EPOV
My days were moving in slow motion. I was so mad at myself. I had ruined my life, and I was at a standstill as to how to get my life back. I had tried everything. I bought Bella flowers and had them sent to her new job the first day she started. I tried my hardest to give her the space she asked for, but it was hard.
I missed her so much, that words couldn't explain how I felt. Bella was stubborn, and I knew this, but nothing I was doing was getting me anywhere with her. I didn't know if she was okay. I never knew where she was, or who she was with. I didn't know if she was sleeping well at night; I knew nothing.
If I asked how she was, all I got was good or fine. When I asked her if she needed anything, she would always say no. I couldn't stand knowing nothing.
I had to go a whole week without seeing her, and I didn't have plans for that to ever happen again. I asked her if I could pick her up for her doctor's appointment, but she said no. I tried very hard to not get mad, but it didn't work.
"Why?" I had asked her.
"Because, I am going to the doctor's office right from work," she told me as I rolled my eyes.
"So, if you weren't working would you let me take you?"
"I don't really know," she said with a sigh.
I knew I was annoying her, but I just wanted to be with her, and she wasn't letting me. "Whatever, I'll just meet you there at three?" I asked making sure I had the right time.
"Yeah," she said sounding distracted.
"What are you doing?"
"Nothing."
Always nothing. "I love you," I said. I knew she wasn't listening to me.
"Sounds good," she said.
"Isabella!" I said raising my voice.
"What?! I have so much fucking work it's coming out my ears! So, please tell me what you would like to talk about," she said in the bitchiest tone I had ever heard from her.
"Do you think you could at least respect me enough to not swear?"
"Do you think you could at least respect me enough to know I would have never cheated on you? I can't take much more! Between you and work, I'm going crazy," she started to cry.
"I'm sorry. I don't know how many times I can say it! What can I do to make it better? You need to tell me, because I don't have a clue on how to make us better!" I begged as she grew quiet.
"I don't know if there will ever be an us ever again. You hurt me worse than anyone ever has. I wanted you more than anything. I knew you would freak when I told you I was pregnant, but I wanted this with you," she said crying. "I don't want to talk about this."
"Well, I want to. You never want to talk about it. I want a second chance. I'm sorry that I fucked up. I want my family. You are the love of my life. You and the baby are my life. I swear to all that is holy I will never be with another woman, you are it for me," I told her as she cried harder.
"That's all fine and dandy, but I don't know if I can get past this. You hurt me so badly."
"Tell me. Tell me how badly I hurt you, yell if you have too," I said begging her. I didn't understand why it was always so hard for her to talk about her feelings.
"You didn't have any faith in me. You never trusted me. That is what hurt the most. You never trusted me, and I was stupid enough to believe that you did. I was going to marry you, and it would have been a trustless marriage. It wouldn't have been fair to me. I have work to do, so I can go to bed some time before midnight," she said taking a deep breath. "I'll see you tomorrow."
"You need rest."
"Don't you think I know that?"
"I just worry about you."
"Well, don't. I'm not your concern," she said as my anger boiled over.
"You will always be my concern. You are carrying my son or daughter. We are connected for life! I will always worry about you," I said as I heard a click.
Bella hung up on me.
I think we made some progress. At least, she told me how she felt. That was more than I had gotten in a month. I knew I was going to work extremely hard to get her back, but I thought I would have made more ground than I had.
I wanted to take her out on a date. I was thinking maybe a movie, because we wouldn't talk. We could just spend time together.
I hated not seeing her every day. I was going crazy with worry. She was all alone in her apartment, well, at least I hoped she was alone. My mind was my own worst enemy. I would lie in bed at night, and think horrible thoughts.
I would think of my life without Bella. I would freak myself out, thinking she would find someone else. I didn't want my baby around another man. I wanted to be my baby's only daddy.
After freaking myself out with bad thoughts, I would think of the best case scenario. I saw my life with Bella and the baby. I saw us happy. That was all I wanted. I would keep trying to get Bella back no matter how many times she told me no. We were meant to be together; I just knew it.
~SDN~
I waited in the parking lot of the OBGYN's office. I was hoping we would find out what we were having. After talking about baby names, I really wanted a girl.
Charleigh Elizabeth Cullen; it had such a great ring to it. I was so excited to be a father. I never thought it was possible. I wish I could take back the past. I wish Bella could tell me that she was pregnant all over again, so I could pick her up off her feet, and hug and kiss her. I wish do overs were possible, because I would cash mine in immediately.
I exited my car as soon as I saw Bella pull into the parking lot. Every time I saw her, I would get a lump in my throat. I truly hated myself. My girl was beautiful. I hadn't seen her in a week, and I missed her so much. I could tell she'd bought new clothes.
The dress she was wearing looked a little big on her, but only in the belly. Her belly even looked a little bigger from the last time I saw her. She looked tired. Even with makeup on, I could see the dark circles under her eyes.
"Hey, how has your day been?" I asked her.
"Long," she answered with a sigh.
I was happy that I got a different answer from her.
I didn't realize it at first, but I had my hand resting on Bella's lower back as we walked to the front doors. I noticed she didn't shy away from my touch, but looked relaxed. I was glad to see I still affected her.
I knew I would, but never thought she would ever let me. Once I took notice that she was allowing me to touch her, I couldn't bring myself to stop.
She checked in at the front desk, and we even sat next to each other in the waiting room. She laid her head back against the wall, and she closed her eyes. I knew I was pushing it, but couldn't help myself. I placed my hand on her belly and rubbed gently.
"I hope they don't take forever; I have to pee so badly," she told me. "I've had such a bad day."
"What happened?" I asked, still rubbing her belly. "Has the baby moved anymore?"
"I don't know. I mostly feel my stomach flutter," she said still with her eyes closed.
"What time did you get to bed last night?"
"I don't know."
"You need your rest."
"Do you think I don't know that? I had a lot on my mind last night," she chastised me and pushed my hand away.
It was amazing while it lasted. "I'm sorry," I said knowing it was my fault that she couldn't sleep. "What happened today?"
"This chick at work wants me to punch her in the mouth. It's not my fault Charlie gave me the job she wanted. She even got loud with Charlie saying that he was picking favorites. I also overheard her and another woman talking, and they called our baby a bastard. It took everything inside of me not to deck her," she said as I grew angry.
"They said that?"
"Yeah. I don't know why I let it bother me. I'm just over tired. I'm going to go bed early tonight," she shrugged.
"Did you talk to your dad about it?"
"No. They are just petty bitches who have nothing better to do. Little do they know, I have been doing most of the work from home for a month now," she said rolling her eyes.
Now, I knew why she was always so tired. She had been working herself to death. I wanted to tell her to chill out a little bit, but I knew she wouldn't listen.
When we were called back into the sonogram room, I tried to take Bella's hand again, but she shook me off. I knew I was pushing, but I wasn't going to see her as often as I liked, so I needed to do what I could when I was with her.
In the sonogram room, Bella was asked to pull up her dress. It took everything in my power to not stare at her bare legs and panties. She looked so perfect.
Bella cleared her throat, and I brought my eyes back to her face. All I did was shrug and smirk at her. It made me smile more when she let out a giggle. The technician moved the wand around Bella's belly, and I felt her little fingers lay on top of mine. I maneuvered my hand just enough, so my thumb was able to rub across the back of her hand.
"Do you want to know the sex of the baby?" the technician asked.
"Yes," we answered together.
I watched as the technician looked to Bella and gave her a sweet smile. It was the same woman that preformed the sonogram when we did the DNA test.
"Everything looks great, and you guys are going to the proud parents of a little girl," the technician said as my eyes filled with tears.
I didn't want to look at Bella, because I didn't want to upset her. I thought that if she saw the joy in my eyes, it would hurt her more, and that wasn't my intention. But Bella grasped my hand this time, and when I looked at her, she had the same tears that I had.
"Our little Charleigh," Bella said as a tear slipped down her cheek. With my free hand, I wiped her tear away.
We were brought out of our moment when the technician told us she was done. Then Bella was sent to pee in the cup provided, and so she could empty her bladder. I helped her sit up, and she was off to the bathroom.
I thought for sure Bella would have sent me away, like she did before, but this time she let me stay with her. We were sent to an exam room, and I watched as Bella massaged her hand. I found that odd, for the simple fact I had never seen her do that before.
The doctor came in and smiled too sweetly at Bella for my liking. All he did was check her blood pressure. I thought that was a nurse's job, but whatever.
"Do you have questions?" Doctor Vera asked.
"My hands hurt. Sometimes my whole arm will hurt," Bella told him.
"How much have you had to drink today?"
"Two bottles of water."
"How much would you have drunk if you didn't have your exam today?"
"I don't know. A couple bottles of water, and I usually drink milk with dinner," she told Doctor Vera.
The night I took her out to dinner, I don't think she drank half of her drink.
"You need to drink, Bella. What you are feeling is dehydration. You should really be drinking at least four bottles of water daily. I would also say four glasses of milk daily. Babies suck everything up. You need to put extra in your body, or you will end up in the hospital," he told her.
I was pissed and hating myself even more. If she still lived with me, I could make sure she was drinking and eating right.
"But, I won't get any work done. I'll spend all my time in the bathroom," Bella tried to argue.
"Take your work to the bathroom. You need to drink," the doctor said in a final tone.
Okay, maybe I liked the guy a little.
"How are your eating habits?" All she did was shrug.
"You're not eating?!" I asked. She was starting to piss me off. She wasn't taking care of herself, or our child.
"I eat," she said getting defensive. As if on cue, her stomach growled.
"What have you eaten today?" I asked her as the doctor looked to Bella.
"I eat," she said glaring at me.
"I guess we will just have to grab something to eat," I said smiling at her. Bella rolled her eyes as the doctor chuckled, and said that was a good idea.
We talked for a little while longer, and then left. Bella scheduled an appointment for four more weeks, and we walked out of the office. She was mad; I could tell.
"I'll see you next month," Bella said as she tried to get into her car.
"What do you want for dinner?" I asked her.
"I'm going to go home and make a cheeseburger," she said raising her eyebrow at me.
"How 'bout we go to the Steakhouse?" I asked knowing that Bella loved their burgers.
"No thanks. I have a lot of work to do still."
"Please have dinner with me."
"It's probably not the best idea."
"I think it is a great idea."
"Edward..."
"Isabella..." I said as we stared at each other.
Needless to say, I got my way, and we had dinner together. I even made sure she drank two glasses of water, and let her have a soda.
We had a great time. It was probably the best date I had ever had. I knew Bella didn't think of dinner as a date, but I did. I was grateful for any time I had with her. I wasn't getting enough time with her.
At the end of our dinner, I messed up. I was only trying to help, but Bella took it as an insult. I needed to know she had enough money. I gave her back her debit card, well, I tried. She told me I was an asshole, and money wasn't everything. I knew this, but I just didn't know what else to do.
BPOV
"I love you, Edward, so much," I said as I smothered him with kisses.
The way his hands felt on my skin, brought cold chills all over my body. His thrusts were slow and loving. His cock filled me perfectly.
He would trail his lips down my neck, and sucked each of my nipples into his mouth. I had missed him, us. We were so perfect for each other. How did I ever think I could live without him?
I sat up so fast that my head spun. For the last month, I had been dreaming about Edward. I missed him more than I ever thought I would. It was starting to become so hard to be strong.
Ever since the doctors appointment, when we found out our baby was going to be a girl, he had been so sweet and loving.
When we met at Doctor Vera's office, as soon as he touched me, all my worries went away. I knew that day I wanted to be with him. That day, I think I just needed some kind of contact with him. The look on his face when we were told about Charleigh made me melt.
He looked so happy and sad at the same time. I knew how he felt; I felt the same way. I didn't know how much longer I could stay away from him. It had been three months, was that enough time apart? Was it too soon to start over?
Edward was doing everything he could to get back in my good graces. I would come home from work, and find a case of water or take out at my door step. He always left me little notes with what he dropped off. I kept all the notes. I had gotten into the habit of reading them before bed.
He even left the debit card for me again. The first time he tried to give it back, I told him no. The second time, I sent it back to him. The third time, I kept it, but I had yet to use it. The notes were always different, but just as sweet.
Bella, please take the gift to give me some peace of mind. I just need to know you are drinking enough. I love you. Edward.
That was the first note he left for me. Every week there would be a new case of water. I knew he was just looking out for me.
As the weeks went on, I tried hard to get over my issues with him. I would even answer all of his calls and texts. When we would talk, we wouldn't talk about our relationship; we would talk about our baby, work, or our families.
I hadn't seen Edward face to face since my last appointment, and I hated it. I even refused to see him on my birthday. It was no big deal to me.
My parents took me out for dinner, and they spent way too much money on me. They bought me pink seat covers and a steering wheel cover for my car. I think it was their way of making up for my not pink wedding. They even had my name embroidered on the seat covers.
Edward asked me out to dinner as well, but I refused. I loved him, and spending the day with him on my birthday wasn't the best idea. I probably would have gone home with him. I must have been in the shower when he showed up to my home.
I don't know if I would have let him in. I did find two clothing boxes and a dozen red roes on my door step. I brought everything into my apartment, and opened what he had bought me.
The first box had two little pink dresses and matching shoes. I got teary eyed when I saw them. They were perfect for our little girl. There was also a pink blanket that had Charleigh's initials in one corner.
After staring at the baby clothes, I moved on to the next box. There was an envelope on top of a dress. The dress was just beautiful and my size. It was teal, knee length, and long sleeved. I would wear it next time I saw him to show my thanks.
Opening the envelope, I found a three page letter and my engagement ring. I had to read the letter two times before I could get all the way through the it. I wanted to run to him and tell him I loved him. Parts of the letter still were running through my head, so I read it one more time.
Bella, my love,
happy birthday. I hope you enjoy your gifts. I know getting gifts from me today is not high on your list of wants. I know the way that I hurt you cut you deeply. You are my heart, and I could not break my heart any more than I already have by letting today go without you knowing just how much I love you.
I bought these gifts for you, to show you I do love and think of you always. I know stuff for Charleigh is kind of an odd choice for a gift, but she is a part of you, so it is her birthday too. Besides you, she is the only other person who holds my heart. No one else can or could ever have a hold of my heart the way you and our daughter do.
I hope you like the dress; I'm not the greatest shopper when it comes to women's clothes.
I really wanted to spend the day with you, but I know you want your space. I am trying so hard to give you what you need, and want, but you know me. There isn't a minute in the day that I don't think of you. I know you tell me not to worry about you, but I can't help it. I worry every minute of every day.
I worry you aren't eating or drinking enough. I worry you aren't getting enough sleep. I worry that I will never ever have the pleasure of feeling your arms hugging me, showing me your love... again
I love you, Bella, and that will never change. I need you in my life; without you I am not complete. I always thought the saying, I'd rather be friends than nothing at all, was the corniest saying ever, but it's true.
If I can't have you as my wife one day, then I will settle with being friends. But, please know I will spend forever showing you just how deeply I love, want, and need YOU.
I know how badly I messed up, and I know I may never get the second chance I so badly want, but I just want you to know how much I love you. You and Charleigh will always be my life.
I heard a song today that made me smile and think of you. Look it up if you want. It is called Can't Wait by Runner Runner; it is pretty great.
Keep your ring, please. I bought it for you, and I want you to have it. I'm not giving it to you to make you feel guilty; I only want to remind you of what we had, even if we can't ever have it again. I know it is my fault entirely that we are apart.
I willingly take full responsibility for my actions. Please, Baby, you have the biggest heart, find a way to forgive me. I need you, and I am not sure I can survive as a whole man without you. I love you with all my heart, and I hope you have the best birthday.
I hope to see you sooner rather than later. Not seeing you everyday kills me. I love you for every moment of forever.
Take care of my heart, I have left it with you.
Love Edward,
xoxoxox.
He would never know how much his letter meant to me. I wanted to see him, but I didn't want to lead him on. I knew if I called him, he would assume we were back together.
That is what I wanted, but part of me was still unsure. When I would talk to Edward on the phone he would ask if I wanted to go out and do something, but I always declined. Some days it was hard to say no, but I knew it was for the best... I think.
After reading the letter for the millionth time, I went to youtube. I had to hear the song that made him think of me. I couldn't even make it through the first verse before I was in tears. The song was the sweetest song in the world. It was on repeat for days.
I was missing the girls. Kate and Ang were filling the friend void, but I knew I could talk to Alice, Rose, Esme, and that was what I needed.
"Bella! Oh my god! How are you? I miss you so much," Alice said when she picked up her phone.
I had to laugh at her; I missed her. "I've missed you too. I'm sorry I have been MIA. I have finally caught up with work."
"Oh, I heard you were working. How's that going?"
"Really good. I love it. You wouldn't believe it, but I'm pretty good at what I do," I said as we laughed together.
"I've never had a job. Jasper wouldn't allow that, but I would probably get fired anyway. I can never hold still long enough to get anything done," she went on.
"Very true," I said with another laugh. "So, speaking of Jasper, do you think he would let you go out to lunch with me tomorrow?"
"Are you for real? Oh my god, let me go ask," she said with a squeal.
I could hear Alice run through her house. And couldn't help to laugh at her antics. "Jazzy!" I heard her say.
"Calm down, Baby. What's got you so excited?" Jasper asked her with a laugh.
"Can I go out to lunch with Bella tomorrow?"
"Edward's Bella?"
"Yeah, what other Bella do we know?"
"Do you think she will talk to you about Edward?"
"Probably."
"Well, I hope they get back together soon. I have never seen him so depressed," I heard Jasper say. I wanted Edward so badly.
"So, I can go, right?" Alice asked.
"Yeah, Baby. Have fun," Jasper told her.
I smiled and started to cry at the same time. I missed Edward, every little thing about him. I missed telling him my every move; I missed asking him if I could do something; I missed the sex; and I even missed the spankings.
Just listening to Alice and Jasper interact with each other, made me miss our talks. I just really missed Edward, and I was sure it had nothing to do with hormones.
"I can go. Are you going to pick me up?" Alice asked after a few minutes.
"Yeah, and I think I'm going to ask Rose and Esme to go too," I told her as I swallowed the lump in my throat.
"Oh, I'll call them, and I will see you when you get here tomorrow."
"I'll see you tomorrow," I said as we hung up.
I didn't want her to hear me cry. I wanted to make my life happy again, and I was pretty sure Edward and our baby, were my happiness.