Chapter Thirty-Five: Sea Salt and Vinegar
The damage, however, had been done. Later in the evening, he was cold to me, not returning my smiles as we dallied among the courtiers. Sometimes, he remembered to keep up appearances and would place an arm around my waist, but for the most part, I was isolated.
Arielle worried, as she was wont to do, placing concerned fingertips on my arm, but I smiled sweetly and brushed her off, not wanting to discuss it. Still worried but allowing me some space, she went to entertain her guests, the foreigners that I detested so much. In the end, I was alone and though it made me miserable, I suspected I wanted a little misery. Sometimes, it was comforting to sulk.
Daryan, of course, was his usual charming self. He was persistent in capturing my attention. He brought me champagne, bubbling in the delicate flutes. I couldn't politely refuse and so was forced to socialize with him, which only furthered the rumors that were blossoming around the room. I never could catch Thom's eye to see what he thought, but that in itself was disapproval. The prince I had once devoted myself to, given my entire being to, slipped his arm through mine, chatting amiably about nothing. His fingers griped my bare are tightly and I knew there would be fingerprints.
"Have you forgotten what I told you?"
"No." I was now a master at being politely sullen.
"Good." He tried to draw me closer, but I resisted, trying to untangle my arm from his hold at the same time. No one seemed to notice my discomfort; all they saw was infidelity in public. I almost cried.
"Let me go." It was a firm command, and I fully hoped that he would heed the tone, if not me. "Now, Daryan." How I wished, desperately so, that Thom would come to my rescue. It didn't even have to be Thom, it just had to be someone who could extract me from Daryan's clutches.
"Kiss me, darling. Kiss me first."
I could have slapped him. Instead, I accidentally spilled my champagne all over him. "I'm terribly sorry!" I exclaimed, but I wasn't at all. Smiling indecorously, I made a swift exit, glad to have his hand off of mine so that the attraction that still lingered would leave me alone. The butterflies in my stomach settled and I did my best to forget the sensation. Sidling closer to Thom, I hoped he would forgive me. I pleaded with the heavens and for a brief moment, it seemed to work.
But then his fingers were clutching mine too tightly, so tight that it hurt and I had to bite my lip from crying out. For all the making up we had done, he was still suspicious of me. I resented him for it, but gaily carried on the conversation we were having with some aristocratic people that I certainly hadn't met before. Thom, however, seemed well acquainted with them.
I smiled prettily through the whole event, never far from Thom's side save for one moment when Arielle pulled me aside and demanded that we have tea the next day. I agreed out of habit, absently mindedly and not really looking forward to it. I didn't really want to discuss the problems I was having, after all, because they were so personal. Personal, in this case, being a convenient substitute for painful and confusing.
After we arrived home, I slipped off the silky green confection that has stifled me all night and turned to Thom, who was also disrobing. We didn't fall into each other's arms as I had hoped; no, that would have been too easy. Instead, I made him look at me. "You haven't forgiven me."
"No." It was as simple as that. I let my fingertips slide from his cheeks and, as they drifted past his shoulders and back to my sides, he turned from me. "You still love him."
"I do not." I wanted to grab him by the shoulders and shake him, but I couldn't because it wouldn't make a difference. He'd made up his mind. "I love you." I tried anyway; it was my nature.
"Kelryian," he turned to me, his mouth hard and tight, "Don't lie to me. I know what I see. I know you." His hands clamped on my shoulders, steadying me, dizzy as I was from the champagne that fluttered through my bloodstream. "I am not your first choice, am I?"
"But you knew that when you married me," I said bitterly. "You knew what happened. But you said you loved me anyway." My vision glittered like the champagne had, glowing inside my stomach so. "You don't, though, do you?"
"Don't turn the tables on me, Kelry." I could tell, though, he was flustered. "I knew and I took you in anyway, yes. I even told you I loved you—and I meant it." His words were too intense for me to keep looking at him and so I looked down and away, hoping he wouldn't take it as lying.
"As did I." My own words were soft, breathy. Without form, without substance, they had no merit to him. And so that was it. Once more, he took the couch and I took the bed, each sleeping and dreaming separately. It was the worst night of my life.
The next day, I woke before Thom and dressed carefully, wanting to look presentable for my high tea with Arielle the next day. It was a blue frock, practical yet airy. It was summer weight and comfortable and it gave me such confidence. I arrived at Arielle's apartments not a minute late and she was waiting anxiously for me, white knuckled and frowning.
"Where have you been?" She was demanding, which was certainly unlike her.
I grinned. "I'm on time, darling." What a show I managed to put on! Ulga was right, I should have been an actress instead of one of the gentry. "Don't fret."
"You're in a snit," Arielle noticed almost right away. "You're going to do something stupid." Sometimes, she could be very insightful, other times, not so much.
"Not at all, Ari." I sighed, dropping the façade for a moment. "I'm going to be a dutiful wife. I'm going to love him no matter what it takes. Is that so bad?" Running my hands through my hair, I flopped down upon one of her overstuffed loveseats.
She thought for a moment, her beautiful face furrowed with concentration. "I suppose not. But last night—what was that?" Again, the demanding was so unlike her. She truly was worried for me.
"I couldn't get away from him." I almost cried. I could feel the tears with their chokehold around my neck already. "He wouldn't let me." If there was one person I could never lie to, I realized, it was Arielle. Thom would let me get away with it simply to protect the both of us, but my friend would never allow that.
"Ah." She paused again. "I still think you're going to do something stupid." She took my hand in hers. "Promise you'll tell me first?"
I did and, as the tea was brought out, I smiled softly at her. "I won't do anything yet, although I'm sure I will. I've certainly a record of doing so." I laughed softly at myself; I really was quite gifted at getting myself into messes through my own folly.
"Do, please. Someone has to know where you'll run off to." Delicate pink lips sipped hot tea, and she winced as her tongue was scorched. "So darling, tell me how things are."
And so I did. I told her everything, from the first fight to the wonderful, languorous pastoral make up, to the second fight and the lonely night I had spent. I told her everything I could think of, but especially of my love for Thom. It hadn't abated, not one bit. Arielle, of course, sympathized with me and held my hand, placing cookies at my disposal so that I sprayed fine showers of half-chewed crumbs across my lap every time I made a sibilant sound. Arielle bore all of this with her usual grace and dignity, ignoring my social faux pas, numerous as they were.
Finally, our tea came to an end as the teapot sat empty upon the table and my stomach bulged with sweets. Arielle made mention of things, official state business, that she had to attend to, and so I left, opting to take a stroll around the city rather than return to the house.
In the city, I listened to the minstrel, perhaps the same one who had made me cry on one of my first days here. I didn't care. This time he was singing battle ballads about brave knights and fair maidens and how they fell in love. I wondered what had brought a tale of such romanticism on, but didn't give it much thought. I ordered yet more sweet delicacies to smother the unhappiness that grew in the pit of my stomach.
"Sweetheart, my lovely," The minstrel crooned to me. "Willst thou be my fairest maid?" His green eyes sparkled with merriment, "For I am a soldier, in a grave to be laid." Raucous guffaws burst around me and I couldn't help but laugh as well. He was quite amusing when he wasn't making fun at my direct expense. He produced a flower from behind his ear, presenting it to me with much flourish. "Remember me," he begged softly, "for I am truly to go to war, if that which I heard is correct. Sera, do you know anything about it?"
Nonplussed, I shook my head gently. "I have heard naught but the threat of war. When did it materialize so fully?" The other patrons were thankful for the respite from his music, it seemed, for they had turned back to their cups and plates, shoveling food into their mouths hungrily.
"We've heard the armies coming," he told me, whispering softly. "We the musicians, we talk amongst ourselves. Their bards are coming, I know. Some are here already. Sera, if you know anything."
"I do not." I didn't mean to be curt, but it happened anyway. "I was required to leave the diplomatic enterprises early due to personal problems," I apologized, trying to assuage the abruptness of my answer.
"Ah. Keep it in mind, Sera, but I heard the prince of Tännon has his hand in it." And with those final words, he was done with me and returned to playing for his audience.
And thus, by the combination of Arielle and this minstrel, a plan was hatched. It was terribly formed and incredibly rash, but it sounded like a good idea. Cautiously, I chided myself. The last several times that I had thought something to be a good idea, it had turned out to be rather awful indeed. So I promised myself I'd wait. I would think about it, think over it and then, in a week's time, if it still seemed like something that was sensible, I would act on it, but not a moment before.
A small smile curled my lips. I figured I was about to do something stupid, but I thought that I might as well make it count for something. Oh, what a bad idea this would turn out to be.
I loved it.
Two weeks passed slowly, tortuously, agonizingly. Thom chose a new room to sleep in and I was left alone for those two weeks. We were cautious around each other, each stepping gently around the other. What were we to do? Neither of us was good at making the first move towards apology. And so, we sidestepped and danced around one another for two weeks. I saw only Arielle, for the most part, as I avoided the social events surrounding the Tännon delegation's presence on the grounds that I was ill.
It wasn't a lie, exactly. I was sick almost every day from the stress and excitement of it all. I could barely keep any food down and simply gave up eating breakfast altogether. Despite this, I grew surer of myself every day, my complexion brightening with confidence and joy. I was happy, or at least as happy as I could be.
In the middle of the second week, the news came. There really was a war upon us, as the minstrel had stated. The armies that Daryan had threatened were on the move, setting the countryside to thundering with their every step. Reports came in that the countryside was black with their soldiers, crawling with them like ants. In this, I rejoiced, although I would tell no one why.
Finally, the day came. I went to Arielle to tell her what I planned. Declining the carriage that was ordered for me, I took my palfrey instead. I greeted Arielle with a kiss on the cheek, buoyant with excitement.
"You're looking quite well today," she admired wryly. Poor Arielle, or perhaps lucky, I know not which, had recently discovered the wonders of pregnancy. Wan and worn, she was sick beyond belief thanks to the child she carried. Jasper, of course, was thrilled, but Arielle was not yet so enthusiastic.
"I am indeed."
"You're up to something."
"Yes." I grinned, bitterly happy. "I am."
She grinned thinly. "I knew it. I won't tell anyone until two days from now."
"Thank you." I hugged her tightly to me. "I'm going to meet the armies. Thyrea and Melos are coming, yes?" Arielle nodded slightly. "I'm going to them."
She obviously thought I was crazy. "You are going to do something stupid. Something completely idiotic and foolhardy. Are you suicidal, Kelryian?"
"No." I smiled. "I'm desperate, but not suicidal. I have to do something."
"You could have an affair! Have a child! I don't know, anything but this. Go run away to the sea, take a leave of absence, something!" She was exasperated with me. "You don't have to run away."
"I do. I can't stay here. I'm going to go away and not come back and make a better life somewhere else. This impending war just gives me an excuse and gives Thom a reason as to my disappearance. Help him along with it if he doesn't get it, please." I smiled again. "I'm going to start all over. I'll write, though."
"Fine. But I'm telling him as soon as you leave." Arielle, now furious, glared at me, trying use threats to make me stay.
"I don't care what you do. I did promise that I would tell you, and so I have. Do what you think is right." I kissed her on the cheek once more and stood. "I love you, my friend, and I'll miss you."
"Don't go!" Tears glittered in her eyes. "I'll miss you, too. Who will help me when the baby's born?"
I smiled. "That's when Jasper gets to find out the joys of parenting." She laughed weakly at this, hiccupping a little on her tears. "But now, farewell my friend. Good luck."
"You're being incredibly selfish," she called after me as I left her sunk into one of her couches. She was right, I was. Still, I let myself out of her manse without more than one look back and clambered on the back of my steed. It may have been only a palfrey and no mighty warhorse, but the mare would certainly do to get me away from Anselme.
As I reached the city gates, I looked behind me one last time. No one followed, no one even noticed my departure. I was nondescript in a brown frock, the catskin cloak bound up behind me, sheltering the few things that I took with me. And so it was in the late afternoon that I set out for the paradise of forgetfulness and instead found the vast army that was waiting to pounce upon the fragile city state.
Or rather, they found me as I watered the mare several miles from the city and had a late lunch for myself. I was escorted quickly to the captain of the legionnaires who had found me. He was a young man, perhaps five years older than I, and jovial in appearance. "Well, well!" He exclaimed, he bright eyes twinkling merrily. "What have we here?"
"We found her."
"Surely; she didn't come here of her own accord, Jack. Ladies tend not to do such things. What's your name, sweetheart?"
"Kelryian dy Cattalo." I almost smiled back, but stopped myself as it wouldn't be fitting.
"Of the dy Cattalos of Tännon?" He looked startled, a modicum of habitual respect falling into place. "I hadn't heard of any daughters."
"I married in." Perhaps I was being too frank, but subtlety wouldn't help me at this point. "Who are you?"
"Ah, my pardon." The young captain, one of the gentry without a doubt, smiled ruefully. "I forget my manners, being out here on the march. I'm Iulus d'Ellas." As I figured, gentry. The d'Ellases were distant cousins of the dy Relandrants by some marriage or another.
"It's a pleasure to meet you, Iulus." I gave him my best smile. "I do believe we're cousins, in some way." I thought it best to reveal this fact, which would hopefully ensure my safety, should I encounter someone who was not as friendly as Iulus.
"But I am not related to the dy Cattalos…" He seemed quite puzzled for a second.
"But you are related to the dy Relandrants." I smiled. "My maiden name."
He paled suddenly. "You're Kelryian dy Relandrant?" Quickly regaining his composure, he tried to manage a smile. "I'd best take you to the general."
Worry began to blossom in my breast, and I began to think that perhaps I should not have told him my maiden name. "If you think best," I acquiesced politely. I, however, did not think it best, and the second thoughts piled upon my brain in an endless succession.
But it was too late now to take back all that was spoken and so, I followed Iulus d'Ellas to the general.
Author's Note: Here's the next installment of our tale! Hopefully, you enjoyed it. :) Per usual, feedback is always appreciated and taken into account. I hope everyone in the US had a nice holiday and that everyone else had a nice Thursday…
I have no idea when the next chapter will be finished, but my goal is before Christmas. We'll see how that goes!