inconsiderate, smug bastard. But I didn't. Instead I stared at him with all the coldness I could muster and said, "Fuck you," before I turned and walked straight out. Naturally, he followed me and started yelling at me, but I was so angry I was able to block it out. I'm not sure how. Maybe I've gotten used to his mercurial moods? Who knows. At any rate, he kept shouting, "How dare you ignore me, Sasuke-kun! Sasuke-kun!" until I reached the fancy bathroom with the Jacuzzi and all the gold and white marble. There is a lock on the door, and I used it to my advantage. The boss, however, is rather tenacious, and he hammered on the door for a while, yelling himself hoarse, before he gave up. I figured then it was safe to text Naruto, and I asked him to bring me my laptop, which was in the bedroom. The boss wouldn't give him it at first, saying, "If Sasuke-kun wants it, he can come get it himself – from me," but Naruto crept back half an hour later and stealthily nicked it from the bedside cabinet. Unfortunately, the boss caught him scurrying away, and he also had to take refuge in the bathroom. He's still here with me.

We're planning on writing a mass e-mail and sending it to everyone, letting them know about the night out. There is a surprisingly long list of invitees.

It's strange, though. The more I think about it, the more I really want this night out to happen. It was a spur of the moment thing at first – like the boss said, a half-arsed, invented excuse to get out of something I really did not want to go to. But now… it's different. I guess it's sort of a chance to exert my freedom, in a way. I'm fed up with constantly conforming to his goddamned wishes. I will put up with his mild strops, I will put up with his psychotic rampages – but this is a bridge too far. Hosting a birthday dinner for his ex (who is still madly in love with him) and inviting me? Out of courtesy? What the hell is he thinking?

Well, I'll make him think. I'll make him think about someone other than himself for once in his goddamned life. I won the battle today, and I hope he realises that. This night out is going to happen, whether he likes it or not.

June 14th

Slept in the bathroom last night. Very tired. Naruto also slept in the bathroom. He is strangely perky. Woke up with a severe crick in my neck to find him whistling over the basin. This irritated me immensely, so I punched him in the shoulder. Did nothing to diminish said perkiness. Said he was going to go out for supplies.

Did not want to risk returning to the bedroom, so I showered and went to work in the previous day's clothes. No one has noticed. The boss hasn't shown up yet, though I'm not surprised, since it's only quarter to eight in the morning.

Very, very tired. The bathroom floor is so hard. Think I might try sleeping here tonight. Maybe Naruto could get a hold of some camp beds?

Man… I need some coffee.

LATER

Fell asleep at my desk. Woke up an hour later to find this email in my inbox:

----

From: the-best at konoha-suna. org

To: (everyone in his address book – including the Akatsuki mob and the boss)

Subject: Naruto & Sasuke present: BIG NIGHT OUT!!! Sponsred by the SCHOOL OF AWESOMMMMMMMME!!

Listen up guys!

Sasuke and me r havin dis night out on the 15th of June an dat is like practicaly NOW!! so get ur parteeeee on cos dis is gonna b da biggest blowout EVER!! its gonna b so awesome dat it mite blow ur mindz so use cation. its been planned for ages but we wanted it 2 b a surprise so sorree bout the last minuteness lol.

Now heres teh arrangments:

First we r at Ichiraku Ramen for munchies, natch. Then comes da BEST BIT!

Wen we r finished with muchies then we r headin ON DA BUS to JOYLAND PARK cos its summer & they open til 3AM. Tix are ¥2,700 each.

Orogakure peepz we r gettin a plane 2 Konoha on 15th after work. Sasu & me have tix. Lemme no so u can book, lol.

Akatsuki peepz i no u cant get off work easy but it wud b 2 cool if u cud make it!! :D

Konoha peepz u guyz can js turn up at Ichiraku Ramen, lol. 8:00 onwards. No trainers! (j/k Shika u no i luv trainers)

WILL C U ALL THERE ON THE 15th 8.00!! BE THERE OR BE LAME!!!!!!

- see ya round like a record

N.

----

Wow.

Plane tickets? Naruto is being frighteningly proactive. It's amazing what the prospect of a night out can bring out in him. Though it seems it really is going ahead now. I wonder who'll respond?

LATER:

Despite the last-minute, hare-brained nature of our scheme to escape the confines of Otogakure for the night, the response has been surprisingly positive. Naruto has forwarded me the confirmation emails, and so far we have a list of twenty-four people.

Myself

Naruto

Sakura

Hinata

Shino

Kiba

Neji and TenTen (they're not coming to the restaurant because they're already going on a date, but will meet us at Joyland later.)

Shikamaru

Ino

Chouji

Tsunade and Dan

Jiraiya and Kiku

Ayame (Kakashi and Iruka can't come because they're going to a gig with Asuma. Ha! They're going to be furious!)

Lee

Sai

Sasori

Deidara

Kakuzu

Hidan

Zetsu

Kisame

Itachi

No, your eyes do not deceive you. The Akatsuki lot will, indeed, be in attendance – including my brother. This email from him accepting en masse should be enough to explain.

----

From: amaterasu-sharingan at akatsuki . org

To: thebest at konoha-suna . org

Subject: RE: Naruto & Sasuke present: BIG NIGHT OUT!!! Sponsred by the SCHOOL OF AWESOMMMMMMMME!!

Dear Naruto and Sasuke,

Thank you for your invitation to your night out. We will be glad to attend, since we are currently working in the Konoha area. Unfortunately, Konan and Pain will not be able to attend, as they have pressing business in Konoha. For the rest of us, our evenings are more or less our own.

We will see both you and Sasuke at eight sharp.

Yours truly,

Uchiha Itachi, speaking for Kisame, Deidara, Sasori, Kakuzu, Hidan and Zetsu.

----

I am… excited now. My brother is coming along on a night out. That in itself is profoundly odd, but I'm not complaining! I haven't seen him in almost a year. I sent him a birthday card and a present last week so it would get to him in time, but I had to send it to a special, designated P. O. box so Uncle Madara would not discover we were still in contact with one another. It'll be wonderful to see him again.

Everyone else seems pretty psyched at the prospect of a fun-filled night out away from the compound – Jiraiya and Kiku especially, since it's their first real outing since the short trip out for the romantic meal. Naruto said he was on the phone to Jiraiya, and they've planned to leave Kylie with her grandfather for the night so they can come along guilt-free. And besides, Teuchi-san is always badgering them to fly over so he can see his darling granddaughter. I imagine he'll only be too delighted to babysit, since the boss, god's gift to children (I laugh heartily at this misnomer), will unavailable due to his being a interminably stupid, selfish pile of shit.

Not everyone is excited, though. I received emails from Suigetsu and Kabuto along the lines of "Thanks very much. Now you tell me!" You see, they were quite looking forward to the civilised dinner, but now that an opportunity for Real Fun has presented itself, they are desperately looking for ways to cancel and have asked me to come up with excuses for them. I've got a few ideas, and there's a general meeting in five minutes, so I'll have a chat with them then.

LATER:

The boss and I have just had another argument. This time it was deeply embarrassing because it was public. When I say 'public', I mean more specifically in a meeting room in front of Kabuto, Suigetsu and the others. The boss has fallen out with them, too, and has long since stormed off in a foul mood. No doubt this is because I am still winning this little battle of wills we've got going on.

When I turned up at the meeting room, took off my suit jacket and organised myself, everyone else got up and crowded round me, asking me about the night out. Gen'yumaru wanted to know whether he could still use his 7-day Joyland pass he bought last year; Amachi wanted to know if "ZeroCool" would be there (that's Shino's handle on Everquest, apparently); Suigetsu and Karin just really wanted to come, and Kabuto asked if Deidara had responded.

I told Kabuto that, yes, Deidara would be there, along with the majority of the Akatsuki lot as my brother had sent us an email saying words to that effect. Kabuto made a strangled noise of despair, and Suigetsu shook his head.

"It's not fair!" Suigetsu moaned. "Even the Kisame and the other Akatsuki guys are getting to go!"

"I know!" I said, feeling encouraging. "It's weird, right? Should be fun. Though I think you might need to be careful around Hidan…"

"Wasn't he the guy who broke into the courtroom in Konoha?" Gen'yumaru asked.

"Yeah. He's totally mental," I replied, making my eyes cross for comedic effect.

The mention of Hidan's attendance did not quite garner the response I had expected. Instead of wariness and changes of heart, there were wistful sighs.

"Man, sounds like he'd be great at a party…" Amachi said, mournfully.

"Yeah. He'd totally tear the place up," Suigetsu said, gazing into the middle distance and most likely imagining drunken carnage.

There was a short silence in which everyone stared at the floor, looking glum. Then Karin whispered, "I really want to go…"

Everyone nodded in agreement, but at that moment the boss breezed in, and the rest of them dashed to their seats. Suigetsu, sitting next to me, leaned over and whispered, "Look, put me down for it, Sasuke. I'm just gonna go tell the boss I can't make the 15th."

I tried to tell him it probably wasn't a good idea, I really did, but Suigetsu never listens. All I could do was watch nervously as Suigetsu approached the boss, bowed, and addressed him formally.

"Orochimaru-sama," he said, in a tone altogether too respectful for Suigetsu, which gave him away immediately.

The boss regarded his head of Human Resources with amusement in his eyes and said, "What do you want, Suigetsu?"

Suigetsu bowed again. "With the deepest respect, Orochimaru-sama, with regard to our arrangement on the fifteenth… I- I am afraid I am no longer able to attend."

Immediately, the air in the room turned frosty. Everyone had been watching Suigetsu out of the corners of their eyes to see how it would go, but their gazes averted when the smile vanished from the boss's face. I knew (and everyone knew) that the boss was angry, since his voice, when he spoke, was silky soft and dangerous.

"You maintain you possess the deepest respect for me, Suigetsu, yet clearly you lie, as you have not yet told me why you can no longer uphold your promise to me."

Suigetsu knew he was treading on thin ice, but that now he was effectively stranded in the middle of a frozen lake of his own making, and would have to hope against hope the perilous surface wouldn't crack and give way underneath him. He ploughed on.

"S-Sasuke and Naruto are having a night out on the fifteenth, Orochimaru-sama. In Konoha," he gabbled. "I-It's been planned for ages, and—"

"Silence! I am sick of hearing that particular phrase!" the boss hissed, making Suigetsu flinch. Then he spun round in his chair to face the rest of us, smiling ominously, and said, "So, has anyone else had a mysterious something crop up that renders them unable to attend on the fifteenth?"

Kabuto, being braver than the rest and slightly more bullet-proof as the head of the R&D department, spoke up. "I must confess, I would like to go to Sasuke and Naruto's night out, Orochimaru-sama," he said honestly. "I did not know it was being planned, and that is why I accepted your invitation. I mean no disrespect, but I would very much like to see my friends outwith the company, and I do not often get the chance."

The boss's eyes flashed and he leaned forward in his seat. "Again, you maintain respect, but you are disrespecting me by recanting!"

"Orochimaru-sama, I beg to differ, I am not," Kabuto said in an optimistically placating tone. "I wouldn't dare disrespect you."

"BUT YOU DO!" the boss roared suddenly, rising so abruptly from his seat that he sent it crashing to the floor behind him. He began to pace the room like a caged animal, ranting and raving. "YOU DO DISRESPECT ME! YOU DISRESPECT ME GRAVELY, KABUTO-KUN, AND I WILL TELL YOU RIGHT HERE AND NOW AND IN NO UNCERTAIN TERMS THAT IF YOU DO NOT ATTEND THEN YOU WILL LOSE YOUR JOB!"

Kabuto stuttered into silence, his face a strange mixture of fear and resentment. At the end of the table, Suigetsu was shuffling awkwardly; the rest were staring at the shiny, polished tabletop, determined not to catch the boss's eye. The boss was so busy dealing with Suigetsu and Kabuto that it came as a surprise when he suddenly turned on me.

"This is your idea, isn't it?" he accused, pointing a finger at me. "Simply because you do not approve of my design, you intend to sabotage it!"

"I had nothing to do with it," I said calmly, which was half-true. "Naruto was the one who sent the email this morning."

"Which I received," the boss said viciously. "Which you caused Naruto-kun to write after you fed him your lies!"

I shrugged. "Believe what you like, Orochimaru-sama, but the fact remains: this night out is going to happen. You can come along if you like. Actually, I'd love for you to come. Just don't bring your ex. I'm the one being reasonable here."

And I was right. I was the one being reasonable, and I think that deep down, the boss knew it. His mouth quirked and he stopped short mid-stride. Then, drawing himself up to his full height, he announced, in a strangely calm tone, "My offer still stands. Kabuto, Suigetsu, Amachi, Karin, Gen'yumaru – if you do not appear at my door on the eve of the fifteenth, as arranged, you will lose your jobs." Then he turned to me, looking at me funny and added, "Sasuke-kun, however, has a choice."

I shook my head in amazement. Even though I had explicitly stated my intentions, he would still seek to manipulate me.

"What's the catch?" I said sardonically.

"You will find out when you make your choice," the boss said mysteriously before he swept out of the room, slamming the door so hard behind him that a marker pen toppled off the white board shelf.

For a while, everyone sat in silence, a shade shell-shocked. Personally, it was round about then that the embarrassment started to creep up on me. I had just had a domestic with my significant other in the middle of a general meeting. I don't think anyone really cared, though, since they, too, had endured a verbal lashing from the boss. The threat of mass-redundancy from a lucrative and otherwise enjoyable job can do that to people, I guess.

Shamed that I had effectively aired my dirty linen in public, I made a few muttered excuses and headed along to my office. I'm here now, waiting for Naruto to show up. We're going to stay the night here, as I cannot face going back to the compound. There's only another half day to get through after this. I'm sure I can stick it out. Let's face it, I have to stick it out. This isn't just a battle of wills. I'm not doing it just to piss the boss off. It's about freedom and equality – or if not equality, at least a bit of leeway to do as I wish on occasion. It's a test, and if the boss can't see that, then I'm going to have to force him to.

LATER:

It is round about two in the morning, and I am back at the compound, in bed with the boss. He's been acting very, very odd, and… I don't quite know what to make of it. At this moment, I am sitting up, typing this entry on my laptop, surrounded by pillows. The boss has flailed halfway down the bed and has slung an arm over my legs. I can't see him because he's wriggled under the duvet, but I know he's there, and I know he's asleep because I can hear him muttering nonsense.

It's strange…

A couple of hours ago, Naruto and I were still in my office, sitting on musty camp beds he'd dug out from the back of the bus (that had been sitting in there since Tea in the Park!) Naruto had brought some carbonated beverages, teabags and microwave meals, which we heated up in the Staff Room. Naruto had contented himself with dicking around on the internet, and I had settled myself with a book. We seemed all set to bed down for the night, until I started to feel grimy and itchy. I had forgotten that I'd been wearing the same clothes for almost two days, and the realisation began to plague me. Suddenly, I was desperate for a shower and a change of clothes.

"Naruto," I said, in my most overtly persuasive, pleading tones with a hint of whine, "could you ask Jiraiya or someone if they can bring me a change of clothes? I'm starting to get itchy sitting here."

"Sorry, dude," Naruto replied, not even looking away from his game. "Jiraiya and Kiku have left for Konoha already with Kylie. They're staying at Teuchi-san's for a couple of days, and Kabuto's over at Amachi's."

"Shit…" I hissed under my breath. "Then could you maybe run over for me?"

Naruto did turn round this time. "You know I would, Sasuke, but Oro really chased me when I sneaked in and stole your laptop for you. He had this real scary look on his face. I think he'd go nuts if I did it again."

I sighed and said it was okay, and that I'd try to deal. For another hour, I did, truly I did, but the visions of tiny dirt particles clinging to my skin and clogging my pores and spreading all over my body was too much to bear. All I needed was a shower, I thought, and it could be done. The boss would not find me in a bathroom because his house has so many I could choose one at random and the odds would be about 7-1 that he'd randomly come across me. The only risk would be in retrieving my clothes. I knew I would have to do it myself, since if I asked one of his underlings, there would be a high chance of them ratting on me under interrogation and bringing the boss back with them. The only other alternative was simply to go straight in, hope he wasn't there, and if he was – ignore him.

My plan formulated to perfection, I bade Naruto farewell and headed off to the compound. Taking care to avoid detection, I slipped in through one of the side doors the servants use, up the stairs, and along the third floor east corridor to the nice wet room I like with the polished, black granite tiles everywhere. I stayed in there for a blessed forty-five minutes, making sure every last speck of dirt was scrubbed away, and when I was finished, I towelled myself dry and reached for the random robe on the hook next to the door.

Taking a deep breath, I opened it and crept out into the corridor, heading down a floor and along the east wing to the boss's bedroom. I paused outside, pressing my ear to the door in case I could detect any sound that might indicate the boss was inside. Hearing nothing, I steeled myself and crossed the threshold.

Unfortunately, my ears had deceived me. The boss was, indeed, inside. He was sitting up in bed reading The Remains of the Day, a book I had given him Christmas last. His eyes were drawn to me as soon as I stepped through the door. His expression was resolutely unreadable, and it made me nervous. For a wild moment, I wanted to turn and run back to my office, but I knew it would be absurd to return in only a flimsy, cotton bathrobe. Plus, it would make me look like a pathetic idiot, and there was no way that was going to happen. Holding my head up high, I walked across the room, past the boss – ignoring him as I had planned – and rummaged through the drawers in search of a t-shirt, socks and underwear. I could feel the boss's eyes on me the whole time and it made me so nervous I accidentally knocked over the photo of us that stood on the dresser.

Then he spoke.

"Are you going to continue avoiding me, Sasuke-kun?"

"That's the general idea…"

"Then don't."

"Why? So you can start yelling at me in front of everyone again?" I said, while raking around in the bottom of the black-hole wardrobe for my favourite brogues. "No thanks."

"You still have a choice, Sasuke-kun. I have given you that choice."

"Yeah, I know that already. Thanks for reminding me."

There was a faint rustle of fabric, then the sound of bare feet gliding across the carpet. An instant later, the boss's arms were around my waist, his head buried in the nook between my neck and my shoulder blade. Instinctively, I uttered a little cry of surprise at this unexpected turn of events, and tried to pull away, but the boss held tight. When he spoke, I could feel the hotness of his breath and his lips brushing against my thin, cotton robe.

"You know I really do prefer you, Sasuke-kun," he murmured, his voice slightly muffled.

"Then why are you doing this to me?" I pleaded, my skin rising in goose pimples, my nerves jangling at his decidedly mercurial behaviour.

The next thing I knew, the boss had spun me round by the waist and kissed me. It was a very strange kiss. For the boss, anyway. Usually he either goes all out and makes your lips bleed or teases you with little gentle ones. This one was careful, measured, thoughtful – if a kiss can be any of those things. It unnerved me to the core, and when I pulled back for air, the boss was cupping my face in his hands, regarding me once again with that funny look I never know how to read.

Then he said, quietly, "Lie down, Sasuke-kun."

"W-what?" I said, startled.

"Lie down. On the bed. Please."

So I did. And every time I tried to say something, every time I tried to apologise, or ask what the hell he was thinking, he said nothing but merely pressed a finger to my lips and said, "Hush, Sasuke-kun. Say nothing."

We had sex, but it was… so strange. He kept stopping and drawing back to look at me every five minutes or so, taking in every inch of me with his weird eyes. I felt really exposed. He kept closing his eyes as well, and his hands were everywhere – I suppose taking in every inch of me by touch. The sex itself was profoundly strange, since the boss insisted on a kind of reverent silence throughout, and when he had finished, he smiled lazily and flopped back onto the pillows, staring at me with a serenity in his eyes that terrified me.

"Lie next to me, Sasuke-kun," he said invitingly, holding out his arms.

Obediently, I did so, pressing up against him, feeling his arms close around me.

For a prolonged moment, we lay there in silence, listening to each other breathing.

When I could take it no more, I said, "Why?"

"Because I wanted to show you."

"Show me? Show me what?" I asked, my curiosity genuine.

But the boss smiled mysteriously and said nothing else. Another long silence fell, and during it, I was suddenly overwhelmed by guilt – a feeling that came screaming out of nowhere – but I had to tell him. I could not give in.

"You know I'm going to go to Konoha," I whispered.

"Are you?"

"Yes."

"If that is your wish, then I am glad I showed you."

"Okay," I said, shuffling up a little so I could rest my head in the crook of his arm. "I'm glad you're happy, I guess." After a pause, I added, "So is it alright if I text Naruto and tell him it's safe to come back? He's still hiding out in my office."

The boss nodded, his eyes closed and already half-asleep. "But do not leave this bed, Sasuke-kun. You are not to leave it until morning. It is my dear wish."

"Okay," I said quietly, not wanting to disturb him as his head flopped to the side, his cheek touching my hair. It was difficult trying to stretch over to the desk upon which the boss's new phone sat (he beat me to it and bought his own iPhone the sod – had all his contacts backed up and everything). Eventually, though, I grabbed hold of it and texted Naruto, asking him to bring me my stuff. To my eternal gratefulness, he did, and he even sneaked in and handed me my laptop before heading off to his room to "finish off the Shivering Isles quest in Elder Scrolls." Have I ever mentioned how much I love Naruto? Perhaps I have, once or twice, but I still do not say it as often as I should.

But here I am, sitting here in the aftermath of a bout of incredibly unsettling behaviour on the part of the boss – wondering what on earth it all means. I told him specifically I was going to Konoha… and he did not protest. That in itself is weird, and I sense I might be kept awake tonight thinking about it.

"I wanted to show you."

Show me what?

God, I hate it when he talks in riddles…

June 15th

The Big Night Out

As of this moment, Naruto and I are on a chartered flight: KN014, bound for Konoha International Airport, expected arrival at 7:10pm. We're planning to take a taxi from the airport, dump our stuff at Sakura's apartment and then leave straightaway for Ichiraku Ramen to meet the others.

It's strange, but I'm starting to get butterflies. I am oddly excited about tonight and have been looking forward to it all day during work. I couldn't even concentrate properly when I was in rehearsals for the awards earlier on because people kept phoning to inform me of their arrangements. The boss ended up letting me leave early because, and I quote his irritable words, I was 'going to be utterly useless until this stupid trip was over and done with.' Grinning, I thanked him and practically skipped out of the room, feeling Kabuto and the others' jealous glares upon me all the way out into the corridor. I didn't care, though, for tonight, I was going to have fun. Real fun. More fun than I had had for a long time. And with friends. Real friends. (Except Kakuzu and Hidan. They scare me.)

Trying to control myself, I texted Naruto to say I'd been let away early and that I'd meet him at reception. Ten minutes later, Naruto showed up, wearing his orange and black camo backpack and a huge grin – a grin so infectious that it obliged me to grin back. For a second, we simply stood there, grinning at each other like idiots, before I suggested Naruto check he had our passports and print-outs for the plane tickets.

While Naruto rummaged through his backpack to prove to me he had, indeed, brought them, I sat down on the polished marble floor. It was then I saw the boss approaching, gliding across the space between us, the hem of his white kimono fluttering about his feet. The staccato click-clack click-clack of his wooden geta echoed throughout the reception hall. For a moment, my mood darkened as I envisioned another public confrontation, but then I remembered the night before, and that he had seemed to accept that I would be going away. When he reached Naruto, he stopped and stood by him. I looked up, searching his face. It didn't bear any of the usual hallmarks of anger. Instead, there was a hint of a playful smile, so I stood up, jogged over and threw my arms around him, squeezing him as hard as I physically could.

The boss coughed and spluttered at the intensity of my squeeze and said, "Ugh, Sasuke-kun, enough, enough! You're choking me. Sasuke— no! You're— Argh! That is enough, Sasuke-kun! Let go!"

Eventually, with an evil grin, I released the boss. He ran his fingers through his hair, teasing it back into place and regarded me with amused exasperation.

"I don't know if I should even give you these anymore…" he said with a touch of mock regret and a wicked glint in his eye.

"Give us what?" I began, before the boss reached into the folds on his kimono and revealed a wad of glittering, gold tickets.

"Oh my god!" I breathed, my eyes widening. "Naruto, you've got to see this!"

"See what?" Naruto said vaguely, pulling his head out of his backpack, before he too caught a glimpse of the boss's offering. Instantly, he leapt to his feet as though he'd been shocked.

"OH MY FREAKIN GOD!" he shouted, staring at the golden tickets as though he'd never before seen anything so wonderful. "THOSE ARE ALL ACCESS TICKETS! WE CAN QUEUE JUMP WITH THOSE!"

"Yes," the boss said, clearly pleased but bemused by our reaction. "And there are thirty of them. Hand them out with my compliments."

As the boss relinquished the tickets to me (much safer, since Naruto had not yet found our passports and print-outs), Naruto began to well-up.

"Oro, man, you're the best!" he said, profoundly grateful.

The boss gave Naruto a look that said plainly, 'And you've only just noticed?'

"Thank you," I said, causing the boss to turn his attention to me. "I mean really. You didn't have to do this."

"No," he said with his usual wolfish smile. "I did not. Doesn't that make the gesture all the more special?"

I laughed.

"Yeah, I suppose it does."

"Then do not worry about it," he retorted airily, waving a careless hand. "I am certainly not worrying."

"Did I say I was worrying—?" I began, about to engage the boss in a little battle of wits when I had a sudden pang of worry and guilt. My playful words died in my throat and my face fell. At once the boss noticed, for he was there next to me in a trice, his head tilted to one side, peering into my eyes.

"What's the matter, Sasuke-kun?"

I lifted my head and looked him straight in the eye. "Please come," I said, pleading, entreating him with all the persuasive power I could muster. "Please. I'd love it. It won't be the same without you."

For a moment, I'd like to believe the boss wavered. A shadow passed across his eyes and I swear there was a glint of longing there, perhaps even regret, before it was quashed by his damned stubborn pride. He had made his decision long ago.

"No, Sasuke-kun," he said with a smile. "I'm afraid I must keep my promise. But have fun."

Temporarily deflated, I shrugged in affirmation and said, "Well call me or something, will you?"

The boss nodded. "I will."

I was about to lean in for a long kiss goodbye, but Naruto chose that moment to yell that he'd found our stuff, so I had to keep it short.

"Please call me," I said quietly, just so the boss could hear. "I mean it, okay."

"I will, Sasuke-kun. Don't be so silly."

I'm not even sure why I asked him that. Even if I'm away for half a day meeting investors with Karin, or buttering up nominations committees for example, the boss is constantly calling me, asking what I'm up to, asking me what I'm doing later, asking me how I am, or even simply looking to chat. He's always calling me, so it should have been a given that he would – especially on an overnight like this. But something, an insidious, niggling feeling told me it wasn't a given – the same insidious, niggling feeling that told me the boss still hated me for doing this, despite the sort-of permission he gave me the night before.

When we finally boarded the plane, I still felt like that – wondering whether I should be leaving at all – but the further we got from Otogakure and the more Naruto's excitement started bubbling over, the less my apprehension. I was looking forward to tonight, I realised, and I could not let my irrational guilt eat away at me all night and spoil my fun. So resolute was I, that not even Naruto knocking over a whole can of Dr Pepper and splashing my new Armani jeans minutes after takeoff could bring me down.

And I am resolute.

I am going to have fun tonight, along with everyone else – along with my friends and my family.

Besides, the boss can't be mad at me. He bought us thirty All-Access tickets!

Can he?

LATER:

Tonight was amazing. It really was. I can happily report that I was totally and utterly right about everything concerning it, and I am glad I came. However, I'm feeling a strange mixture of happiness and sadness.

Sometimes, I still wish I called this place home. I do miss it. I miss it terribly sometimes, but I'd never admit it to anyone.

As of right now, I'm lying in a sleeping bag at Sakura's on her ridiculously comfortable, squashy sofa. Technically, I'm supposed to be getting a few hours' sleep before my flight back to Otogakure. But I can't sleep. This is either a) because I am still too excited, b) pure adrenaline, c) too much popcorn and cotton candy. There is a d) option, but I'll talk about it later. It worries me, and I don't really want to think about it.

Since I cannot force myself into the land of nod, I suppose I should take this opportunity to tell you what happened at Ichiraku Ramen and Joyland. It wasn't all good, obviously, but the fun and laughter cancelled out the worry, so all in all, I'm feeling okay.

When we arrived at Ichiraku Ramen at ten to eight, Jiraiya and Kiku were already there, sitting at one of the long benches Teuchi-san sometimes puts out if it gets busy with Ayame, Sakura and Itachi. The rest of the Akatsuki lot were also there, knocking back shots at the bar. Sai was sitting with Sasori – both smoking. As I took a moment to gape openly at Sai's blatant rebellion, I heard Deidara's manic voice cut through the air.

"Oooooooh, look who it is," he sung, with a mischievous glint in his eye. "The baby Uchiha!"

I wandered over, pulling up a stool at the bar. I noticed Teuchi-san wasn't on duty (presumably baby-sitting), as there were two guys I didn't know serving. Nishi and Matsu, I think their names were.

"Soooooo," Deidara began, "where's Oro?"

"In Otogakure," I said churlishly, feeling a flash of irritation that everyone and their gran seemed to consider us an inseparable unit. "He couldn't make it."

"Awwww… what a shame," Kakuzu said, taking a sip of his sake.

"Shut up, Kakuzu," Deidara snapped. "It is a shame. I was looking forward to irritating him by flirting with Sasuke in front of his face!"

"No it's not," Kakuzu replied, matter-of-factly. "Oro's a bell-end."

"Yeah," Hidan said, chortling. "Fucking pasty-faced, yellow-eyed fudge-nudger."

Surprisingly, Deidara cackled with laughter at Hidan's quip, making everyone jump. "Oh my god, did you say fudge-nudger? That's actually hilarious. I'm so gonna use that!"

"Eh?" Hidan said sceptically, raising an eyebrow. "But… but aren't you—?"

"Yes," Deidara retorted acidly, flashing him a withering look. "I do nudge fudge, thank you, but I still think it's funny, so I'm gonna say it. You got a problem with that?"

While Deidara and Hidan were brewing up a good argument, I sat between them, quietly seething. Oh, so the boss was a bell-end, was he? A pasty-faced, yellow-eyed "fudge-nudger"? Gritting my teeth, I chose that moment to reveal the boss's good-natured generosity to the assembled Akatsuki higher ups.

"If he's such a bell-end," I said loudly, interrupting their increasingly heated exchange by thrusting the golden wad of tickets right under their noses, "then why did he buy all these for us?"

"Owee! Are those Tripe A tickets? Amazing! I never even thought of that!"

"Yeah, well I suppose even bell-ends like Oro have their moments…"

"What's Triple A tickets? Kakuzu? Kakuzu! What are they? Tell meeeeee…"

Mercifully, I was drawn away from the dangerous conversation as Kiba and the rest of the Konoha mob arrived. It really was a mob, as I spent a good half an hour on brief greetings and catch-ups and explaining that, yes, the boss had bought everyone All Access Admission tickets and that, yes, he was indeed awesome but that no, he could not make it. Itachi raised his eyebrows at the latter part when he overheard me telling Hinata and Ino and beckoned me over to our bench. When I sat down, he leaned over and said, gravely, "Remind me again why Orochimaru cannot attend."

"Oh, he'd organised some stupid dinner for the higher-ups," I said, waving a hand dismissively and leaving out the whole Kimimaro issue – wisely, I felt, since I do not think Itachi would have approved. "Kabuto and everyone wanted to come here, but he threw a fit and forced them to go. He gave me a choice, and I came here – but don't worry, he's okay about it."

For a moment, Itachi searched my face – closely and meticulously, as is his custom – and when he found nothing untoward, he picked up the menu and began to study it (I don't know why, since Ayame and Kiku were sitting right next to him and he could've just asked them).

"It is good to hear he gave you the choice," my brother said, already distracted by the choices of dishes on offer. "I would have been most displeased had he forced you to remain behind."

"Yeah," I said, smiling, but also noticing the barely veiled threat. Then I tried a change of tack, as I didn't really want to think about the boss anymore. "So what're you having, Itachi?"

"I'm not sure," he mused. "I'm afraid I seem to be torn between miso and the spicy special."

"I advise against the spicy special, Uchiha-san," Lee offered wisely. "You're going to be on rollercoasters and rides the rest of the night."

"Yeah," Kiku giggled. "Your colon might explode. And I totally know how hot that soup is - I've seen the recipe! There's like, a million billion chillies in it!"

"A million billion?" I said, feigning shock.

"Yeah, well… shut up! You know what I mean, Sasuke."

"He's fine with it," Ayame said, shrugging. "Last time he came out to Konoha, he ate the whole lot without screaming or anything."

"Really?" Shikamaru said, looking at my brother with a whole new level of respect.

"Really," Ayame said.

"Well get some then and show us!" Kiku squeaked. "This is way cool! I've never seen anyone eat the stuff without crying!"

Itachi shrugged by way of agreement and Ayame moved behind the counter to make his spicy special ramen herself – lest the incompetent Nishi and Matsu spoil it (I didn't ask, but I think Teuchi-san might be having a hard time training them). Making it to order, she gave Itachi a few extra slices of pork as compensation and, grinning wickedly, she brought it over and set it down in front of him.

I swear to you, the stuff in the bowl wasn't ramen. It was more like a demon's fiery piss in a cauldron, more authentic because the stuff was still bubbling. The smell of chilli wafted up to besiege my nostrils and slap me upside the head. It made my eyes water, and I wasn't the only one.

"Whoa, who ordered the spicy special?" Shikamaru said, shouting over to our table. "I can smell it from here."

And so it was that Itachi managed to garner a small audience. Everyone crowded round, leering at Itachi, watching his every move lest a facial muscle tic and betray his gastronomic anguish. There was actually a collective gasp when Itachi first raised his chopsticks to his mouth. Across from me, Hinata could no longer handle the suspense and let slip a concerned whimper. Then my brother munched, and munched some more, seeming unfazed by the 'million billion' chillies the soup contained.

"Oh my…" I heard Lee remark.

"Is he human?" whispered Chouji, who had tried many times to eat a full bowl of Ichiraku Ramen's spicy special, to no avail.

At length, Itachi finished the toppings and the noodles. All that was left was a bowl full of what I now suspect was essentially boiled chilli juice. There was an expectant hush. Then Deidara began to chant, "Chug, chug, chug, chug…"

Itachi observed the bowl impassively. The chant was taken up by others, and slowly gained momentum. Without a flicker of emotion, my brother scooped up the bowl with both hands. The chant grew louder and more urgent. I even found myself doing it, stamping my foot in time to the rhythm, grinning like a lunatic. I didn't have to worry about Itachi chickening out and embarrassing himself. Of course he was going to do it – even if he was faking and needed to go to A&E afterwards. Uchihan pride, after all, knows no bounds.

Then, the chanting stopped suddenly as Itachi lifted the bowl to his lips…

… and downed the entire lot without flinching.

There was a brief moment of stunned silence before Naruto said:

"Itachi, dude… I ain't sittin next to you on The Paralyser."

And everyone laughed and cheered, high-fiving my stoic, proper brother, who really wasn't used to, or able to deal with, all the attention. It was funny watching him, especially when Kiba went up to him, sniffed his face and said, "Man, I can't even smell the chilli anymore!" This unwarranted closeness with a relative stranger freaked Itachi out to such an extent that he rose stiffly and announced, "I want to go to Joyland now."

Fortunately, everyone else was ready to leave, and Itachi was able to pass off his social reticence as accurately reading the crowd. As we were in high-spirits, we left a big tip for Nishi and Matsu at the bar and wandered along to the bus station in our big group. As I predicted, the group was rather large and made up of disparate circles of friends and acquaintances, and we ended up splintering into smaller groups. I ended up with Itachi, Jiraiya, Kiku, Ayame, Kisame, Tsunade and Dan and stuck with them for most of the night. Others came and went, but this was my core group, so to speak.

The X1 express to Joyland was already parked in its specially allocated stand, ready to leave, when he arrived at the bus station, so we had to rush to buy our tickets and scramble for the bus. I ended up sitting at the front next to Itachi, with Kisame and Jiraiya across the aisle. The rest of the Akatsuki lot boarded last, the shambling bunch of nutters, and naturally headed straight for the back. It seemed that Sai was destined to belong to their 'core group' as he breezed past me, smiling his Sai smile and waving.

"Hi, Sasuke! Uchiha-san!" he said politely, as Sasori grabbed his hand and propelled him along the aisle.

Curious, because it appeared Sai had not yet undergone a complete personality transplant, I craned my head round my seat to follow him. I watched as he sat next to Sasori in the back row, swinging his legs up and resting them across Sasori's. Then he reached into his black man-bag and pulled out two cigarettes, placed one in Sasori's mouth, one in his, and lit them both. The other Akatsuki higher-ups did not seem in the least troubled by this, so I assumed they were used to it. I wondered how many times Sai had been to see Sasori since that fateful day at the art exhibit?

At any rate, however, they shouldn't have been smoking, since I could count at least three rather large, obvious signs that clearly stated it was forbidden. But as if I was going to march back there and tell them not to. I decided I'd let them figure it out for themselves, and I shook my head and turned back to the conversation Jiraiya and Kisame were having about tongue-cleaners on the backs of toothbrushes.

It wasn't long before the driver's voice called out over the crackling tannoy, "I would like to remind all passengers that this vehicle is strictly non-smoking." When it was clear Sasori wasn't going to stop, the driver made his announcement again, with a little more specific emphasis. "Smoking is not allowed on this vehicle, so would the passenger at the back of the bus please extinguish his cigarette."

Exchanging significant glances, Kisame and I looked around. Of course, Sasori had not put out his cigarette, and seemed to be taking his time to enjoy it. He was staring at the big mirror at the front of the bus, as though daring the driver to ask him again. Deidara was bouncing on his seat, grinning evilly. I could see his head bobbing up and down behind Shikamaru. Then he cupped his hands around his mouth, forming a natural megaphone, and yelled:

"THE DRIVER IS A BALDY BASTAAAAAAAAAARD!"

Hidan began to snort with laughter at this, and decided to get in on the act.

"YEAH! FUCK THE DRIVER!" he shouted. "THE DRIVER SUCKS COCKS!"

"BALDY, BALDY! PACHINKO BALL BALDY!"

Then, Deidara and Hidan decided to co-ordinate their attack and launched into an idiosyncratic rendition of The Farmer in the Dell. You know? That kid's song that goes: "The farmer's in the dell. The farmer's in the dell. Hi- ho, the derry-o, the farmer's in the dell." Except Deidara and Hidan's lyrics were a lot less child friendly.

"The driver is a dick!" they sang lustily, at the tops of their lungs. "The driver is a dick! Oh what a total prick, the driver is a dick!"

And they kept singing it, and singing it, and singing it, until the bus shuddered to a halt. Furious, the bald-headed driver – covered in tattoos – threw the cabin door open and emerged with a baseball bat, whacking it menacingly into his palms.

"OFF!" he roared. "NOW!"

I don't think Deidara and the others expected him to be armed. They gave him a wary look for a brief moment, before they stood up, defeated, and sauntered down the aisle. Sai went with them. As they passed, Kakuzu gave Itachi and Kisame a look that said "You traitors…" but Kisame merely grinned and said, "See you at Joyland!"

Having rid the bus of the disruptive delinquents at the back, the driver huffed, climbed back into his cabin, slammed the door shut behind him and started the bus. We were at the entrance five minutes later (while the Akatsuki lot had a twenty minute walk ahead of them. Idiots.)

When we stepped off the bus, I was met with the immediate and familiar smell of popcorn and cotton candy. And no wonder. Everywhere I looked, there were little yellow flowers of crushed popcorn underfoot, and I swear there was a cotton candy stand every few feet or so, with bags of the stuff in every colour of the rainbow tied to racks on their roofs. I realised with a jolt of happiness that this was a great time to come, because all the kids and their families were heading off to the parking lot, leaving the place to the adults. Naruto had chosen well.

We found Neji and TenTen waiting just outside the ticket office, and we picked them up and headed for the turnstiles. Once I had distributed the All-Access-Admission tickets – the only matter of business left to attend to – everyone scattered. It was like Christmas shopping at the Oto Mall all over again. As soon as the ticket was in Naruto's hand, he bellowed, "YEAH, SASUKE! I WANNA GO ON THE PARALYSER!" and he shot off through the turnstiles, with Kiba and Shino in hot pursuit.

Bemused, I turned to Itachi and said, "Paralyser?"

Itachi shrugged, and we headed off for the continent's longest, fastest rollercoaster. It's called "The Paralyser" because at one point in the ride, it propels you around a loop at 3.85 g-force and people have been known to black-out. Joyland are so proud of this, they have a "Black Out Gallery" decorating the queue walls before you go on the ride. Thankfully, we were only able to catch a brief glimpse of the series of ashen mug-shots because we had the AAA tickets, and we were propelled to the head of the queue. Tsunade and Dan refused to go on, so they said they'd get us at the Jekyll and Hyde Pub in Haunted Town. Ayame almost chickened out too, but Kiku and I managed to persuade her.

"C'mon, sis!" Kiku squeaked. "You don't have to go on the front or anything, like Naruto and the other guys. You can sit at the back with me and Jiraiya! Or Sasuke and Itachi. Yeah?"

Eventually, Ayame gave in to our persistence, and joined us in the five-seater row, jammed in between Itachi and I. Her face was white when the harnesses were lowered and locked, and she whimpered when the gate flung itself open and we began to trundle up the dizzyingly high ascent. It stopped very briefly at the top – either to let the enthusiasts enjoy the view, or to prolong the torture of the terrified. You can see for miles, the whole of Konoha as a twinkling sea of lights – and Jiraiya, being too excited to care about anyone else said, "Hey, babe! I can see my house from here! No, seriously. Look, look!"

"Shut up!" Ayame hissed, clutching white-knuckled at the metal hand-grips.

"Oh come on!" Jiraiya called out over the strong breeze, chuckling. "You're not seriously scared, are ya?"

Ayame opened her mouth to snap back at Jiraiya, but instead her words came out in a prolonged scream as the cart tipped over the edge and fired us down the long drop at sixty-five miles per hour.

"JIRAIYA, I HAAAAAAAAAAAAATE YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!"

The coaster thundered along the tracks, throwing us this way and that, executing blistering double-reverses, cork-screws and loops – even crashing through a wall of water. The whole way round, I could hear Ayame screaming, and at an indeterminate point, a discerned the white flash of a camera. A distant part of me made a mental note to check the photos at the end because Ayame would be hilarious, but I was more immediately concerned with the fast approaching ring of fire. Having propelled us through it at lightning speed and singeing the soles of our shoes, the coaster executed one final corkscrew before slowing down and coming to a halt on the home straight.

My hair was a mess, I knew it, but I was grinning like a madman, and I raised my head and yelled, with reckless abandon, "That was awesome!"

Naruto answered. "YEAH, SASUKE! THIS IS THE BEST NIGHT EVER!"

And at that point, it was.

When I stepped off the coaster, the adrenaline was still coursing through my veins, and I dragged Ayame and the others over to the photo booth so I could order our picture. As I had suspected, it was indeed hilarious. In the front row, Naruto, Shikamaru, Chouji, Kiba and Shino were all making the "RAWK" sign with both hands thrust skywards; Jiraiya's hair had come out and had partially engulfed her, like a huge, hairy hair-monster; my eyes were half-closed and I looked like I had a syndrome of some sort, and Ayame had grabbed Itachi's hand and sported a look of pure terror on her face that made me chortle most heartily. In the back row, Kisame looked as though he was about to puke; TenTen as though she had seen a ghost (most likely the ring of fire); Lee's face was fixed in a rictus grin, and Neji's writhing, black tendrils of hair obscured his face.

Naturally, I paid for the photo. Ayame protested, but that only made me more keen. Each of us bought a copy and we headed along to the Jekyll and Hyde Pub to find Tsunade and Dan because Kisame and Ayame were feeling a little green around the gills. Naruto and the others doubled back to go on again. On the way to Haunted Town, I purchased some blue cotton-candy. In Haunted Town itself, I purchased some more cotton-candy (coloured black) and some chewy bats, so by the time we reached the Jekyll and Hyde pub, I was feeling none too chirpy myself.

Inside, Tsunade and Dan waved us over, and a waitress took our drinks order –mine just a bottle of Tsing Tao – and we got chatting.

Dan, because he had been late arriving with Tsunade, had not heard me explaining what felt like a million times why the boss wasn't with me, so he asked – and because I felt safe telling them, and because Itachi wasn't listening, I told them the truth.

"He organised this stupid birthday dinner for Kimimaro and tried to force me to go," I said, rolling my eyes. "Oh no, wait, sorry – he invited me out of courtesy…"

"He didn't!" Tsunade said suddenly, her eyes bright and alert.

"He did."

"Idiot!" Tsunade hissed. "The absolute idiot." She paused for a moment, shaking her head, and then looked up at me, saying, "You know he's mad about you, don't you?"

"So he maintains…"

"No," she said firmly. "He is. He really is. I'm not lying." Then a change of tack as she rummaged around in her handbag and added, "I'm going to call him."

As soon as she said it, it felt like something cold and heavy had settled in the region of my chest. I looked at my watch. It was half-past ten. Here I had been away for about four hours and the boss hadn't called me – not once. A tingling, creeping feeling of dread settled about me as I felt for my phone. Checking it, I had two missed calls and a text – but none from the boss. They were from Kabuto and Karin. Suddenly, I had a bad feeling – totally unfounded, but nevertheless, it was there, and I could not shake it. The boss wasn't with me, he hadn't called, and Tsunade was concerned. Things only got worse when I checked my text from Kabuto and read the contents. It said:

'At Joyland with Suigetsu and the others. Finished dinner and got on the last flight to Konoha. Met Deidara. Tell Karin where you are. She doesn't want to go on the Paralyser again. – K.'

I almost freaked out.

"Tsunade!" I whispered fiercely, reaching over and tugging at her jacket. "Tsunade! There's no one supervising! There's no one supervising!"

Tsunade lifted the phone away from her ear. "What?"

"Kabuto, Karin, Suigetsu, Gen and Amachi!" I said urgently, having to fight the pressing urge to catch a flight then and there back to Otogakure. "They're here! There's no one supervising! They left the boss alone with Kimimaro. Alone!"

Tsunade and Dan exchanged significant glances, and Dan ventured hesitantly, "Maybe you should try calling him again, Tsunade. He might be down in the labs. You know how he gets when something sparks his interest—"

"He didn't answer, did he?" I said slowly, realisation dawning.

"He'll answer if you call him," Tsunade replied firmly, as though trying to convince me. She picked up my phone and handed it to me.

I sighed and hit speed dial.

Since I didn't really expect him to answer, I was surprised when he did, and I was rendered lost for words – no excuse forthcoming. I must have sounded like a proper moron.

"Hello?"

"Oh… umm… hi, Orochimaru-sama. It's me… umm… Sasuke."

A rustle, as though the boss was repositioning himself, and he said, characteristically teasing, "Yes, Sasuke-kun. I would have been surprised if it wasn't you. There is useful little function on phones nowadays, you see. Oh… what's it called again? Ahh yes. Caller ID."

"Shut up," I muttered, feeling myself going red and glad he couldn't see me.

"Now what was it you wanted, my dear Sasuke-kun?"

"Umm… well… you didn't call me, and I was just wondering if you were going to. It's been four hours and you usually call me every five seconds, or it feels that way. It's freaking me out a bit."

"I apologise, Sasuke-kun," the boss said, with a hint of amusement. "Would you like me to call you every five seconds?"

"Yeah. Well, no. Not every five seconds. You know what I mean. Like you usually do."

"Ahh… like I usually do," the boss said, feigning realisation. "Then I shall do my best."

There was a pause, which I sought to fill by gabbling inanely. I don't know why, but I felt desperate to continue the conversation, felt it essential that I divert all his attention onto me. While I was talking – and I know this sounds awful – but I was listening for sounds that would have given away the presence of another in the room, another that was not me but should have been: Kimimaro.

"Umm… so, how was the dinner?" I began, lamely.

"Wonderful, thank you," the boss replied, quite cheerful. "Though Kabuto-kun and the others left a little early for my liking, but they turned up, so I will not have to start head-hunting tomorrow morning."

"That's good," I said, realising that the boss had no idea they were all here right now. I wanted it to stay that way, because at that moment, I saw Karin coming through the door, smiling and waving.

"Umm… sorry, but I've got to go," I said suddenly, not wanting to drop Karin in it. "We're just about to go on a ride."

"Oh, and what ride is that?"

"The Paralyzer," I lied, saying the first thing that came into my mind.

"That sounds horrendous."

"It is. You wouldn't like it. 3.85 g-force. People faint regularly."

"Really?"

"Yes."

"Then I shan't keep you, Sasuke-kun. Please do not injure yourself."

"I'll try not to," I said, firing the words out frantically. "Bye! Call me later!"

I didn't catch whether the boss said goodbye or not, because I hit the cancel button just as Karin reached our table and leaned over to hug me.

"Hi, Sasuke!" she said cheerfully. "We got here in the end. Totally mad rush. The boss doesn't know about us, so please don't tell him."

I said I'd been on the phone to him two seconds ago and that I hadn't said a word. Karin seemed relieved.

"Who's everyone then?" she asked, looking around our table. "Kiku and Jiraiya I know already… and is that Itachi? Oh my god, Itachi, I haven't seen you since… wow has it really been that long? And Kisame… pleased to meet you, Kisame; and this is…? Oh you're Ayame? Wow, you're as pretty as Kiku always says you are! I'm so jealous of that figure of yours! And this is… Tsunade, Dan, Neji and TenTen. Cool. Pleased to meet you all. I'm Karin. I do sales and marketing at Oto Enterprises. I'm always working with Sasuke. That's how I know him. I'm not a mad stalker or anything, ha ha!"

We sat in the Jekyll and Hyde pub for another hour after that, and Karin was on form the whole time, seamlessly fitting into our group and charming the birds out the trees. No one objected to her tagging along when we got a text from Naruto asking if we were coming to the haunted house.

Outside, the smells of popcorn and sweet, tasty things wafted over to greet me, and happily, they no longer made me feel ill. I was also feeling more relaxed in general, since I had imbibed three bottles of Tsing Tao in the pub and was starting to forget about the boss. Karin had fallen into step beside me, and we were chatting away, getting along famously.

There's loads of stuff to do in Haunted Town, loads of silly things to try and buy. In a fit of elated generosity, I bought Karin a cuddly skeleton. She said she'd treasure it forever and named it Esteban, after the guy who got eaten by the jaguar shark in The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou. I liked that movie, and had watched it a few times with the boss, so I said I approved of the name. Karin smiled and said she was glad I liked it.

We were still laughing and walking together when we got to the Haunted House. Naruto was waiting outside with Kabuto, Deidara, Sasori, Sai. The latter three had their cameras out, taking photos, and I could hear Sasori saying, "— an excellent exhibit. Just imagine the potential for interactivity. We'll need to ask Kabuto how to—" before Naruto's voice drowned out all else.

"Hey, guys! What kept ya?" he said, impatient. His arms shot out and he grabbed my and Karin's hands and dragged us inside. "C'mon! Let's go!"

The Haunted House was great. I always love it, and I've been in it many, many times. It's one of my favourite rides at Joyland Park, as it's free-roaming, meaning you can go wherever you like, whenever you like, and there are lots of scary tricks and traps to keep you diverted. Tsunade fell victim to the screaming, scarlet skeleton in the parlour, having unwittingly activated the infra-red tripwire. It came flying towards her, shrieking, all clawed hands in a halo of red light, and she actually fell on her arse trying to get away from it. We all laughed – Jiraiya especially, but his turn came when an actor dressed in a zombie suit burst out from a doorway and tried to drag him inside. He was so scared, he almost punched the guy, but Naruto managed to convince him it wasn't a real zombie, so nothing was injured but Jiraiya's pride. (I pulled the actor aside and warned him about Sasori and Deidara coming in behind us, as they would definitely have punched him.)

The best part, though, was the rolling room – the hallway upstairs that starts to rotate as you're walking through with your group (Naruto calls it the "barrel roll room.") Karin and I had a bit of trouble with it, since I had a few beers and Karin a few cocktails. While Itachi strolled through it, rock-steady on his feet, Ayame following shortly after. Neji and TenTen made it through fine, as did Naruto, who took it at a run, shouting "DO A BARREL ROLL!". Kiku kept falling and had to crawl, but she made it eventually. After that, it was our turn. Stumbling, cursing and giggling like idiots, Karin and I tried our best, but we made it to the middle and Karin went down, taking me with her.

Soon, I was crying with laughter – Karin too – and we were stuck in the middle of the rolling hallway, shuffling on our arses and buffing the floor clean so we didn't end up doing a 360.

"Oh my god," Karin breathed, helpless with laughter. "I never should've worn these heels! Sasuke, help me up – you're supposed to be the man!"

"I can't…" I chortled, clinging on to her, trying to help myself up. "I can't!"

Jiraiya and Dan had to rescue us in the end, because we were causing the queue to back-up. Sasori, Sai, Deidara and Kabuto had caught up with us. It really was hilarious, though. Karin and I were still laughing when we ran out the "back door" and headed for the sticky wall at Kiku's suggestion.

After the Haunted House, my night… was so much better. I went on loads of rides: the river rapids, the 3D terminator thing, the twin dragons rollercoaster (Karin felt well enough to tackle it), Susanoo (the long drop water ride), Fujin's Fear Fall, Raijin (a scary coaster in the dark that is meant to replicate the birth of the god of thunder – awesome), and the really freaky Oni-Killer – a new ride with a story where this old wizard has caught a terrible demon, but it breaks through its glass prison and you're strapped in your chair and can feel its breath on the back of your neck.

Despite the pant-wetting terror of Oni-Killer, I was on cloud nine. Surrounded by friends and family. Couldn't have been happier. Nothing could have spoiled it for me – even when Hidan got us booted out of the park at 2:00am for kicking off because he got his arm stuck in Leo the Paper Eating Lion and took it out on the park attendant we had to call to rescue him. Hell, even that turned out alright, because it meant we were forced to catch an earlier bus back and thus avoided the rush. (Hidan was banned from Joyland, though – even had his picture taken by security. Is there anywhere that man hasn't been banned from?)

At any rate, we got on the bus, managed to get back to the city centre in one piece and I said goodbye to everyone. Itachi and the others went back to their hotel; Ayame, Jiraiya and Kiku back to Teuchi-san's; and the rest of the Konoha lot back to their respective homes and apartments. That left myself, Naruto, Sakura and the Otogakure party-crashing responsibility-shirkers. There isn't much room in Sakura's apartment, but she graciously gave everyone permission to stay.

"As long as you don't mind sleeping on the floor," she said.

"Fine by me," Suigetsu said. "I've slept in worse places."

And so here I am, cocooned in an alpine sleeping bag on Sakura's sofa. Suigetsu is on the floor, jammed in between my sofa and the coffee table, snoring blissfully in a Scooby-doo sleeping bag (Sakura had to scrape the bottom of the barrel to cater for everyone); Gen is slumped in the armchair, his mouth open and his neck bent in an exceedingly uncomfortable-looking position; Amachi is still up and in the kitchen, chatting to Sakura; Naruto and Kabuto are on the other sofa, warring even in their sleep for the greater surface area; and Karin is squashed up at the other end of my sofa, curled into the foetal position and wrapped tightly in a yellow quilt. Her feet keep brushing mine. It tickles.

It's strange how I can be so happy and so nervous at the same time. Well… maybe nervous isn't quite the right word. It's more like a quiet dread.

The boss didn't call me again. Still hasn't called me.

He seemed okay on the phone – was, indeed, okay when I left, and the night before I left (if, admittedly, acting a tad odd.)

I just hope that…

No. I don't want to say it. He wouldn't, though? Would he? I mean, Tsunade said he was mad about me, didn't she? But then, he was 'mad about' Kimimaro and Kabuto too, and look what happened there.

Jeez…

I don't want to think about this anymore. I'm sure it'll be fine. The boss is just a bit put out by the fact I've gone and done something off of my own volition for a change. It's wounded pride, nothing more. I'll get back, and he'll be his old, unbearable self again, and he'll apologise for not calling me and will explain why.

Yes. It'll all be okay. No use spoiling my night by worrying, is there?

I guess I'd better try to get some sleep. Our flight is leaving at seven-thirty in the morning and we have to be up and out of here by six. The plan is to get into work without the boss knowing the rest of them were even here, so we must arrive at HQ at quarter to nine, suited and booted and ready to go. I have the funniest feeling we're going to get through a shitload of Red Bull.

Man… I'm not relishing the thought of having to wake up Suigetsu in a few hours. He's going to be awful, I can sense it.

---

So... yes. For those of you who haven't caught it yet, there's a moment in this chapter that is significant. Hugely significant. You can probably guess what the moment is, but hopefully not what it means, for it's kind of the emotional and psychological crux of the whole damn story. This chapter was a bit of a pain in the ass at first. At first, I tried to fit in an idea I liked but cut out of the new, finalised, streamlined plan because it wasn't... well... streamlined. I soon realised why. It didn't move the story on at all. Three days slogging over it for nothing, so I scrapped the thing and started over again, sticking loosely to the original plan. Boom! Twelve MS Word pages in one day. Yay for the master plan, lol! And also good, since I'm going away for a week to Cambridge and London (uni work, ugh) and wanted it to be done and dusted before then. Success!

But all talk of master plans and minor triumphs aside, it is time for the most important (and fun!) part. The thank-yous! :)

NayanRoo (I never thought about Suri being Tom Cruise's daughter (totally forgot) but now you've brought it to my attention... I can so go for that! I hate Tom Cruise. He's incredibly creepy, and anything that gets a dig in is fine in my book. So yes. Now it is offically a dig at Tom Cruise! :-D And yes... bad things are looming. You can probably sense it in this chapter. Drama is about to rear its ugly head (and I'm so looking forward to writing it - muchos Oro/Sasuke tension). Also, I've been wanting to catch up on Shadowplay for weeks now. Since I'm going on a week-long training course on Sunday (nyargh!) I think it's high time I rewarded myself. Expect reviews! :D)

Ladyrouge214 (Oh yes, Sasuke is incredibly jealous. He just doesn't want to admit it to himself. Uchihan pride knows no bounds, after all...)

YoungSasuke (I don't think you were reading too much into things at all. Sasuke greatly underestimates Naruto sometimes, and I do think a part of Naruto wants revenge. Whether it comes up in the remaining chapters or not...)

Bri (Oh the revenge was sweet, wasn't it? I did it mainly to show just how nasty Oro can be. You get little flashes of it throughout, preparing you for the tidal wave of evil that threatens to unleash. Neji and TenTen did make a brief appearance in this chapter, so I hope you were happy. Neji, in particular, will be making an important appearance later, and that's why I put him in this chapter. I leave you to speculate on what purpose it holds. ;))

Luna-Lunak (Yay! Itachi did appear in this chapter - and his appearance was important (I leave you to guess why. It's one of those little things I hope people don't notice.) And Sasuke is, indeed, a possessive, loveable bastard. Oro, however, is also a possessive bastard (loveable is debateable). This, I think, will cause friction between the two. They both want to have their cake and eat it, and we all know life doesn't work out that way...)

dooki (I do sort of try to keep them in character. It's like, in the back of my mind, I know roughly how they should behave and try to work it into the funny stuff, but other aspects (like Oro's psychotic nihilism and murderous streak) are played down. Still there, but played down. Also, the crack does kinda skew them a bit. XD I'm glad you liked the weasel backstory. I loved writing that.)

Kutsushita-Socks (IT IS A BOOSH BABY! One hundred points to the Hogwarts house of your choice for spotting the reference! Kiku loves teh bush! :D)

Roxanne Morinaka (It's not bitchiness! It's... acknowledging your anger. Yes. That's it. Acknowledging your anger. I mean, would the potential phone owner prefer it you take it out on them? Exactly. Smashing phones is much safer, lol. And wow, you read the whole thing at once? No wonder it took you a couple of days! XD Glad you like it, though!)

Insomniac Owl (Well, I have already answered your question via LJ, lol. And I've changed my mind about the whole thing again (typical of me, though; I can never settle on an opinion longer than it takes for an alternative proof to present itself.) Hmmm.. another Sasuke/Kimimaro confrontation. It's not far off, but I think we'll get another sort of conflict before the knives really come out. After this chapter, the focus is strictly on Sasuke. It'll be a bumpy ride, but a fun one, I assure you. :D)

Violet203 (And you, too, clocked the Mighty Boosh reference! You must be British, lol. Kiku totally loves the Bush. It's that Noel Fielding. Girls like her cannot resist his bone-headed charm. )

Nozomi-sama (You know, I used to hate exams. That was until I exchanged them for a bloody PhD. I thought never having to do another exam again would be brilliant, but now I realise that once you do them and get them over with they're gone and you don't have to worry about them anymore. Unlike my stupid uni thing, which I'm trapped in for three years and have to produce something spectacular at the end. I don't miss the stress of exams, though - so good luck getting through them!)

BookWyrrm (A new reviewer? Yay and double yay! Glad you took the time to leave a comment. They really are appreciated. Oh, I so loved writing the part where Jiriaya told Naruto the truth. It was sad, but good, you know?)

fiore777 (The needle was... very in-character. I can just imagine him on a day-to-day basis going "HAY KABUTO-KUN, GET ME THAT BIIIIIIIIG HYPODERMIC OVER THERE! kukuku..." Glad you liked the weasel backstory. I loved writing it. Itachi and Sasu as kids is just too adorable to leave alone. And yeah, Naruto and Sasuke did get on kind of well from the start. They bickered and shoved and teased each other, but they were still friends. Kind of like the manga, where they start out trying to one-up the other and calling each other losers, but they do occasionally show signs of real, lasting bonds. Yeah. I like that whole relationship they've got going on. I hope they fall in before one or both of them die at the end of the manga (it's so going to happen.)

hieilover135 (Hey, don't worry about not reviewing all the time. I know only too well that life kicks you in the ass sometimes and you can't spend as much time with fanfic (tear) as you would like. Damn life. I shake my fist at you! Spam bombs, though, are definitely real. You can programme them and let them loose. I think they're actually illegal, so you'd get a bit of jail time if you were caught.)

Beqs (If you were outraged about Oro texting Kimi in the last chapter, I dread to think what you think of Oro's behaviour in this chapter. How dare he, indeed! What on earth is he thinking?)

Neko Oni (Yes, Oro does do revenge very well. Very, very well. I think Sasuke will have to remember that if he ever chooses to cross him. I'm glad you liked the chapter, though. I had fun writing it. I loled at you saying that no matter how hard a day you've had, Sasuke has always had worse. XD It's probably true, the poor thing!)

chibibaka1 (Oh, Kiku. I'm glad you like Kiku because I've ended up liking her rather a lot now. Originally, she was just a character invented to be Jiraiya's girlfriend, but now she's so much more. And you got the Ninja Scroll reference! :D One-hundred points to the Hogwarts house of your choice! I love that movie. Utsusu Mujuro was great. He could've killed Jubei ten times over if Kagero hadn't stepped in and helped him.)

Kokura (Mmmm... can you smell it? Can you sense it? It is drama: and it is well and truly on the horizon. To make it up to you, though, and calm your nerves, I promise it will have many bitchy and funny turns - and lots and lots of Oro/Sasu tension. Oh yes. I hope you're no longer dead from exhaustion. Being someone who needs their sleep LIEK WHOA, being up for 48 hours straight sounds like proper hell.)

sesshy-stalker-kendra (Yay! Another new reviewer! I caper and dance with glee. Thanks so much for taking the time to review. Really. It's always appreciated. Thanks even more for reviewing my other stuff. It makes me grin like a lunatic when people do that. Hee! :D At one point in time, there was a proposition to start up a compensation fund for readers who injured themselves while reading this fic. Perhaps you could dip into it for your rubber pantaloons (that made me lol, btw! XD))

ArilianaFireQueen (Hey! You're back! I was beginning to wonder whether real life had kicked you in the butt. Damn real life. XD And don't worry about missing a couple of reviews. I know how evil school and computers can be. Your school-girl senses are not wrong. There will be another confrontation - but probably not quite what you're expecting. I cannot wait to write that scene, actually. I'm itching to tell people, lol! I guess that just means I'll have to update quicker. XD)

Chromde (Oh, the porn novel line! That was actually one of the ones that cracked me up when I first thought of it. It was like I was thinking, "Let's take canon and just make it totally wrong! Yeah! That'll be great!" And I did, lol. XD I'm glad you liked the Naruto-Sasuke-Weasel backstory. I loved, loved, loved writing it. Naru and Sasu as kids is just too cute, and I couldn't help but go there. Sasuke was quite chilling at the end there, wasn't he? Watch out for that trait... (And Jabdah is God! XD))

Kaira-chan15 (Lol, I see you're still working your way through this humungous, epic, rambling monster of a fic. XD Good, good. And you're taking me back to all of my favourite parts from the earlier chapters! Especially that bit where Sasuke innocently goes in for a towel and finds Oro staring out at him from the closet. Just thinking about that makes me lol. Still. XD. And Itachi does indeed possess a bladder of iron. And a stomach lining of iron, or so it seems from the spicy special ramen.)

NaruGuru (I'm so glad you liked the last chapter. There were a few bits that I just loved writing, and maybe it showed. Namely, the two bits you mentioned: the Naruto-Sasuke Weasel backstory, and the Jiraiya Telling Naruto the Truth scenes. They were both pretty damned important for later on, but they were fun anyway. I wonder if you approved of Oro and Sasuke's laissez-faire method of looking after Kylie, though. I'd hazard a guess and say no. XD I share your desire for Naruto to learn about his parents in the actual manga. Now that Jiraiya's gone, I wonder who will tell him?)

Aperion (Wow, what a couple of reviews! The Bertrand Russel quip made me lol, big style. Especially the part where Oro and Kabuto end him with a papercut. Of course, they are ninjas. No matter how clever you are, you are not immune from a well-placed kick to the nadgers. That's why nerds get into trouble at school, I guess. Ooh, and you are definitely not far off the mark in your desire for ominous things, sex, violence and dry witticism. In fact, over the next couple of chapters, I can guarantee all of those things! I just hope you like drama, lol. )

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Well, until next time, guys! :)