Fifty Shades of Post-Partum
To my readers: Several of you have commented that Christian should have been familiar with the Apple product "FaceTime." My feeling is that Grey Enterprises would have had a much more sophisticated video conferencing program, probably one specifically designed by Barney with all kinds of security controls so that company secrets could not be hacked. FaceTime is pretty much a consumer App that the average person would use, as opposed to a multi-billionaire businessman. It is also not the most commonly used one.
For this of us who have had consultations and meetings using video conferencing, there are a lot more sophisticated products out there, which allow, in addition to picture and voice, presentation and editing of documents in real time. All Christian needed for his purposes is for Ana and Teddy to see each other when they talked.
Chapter 31: Another Step Forward
Before I went to see Ana, I had already heard the good news that she was better. While he was on his way home from his appointment with Flynn, he phoned me to tell me about it. He really wanted to go back to the hospital, but Charlotte convinced him that he needed to spend some time with the kids. He asked me to have dinner with her and keep her company until he could get there.
I laughed.
"Chances are that Phoebe won't know the difference," I tell him honestly. "And Teddy thinks that he is the center of the universe. But I will be happy to go see Ana. It would be nice if we could have dinner together."
"That sounds good," he answered a little hesitantly.
"What is it, Christian?"
"Well, I was just thinking about how little time that you and Dad have had together recently," he replied. "I mean, it seems like you are always with us."
"Trust me," I said. "He is busy. He has been playing the proud Grampa for Ava, so that she doesn't feel like we are ignoring her. And he has been dealing with Mia."
"The wedding?"
"What else?" I sigh. "For the next year, she will have us all tied up in knots with the planning. She wants to have the fairytale wedding of the century, Ethan is starting to worry that he doesn't have enough friends to be the groomsmen."
"You know, Mother," he commented. "Mia has been waiting a long time for this day. And she always did like to do things dramatically. I think that we can be pretty sure that this will be her only wedding. I don't see why we can't indulge her."
"Do you want to foot the bill?" I asked grimly, knowing that her expectations were starting to run close to $100,000.
"Sure," he replied smoothly. "No problem. Anything for my baby sister. Skies the limit!"
"Christian," I said sternly. "I know that you are thrilled with Ana's improvement, but there is no reason to let Mia go overboard."
"Okay, Mother," he said. "This isn't about Ana. It's about Mia. You know how much that she has done for me just by being my sister. I mean, who knows where I would even be today if you hadn't brought her home? So just let me do this for her, besides . . . "
"Besides what?" I asked suspiciously.
"Well . . . um . . . back when she was worried that Ethan would never get around to asking her," he admitted. "I kind of promised her that I would make sure that she had the wedding of her dreams. You know, just to cheer her up."
"I don't know which of you is more incorrigible," I replied, shaking my head even though he couldn't see me. "You, for outrageously spoiling her, or her, for manipulating her into it."
"Partners in crime!" he answered cheerfully.
After I hung up I couldn't help but smile. Christian was out to vie with Bill Gates for the title of richest man in Washington State. Even if Mia were to get totally out of control (which was a likely probability), it wouldn't set him back in that goal by much. And there was no arguing that until Ana came along, Mia had been the most positive influence in his life. Even in his darkest days of rebellion, he had never lost that soft place in his heart for his sister.
I meet Charlotte on her way out of Ana's room as I am going in.
"Are you leaving for the night?" I inquire.
"Yes. It's interesting," she replies thoughtfully. "I am enjoying discovering this new, somewhat happier Ana, but I am afraid that as her doctor, if I hang around too much that she will think that she is still very sick. She is pleased that you will be here to keep her company until Christian comes tonight."
"Is he spending the night again?"
"Yes," she replies. "Ana just spoke with him and she wants him here. She is insisting that they bring in another bed so that he doesn't have to sleep in a chair again."
"Not that he would mind," I say. "But he will be more comfortable. Tell me, have you made any more progress on the subject of husband number three?"
"No, she's locked up tight," she answers. "She's not ready to face it. But considering the number of things that she told us last night and then discussed with me this morning, I don't want to push her."
"I understand," I say reluctantly. "I am very curious, but of course we need to realize that our curiosity cannot outweigh the benefit of allowing her to tell the story in her own time. What does she think of group therapy?"
"When she woke up this afternoon, she had some very positive feelings," she replies. "She thinks that it's a good idea, but is worried about the security. The last I heard, Taylor was going to talk to this man Welch about it. So Ana is hopeful that something can be worked out. She would like the opportunity to speak with other women who are going through the same thing."
"Dr. Riley runs a very good group," I say. "But I hope that Ana is ready for the fact that it is comprised of women all across the social strata."
"Shonda already told her about that," she chuckles. "She told her that she better send Sawyer out the Walmart or Kmart to get her some 'normal' clothes like 'real people' wear."
"Shonda does have a way with words," I reply. "But she is right. Ana really can't go in wearing her designer labels and expect to be accepted on the spot."
"Yes," agrees Charlotte. "Knowing Ana as I do, it will probably be a while before she will start to really talk. Most of the group will probably make their judgments based on her appearance. It's not that she should pretend to be something that she's not, but her dress should be as low key as her manner. After all, until she met Christian, she lived essentially a lower-middle class life. That is why she is so down-to-earth. And that will resonate well with the other patients when they get to know her."
"Well, all I know is that Riley is good at what she does," I answer. "I am sure that in the end, it will all work out."
Suddenly we hear a voice from Ana's room.
"Dr. Grace is you out there?" calls Shonda. "Your food is getting cold."
Ana looks up at me, and smiles a little. She is out of bed and wearing sweats, sitting at the table with a box from the Fairmont, which I know holds our dinner. No, Ana is definitely not the average psychiatric patient. I am beginning to think that perhaps if she needs more inpatient treatment, it might be a good idea to send her to a private facility that caters to the rich and famous.
"Good evening, Grace," she says, smiling a little more. "Did you have a good day?"
"I had a very good day," I answer, returning her smile. "How was your day?"
She looks thoughtful.
"I think that it was pretty good," she replies. "I got up and had breakfast and looked at the Christmas pictures. Then Charlotte and I had a long conversation. Then I took a nap and when I woke up I talked to Charlotte again. She suggested that I might want to join the therapy group that Dr. Riley runs for women with postpartum depression. Do you know her?"
"I don't really know her well," I admit. "In fact it would probably be better to say that I know of her. She has an excellent reputation."
"That's what everyone says," comments Ana. "Even Shonda likes her."
"Well, if Shonda likes her," I say. "Then she must be good. If she weren't, Shonda would be the first person to tell you. Are you interested?"
"Actually, I am kind of interested," she replies. "I mean, it sounds like it could be good. I haven't really had the chance to talk to other people who are, you know, sick like me. But I'm worried about the security."
"I know that Christian has Taylor looking into it," I say. "I know that if it is something that you want, he will do whatever is necessary to make it happen. I don't see why your privacy could not be insured as you go in and out of sessions. And you can be sure that no one would talk. These kinds of groups rely in trust."
"That's what Charlotte said," she sighs. "I guess nothing in life is certain. And I mean if it doesn't work out, there's no rule saying that I would have to continue."
"If it's not working," I reply. "Then it would be best for all concerned if you didn't continue. But the only way to know is if you give it a try."
"Did you discuss this with Charlotte?"
"No," I answer, puzzled. "Why do you ask?"
"Well," she replies. "It seems like you are saying everything that she told me."
"Maybe it's because we are both doctors," I suggest. "And we see eye to eye about how these things work."
"Probably," she says. "Maybe that's why I trust her so much. She reminds me of you."
I am moved that she feels so strongly that she would measure a nationally famous psychiatrist against me. To hide my own emotions, I take a peek in the box.
"You were in the mood for Italian food?" I ask.
"Vegetable lasagna is one of my favorites," she replies. "And everyone is on my back because I've lost so much weight that I even asked for garlic bread."
"And cannoli, I see."
"I'm not sure that I can eat it all," she admits. "But I am sure that Christian will be happy to take care of anything that I don't eat. Do you know what he is having fir dinner tonight?"
"I have no idea."
"He and Teddy are having man food," she answers.
"Man food?"
"Macaroni and cheese," she replies. "I still cannot believe that nursery food is one of his favorites."
"It always has been," I explain. "When he was first in the hospital after he was discovered with his mother, we wanted to fatten him up. He was just so skinny. He was pretty suspicious of a lot of the food we offered him. But he took to Mac and cheese right away."
We sit and eat in silence. I have had a long day and hardly ate anything for lunch. While I wouldn't describe her appetite as hearty, I could see the improvement. There was a little more color in her cheeks and her movements were less lethargic. Her eyes even seemed a bit brighter. I had a feeling that if the admitting physician saw her now, he would seriously consider letting her return home in the morning. Yet Ana never mentioned it.
When we were done, she cleaned up our things and brought them out to Shonda for disposal.
"Oh, you didn't have to do that," says Shonda. "I would have come if you called. You getting so independent here that maybe you won't need old Shonda anymore."
Ana freezes.
"Don't even think of that," she whispers anxiously. "I don't know what I would do without you."
Shonda looks at me in surprise.
"Ana honey," she says gently. "I was just teasing. I'm not going nowhere until you're ready. I'm here for as long as you need me."
"I need you, please," she replies fervently. "You make me feel safe. It's like no one can hurt me when you're near."
"I do my best, sweetie," she says. "But don't you ever get the idea that I'm perfect."
"I didn't say that you're perfect," she answers back. "It's just that Sawyer makes me feel safe because I know that he won't let anyone physically hurt me. But you, well, you give me peace of mind."
"Well, that's my job," says Shonda gruffly. "That's why your fool husband pays all that money."
"No," Ana insists. "I know that it's not just about the money. You really care!"
Shonda is definitely embarrassed now. I lead Ana back to her room so that she can regain her equilibrium. I know that Shonda is used to taking a lot of grief from most of her patients. The fact is that Ana is pretty cooperative. I am not sure of what to say, but then Ana changes the subject.
"Charlotte thinks that I need to start seeing more family members again," she comments. "She said that it would be good for me to see either Kate and Elliot or Mia and Ethan. But I don't know."
"What are you unsure about?" I ask, even though I can figure out what the problem is.
"Well, I'm thinking about seeing Mia," she says. "But I don't want to hurt Kate's feelings."
"Are you really sure that you want to see Mia?" I ask. "She's pretty much obsessed by the wedding plans."
"Oh, I know that," she replies grimacing. "But lets face it, she's going to be obsessed by the wedding for the next year. It's just harder with Kate, because she's obsessed with Ava."
"You know that she really misses you and wants to see you, don't you?" I ask. "And if she knew that you didn't want to talk about Ava, I'm sure that she wouldn't. She wouldn't scold you either."
Ana is silent.
"Yes, I know," she finally says. "She has sent me some notes. But it's still so hard to see her and know how happy she is. I remember how happy I was with Teddy. Being around her makes me feel less normal. But it's not just her. It's hard for me to look at any happy new mother. I guess that's why I want to try the therapy group. Maybe it will help me feel like I'm not so abnormal."
"She understands that," I reply. "I think that if you write her a note then she will take it better. After all, your reason for avoiding her is not anything that she can control and she knows that you wouldn't want her to feel like you."
"Of course I wouldn't," she shivers. "So I guess that I will let Mia come and talk my ear off. But if Ethan is with her, maybe it won't be so bad. He's a very calm person, you know, a safe person, a good friend. And he is pretty good at tempering her enthusiasm."
"If he wasn't, I don't know how he could stand living with her," I reply. "But I think that from the beginning, once he understood where she was coming from, he developed an appreciation for it."
"Has Mia always been like this?" she asks.
"Oh, yes," I reply. "She has always been bright and cheerful and never took no for an answer. It's a personality trait of hers. I was a little surprised that she took to you so quickly. I always figured that when Christian eventually found someone to fall in love with that she would be jealous. However despite her faults, she is kind and generous. She wanted Christian to be happy. The fact that you were the source of that happiness automatically made her love you."
"I'm glad that she sees me that way," she answers shyly. "Lately, I've been doubting how good I really am for him. I hate to see him hurting when I know that I am the one who caused him all that pain."
"Well, then maybe Mia is the better choice," I say slowly. "Perhaps when you see her, it would be good to look at yourself through her eyes. Christian a never regretted one minute of your relationship, other than this where he hurt you and it separated you too."
But before the conversation can continue, Christian walks eagerly into the room.
"Come here and sit by me, Ana," he says quickly. "And bring your iPad."
She looks confused for a minute and then walks over to sit with him on the small couch. As she sits down, he puts his arm around her and kisses her cheek. Reflexively, she snuggles in beside him and hands him the iPad. After flipping the cover over, he begins to quickly tap. Ana watches curiously and suddenly a real live, genuine smile breaks open on her face.
"Sophie," says Christian. "Are you there?"
"Yes, sir," says a quiet voice.
Christian shifts the iPad onto Ana's lap and suddenly we hear a familiar little voice.
"Mommeeee!" squeals Teddy. "Ha! Ha! Daddy, I see Mommy!"
"Hi, Teddy," says Ana. "How are you doing big boy?"
Unable to contain my own curiosity, I get up and walk over to see for myself. I assume that Christian has set up a Skype conversation. This is unusual for him. He normally grumbles about security whenever anyone mentions it. However, this is another program.
"FaceTime?" I ask softly.
"Yes," Christian replies, making a kind of odd face.
"I miss you, Mommy. Home soon?" ha asks hopefully.
"Soon, baby," she says.
The little scowl takes over his face.
"No baby," he says. "Phoebe baby. Teddy little man. Where Auntie Shonda?"
"Auntie Shonda right here, little man," says Shonda as we all turn and look at her. "You behaving you self?"
"Yes, Auntie Shonda," he replies seriously. "Teddy good little man. Mommy home soon?"
"It's not up to me," she says. "Dr. Charlotte will decide."
"Okay, Mommy, see twains?" he asks.
As mercurial as only a two-year-old can be, Teddy has switched over to his favorite subject. As he leads the way to the trains, someone (probably the ever patient Sophie) is obviously following with the laptop. Ana's face looks soft, almost regretful. Christian noticed the slight alteration in mood also and gives her shoulders a squeeze. But Ana is looking longingly at the screen and hardly notices. Then she makes a sharp sound.
"Phoebe!" she whispers.
In the background we can see Gail holding Phoebe on her lap. The baby looks as if she has just had a bath. Her bronze curls are still damp and she's wearing her jams. Teddy ignores her as he passes and she is quickly out if view of the webcam.
"I'll get them to shift the cam back in a minute," says Christian quietly. "Lets let Ted have his fun now."
Ana nods, and I can see that she is a little impatient as Teddy goes on to tell her about the trains and about their day. He rambles on about Uncle Joe and makes a face when he talks about Auntie Mary and how she was fussing over Phoebe. It appears that the train set has been moved from the living room to the playroom. The track configuration has been changed and this gives Teddy lots to expound on. Finally, his monologue is over.
"Sophie," says Christian.
"Yes, sir?" responds the girl from off-camera.
"Could you turn the camera so that we can see Gail and Phoebe?"
"Okay," she replies, and turns the laptop to bring Gail and Phoebe into full view.
We can still hear Teddy chattering in the background, unaware that he had lost his audience. Gail smiles into the camera and encourages Phoebe to look also. Unfortunately, children of her age don't really perceive images on the screen that well. Nonetheless, Phoebe looks content.
Ana asks Gail a couple of questions, but there really isn't much to say. Ana has been away from the house for only a little more than twenty-four hours. The video visit however is much more successful than the physical visit was the last time around. The children don't have the disruption of making the trek to the hospital. Ana can see them at home in their natural environment. And the goodbyes are not so wrenching.
"Bye-bye, Mommy!" says Teddy cheerfully. "Home soon!"
It is so much different than the tears and anguish of the last parting. When the screen goes dark, Ana leans back rests her head on Christian's shoulder. Once again, he kisses the top of her head.
"You can talk again tomorrow," he says.
"I know," she replies. "Until I saw them, it felt like I had been away for so long. But nothing at home has changed. Neither looks any older. And it's really only been one day."
"I think that your time perception is skewed by the fact that you have made some good progress in the last twenty-four hours," I explain. "At this time last night, you were still pretty much unconscious. By the way, how does your throat feel?"
"Not as bad as it did," she says. "In fact, it felt a lot better when I woke up from my afternoon nap."
"I'm glad," says Christian. "Have you thought any more about the group therapy?"
"I have," she replies. "And I would like to try it."
"Good," he says. "I think that it could be very beneficial for you."
"You do?" she asks. "But what about the security?"
"It won't be a problem," he answers. "Welch and Taylor have coordinated with the hospital security. They had concerns of their own for the privacy the other patients. You know, about having such a potentially high-profile patient in a group where everyone treasures their anonymity.
"There shouldn't be any problems, especially since you will be starting as an inpatient. Getting you in and out when you are an outpatient will be a little trickier, but it's nothing that we can't handle. Put your mind to rest about that. If this is what you need, then we will make it happen."
"That's good," she says. "Then I do want to try it. Charlotte said that I could start tomorrow morning."
"Fine," he replies. "What else will you do tomorrow?"
"After lunch I will talk to Charlotte," she replies. "Then I'm going to have a nap. Then maybe, Mia and Ethan will come over to visit."
"You want to see Mia?" he asks in surprise. "Are you sure about that?"
"Why wouldn't I want to see Mia?" she asks worriedly.
I give him a sharp look, but he just winks back mischievously.
"Well," he says. "You better be ready for a nonstop monologue about the wedding plans."
"I'm actually counting on that," she admits.
"Why is that, dear?" I ask.
"Well," she says. "I've thought about it. And you know sometimes people feel uncomfortable around me and other patients because they don't know what to say. Then there are these awkward silences. But, well, with Mia you can be pretty sure that there won't be any."
"Yes," Christian says laughing. "With Mia you can count on the fact that there will be no silences at all, awkward or otherwise. What about Kate?"
"I'm not ready for Kate," she says. "But Grace said that I should write a note to her, you know, explaining it. It's not so much about Kate as it is about me."
"That sounds good," he agrees. "If Mia and Ethan come around dinnertime, then I could go home and have dinner with the kids again. I really enjoyed myself tonight."
"Man food?" she asks.
"Oh, yeah," he says. "That. No, I was thinking about how I got to feed Phoebe her bottle. It was nice because Gail took Teddy away to give him his bath, so I had a little time with her to myself. I honestly don't see how you juggled the time between the two of them. I never realized how much time that Teddy demands for himself."
"That's perfectly normal for his age," I jump into the conversation. "He's waiting for Phoebe to catch up a little bit so that he can have a playmate with whom he can really interact. You really should reconsider pre-school in the fall for him. He needs to be around kids his own age."
This is one of those few areas where Christian and I have disagreed. He feels that Teddy is bright enough that he doesn't need pre-school, but I feel that it is not a matter of intelligence. The social interaction with his peers would be very good for him. So far, Ana has not taken a position on the idea. Even now, I can see that she doesn't want to discuss it.
"That sounds good," she interrupts, to change the subject. "As long as you come here to spend the night with me."
"Of course I'll be here with you," he says soothingly.
He is looking into her eyes with a longing that I recognize. I decide to leave and give them some privacy. When I get out into the other room, Shonda looks up.
"Mr. Grey and Ana ready for me to set up that bed?" she asks, indicating to the "cot" that is standing in the room ready to be wheeled in.
"I think so," I say. "She really is looking better."
"Yes, she is," answers Shonda. "I just hope that this group therapy works out fir her."
"Why wouldn't it?" I ask, looking for her take on it.
"Well, if some of those other ladies know that poor Ana is so rich and educated, it might put them on the defensive," she explains. "You know that the other side of Ana's feelings that because she's rich, she shouldn't have any troubles, is those folks who don't think that she should either, for the same reason. There's prejudice on all sides."
"But Ana hasn't always been rich," I object. "And neither of her parents are college educated."
"Well, I'm just saying," she says. "But don't worry. I'm going to take good care of her no matter what. And I'll warn her not to go talking about private doctors and private nurses and private suites with food brought in from one of the fanciest hotels in town. If some of them hear that, they're going to want to know what the hell she's doing with them."
"I guess that I can see how that would work," I reluctantly agree. "She's lucky that she has you to coach her."
"Humph!" she says. "She's lucky that she's got me at all. But now that she does, she stuck with me. You know how sometimes you get a patient that just kind of twists the old heartstrings? Well that's how I feel about Ana. I'm going to stick by her until she don't need me no more."
"I'm glad to hear that, Shonda," I answer warmly. "I don't know what we would do without you."
"I don't know neither," she says gruffly once again.
But underneath all of her bluster and streetsmart mouth, I can see a very sensitive woman who truly has taken Ana into her heart. As I get into my car, I am looking forward to arriving home where I can tell Carrick about Ana's progress and Mia about her dinner date for tomorrow night. I know that she will be very excited not only to see Ana, but also to have a new audience for her latest schemes.
I can just picture poor Ethan suffering through it all. If I didn't know how much Ana wanted to see him, I might have suggested that Mia go alone. But I know that Ana enjoys Ethan's quiet thoughtful presence, his interest in her care, and his fondness for her. And underneath the grimacing and teeth gritting whenever Mia goes on about the wedding, I know that he is also very deeply in love with her.
I wonder if Ana realizes that if she had not met Christian, that not only him, but all three of my children would have met their partners for life. Elliot met Kate when he and Christian went to rescue Ana from a bar that night in Portland. Mia met Ethan when Ana had to find a quick replacement for a luncheon date when she had a snap meeting called. With all of her moaning about ruining other people's lives, I guess that it has never occurred to her that without her, there are five other people's lives that would not have been so wonderful.
Yes, tomorrow I will definitely have to tell her that.