Gosh these women didn't waste any time did they? She almost felt as though she must avert her eyes. Though, for the sake of research, she just about managed to keep her eyes on the screen whilst these women did things to each other that she barely knew the names for.

She'd decided almost as soon as the opening titles had ended that the target audience for The L Word was someone entirely different from herself. It was perhaps for the more...confident, seasoned lesbians. Not the...what was she again? The barely-dipped-her-toe-in-the-water-lesbian...bisexual?...honestly, this was far more complicated than she had first anticipated. Did she still find men attractive? She supposed so.

She thought of Robbie, bought him into the forefront of her mind...nothing. Not an ounce of sexual attraction. She pushed him from her thoughts. Perhaps if she just imagined sex with a man, any man...a faceless man...

Honestly! That blonde woman was quite attractive...beautiful shoulder length wavy blonde hair and wide brown eyes...

Hold on. Did she have a type?! Good grief.

Anyway, she was digressing, what was it she had been thinking about before she had noticed the blonde, Tina. The brunette on the screen whispered her name.

She watched the blonde, Tina, writhe back on the bed as the brunette crept lower and lower down her body, until-

Well we haven't done that!

She murmured out loud, leaning ever so slightly closer to the screen.

Why hadn't they done that?!

She'd done it before. Rather, had it done to her, by various male partners. Edward in particular had been horrendous at it. She had found herself either bored to tears or willing him to just find the bloody clitoris. It wasn't difficult. Bernie certainly knew where it was...had known instinctively, though she had only touched her with her fingers, but she had a feeling that Bernie might be quite...skilled, in that department, if she were to kiss her...there. Goodness knows her mouth on other parts of her body was enough to make her tremble. Her neck...her breasts...she cleared her throat and repositioned herself.

Oh! She wished Bernie were there now, wished the hours would pass, wished the weekend would come...

The weekend! A cold lurch of something made her wince. Sunday! She groaned, pressed her fingers to her lips and closed her eyes. Only a couple more days and it would be Sunday. What would she cook? Oh never mind that, that was hardly the point, was it? What would they say?...Oh God! What was Elinor going to say? She ran through in her mind whether or not Elinor had ever mentioned having a gay friend, a gay reference...anything. Surely she wouldn't be too shocked (upset?) Mind you, that pillock she was with might have something to say about it.

She glanced back to the screen. Should have stuck with Sarah Lancashire.

She closed the lid and set the laptop back on the table, glanced to the clock. Nearly midnight.

What if Elinor wanted nothing to do with her after she...after the big reveal. Bit dramatic, Serena.

How were they going to tell them? Stand together, a united front and stammer their way through the announcement. Goodness knows they could both hesitate for England. What with Bernie's stammering and her rambling, they'd probably bore the poor children to death before they'd even mentioned the word...relationship? Lesbian relationship?

She swilled the last of her wine about in the glass, watching the light catch in it.

And Christmas! She thought suddenly, with yet another unfurling of panic within her chest.

Her eyes widened and she glanced through the open door to the hallway, to the space where Bernie usually hung her coat on the coat hook.

It would soon be Christmas. Already the nights were drawing in, the air was crisp and the garden gilt with frost in the early mornings when she hurried to her car, breath as white as ice the minute it left her lips.

She shivered at the thought. She felt the cold more now, supposed it was another joy of the ageing process.

Last year Christmas had been...somewhat disappointing. Eleanor had spent the day with Julian's parents, and, though she had been invited, it hadn't felt at all like Christmas. Julian's parents lived in a converted barn in the middle of nowhere; surrounded by acres of land which they did goodness knows what with.

And the house, all windows and white furniture. She'd been in the kitchen for what felt like hours before she managed to work out how to open a cabinet.

And to top things off she had to drive home so she hadn't even been able to drink to lessen the boredom of Julian's father, who insisted upon asking her banal question after equally banal question.

Instead she had been stuck with him, with various elderly relations who, upon learning that she was a consultant, spent their entire time listing their ailments, and with Julian's mother...an unnecessarily tall, willowy woman with ice blonde hair and blue eyes that were set just slightly too close together, who had spent the whole time apologising, though Serena hadn't ever worked out what it was that she was actually apologising for.

Bernie's Christmas must have been worse, however.

She attempted a smile.

Perhaps this year would be better. Perhaps they could all come together as one big, happy family.

Her mouth twitched.

It was Elinor's turn to come to hers anyway.

But what about Charlotte and Cameron? Cameron seemed like a perfectly nice young man, despite his poor taste in women. But Charlotte...from what she could gather, Charlotte and Bernie's relationship was resting on the barest of tenterhooks. Perhaps both she and Elinor would get on, perhaps they could...swap make up tips...or...surely if, as Jason pointed out, Elinor was so like herself, then surely she would at least like Bernie?! And if Charlotte was anything like her mother thensurely they would get along...? I

If only it really did work like that...that simply.

Speaking of Christmas she had to get Bernie a gift! What on earth could she get her?! Something meaningful...or was that a bit tacky? What did Bernie like? Did she have a favourite author? Did she read? She could imagine her reading, though she had never witnessed it. What sort of music did she like? Did she have a favourite anything? Wasn't this the sort of thing that she should know?!

Her phone bleeped.

I miss you. B x

She exhaled all at once, couldn't help the smile that almost made her choke back a sob of something between relief and ecstasy.

I miss you, too. See you tomorrow? Xx

Her thumb hesitated over the screen, watching, her breath catching the minute Bernie replied.

Please. B x

That was all it took. Four words and nothing mattered any more, because tomorrow she would be with Bernie again.

-.-

Apologies for the delay, poorly child sent me off course. I hope this, and the ULTRA fluffy chapter that will follow, will make up for it.

As for Raf and Fletch, don't worry, they aren't off the hook yet.

xxx