A/N: This update is dedicated to SnapesMistress005 who was in shock and needed more :)

Disclaimer: S.M owns the saga, but I'd gladly take Jacob Black's mood swings over Edward's glitter any day ;)

Chapter 37

Love

I hated being cold.

Being cold was worse in some ways than being sick because at least when you were sick you could do something about it. Cold wasn't something that could be cured away.

Since a Vampire and a true Werewolf had bitten me, cold was something I could not shake. Because of my half-dead heart, save those glorious moments whenever the moon was shining into my skin, cold wrecked my body like a plague.

In the beginning, I would wake in my bed, terrified that rather than shivering, I only felt numbness. The cold had become such a part of my life I had begun to forget what the sun had been like. I was frozen as the dawn locked by the horizon, yet never able to rise or set again.

His fingertips licked like flames up my bare arms, hot limbs tangled in mine, his hot breath grazing my neck and spilling down my chest. His palm rested flat against my stomach then shifted to part my hair from my neck. His fingertips ran hot trails through the fabric of my top and still lower. I shifted, felt his low moan reverberate through my chest as his manhood rose against my inner thig, and for a moment relished in the friction between us, the feel of him.

A faint grin tilted the corners of my lips as his hand tightened its hold against my lower back and pulled me flush against him. And then his lips were hot over mine, as familiar as breathing, sweeter than anything I would taste forever.

And I saw into his soul…

"Bells you just don't seem like the kind of girl to have purple sheets." She felt so light in my arms, fragile and still so strong. My laughter faded, but I couldn't tear my eyes from her deep pools of chocolate brown. They shone with a different light now, something I had seen rarely that made my blood race and my body strain to feel her.

Her breath hitched, dazzling grin spreading over her face, "Thanks for catching me." Her skin was smooth, so soft, trembling beneath my hands. Then her breasts in my hands, my mouth on hers and I was plunging inside of her. Something inside my broken body cried out as I claimed her as my own…

...

Rain poured between us. She stood at the edge of the cliff, the pack flanking either side of me. The world was dark, but she glowed. Something inside of my chest snapped into place, even as I saw her ethereal features that were too perfect to be human and the red that rimmed her eyes. I shouldn't have heard that faint beat of her human heart! I was undone, swept away, pulled inexorably to the perfect creature I had vowed to hate.

There was only her perfect parting lips, the slender curve of her body and the immense longing and pain in her eyes. I longed to crush that pain, to sweep her into my arms and kiss her senseless. The fire in my chest grew and only the cool of the rain on my naked body grounded me to earth…

Fear made me harsh and cruel because I couldn't let the others see what had just happened. I knew I had and always love Bella Swan, even as I knew one moment apart from her would destroy me, even as I pushed her light away deep inside my chest…

Tears burned beneath my eyelids. His lips were on mine again, coaxing me from sifting through his memories any further. His tongue traced my bottom lip, seeking entrance, which I denied. And moaning low I threw my leg over his waist. His cock twitched against me and a strangled gasp escaped his lips. His heat filled and surrounded me, harder, hotter, fingers reaching beneath the tight fabric of my tank top, brushing the sensitive newly scarred skin.

Parting my lips, I exhaled with a cool sigh into his open mouth and savored the feeling of his hot tongue caressing mine. But then I saw flashes of his memories and remembered I didn't have that power and the force behind it frightened me. I pulled away, disentangled myself from his limbs so quickly he groaned, hands reaching after as I opened my eyes and turned breathlessly to face him. His black hair stuck about every which way above scarred russet toned skin, a bare heaving sculpted chest, dark fathomless eyes.

"Bells…"

"I gotta get ready before Charlie wakes up." My hand fell upon the knob of my door. I couldn't help my grin as he slipped from beneath my covers and saw he had stripped naked already. A devilish grin lit his features as he stalked over to me purposefully.

"Couldn't stand being round so much perfection, could you?" He tilted his head and arched his brow cockily.

"Hardly…" I repressed a fresh wave of desire, averted my eyes. I sighed when his hand clasped my cheek. Our eyes met and his grin was blinding. Sunlight formed a halo over his broad shoulders, threaded through his raven hair. And he leaned far down to graze his nose along my jaw, lips hesitate over mine as his eyes burned.

"You're gonna have to get used to me," he said. I gasped as his lips lightly brushed mine, kissed with increasing fervor. My hands slid from his chest and up his neck to grasp firmly in his short cropped hair.

And another flash of memories passed behind my closed eyes...

We raced along the beach in our parkas. The waves crash loudly at our feet. Bella stumbled against the rocks ahead and I raced in time to catch her fall. Laughing we tumbled onto the rocks and I winced at the pain in my back, but ignored it because her hidden soft body was on top of mine. Her ivory white face gleamed like marble and her eyes shone, smile fading as she ducked her head. Her hair fells into my face and I suppressed a deep groan...

"You'll have to be more careful 'bout tripping into my arms Bells…or I don't think you'll be able to resist my charms much longer," I told her.

My legs were wrapped round his waist when I opened my eyes and we fall back onto my bed silently, despite his muscled form. His fingers reached for the hem of my shirt, trying to find more skin. I smiled against his lips and said, "Nope…not with my dad in the house."

Jacob groaned. "I think Charlie knows already Bells. Remember he and Billy gossip like old women."

"I need this morning to be about us Jake. I need to tell him…"

Desire was pushed further back in his eyes as he sat up against my headboard, hands still reaching to graze my breast with his thumb.

"You sure?"

"Yeah…I owe it to him." His eyes drifted, brow furrowed against the easy expression he had worn for so short a time. Love surged in my soul as memories from the night before entered fresh in my mind. I pushed aside the discomfort I felt slipping into his thoughts. "Jake, how could you ever think I'd leave you?"

His eyes met mine, startled, mouth tensed and then, his voice was hoarse as he answered, "Do you know how long I've waited for you Bells? How many times I've watched you walk away from me? Shit…how many times I've let you walk away because I finally started believing you were better off without me?"

I bit my lip as tears filled my eyes. One hand removed from my shirt to smooth the crease between my brows.

"I've loved you most of my life Bells, but I know I'm not good like he was. I'll never be what he was to you. I wish I could give you all the things you want. You have a good life with the Cullens, Bella…" His expression retched with agony and his voice broke as he continued, "I don't know what I'd do without…"

I pressed my lips against his then, unable to hear more. His chest rose and fell beneath mine quickly as I braced myself against his shoulders. "Listen to me, Jacob Black. You've been everything to me. You give me more than anyone has given me or will. And I think I'm the one who doesn't deserve you." His eyes softened, filled with so much adoration…and anger.

"Even if I hadn't imprinted on you babe…I would have chosen to love you forever."

Charlie stirred elsewhere in the house.

I glanced to my door, gasping when Jacob's hand against my neck forced my lips to his hungrily.

"I love you," I told him as I pulled away from his embrace, holding his hands as I found his shorts beside my open window. His eyes burned as I eased first one leg and then the other through the rough tattered fabric, slid slowly over his firm manhood and closed the button against the v-shaped muscle pointing to an object of my fantasies. His hands grasped my wrists almost painfully; his lips crashing over mine as we stumbled back together to the window.

He gathered me up into his arms, whispered into my ear, "I have to deal with the garage and pack stuff today. I'll call you soon as I can."

I ached knowing how painful the next several hours would be without him. We tightened our hold round one another, and then just as quickly he was a blur of russet gold against the dawn, racing to the dark forest and taking half my soul with him.

Charlie was attempting to make a pot of coffee when I slipped downstairs soon after. He didn't turn upon my silent entrance. I began to loudly shuffle through pots and our fridge contents nearby, until I felt his piercing gaze. His voice was the same, but I imagined it held a new edge to it now.

"Bells…didn't know you came home last night."

I glanced over at him and smiled to see he was still pale faced as me, despite two weeks on the beach. "You were already out. I saw Seth yesterday and heard you were by yourself."

He smiled as I turned on the oven and began to crack open eggs. "Don't think I can take care of myself, eh?"

I shook my head. "Nope."

Long silence was usual for Charlie and me.

"So you and Jacob, huh?" I saw the eager gleam to his eye, the ready grin he was barely veiling behind feigned disinterest.

"Yeah…"

"That's great Bells! You know me and Billy always knew you two would…" He trailed off as though he'd revealed too much.

"Yeah, we know…Dad, I really love him."

Charlie focused on the coffee pot as he struggled for his next words.

"Bells…there's something I've been wanting to talk to you about for a while."

Fear froze my limbs.

"There's—there's a lot of things I've seen and heard over the last several years I can't explain. I asked Sue about you once Bells." His eyes met mine, grazing over what I knew was an altered version of his once human daughter. "Is there something you wanna tell me Bells?" He waited, eyes deep with unspoken fear.

I opened my mouth, about to tell him everything, of Edward and Volturi, of Jacob and Werewolves and Eldest and Vampire wars…

But then I saw the unspoken fear in my father's eyes, the resignation and I understood then Charlie already knew without me having to say anything. And sometimes it really is better not to know all the truth.

Ignoring the simmering pan, I walked over to my dad and threw my arms around his neck. He held me just as tightly, as though he never wanted to let go of his baby girl. I smiled against his cheek and said, "I love you Dad."

When I pulled away there were tears in both our eyes. Charlie brushed them away as though easing an itch and grinned.

"Love you too Bells. Can't get this damn coffee pot to work."

I pressed the "on" button.