A/N I just wanted to thank everyone for their continued support. It means the world to me. I hope you enjoy this next installment.
Delirium Trigger
EPoV
One of the best things about being a vampire is that you can sit in the same position for hours and it wouldn't bother you. This also means that you can stand out side a door and knock for four hours and never get tired.
" Stop knocking on my damn door Alice. I'm not going to open it."
"Edward, you might as well. It's not like I can't just pull if off the hinges. I just don't want Esme yelling again. Stop being a baby and open the damn door!"
"I'm naked."
"Liar…You're sitting in the damn corner like you've been doing for the past three days. I need to tell you something anyways so just let me in."
I got up slowly and opened the door. The light from the hall irritated my eyes a little bit after sitting in the dark for three days. Alice ducked past me and sat in the only chair in the room which she had brought in when we first moved here.
"You know Esme is still upset with you. She doesn't think you're eating enough. I know you're still punishing yourself…I would be too if it didn't hurt Jasper so much….but you have to eat. You know so you don't end up going all crazy and killing someone. Then you'd really feel like shit…and then your bloodlust would mess up Jaspers control and I soooo do not want to have to deal with two blood crazed vampires on my hands."
Sometimes I wished she needed to take a breath to speak.
"Did you come in here to lecture me or do you actually have something useful to tell me?"
"Um…yea I did…I do…Tanya is in Spain. She's been there for a while. I wanted to wait it out…see if she moves again. Shall I book tickets?"
I felt flickers of anger igniting in me. I still wanted to rip her head off, but she was in another country and I had promised Rose that I wouldn't go after her unless she came back to the states.
"No. Leave her. She far enough away from….She's safe. That's all that matters. Tanya can't get to her where she is. Don't do anything unless you see reason to."
"Well see that's what I want to talk to you about. See, if you think she's safe…then that means we can go back."
"Alice…Get out."
"Edward….come on…Look at you…you're miserable and so is Bella."
Just the sound of her name had me in pain but when Alice showed me memories of her flashes of Bella crying…being held down and sedated…waking up in the middle of the night screaming…it was too much. I sank to the floor and cried out in pain.
"Damnitt Alice! Stop!" Jasper called from downstairs sounding almost as strained as I was. Alice's thoughts turned to Bella laughing and smiling at me which was equally painful.
"Alice…please stop. I already told you. Bella belongs in fairytales that I could never be. I didn't leave because of Tanya…I left because of me…because I of what I am. Please stop doing that to me."
Alice crawled over wrapping her arms around my back and hugging me. "I'm sorry Edward. You know why I do it. I miss her too. We all do. You need to go back Edward. You two belong together. There's no reason for you to be miserable. I told you along time ago…you deserve to be happy too."
"There is a reason Alice."
"Oh yea…and what's that?"
"So she can live."
BPoV
I felt the gravity of Jacob's words. It wasn't like I was choosing to be miserable. I wasn't bleeding on the ballroom floor just for attention. If I could be happy I would be. He would be with me and the sun would shine again.
We arrived down at La Push and parked down at Jacob's house.
"Wait here for a minute okay. I'm just gonna go get my dad and we'll head down." Jacob disappeared into the house and my thoughts crept back to the last time I had been here. It seemed a lifetime ago. Tears started to well in my eyes as I thought back over the nightmare I had the night before. I was sitting in an unfamiliar living room surrounded by 7 people that I knew were them but their faces…when they looked at me, were gone. I couldn't match a face to body and I woke up screaming into my pillow for the first time in a long time. I didn't want to admit it…but the mental strains on my brain of my trying not remember…really was causing me to forget.
"Hey Bella? You in there? You're not gonna go all space case on me again are you?"
Jacob's words snapped me out of my thoughts and the brightness in his eyes made me gasp.
"Yea I'm fine. Where to now?" I asked him holding my passenger door open for Billy and then noticed he hadn't left the lawn. Jacob pointed to the wooded area off to the side of his house and I gulped.
"It's okay. There's nothing to trip on. I had to clear the space for my dad. It's a clear path until we get to the hill. Think you can handle the chair? I've got to carry my dad down…unless you want to." He smiled and bumped his shoulder against mine causing me to stumble and fall into the door of my truck.
"Sorry…sometimes I forget how strong I am." he said flexing his muscles. His much toned muscles, which I could now see were threatening to burst out of his tight black t-shirt.
"Well come on kids lets get goin!" Billy called over his shoulder. I followed Jake listening while he explained where we where going and what we were going to do. Finally we got to the very steep hill Jake warned me about and I watched in awe as he lifted Billy out of the chair with ease and sprinted down the hill. It didn't even seem like he was watching where he was going. Once he got to the bottom he turned back and noticed I hadn't moved yet.
"Uh…you coming Bells?"
"Jacob, breaking my neck wasn't exactly on my list of things to do today. Is there another way down? I'm not running down this hill." He laughed and sprinted back up the hill holding his hand out for me.
"Here…I'll help you down." I slipped my hand awkwardly into his but quickly pulled it back out. A bolt of electricity shot up my arm and into my brain and I shook.
"You okay Bella? I'll take you back up to the house if you're not feeling up to this…maybe we shouldn't be pushing you so much." His voice and eyes were so full of concern that I felt like ass for actually contemplating his offer.
"No it's okay. I'm just…I'm fine. Let's go." Jacob smiled and pulled me up into his arms and carried me and the chair down the hill. I was grateful at not having to walk down but still a little embarrassed.
"Makes you feel like a baby again doesn't it?" Billy joked easing himself back into his chair.
I laughed nervously and followed behind them. I could hear people talking and laughing. We walked into a clearing where it seemed the whole reservation had gathered around a bonfire. Billy wheeled himself to a group of older people and I followed Jacob to a group of very large Native American boys that all seemed to be dressed in black t-shirts and jeans just like Jacob. The biggest one stepped up to Jacob and embraced him.
"Haćh tòchktiya (good afternoon) Jacob."
"Haćh tòchķtiya Sam. Bella this is Sam. Sam, Bella." I held out my hand to this Sam character but he just crossed his arms over his chest and stared down at me.
"So you're Bella hunh?" The tone in his voice was as if I had kicked his dog and I immediately disliked him.
"Last time I checked." I spat back at him. He glared at me taking a step forward but Jacob stepped in between us.
"Cool it Sam," Jacob barked at him and his glare went from my face to Jacobs.
What the hell was this guy's problem?
"We'll talk about his later Jacob" he said back and stalked off. A few of the guys from the group followed behind him as if he were some sort of God. All that was left were two guys that I vaguely remembered being friends of Jacobs when we were younger.
"Remember us Bella. Quil and Embry?" Quil asked motioning between him and the other guy.
"Yea sort of." I answered back.
"It's been a while hunh…you look um…Well how's everything?" My mouth fell agape and Jacob punched him in the arm.
"Dude weren't you supposed to work on that whole sensitivity thing? Bella you look fine. Quil's just an ass." Embry started laughing and Quil turned and punched him in the arm. The two of them started wrestling and I cracked a smile when I heard Jacobs laugh. It was almost a girlish giggle.
"Sorry Bella. Boys will be boys. You hungry because I am…lets go eat." Jacob put his arm over my shoulders turning me away from the brawling boys on the ground and called over his shoulder. "You guys coming. We're gonna go eat."
At the word eat Quill and Embry both popped their heads up and jumped to their feet. We walked over to the large tables that were covered with all kinds of food. Jacob shoved a paper plate in my hand and piled food into his three plates and my one. The four of us sat around the bonfire and I picked at my food while I watch the three boys devour plate after plate. Suddenly there was a loud melodic beating of drums coming from behind me and the sound of feet stomping on the ground. I turned to see a group of people dressed in brightly colored costumes dancing up followed by the drummers.
"The ceremony's beginning. You're really gonna enjoy this Bells," Jacob said to me smiling. Billy wheeled up to the side of us and everyone gathered round the fire. The procession broke through the circle and began dancing around the fire. I watched as everyone started to link hands and then felt Jacob and Quill's warm hands covering mine. They pulled me up and we started to sway with the crowd and the music. The sound of the drums and the flutes started to get to me, I felt as if my spirit were being lifted up…like for the moment I was coming alive again. I found myself chanting along with them and when the finale came and everyone threw their hands up in the air mine went up with them.
When it was all over I san back on to the log feeling winded but more alive than I had felt in months. My chest was heaving and Jacobs heavy hand rubbed circles on my back as him and his friends laughed at me. He knelt down at my side and lifted my face to his.
"I told you it was incredible didn't I?"
"Yeah that really was something Jake. Why haven't you ever brought me to one of these before?"
"These ceremonies are supposed to lift our spirits Bella, help us get through the changing of the seasons. This is the first time you've needed it." He smiled from ear to ear and I couldn't help but smile back.
"Okay now make out!" Quill said from behind me and Jake's arm shot passed me and grabbed his ankle sending him falling backwards over the log.
"Damn Jake, I was just kidding."
"Yea well stop being an ass okay!"
"Geez I'm sorry. I'm sorry Bella. I didn't mean to make you feel uncomfortable"
I could feel blood rushing to my face. The feeling was amazing.
"It's okay Quill…some of us never grow up." I answered back. I was expecting them to laugh but they just looked at each other sideways and then down at the ground.
"Uh…yea so now that um...this parts all over we should get to the real party." Jacob said breaking the uncomfortable silence.
"Real party?"
"Yea. You didn't think this was it did you? We have our own little celebration up at Sam and Emily's house."
"I don't think you're friend Sam like me very much Jake. Maybe I should skip that part."
It didn't matter what I said because he was already pulling me in the direction of the hill. Before I could protest further Jacob grabbed me into his arms and sprinted back up the hill. Quill and Embry followed right behind him. We ran all the way to Sam's house with me in Jacobs arms,
"You know Jake, I can walk." I said when he finally put me down.
"Yea but I'd have to fight with you to get you to come here and it was faster this way. You walk slow."
I laughed and shoved him but it was like trying to push a brick wall. I followed the three of them to the back of Sam's house where Christmas lights were strung up every illuminating the backyard. There was a small table with a bucket of ice and beer bottles in it surrounded by fried chicken, ears of corn and a large bowl of potato salad. I couldn't believe it but the three of them went directly over to the table and grabbed plates of food. I couldn't believe they were still hungry.
"Jesus you eat a lot Jacob." I said sitting down next to him. I suddenly felt out of place being surrounded by all of Sam's friends. The fact that they were all dressed alike was starting to freak me out too.
"Men grow until they turn 21 Bella. I'm just trying to get big and strong and eat all my vegetables like my daddy says." he answered back in a childish voice licking potato salad off his fork.
Embry walked over and shoving a bud light bottle in my face. "Want one Bella. They're really cold. See the mountains are blue."
Jacob snatched the bottle out of his hand glaring at him. "I'll take that, thank you." He twisted the top of the bottle off with this arm and downed half of it within seconds.
Embry sat down at my across from us and started blabbing about something. I wasn't really paying attention. I was to busy staring at Jacob. I felt weird….nervous almost. I couldn't tell what it was but had this strange feeling that something was just off. The wind started to blow chilling me through my coat and it hit me. It was December. It was freezing out and snow on the ground and none off these guys had on so much as a sweater.
"Jacob, why aren't any of you wearing coats?" I asked him in a monotone voice. I felt the three of them stare at me for a moment and then turned my eyes to Jacob's face.
"I'm not cold Bella. They don't call us red-blooded Indians for nothing." He joked and smiled. But I recognized that smile. I had seen that smile before on another face. He was lying.
"Jacob its December. None of you are wearing coats. That's…That's…weird."
"Bella…its' not a big deal. We're just used to the weather that's all."
"Jacob that's bullshit. I'm sure Eskimos are used to the cold but they still wear coats."
"Yea like us not wearing coats in the middle of the winter is the weirdest thing you've ever seen," came Sam's booming voice from behind me.
"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" I said turning to him.
"Oh, like you don't know."
"Not now Sam. I don't think she's ready." Jacob said standing up in front of me.
"Jacob…we've waited long enough. You've had your time and you've gotten nothing out of her. If you won't make her talk than we will." Sams' hand shot past Jacob and grabbed my wrist yanking me out of the chair.
"Let go of me you asshole," I yelled at him trying to pull away. His grasp on me was too tight and it was literally burning my arm. Jacob grabbed my other arm and pulled me away from him.
"Don't touch her Sam," he said through gritted teeth.
"What the hell is going on here Jacob? Why did you bring me here?" I asked him.
"Bella…listen I'm sorry. I didn't know Sam was gonna act like this. He said he just wanted to talk to you. I told him I would let him know when I thought you were ready," he said to me and then turned to Sam. "And I don't think she's ready. I'm gonna take her home Sam. If she tells me anything you'll be the first to know…but I'm telling you she doesn't know anything. "
"Jacob, you're being an idiot. Why don't you just ask her now…in front of all of us. This way we can see for ourselves.
"No Sam. She's not ready."
My mind was reeling as I watched them argue.
"Not ready for what? What the hell are you guys talking about? What are you supposed to be asking me Jacob?" I shouted at them.
"Nothing Bella. Never mind lets just go." Jacob answered grabbing my hand. I yanked my hand away and looked at Sam.
"What is it that you could possibly want to ask me?"
"We want to know what happened that night Edward Cullen attacked you. We want to know how you got away. We want to know everything you know."
I stared at him for a moment and then it was as if the earth turned sideways. I started falling backwards but Jacob caught me and eased me back into the chair. I gripped onto his arm trying to hold myself upright but Edwards name was banging around in my head.
Edward Cullen…Edward Cullen…Edward Cullen….over and over and over again. Jacob and Sam were arguing again but every word out of their mouths sounded like Edward Cullen. I felt like I had tunnel vision and my eyes zeroed in on Sams mouth. He pushed Jacob out of the way and sent him falling to the ground and grabbed my arms pulling me up out other chair.
"Tell me what happened the night Edward Cullen tried to kill you Bella. Tell me what you did to get away," he screamed in my face. His words replayed in my head once and when I reheard Edward Cullen tried to kill you I snapped. I used all the strength I had to push him off me and ignored the burning tears that were running down my face.
"What the fuck are you talking about? Edward Cullen did not try to kill me. I told Jacob what happened. He left me at my house and I followed him out into the woods. He didn't know I was there. If he did he would have come back for me. Why does it matter to you anyway?"
"This is ridiculous. Why are you still covering for that monster? Are you that much of an idiot? He attacked you. You could have died."
"I just said he didn't attack me. What are you talking about? Edward would never intentionally hurt me. He…he… loved me."
Sam rolled his eyes and laughed in my face. "The bloodsucker loved you? Are you kidding me? You must be delusional. Those monsters don't know what love is. You're more of a moron that I thought you were Swan. It's too bad they didn't kill you. That would have given us an excuse to get rid of the fucking leeches."
I started at him in shock. He called them bloodsuckers…leeches….Did he….does he….could he possibly know?
"Why…why are you calling them that Sam?"
"Don't play stupid with me Swan. You know full well why I'm calling them that." He motioned to the crowd of guys around him then at Jacob. "We all know."
"Know what? What do you know? Say it! Tell me what you think you know about the Cullens you bastard."
"That they are evil bloodsucking murderous vampires. They are abominations and deserve to fucking die…or whatever it is that they do." My body reacted faster than my mind and before I knew it I had reached up and slapped Sam in the face. He lunged at me but Jacob grabbed me out of the way tossing me on the ground behind him.
"How dare you say that about them you asshole." I said picking myself up. "You're ridiculous if you could think something so absurd. That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard in my life."
"See I told you she doesn't know anything Sam." Jacob said to him still standing between us.
"They aren't evil or murderous. You don't know the first thing about them. I'm more afraid of you right now than I ever been of any of them. Jacob get me out of here. I want to go home." I grabbed his hand but he pulled it away and turned to face me.
"Wait a minute Bella. You knew. I'm mean you know what they are?" He yelled with an incredulous look on his face.
"Of course I know Jacob. The real question is….how the hell do you know. How the hell do any of you know anything about them?"
We narrowed our eyes at each other in an awkward standoff.
"Bella. That's really sick."
"Fuck you Jacob." I pushed past him and ran from the backyard. The wind started to pick up stopping the air in my chest as I stumbled down the street. I stopped at the corner realizing I had no idea how to get to Jacobs house but I was not going back to Sam's. As I stood there contemplating which way to go I felt tears running down my face. I leaned against a tree trying to regain my composure. I felt like I was starting to crumple when I felt a strong hand on my shoulder.
"Bella we need to talk." I looked up into Jacob's angry eyes and turned away.
"No we don't."
"Yes we do Bella. You owe me an explanation."
"I don't owe you anything Jacob. If anyone deserves an explanation it's me. But at this point I don't even care. I just want to go home. I just want to go home and never ever come back here."
Jacob sighed and pulled me away from the tree. I followed him home in silence. It started to snow…heavily. He didn't so much as shiver.
"Bella, you have to stay here tonight," he finally said when we got back to his house. "It's snowing too hard and it's too dangerous to drive."
I looked out the window prepared to protest but realized he was right. Jacob sat on the couch twirling a bottle of Jack Daniels that was on the coffee table while I attempted to thaw myself in front of the fireplace. He poured the brown liquid in a tumbler and handed it to me than poured one for himself. It burned in my chest as I drank it down but the after effect was worth it. I relaxed a little and after the fourth drink I knew I was drunk.
"Jacob…what's going on? How do you know about them?" I finally asked him in my drunken stupor sinking into a chair.
"They were caught hunting on our land. We made a deal that if they stayed off our land and kept their disgusting fangs off everyone in town we wouldn't fight. We wouldn't kill them."
"Ha…You may be strong Jacob but I highly doubt you're strong enough to kill one of them. I've seen how strong they are. You'd get slaughtered."
Jacob laughed under his breath and answered me with no hint of a joke in his voice.
"We have our ways Bella."
I stared at him for a moment wondering what he meant. How…Jacob is human. How could he think he would stand a chance?
"How long did you know Bella? That night when he attacked you…is that how you found out?"
The hatred in his voice shook me to the core. I couldn't understand why they kept insisting he attacked me. That he would hurt me. Edward would never hurt me….He loved me…I knew he did…
Did….he did…maybe…I didn't even know anymore. I held to this fantasy that he would come back because he loved me. He would stop feeling guilty and come home because he couldn't be without me but it had been 4 months. Charlie was right.
"Jake, I don't know how to make you understand…he didn't attack me. For fucks sake…please don't remind me of that night. Please don't remind me of him leaving me." My body started to shake but I knew it wasn't from the cold. His name…memories…everything I had worked so hard not to think about was rattling around in my head. I clutched my stomach leaning over my knees. My knees were shaking uncontrollably so I pulled them up into the chair and wrapped my arms around my knees.
"Bella I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you. We just want to know what happened. We want to…I want to protect you."
"I don't need protection Jacob. He isn't coming back." I whined out. I could feel my chest getting ready to explode and everything felt like it was spinning.
"Is that why you've been hanging around me Jacob? Because you think he's gonna come back and hurt me?"
I lifted my head up as Jacob came to kneel before me. He slowly pulled my legs down and moved between them then held my hands on my thighs.
"Well yea, in the beginning…I just wanted to be there in case he came back to you know finish you off. I couldn't let anything happen to you Bella, you're still my best friend. But now…Now that I see you…its…I don't know how to explain it Bella. I don't know how to explain how I feel about you." Jacob took my hand and placed it over his heart.
"Jacob…I…"
"Shhhh Bella, it's okay. I'll never let that bastard touch you again. Nothing and no one will ever ever hurt you on my watch. And if you'll let me Bella…I will try to fix you."
I didn't have the chance to respond. Jacob pulled me into him and crushed his lips to mine. His strong hands held my face in place and his lips moved over mine parting them. I struggled to pull away and he by the time he let me go I was gasping for air.
"That was better than I imagined it would be," he said resting his forehead against mine. I was stunned and couldn't speak. For the moment when his lips were pressed against mine it felts as if I were being thoroughly thawed but at the same time all I could think about is how it felt to kiss Edward. How his first kiss was gentle at first as I felt him breathing me in and then got deeper…more passionate. Edwards's first kiss set me afire. Jacobs…did not.
"I'm… I'm tired Jacob. I'll stay the night but I want to sleep now."
Jacob stood in front of me and led me to his bedroom. I thought he was going to stay with me and was nervous until he took a black t-shirt and shorts out his drawer and handed them to me.
"Here…so u don't have to sleep in your clothes. I'll take my dad's room. He won't be coming home in this." Jacob left the room glancing at me over his shoulder. I stumbled around changing feeling the effects of the liquor and the crawled into the bed in fetal position. I had expected the screams to burst out of me but it didn't happen. I expected the tears and the hysterics to happen – I had heard and said and heard his name to many times today, thought of him and that night and his kiss and everything to much, and now to top it off I had kissed someone else so I now felt guilty to boot – but it didn't happen. My head hit the pillow and 5 minutes later I was fast asleep.
It was the first night in 3 months I did not dream of Edward Cullen or any of the Cullens.
It was the first time in 3 grueling months that I didn't dream of anything at all.
A/N So here's how dedicated i am. I actually looked up how to speak the language. It was hard and i could only find a few phrases. There's only like 13 people that still speak the language, okay I'm exaggerating but u get the point.
Anyways i hope you all enjoyed this chapter. And as someone pointed out yes i am following the actual books...sort of as i have said many times but obviously you can see there are many changes. I will continue to follow the actual saga...some what....i dont want to take you guys to far from home but everything will be done my way and for different reasons. So if you're enjoying my story thank you and please keep reading... If not I'm sorry to waste you time.
New Moon in a week...Who's excited? I know I am... It come out the day after my birthday...who could ask for a better gift?