Chapter 34

Mid morning of the next day,

"Your bed is too short" Ronon said as his feet hung off the end of the bed. He trailed his fingers up and down Hannah's lower back tracing the faint scars, her whole body seemed to cover with them. Some looked like they were from injuries sustained from various types of weapons. And it wasn't just her back, they were all over her body or at least what he could see as she wearing her knickers and racer back tank that had rode up in the night.

By the scars it looked like she had fought several wars which contradicted the rumours that were flying around the base about her old life.

It wasn't the only contradictions he found with the rumours as none of the scars were fresh. By the age of them he would have said she had them for over a decade but that was impossible as she didn't have them the last time she had been on Atlantis and that was over a year ago. No scars faded quickly.

He was sure he would carry his scars until his death if McKay hadn't healed them. Something he had appreciated more than he would ever tell the scientist. The scars hadn't really bothered him but he had felt a sense of relief, like a weight had been lifted off him when he didn't see them in the reflection of the mirror.

He often felt curious to ask her but felt it might make her self-conscious or like he had felt his scars; it was the past, something best not to think about. In Hannah's case it was better not to think about it at all.

"You weren't complaining earlier" Hannah said as she lifted her head up and bit her bottom lip trying not to laugh as it was pretty funny. Last night they had only fooled around for a bit before going to sleep with him curled around her, spooning her from behind. Her body cocooned in his, how they managed to become untangled and into their current position with her lying on top of him was just a mystery of sleep. But she was definitely not complaining as she liked waking up warm, feeling safe and well rested.

"I was distracted then" He told her and he wasn't talking about what they did before they went to sleep either. Not that that wasn't fun but somewhere in the early hours of the morning; he awoke to Hannah sprawled across him practically humping him in his sleep.

It was lucky he had decided to keep his pants on. As uncomfortable as it was it did save him from doing something he'd regret. Either way how was he supposed to have a coherent thought about his feet being over the end of the bed when Hannah had rolled and writhed on him, he could of sworn she had moaned his name but it could have been sleep deprivation and his desire for her to be just as affected as he was.

"Then tonight we'll go to your quarters" she told him, a delectable smile gracing her lips.

"Yeah?" he asked liking that idea a hell of a lot better than spending the night in her bed again.

"Yeah unless you need your space" Hannah teased. She hoped he didn't need his space as she was really getting addicted to him.

"Nah I like having you wrapped around me" he told her as he brushed some of her hair behind her ear.

"But you want more" She asked him referring to sex. She was laying on the proof that he wanted sex and the fact he hadn't pounced on her or tried to seduce her made her feel somewhat relieved and earned her respect and trust as he was giving her time to make sure she was ready to be intimate with him. It seemed somewhat ridiculous considering they already had sex already but she couldn't help the way she felt. She was still separating the fantasy of him from the reality. If she were honest she preferred the reality as he was more complex and the fact they disagreed on certain subjects and fought like normal people just solidified that it wasn't all in her head, it also made her feel more grounded in herself for some reason she couldn't begin to comprehend.

"I'm patient, there's no rush" He assured her though inside his patience was getting a good workout. He knew there were only so many nights he could sleep with her lying on top of him and not take advantage especially if she was going to have sex dreams about him while on top of him. But he'd wait, hell he went 7 years without sex, he could survive a few weeks more even if she had wet his appetite already, the blatant reminder of what he missed. It wasn't just the carnal pleasure he had missed, he also missed the emotional intimacy and connection of being with another person. Something he knew he could attain with Hannah.

They just needed to get to know one another and in that time he would slowly and methodically learn all her secrets and pleasure zones of her body that by the time they did get around to having sex again, he'd have her so hooked she'd never look at another man. Ronon knew it was vanity but he wasn't going to leave that open to chance for some other guy to come in and try for Hannah. Just thought made him want to kill the imaginary suitor.

"Your body is telling me a different story" Hannah said as she rolled her hips creating a delicious friction along the length of his erection, Ronon lost his breath for a moment.

"I could say the same for you" He said, he moved his hands over her ass to cease her movements. He was not going to lose it in his pants. He gave her a heated look as he felt her shiver in arousal. She licked her lips in anticipation of kissing and moved her head closer to his and then the door bell chime announcing a visitor. Hannah groaned and dropped her head against his chest while Ronon had to laugh. She didn't see what he found so funny, she was ready to shag the man senselessly or at least try and someone was knocking at the door. It was like the outside world was in tune with keeping her abstinate just when she wanted to break it.

"This is why my place is better, no one will interrupt us unless it's an emergency and the bed is big enough for the both of us" he informed her, she shook her head and pushed up and off his body as the door chimed again.

"Send them away" Ronon told her as he watched her get out bed. She ran a hand through her hair looking a little lost for moment before she picked up a shirt. His shirt, it glided down her body and ended mid thigh.

Ronon felt tempted to tell her it was his shirt she was wearing but decided against it as Hannah left the room telling whoever was at the door she was coming.

"Hannah" Sam said with a smile, she had stopped by thinking they could have breakfast together. Somehow seeing Hannah in Ronon's shirt told her that breakfast wasn't going to happen. She had wanted to have a quiet discussion with Hannah about her escapades of late, to remind her that she really needed to play by the rules but seeing Hannah looking tousled and wearing Ronon's shirt threw her through a loop.

"Hey" Hannah said a little too upbeat as she brushed a hand through her hair.

"I come at a bad time?" Sam asked, feeling like the bad guy as she knew she would have to nip whatever was brewing between Ronon and Hannah in the bud very quickly. She knew the IOA wouldn't approve let alone O'Neill, she was supposed to help Hannah acclimate and then move back to Earth. Even if Sam wanted her on Atlantis this was not the time for Sam to be fostering her.

"No, what's up?" Hannah asked a little nervously as she wondered in Ronon was going to stay in her bed or walk out the bedroom and just announce to Colonel Carter they were sleeping together. It made her lips quirk as 'Sleeping together' to most people meant having sex whereas with Ronon it meant getting some actual sleep.

"Can I come in?" Sam asked her, just to test the waters, Hannah pursed her lips and looked reticent to invite her in.

"Ah, can we talk in hour over breakfast?" Hannah asked making a compromise, she didn't like how Sam was sounding so official and she really needed time to collect herself before what she assumed would be a dress down for yesterday's escapades to be lumped on her. No matter what happened it seemed Hannah was at fault.

"If we can't talk now I'd prefer to speak with in my office. Say half an hour?" Sam said, it was supposed to be a question but it came out more like an order.

"Ok, half an hour" Hannah said. Sam gave a nod.

"Good, I'll see you then and leave Ronon behind. This is going to be a private conversation" Sam told her.

Hannah watched Sam walk away feeling perplexed as to why Sam was acting so weird. She stepped back into her quarters and closed the door, she looked down at her dress only to realise it was not her dress.

"Oh god" Hannah said as she realised she was wearing Ronon's shirt. It was like a neon sign of 'Hey, I'm shagging Ronon Dex' if there ever was one and she hadn't had sex with him since that first night where they both had been drunk. She went back to the bedroom and leaned through the doorway. Ronon made her double bed look ridiculous small. He was sitting up in bed with his knees bent. He looked at her with a wicked smile.

"You think this is funny?" she asked him as she tugged on the front of his shirt in a mocking manner.

"I tried to tell you" He said with a smile that contradicted his words.

"Uhuh" Hannah drawled in good humour. She turned on her feet and went to her duffel bag that was by the dresser filled with clean clothes and started pulling out what she would wear for the day. She had to meet with Sam and by how uptight the woman was acting, Hannah figured wearing Athosian clothing was out of the question. Something about wearing Athosian clothing made her feel like she were betraying those on Atlantis but yesterday she couldn't ignore how comfortable she had felt in them.

"So what did Colonel Carter want?" he asked watching Hannah, a little disappointed she wasn't crawling back into bed with him. He watched as she tried to decide between the Atlantis grey uniform or her Athosian clothing. Sometimes he wished he could hear her thoughts just to know what was going on with her.

"To talk to me about something. She doesn't look happy." Hannah said, looking sad at the fact she had chosen to put away her Athosian clothing. "So I gotta rush. I'll see you for Dinner?" she asked him with a hopeful tone.

"Sure, but I'm going to need that shirt back" he told her.

Hannah had a quick shower and rush dressed herself into the grey Atlantis uniform with black placards with a blank tank underneath and her combat boots. She left Ronon in her quarters and rushed for the transporter to where she was now walking across the small bridge that connected the control room to Sam's office. She saw Chuck was talking with Sam and slowed her pace until she stopped just at the doorway.

She tugged on the collar of the jacket as she had her current outfit that once felt like a second skin now felt heavy and uncomfortable on her body. She couldn't understand why as she loved the Atlantis uniform but right now she felt uncomfortable and itchy. She knew the itchiness was psychosomatic as she was nervous about what Sam would say to her. Sam and she never really butted heads, not in the way she and Vala did. But that was before she was captured by the Ori and had changed. There was no denying that Hannah had changed and Sam was the leader of the Expedition so she had to change to fit into her new role. Which meant she couldn't be everyone's friend.

After a few moments of standing there listening to the two talk about day to day running of the base before Sam looked up at her. She gave a quick smile to Chuck and dismissed him before she gestured to Hannah to the guest chair.

"Come in" Sam said to Hannah. Hannah stepped into the office and took the seat watching as Sam closed the door. Something that was never a good sign.

"Ok, so what's going?" Hannah asked as Sam walked around her desk and took her chair behind the desk.

"I wanted to talk to you about yesterday without the others around. I was hoping to talk this morning but I realised this needed to be done in a more official setting." Sam to her.

"Ok" Hannah said carefully not sure why they had to talk alone. Sam leaned forward on the desk and clasped her hands together looking at Hannah with a serious expression.

"You broke Quarantine and considering what I assume I interrupted earlier this morning. I see now why Ronon helped you" Sam said, Hannah's eyes narrowed as she didn't appreciate the insinuation that Hannah exchanged sexual favours to get sprung out Quarantine, even if Sam didn't mean to say it the way she had.

"I don't mean you any disrespect but Ronon and I; are none of your business and I didn't ask him to break me out. He that all on his own" Hannah told Sam in a firm tone.

"But you still spent the night at his place instead of remaining in quarantine as you should have. Now before you start arguing the semantics of the situation, there's no point because the point of contention is that you willingly and knowingly disobeyed direct orders from myself and Doctor Keller which could have led to harming the others in the expedition" Sam told her, Hannah was speechless as Sam was correct but the fact Sam wouldn't let her argue her side felt incredibly harsh to her. Sam, of course didn't expect a response and continued to talk.

"Hannah, I wanted to talk to you as if we're friends but I've come to realise I was wrong about that. There has to be some separation as I'm the leader of this expedition. I can't be seen to play favourites and I'm always going to feel inclined to do so with you because of our past relationship. I don't want to have to choose between the safety of the whole and you" Sam said.

"Ok" Hannah told her, trying hard not to shift in her chair. The way Sam was acting was making her feel uncomfortable.

"With that being said. I understand that you feel that what you do with your personal time is none of my business but you need to remember your time on Atlantis is temporary and it's primarily contingent on your behaviour and your value to community as a whole. Who you fraternize with and how they influence your actions could affect your chances of remaining here" Sam told her. Hannah pursed her lips as she listened to Sam. It barely sounded like the woman she knew but Hannah did understand what she was saying and man did it make her boil with anger.

"I understand what you're saying" Hannah told her.

"Do you? because your behaviour tells me otherwise. I'm willing to give you lee way for the month and half you are here but if you don't show progress General-"

"You will kick me out. Own your actions and don't put the blame on General O'Neill. You will opt me off this base because you can't find a use for me or you find me too much to handle. I understand completely" Hannah told her in a quiet and angry tone.

"You don't have much time to show progress, I felt it was time that I warn you. I think it's best that you try to remain from becoming deeply attached-"

"Because you're going to forcibly remove me from the Atlantis" Hannah said, she couldn't believe what Sam was saying but she could see the pain and the guilt in the woman's eyes. She assumed Hannah was going to be too much trouble, a mark on her record and it stung Hannah that Sam would talk to her this way.

"No, you misunderstand. I don't want you to leave but you haven't exactly made your allegiances clear other than you won't go back to Earth or sign on the Expedition with IOA. While they are letting you have some breathing space there will come a time when you'll have to choose and Atlantis won't be a choice. Imagine how that will affect the relationships you are forming." Sam told her.

"Did Ronon or Teyla sign contracts with the IOA?" Hannah asked.

"It's not the point" Sam told her, Hannah's lips quirked in humourless smile.

"It most certainly is" Hannah told her firmly.

"They have a verbal agreement with Sheppard which in lieu is an unofficial agreement with the IOA" Sam told her. Hannah sat forward in her chair and looked Sam head on.

"So you want to know where I stand, that way you can know how much control you have over me before you tried to boot me out?" Hannah asked her.

"It's not like that, I'm not trying to make you leave" Sam told her in a frustrated tone as she was obviously not speaking clearly for Hannah to understand.

"Yes, it is. To you I'm an unknown variable, something you can predict and this being your first real command you feel you have to prove you have some measure of control. The ability to hack the burden of command" Hannah said scathingly. This time Sam narrowed her eyes at her, not liking Hannah's assessment of her or the lack of respect that Hannah was displaying.

"I don't appreciate your attitude. Were you like this to Vala? Is this why she left as soon as she could?" Sam asked. Hannah's eyebrows raised up for a moment in surprise as she hadn't realised Vala had left but she then quickly accepted that it was Vala's choice. She gave a shrug and sat back.

"Vala made a decision to go home as I made her feel uncomfortable because I won't agree with that I have treated Daniel in an unjust manner" Hannah said, Sam couldn't help but feel chilled by Hannah's disposition. "like you she didn't seem to understand that I'm not one of you any more. That I am not like the old me and I will never be that person again. Just as I am not of Earth, or the SGC-"

"You were" Sam said cutting her off as Sam couldn't remember the last time Hannah had admitted her past at the SGC or their history in public conversation. She reminisced with Sheppard about Atlantis but never about Earth.

"Before your government decided to abandon me to the ORI, when you all abandoned me" Hannah said bitterly.

"It wasn't that simple" Sam told her in a low tone, Hannah saw the pain Sam carried in her but didn't want to acknowledge it.

"It felt like it to me!" Hannah told her in an outraged yet quiet tone. She knew the office wasn't sound proofed. The last thing she needed was for the gossip to spread around that she was screaming like a banshee. "We lost General O'Neill to Ba'al and we move Heaven and Earth to get him back. The same again for every member of SG-1 including yourself. But when I get trapped by the ORI? Oh no different story entirely because I'm just a clone, I'm expendable" Hannah said.

"You were not-"

"Don't patronise me, I followed you and the others on and off for months after I turned ORI. I watched you all search for the Ark. It was just business as usual and that isn't what pisses me off. You know what pisses me off is that you wrote me off so completely and quickly even when you knew I was alive. You knew I had turned ORI. You didn't once try to trap me like you did with Daniel and change me back. Now that I'm back here it's like I'm the kid in the middle of two parents getting a divorce. A tug of war on who gets to have me and I apparently am not allowed to make my own choices. When I do make them, its 'temporary' and contingent on me 'behaving' myself. There are so many provisos it's like you're just placating me until you get your way and I'm dragged off to Earth" Hannah said, Sam looked away for a moment

"I know it may seem that way but-"

"No, I fought for your people, I died for you and ascended into hell for you. Do you think it was all sunshine, rainbows and never ending peace and joy being ascended?" Hannah didn't even wait for Sam to answer "Because it wasn't-" Hannah stopped for a moment as she couldn't find the words let alone burden Sam with the knowledge of what happened to her let alone if it would mean anything to Sam. "Because it wasn't and I came back here because this is where I want to be. I need to be here" Hannah told her.

"Why?" Sam asked, Hannah reared at the question.

"That for once is none of your business" Hannah told her flat out. The reasons for her return were complicated. Sure Ronon was a major part of that reason but there were other factors. Factors Hannah was not going to share with Sam any time soon.

"Is it him?" Sam asked.

"Who?" Hannah asked.

"Ronon, did you come back because of him?" Sam asked something about her tone made it sound like coming back for a man was one of the worst reasons to de-ascend.

"No and why does it matter why I came back?" Hannah asked, she lied, it was mostly due to Ronon, she promised she'd come back to him. But really it was the whole package of him and being in Atlantis, the people like Sheppard and Teyla, the Athosians who gave her a sense of peacefulness, a sense of home and belonging that settled her damaged spirit. She could feel herself healing and knew that she could be happy on Atlantis. It was what she had fantasised as her safe haven when in ORI Captivity and now she wanted the reality.

"Because when Daniel came back he came back for a reason. To help us fight Anubis and I can't help but think you came back for a reason but you're not telling us or me why" Sam told her.

"And with that in mind you must think I'm just screwing around like a lush waiting for the fun times to begin?" Hannah asked.

"I don't know what to think. Sometimes I look at you and I see the old you, wearing that locket as if you're going to turn around and call me 'Mom' but this 'new' you. I've tried but you're so abrasive don't know what to expect and every time I try to trust you, you break rules and endanger yourself and distract this mission statement of this expedition. So I think I deserve to know why you're here and what your plans are" Sam told her.

"I was cast out!" Hannah yelled at her. She hadn't meant to yell but for some reason she had and now she had, she looked to see that she had garnered the attention of those in the control room. At least they had the decency to look away quickly and pretend they hadn't heard.

"What?" Sam asked confused and shocked as she hadn't expected that response.

"I wasn't one of them. They just needed me to fight their battles and once the wars were over, I was no longer needed. They found me impure because I was created in a lab, apparently I have no soul and it also didn't help that I went against nearly every tenet they held true to. So they cast me out. It's the story of my life. Happy now?" Hannah asked Sam. Hannah told her the truth even if Hannah hadn't made the deal with Morgan Le Fey she would have never lasted as an Ancient. That and Hannah only wanted to come back to Atlantis, it was her motivation. Hannah suddenly felt like a fraud in Atlantis uniform. She had felt professional in them when walking into the office and now she felt like they belonged to someone else.

Sam looked shell shocked by what Hannah told her but it didn't stop Hannah from the roll she was on.

"No one wants me unless I am able to be use in some expendable manner. I'm a means to an end and now I'm here without a mission. There's no agenda. I'm not here for your benefit, I'm not here to save you, I just want to stay on Atlantis and have the life I feel I deserve. I can however help around the city, I'm an engineer, I'm a soldier. You know my skills are an asset and here in the Pegasus Galaxy I'm not special. I'm just like everyone else. No one is tracking me down to steal me away. To the Wraith I'm just like every other human. Just another meal. But it's obvious to me I will never be fully welcomed back into the fold. I'll make sure to return all of my uniforms in so someone else can get some use of them." Hannah told her.

"Hannah, this isn't how I wanted this conversation to go"

"Yes, I know. I have a knack of turning every conversation ugly" Hannah told her.

"What are we going to do?"

"We are going to learn to co-exist and one day I'm going to ask for work and I hope you'll say yes. If not, then I will have to make some hard choices but until then I want you to respect my privacy" Hannah said as diplomatically as she could.

"What are you doing in here? and what are you wearing?" Demming asked Hannah, as he came into his lab to find her looking through his stuff. He really didn't like this habit she was building but wasn't going to complain as he liked being able to sit down without pain.

"They are called clothes. You mind if I borrow this?" Hannah asked holding up one of his tablet computers. She had left Sam's office half an hour ago and gone straight to her quarters to change out of the Atlantis uniform and straight into a loose black cotton mandarin collared tunic and the sleeves rolled up to her elbows. She then donned olive green wide leg pants and ballet flat style shoes. She then looked through her wardrobe making a mental note to join Teyla on her next visit to New Athos to pick up some more clothes in trade for helping them with their crops. She had redressed her hair out of the strictly quaffed low bun into a side braid with the plait tail pinned the her head. If she was going to dress casually she might as enjoy the freedom of the varying hairstyles she had been taught on New Athos.

"Why?" Demming asked her.

"Because you have four of tablet computers and I would like to take one and use it" Hannah told him.

"I meant why are you dressed like that?" He asked gesturing to her. Hannah gave him a wry smile.

"What's wrong with it?" She asked him in a dry tone as he looked at her as if she were dressed in a hot pink leotard with green ribbons in her hair.

"It's just so..." he drawled trying to find the right word.

"Native?" she offered. He gave a shrug.

"I would have gone with 'Alien' but 'Native' works. So what's with the outfit?" Demming asked her. Hannah gave a closed lipped smile.

"I'm more comfortable wearing these clothes and I'm not a member of the expedition so technically I shouldn't be allowed to wear the uniform" Hannah explained to him.

"Who cares?" he asked.

"Why do you care what I wear?" Hannah asked him.

"It's just that this...it looks good but just weird seeing you like this. Figured it might have something to do with Ronon" he said.

"It has nothing to do with him and more to do with my comfort and personal style" Hannah told him, she then held out the tablet computer to him. "May I borrow this tablet?" she asked.

"Is the one with all my porn on it?" He asked her. Hannah made a face.

"I hope not" Hannah said dryly. Demming chuckled and took the computer from her.

"Just yanking your chain, let me just back everything up onto this drive and then it's all yours" he told her. Hannah followed him as he moved to his desktop computer and started working on clearing out the tablet's memory so Hannah could use it.

"Thanks" Hannah said, Demming pulled up a chair while she remained standing. She looked around the room keeping her eye on the door out of habit more than anything else as she couldn't help but expect someone to show up and demand to know why she was in Demming's lab.

"So what are you upto now?" Demming asked her as the computers did their thing.

"Nothing dangerous or bad. I want to use the tablet to study Atlantis and get my Ancient up to snuff. So if you could download some literature on the architecture and history of Atlantis itself that would be great" She told him.

"In Ancient or English?" he asked.

"Ancient, I need to become fluent again and some things lose context when they are run through McKay's babel fish" Hannah told him.

"Ok colour me curious. Why the sudden interest?" he asked her. Folding his arms across his chest and looked at her.

"I'm stuck on base 24/7 and got nothing better to do" she told him, he didn't looked convinced with her answer.

"So it has nothing to do with Wallace and Fisk and the whole Lucian alliance thing?" he asked her.

"No, I'm taking your advice and letting it go. If I was interested in that, then I'd be asking for something entirely different." Hannah informed him in a casual tone.

"Oh ok, so you're just dropping it?" he asked her incredulously.

"Apparently my position on Atlantis is relied upon me behaving. Stalking two soldiers because I suspect them of something to find proof of that. Is not behaving appropriately. So yes I'm dropping it because I want to stay here" Hannah told him, hoping he would just let it go. She shouldn't have told him anything to begin with.

"Ah so it is about Ronon" Demming said.

"Why is everybody-"

"I heard he pried you out of your tower and took you away and made you his Queen. Sounds like a fairytale girls dream of" Demming said in a dramatic fashion. Hannah made a derisive noise and rolled her eyes.

"I'm not his queen" She told him in a droll tone.

"His woman? You can tell me, did he show the special hug- Ow" Demming rubbed the back of his head when Hannah had slapped him. "I take that as a no." he said, Hannah chuckled.

"You deserved it because my relationship with Ronon is none of your business. Now are you finished?" she asked him.

"No, you've asked for a lot of information. It'll take some time to download. So why don't you pull up a chair and sit down and talk to me like I'm Cadman" Demming told her with a mischievous grin.

"That is not going to happen" she said as she did pull up the chair and sat down.