9 Years with the Marauders: 1972-1981. Beginning in 2nd year, the trials and tribulations of the Marauders right up until the deaths of James and Lily Potter. Remus/Sirius relationship-centric. James/Lily. Warning SLASH! Contains m/m content in later chapters.
DISCLAIMER: All characters, locations, and bits (with a few exceptions) are property of J.K. Rowling and Warner Bros. Studios.
NOTES ON THIS CHAPTER: Start of Term, 1977. WARNING: This chapter contains strong language and scenes inappropriate for younger audiences.
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James sat in the oval office of Albus Dumbledore. It wasn't really that rare for James to be in this office alone. Nor was it all that rare for James to be in this office on the very first day of school. After all, in both second and fourth year he and Sirius had planned something more than a little epic for the start of term feast.
However, it was rare for James to be in the headmaster's office for a positive reason. A reason like the badge that was currently sitting on his chest. It felt heavy and strange. A few minutes later, a figure appeared to his left and took the seat there in front of Dumbledore's desk. He glanced over at Lily, his mouth suddenly feeling like sandpaper. She had been almost furious on the train when they had been talking to the fifth year Prefects about what it took to be a Prefect. James had been mostly mute with a few attempts at placation, since he knew nothing about being a Prefect except what Remus had done over the last two years. And frankly, Remus wasn't the best Prefect there was – the Marauders were to blame for this of course.
Despite the fact that Remus had been a bit lax in his duties as Prefect, James felt completely unworthy of this title. First of all, he was the biggest troublemaker in the school. Second of all, there were loads more people qualified for the position. And thirdly, placing James in a nearly infinite position of power over younger students was just a bad idea all around. Just bad.
Dumbledore finally stepped in from the outer room where he had been fussing around with tea, and sat down at the desk. "Now, I have brought you both in here today to assure that you will be able to work together. Head Boy and Girl have many responsibilities, and I need to assure that you will be able to carry those duties out."
James had to suppress a snicker at the word "duty". That was precisely why he was unfit for this position. "Sir." He began hesitantly, adjusting his glasses on the bridge of his nose. "I really don't understand why I've been given this position. I was never a Prefect." He said it as though Dumbledore was going senile, and had somehow forgotten who had been made Prefects of Gryffindor.
"I am aware of that fact, Mr. Potter. Mr. Lupin was a prime candidate for the position of Head Boy at first. However, I felt that the added stress of such a position might be too much for him to handle in light of the events of last year. You, Mr. Potter, are more than capable of handling this task."
"Begging your pardon, Professor." Lily cut in. "James and I get along just fine now, but I don't think there's any way that he can be Head Boy. He's the most irresponsible, immature, childish..." She flushed darkly. "He'd spend more time taking points from students just because he didn't like their face than he would taking the job seriously!"
"Lighten up." James attempted, but she glared.
Dumbledore seemed bemused. "Get along just fine?"
Lily immediately became far more prim, folding her hands in her lap and looking embarrassed. James fought down his smirk. "Professor... I don't mean... I just don't understand why Remus didn't get the position."
"Mr. Lupin was an obvious candidate, but he was not whom I chose. Would you rather I'd have chosen Mr. Black, Miss Evans?" Dumbledore said, a small smile on his face. James bit down on his tongue.
"No! I mean... no. I'm sorry Professor, I just... it was unexpected." Lily said hastily, trying to backtrack.
"Indeed. Now, as the two of you are 'friends' as you say, I'm sure that you will be able to perform the necessary tasks of your positions. I do hope, Mr. Potter, that you won't be too busy with being Quidditch Captain and top of your class to work your hardest."
Lily seemed to blush at both of these statements, as though reminded that James was already quite responsible, not to mention brilliant. He chewed on his tongue a bit more to keep himself from saying something snide, until he noticed Dumbledore looking at him expectantly.
"Oh, no sir."
"Miss Evans, if you would leave the two of us alone, you are free to go."
He watched her leave, feeling that flutter in the back of his throat. Dumbledore set his teacup on the end of the table and folded his hands.
"James, I have a few things to tell you, things that may not be so easy to hear. As Head Boy, one of your responsibilities is for the safety of our school and our students. It is in fact one of your greatest responsibilities. Rules are put in place to keep children safe." He said the last sentence pointedly. James had heard that sentence time and time again, though it had never seemed to sink in. "Authority is not for abuse. You are closest to the students, James. This year you will see many things that you might not understand, including a great amount of loss."
"Sir... if I may... does this have anything to do with the McKinnons and such?"
"Indeed." Dumbledore looked as though he were about to say something else.
James looked bothered a moment and then sighed. "Sir, Remus told us over the summer. About his mum. And the Death Eaters, and this Voldemort fellow. He called it a war."
The blue eyes flashed for a moment and then darkened slightly as Dumbledore bent his head down in a nod. "It is a war, James. A war that we are fighting with everything we have."
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Two boys collapsed onto the uncomfortable mattress in the Shrieking Shack. Sirius rolled over on his back, his chest rising and falling. Remus also rolled over, so that both of them were staring at the ceiling of the Shack, breathing hard, and trying to collect their thoughts. Sirius didn't think he would be able to move for quite a while after that. That.
"That..." Remus said out loud.
Sirius attempted to agree with the one word statement, but could only manage a grunt. Remus didn't seem to mind. Slowly Sirius rolled onto his side, propping himself up on one elbow. Remus was still pink, one hand slowly pushing sweaty strands of hair from his eyes.
"It was a bit..." Remus tried again, still not able to finish any sentences. "At first I thought... and then you did the... and... well... that..."
Sirius smirked, and grabbed Remus' hip, dragging him closer. Remus flushed darkly, but after a few minutes his awkwardness subsided and he settled down. They were laying together, twisted, their legs, hips, shoulders, everything was touching, like they were trying to merge into one person. They had put a few blankets down on the lumpy and abused bed in the corner of the room, and there was a single pillow, and Sirius tucked it under both of their heads. It made their foreheads touch, but Sirius didn't mind. Remus' eyes were dazed a bit, and Sirius felt a frown tugging at the corner of his mouth.
"Knut for your thoughts." He murmured, his finger touched the soft hairs on Remus' stomach. Remus was less hairy than Sirius had thought he was, and yet more hairy at the same time. Remus made a noise.
"That tickles." Remus muttered, and he nuzzled his nose into the curve of Sirius' collarbone. Sirius felt the hot breath against his skin and something very pleasant tickled down his spine. "I'm not thinking about anything."
"You're thinking about everything."
"No... not everything."
"You're such a woman."
Remus looked at him with raised eyebrows. "That's not what you said ten minutes ago."
"Well pardon me. I didn't know you'd become a beast in the bedroom too."
Remus turned red, then cleared his throat. "Well. You didn't seem to mind."
"Oh trust me, I'm not minding. You can do 'that' any time you want." Sirius waggled his eyebrows suggestively. "Quite brilliant in fact. That bit with the... you know..."
The other boy looked away, but Sirius cupped his cheek, and he was forced to gaze at him. After a minute of silence Remus chuckled, and buried his face in Sirius' shoulder. Sirius toyed with the small hairs on the back of his neck, his other hand drawing spirals on the small of Remus' back. It was still warm with left over summer in the Shack, and the heat of Remus' body was warming him further, but he had no desire to leave the confines of the space.
If Sirius wasn't such a "manly man", he might have said something. If he weren't so emotionally bereft, he might have whispered something into Remus' ears. He might have said something important, meaningful, full of feeling. As it was, he was none of those things, and he simply let them lay together for a little bit longer before Remus stirred.
"We have to get back. James will notice we've gone." Remus mumbled, reaching for his trousers and pulling out his watch. "It's nearly midnight."
"We gave them an excuse."
"There are only so many hours you can spend double-checking the Map before they start to wonder if we've been eaten by that one tunnel."
"Hardy har har." Sirius leaned over and bit down gently on Remus' earlobe. Remus shivered, and Sirius suppressed a laugh.
"All right, all right." Remus sat up, pushing off of Sirius and reaching for the rest of his clothing.
Sirius slowly pulled himself to his feet. His legs felt rather like jelly, but it was an utterly pleasant feeling. He shuffled around the Shrieking Shack reluctantly, until Remus gave him a pointed look that clearly said, let's go already.
Finally Remus jumped down into the tunnel. Sirius followed. Just as Remus started to walk, Sirius grabbed him around the waist and shoved him against the soft dark wall. Remus made a noise, but Sirius' mouth was over his before more than a single syllable got out. Sirius kissed him for a moment. It was almost an apology of sorts, for not being able to really provide Remus with something more real. All those emotions that Sirius couldn't portray he tried to portray in that kiss. He didn't know if Remus understood. The tunnel was dark, only lit by the single beam of moonlight that came through the crack in the boarded up windows and down the open trap door.
He didn't see Remus' face when they broke apart finally. Remus reached up to grab the door, and yanked it down in silence. Sirius pulled out his wand and lit it, and he caught a gentle smile on Remus' face before he turned up the passage and ducked down to head back to school. Sirius smirked to himself as he lead the way.
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"N.E.W.T.s!" Lily made a weak whimpering noise and rested her forehead on the stack of books in front of her.
Remus patted her shoulder awkwardly. "I know exactly how you feel."
"I'm going to fail everything, and then I'm never going to get that job, and I'm going to end up in some sideways basement room in the Ministry filling out papers in triplicate until the day I die."
"You'll get health benefits at least."
"Oh Merlin's pants, Remus, you are not helping."
"You could always marry rich."
Lily looked up at him, staring blankly. Remus smiled sheepishly. "My dignity would never survive. Besides, who would you presume I marry?" Remus remained silent for a moment, then shrugged helplessly. She glared. "You had someone in mind, didn't you?"
Remus slowly grinned. "Me? No."
"Who is it."
"No one. No one in this school is even close to being worthy of your affections."
"You're thinking of James aren't you."
"... no."
"You are!"
"Well! I don't even... I mean you... I don't understand why you won't even date him."
"I went on one date with him."
"And?"
"And... what."
"And was there a spark?"
She turned red. "I... I don't know. I wasn't really... it was kind of awkward and I was still angry about Severus and... well I went into the whole thing determined not to enjoy myself and so I didn't."
Remus raised an eyebrow. "So you really haven't even given him a real chance. Lily, he's been your friend for a full year now. I know for a fact that he's been a perfect gentleman."
She grumbled. "I know, that's the whole problem. He has been a perfect gentleman."
"...what?"
"He's been so nice! He is always asking me how I've been, he doesn't make those jokes anymore. I mean... he's hardly even a teenage boy! He's like a grown up!"
"I'm confused. Are you saying that you want James to act like an immature teenage boy?"
"I... I don't really know." She said, bewildered. "He's just... he's trying so hard it's ridiculous honestly."
"Yes, but... what about him being Head Boy now?" Remus questioned lightly. "Surely that means that Dumbledore thinks he's mature and grown up and all."
Lily pressed her lips together. "I'm not sure what Dumbledore was thinking at all. So far all he's done is take points from Slytherin house at every opportunity." There was a hint of a smile on her face as though she was pleased by this statement, but then she shook her head. "He's impossible!"
"You make no sense." Remus said, almost angrily.
"What, Remus?"
"Well James has been completely and utterly bonkers over you since first year almost, he's always just been too stupid and hopeless to be able to do it properly, and then finally when he's acting like a proper adult you now think he's trying too hard. The boy is desperate, Lily."
Lily sighed in exasperation. "I know that. I just... I've been turning him down for so long... if I give in... he'll never let me live it down. Look, I've made lists..."
Remus stared at her as she pulled out a large piece of paper with two incredibly long lists. Each of them had fifteen numbers, followed by reasons. He spotted Sirius' name under the "shouldn't" section, and bit down on his lower lip to stop himself from laughing. Sirius certainly would have been on a whole other list for him.
"You made lists."
"Well... I thought it would be best to collect the pros and cons..." She said, sitting up a bit. Her cheeks were very red by this point.
"Well yeah, that makes perfect sense." Remus said seriously, reading them all. In fact, Remus himself would have made lists if he was stuck in this situation. "It's just... it seems like the perfect way to keep yourself from going through with this. After all, even if you do eventually get to sixteen on the pros list, you'll find a way to write down a sixteen on the con list just so you don't have to admit it to yourself that you've finally gotten the list long enough..."
She turned an even darker state of red. "I... that's... ridiculous..."
"Is it?"
"... well... it's just... he's..."
Remus looked at her flatly. He had thought she had achieved the ultimate redness, but apparently there was a more intense shade of crimson – that or Lily had just invented a whole new tint of maroon. She fell silent for a long moment, and he knew the expression on her face. It was the exact same one that she used when staring hard at her exam papers. Or when they were studying and she couldn't find the answer to a question. He frowned and turned back to his Arithmancy charts. She eventually rolled up her list, tucking it away.
"So..." She finally said, and he perked up. "Are you going to be taking the Ancient Runes N.E.W.T.?"
He sighed softly, but decided that it was best to just let the subject drop for now. "I think so. Eckzahn was pretty impressed by my Outstanding."
They resumed studying, but although the scarlet faded, the blush never really left Lily's face.
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"Show them your spell, Snape, they'll love it." Avery hissed at him.
Severus looked at the first years in the Slytherin common room. Everyone was gathered around the group of seventh years. Snape also spotted Barty in the crowd, an overeager fifth year, smiling at Severus excitedly.
"You see kiddies, once you hit 17 you get to join too. The Dark Lord needs people like us. Loyal. Wizards with pride. Pure blood to fuel the cause." Mulciber was toying with a small snake he had summoned from the end of his wand, letting the emerald green creature coil around his fingers. It was a show, one to make sure there weren't any cowards or people that needed to be dealt with in this new batch of Slytherins. "Snape is one of those loyal, as am I, as is Avery, and Wilkes and Jocasta, and almost everyone you see in this room."
"Are you sure you need to wait for 17?" A voice came from the back of the room. Severus looked, curling his upper lip in disgust. A tall boy with raven-dark hair was speaking, with a visage that made Snape unreasonably angry. Regulus Black.
"What, aren't you planning on being a blood-traitor like your brother?" Avery murmured. Everyone in the room laughed, and Regulus' gaze darkened.
"The fool who calls himself Sirius Black is no brother of mine. He has been removed from our family tree, he is no relation to our most noble house of Black." Regulus sounded like he was reciting the words, and Severus wondered if his parents had drilled that into him.
"Someone should make the removal permanent." One of the seventh years behind Severus muttered, and another laugh went through the Slytherins.
"You're a better man than your not-brother, Black." Mulciber cut the laugh short with a flick of his arm. "The Dark Lord makes exceptions on age for those who are most eager to be of service." Mulciber dragged the sleeve of his arm down. As if on cue, most of the other seventh years did so also, and Severus followed only a few seconds behind.
There on their arms, a skull with a snake coiling and writhing its way out of the skinless mouth. The younger students all gasped but then looked on in awe. Mulciber grinned with piercing eyes.
"Those students who can be trusted, who will serve the Dark Lord willingly, may be taken into the fold as true Death Eaters. We are the immortal. We who serve Him will never die, and when the Dark Lord has triumphed over the silly, senseless, and pathetic excuses for wizards of the Ministry we will be at his side for the rebirth of a new era in the Wizarding World!"
Some of the youngest students broke out in cheers. Severus dropped the sleeve once again, gazing out at them. Regulus looked determined. Snape himself had heard this speech many times. When Voldemort gave it... it was moving. Mulciber was a poor public speaker. Avery prodded Severus.
"Go ahead, give them a demonstration of the power of those that follow the Dark Lord."
Mulciber straightened, closing his eyes serenely. "I heard the name... Thorne... which one of you is Thorne?"
The first years all seemed to part, and one small boy moved forward. He looked terrified. His fear seemed to feed the older students, particularly all those that had just pushed up their sleeves. Mulciber peered down at him. "Thorne. That is a name I do not know. What is your bloodline?"
"Sir..." The boy squeaked, his pale features drawn. "As far as I know... from what I learned... my mother was a Squib... she married a Muggle, but I had magic... her grandmother was a Malfoy she said though... she said that... please..."
Jocasta Warrington sucked in her breath hard at this statement. Mulciber looked at Severus, who gathered himself up.
"You might as well be a Muggle-born. You should watch it in this house, Thorne. Some aren't as kind as the rest of us." Severus flicked his wand forward silently, while thinking the curse.
A scream erupted from the room. Mulciber, Avery, Wilkes, and the other Death Eaters watched with sickened glee as cuts formed on the boy's skin. The shrieking went on and on, and Snape let him bleed for a little while. Then finally, he rolled his eyes. "Vulnera Sanentur." The bleeding stopped. He repeated the spell until the wounds had closed. Jocasta licked her lower lip.
"Related to the Malfoys indeed." She hissed. "Little wretch."
"You, take him to the Hospital Wing." Mulciber said, straightening and pointing at a third year near the front. "Thorne. You tell Madam Pomfrey what happened, you're as good as dead. But if you come back and you watch your step, you could become just as powerful as the rest of us. The Dark Lord will always allow someone to redeem themselves, for he is merciful to all those with magical blood. You can earn your status back from your worthless mother."
Severus watched them leave. Thorne was sobbing into the shirt of the older boy who was half-carrying him. Avery and Wilkes were laughing. As soon as the wall closed the crowd seemed to disperse. Some were thoughtful, others were frightened, and Severus made sure to note which of them were smiling and praising Snape and the rest of the older students for teaching such a valuable lesson.
Severus collapsed onto the couch. Jocasta sat close to him. "Sev, you do such a good job."
"Thanks." He said darkly, looking at her sideways.
She was smiling, peering at him between strands of blond hair. She was a bit plain, but she was the most enthusiastic seventh year girl. Most of them were indifferent to the Death Eaters except to try and date one for the prestige. Few of them allowed their pretty skin to be marked. Severus looked uncomfortably over at the fireplace which was flickering with soft green flames to welcome the Slytherins back.
"Have you thought about what you are going to do after school?" She asked, kicking her feet lazily.
He grunted. "Dunno. Everyone seems to think I should do Potions. I wanted to be a professor, but only of DADA. Heh..." He smirked. "By the time that I start teaching, the class'll be called the Dark Arts. Once the Dark Lord is finished."
"He'll need plenty of wizarding families you know. Really powerful ones to help replace all the blood-traitors and Muggle-borns he'll be removing." Jocasta said haughtily.
Severus looked at her again. He knew what she was getting at, he wasn't oblivious like most boys his age. But he was entirely uninterested. As much as it hurt, as much as it angered him, he had no feelings for anyone but one girl.
The summer had nearly killed him. He was away from home almost the entire two months, spending time among the Pureblood Death Eaters and Lord Voldemort himself, and with Mulciber and Avery. But the few weeks he had been trapped in that hellhole of a house, there was always the playground he could see from his bedroom window. The place that held so many painful memories. It didn't matter that she was a Mudblood, that she was a Gryffindor, that she was everything that he was supposed to hate. He couldn't stop the way he felt. It killed him, it enraged him. That summer he had torn up every single photograph, letter, card, anything that in any way even reminded him of Lily Evans and burned them all. But even looking at the ashes had made his chest ache.
He supported his cause. He supported Voldemort and he was glad of what they were doing. Dark Magic was the way of the future, and people who had once laughed and thrown pies would fear and respect them, and he would make their lives a living hell before he killed them, painfully. But the one thing that would never change, no matter how dark Snape tried to make himself, was that in his heart of hearts he longed for flashing green eyes and thick, red hair.
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"So here's my idea." Sirius said excitedly, settling down on the sofa. Remus moved his feet. For some reason now that they were – you know – Remus felt the urge to distance himself physically from Sirius when they were in "public". Sirius didn't seem to care either way, clapping Remus on the shoulder or giving him that awkward half-hug despite the fact that his hands had already touched entirely not-shoulder bits of Remus.
James looked up from where he had been flipping through Great Quidditch Teams of Eastern Europe and raised an eyebrow. "You've got an idea."
"Llamas." Sirius said calmly. James closed the book and sat up. "In the Slytherin Dungeon."
Something glinted in James' hazel eyes – or perhaps it was a reflection off his glasses. Either way Remus didn't like it. He was acutely aware that for the first time in almost three years he had no authority whatsoever over Sirius or James. Not that he really ever had, but he couldn't no longer even pretend. His chest felt strangely empty, and he noted that James was not wearing his Head Boy badge again. James seemed to take it off at every opportunity, perhaps not ready for the commitment to the position just yet.
"James." Remus said pointedly, and the bespectacled boy shot him a look that clearly said shove it, Lupin. Remus gave up and quietly went back to reading his Dumas. Dumas never let him down. Dumas didn't put llamas in other houses' dormitories. Dumas did not blatantly ignore responsibility in favor of fun.
"I think it's bloody brilliant." Peter piped up from the floor where he had been sorting out his Chocolate Frog cards.
"Of course it is." Sirius said happily. "Just think of the possibilities. Fill the whole room with... oh, I think twenty llamas would do it. Maybe throw in an alpaca or two."
"Where would we get the llamas?" James said thoughtfully, tapping his chin.
"Hogwarts is surrounded by farms. We just leave, find some llamas, then Apparate them into the Slytherin Dungeon."
"You can't do that."
"Of course we can Moony."
"No, I mean you literally cannot do that. For the fiftieth time, you cannot Apparate anywhere near school grounds."
"We could Apparate them into Hogsmeade, and then get them all through the secret passage."
"You are going to put twenty llamas in Honeyduke's basement and shove them all down into a deep dark hole?"
Sirius scowled. "I... You are ruining everything!"
"I'm just being realistic."
"You're being a funsucker again."
Remus sighed in exasperation. Rather than try and argue any further, he went back to reading. He raised the book up to hide his face as James mentioned flying in the llamas with brooms, or shrinking them, or any number of other stupid ideas that would never work. If Sirius got himself expelled Remus would not speak to him ever again.
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AUTHOR'S NOTE: Okay, so our first "smut" scene. The "deleted scene" should probably be up soon. I'm suddenly having a lot of writing to do. NonrealityRocks won my 150th review, and is getting her oneshot, so that is coming first. Then I'll write up the smut, and post that, so you should check back on my profile within the next day or so in order to read it. =)
I'm very sorry about the delay. Yesterday my brain decided that if I even put on my glasses it would EXPLODE and ooze out my eyeballs. In layman's terms, I had a MIGRAINE of epic proportions. I literally didn't move from my bed until like four o'clock in the afternoon, and even then using my computer was a cause for great distress. So, I was unable to finish this chapter until just now. I will do my best to prevent any other delays from now on.
ALSO: I'd like to make a comment on the Severus section of this chapter. It is very important to me to portray Snape's character as well as I can. Many writers seem to think that he had a change of heart, that he decided the Dark Lord was mistaken, yadda yadda yadda. This is NOT TRUE. Severus Snape believed in dark magic and the principles of the Death Eaters until the day he died. He had no change of heart. He never became truly "good". His one, single, life-changing motivation was the love of Lily Evans. If Voldemort had gone after Neville instead of Harry, Snape would never have turned against the Death Eaters, he never would have gone to Dumbledore. Period. I'm trying to portray Severus as essentially evil, but with a single, all important redeeming quality. The purity of his love for Lily Evans.
I WOULD LIKE TO THANK:
hotpinkfleur: in every single chapter, because she is, as always, my ever-present writing advisor and friend *hug*
PharaohDeli, pshhh yeahh, Lonewolf001, and LoverFaery: You guys all get gold stars. Keep on reading, and I'll keep on writing!