What I Wish I Could've Said

By: Lesera128

Rated: T

Disclaimer: ::stares:: ::blinks:: ::stares again:: Yeah. I still don't own anything…but, you knew that from the stares, right?

Summary: Hindsight is always 20/20. Everyone has a single moment that they wish they could have said something better than what they actually did. A completely random series of what-if vignettes.

Ch 35: That Time Booth Told Brennan Not to Come for Her

Booth wasn't really certain he knew what he was doing there.

One call from Brennan, and he hadn't been able to help himself. He'd dropped everything, told Rebecca that he needed to reschedule his weekend with Parker, and he'd taken a few personal days in the middle of an investigation that had more than slightly pissed Cullen off when Booth had told him he was leaving D.C. That was to say nothing of the cost involved with getting a same-day flight from Reagan National to Louis B. Armstrong International Airport.

That cost a pretty penny, not that I'm ever gonna tell her that, Booth thought as they sat in the pews of the temporary morgue while they waited for Ethan Embry to return with news on John Doe 361's remains. Damn it. I mean…one call and that's all it took. My phone rings one minute, and she's on the phone, and even though she doesn't say it, I can hear it in her voice. She was scared, and even though she was telling me not to come, as soon as the words 'assaulted' were out of her mouth, that's all I needed to hear. Something bad happened to her, and she didn't know what it was, and she was scared, and she called me. And, here I am.

Looking up at her, Booth took a moment and asked, "Can I make a lifestyle suggestion?"

You're in way over your head here, Booth thought.

Brennan stared at Booth and waited expectantly as she nodded and gave him permission as she said, "Go ahead."

You're in way over your head, and you're scared. And, you called me, and I want to know why, a voice echoed in Booth's head. But, it's not like I can tell you that. So….

"You know, vacation," Booth said, struggling with his thoughts and not realizing that his words hadn't quite said what he thought he'd said. "It's from the Latin, 'vacatio.' It means, you know, 'freedom' or 'release'." Booth watched as Brennan rolled his eyes at him. But, he noticed that when she rolled her eyes at him, it was in a slightly playful way that didn't match the normally annoyed or exasperated looks that she gave him. He took that as a sign of encouragement and continued, "You might want to consider that next time."

Why did you call me, Bones? the thought echoed in his head again. Why did you? Tell me.

Brennan's eyes twinkled as she thought about what Booth had said. "Learning Latin?" she finally said as her lips twisted into a thin smile that she was trying to suppress.

Are you even happy that I'm here? That I came? Because I am…I know I'm very happy to be here…guarding your back, he thought. I've got your back…even if you don't want me here. But, you know what? I think you do. I think you're glad I'm came. I may be flattering myself, but I think you've been a little less scared since I walked into that medical examination room. You've been a little less scared and a little bit more like your ole pain-in-the-ass self, and I'm glad. I-I…I don't like it when you're like that. I don't like it one friggin' bit. You're not supposed to be scared…not ever, he told himself.

Booth shook his head and gestured vaguely around them, "This is the opposite of vacation." He stopped and sighed as he lifted his gaze and added in a tone that was slightly teasing, but not in a hurtful way, as he said sarcastically, "No wonder you snapped, went insane and totally lost your mind."

I wish, another voice echoed in his head. I wish…maybe, one day you'll see that it's not a bad thing to need help, Bones. It's okay to trust and ask for help, and even if I don't like it, it's okay not to feel in control and so damn self-assured all the time. It's okay. Just…man―I wish I could take you away from all this. I do. I really do. I wish…I wish you'd come to Coasta Rica with me a couple of months ago. I wish we'd been on the beach, lounging in the sand on a couple of towels with a couple of fruity beverages in our hands, making us just tipsy enough that maybe you would've fallen for my lame dumbass line when I tried to let me put some more sunscreen on your back just so that I could touch you. But, no―you didn't, and we didn't…but, I can still want it. I can still wish it. And…I can still make you smile. God, I love your smile.

But, Booth's slight sarcastic jib had gotten more than just a smile from Brennan as she sighed in mock exasperation as she said, "Oh, thanks for your understanding."

"Hey," he grinned back at her. "Not a problem. You know me, Bones. I'm Mr. Understanding."

God, I love your smile, and I love that laugh, the voice whispered in his head again. I don't think I'll ever get tired of either one.

She stared at him for another minute and then said with her voice growing a bit more somber as she set aside her teasing and amused demeanor, "In either case, I…thanks, Booth. I…just, before I forget, thanks."

Hmmm? he wondered.

"For having my back," she said simply. "For being a good partner…and a good friend. For coming here to get me. I-I…I know I didn't say it before, and so that's why I want to say it now. Thanks for doing what you did. Thanks for being you. Thanks for…everything."

Wow, Bones, he thought, a bit of emotion knotting in his throat. Way to render a smartass speechless.

After another minute, he nodded his head and said, "No problem, Bones. I've got your back. You know, that. Anytime."

Her bright blue eyes met his gaze and held them for a minute before she nodded, and smiled one more time, causing Booth to grin himself in spite of it all.

-TBC-

Author's Note: This is not the piece I expected it to be. I thought, initially, it would produce a nice bit of B&B banter that I might be able to use to kick start a bit of writer's block I've been having. However wistful!Booth took control of this piece, and it turned out like this. I'm not sure what I think of it, but here it is.~