Disclaimer: I do not own the Outsiders or the song The Kill by 30 Seconds to Mars.

A/N: You all have so many questions and I hate I can't answer them all. Maybe this can shed some light. Maybe you'll recognize some things as well. Like the song title? Thought it fit well. ;)

Warning: Cliff-Hanger below.

What if I wanted to break? Laugh it all off in your face. What would you do? What if I fell to the floor. Couldn't take all this anymore.
What would you do, do, do? Come break me down. Bury me, bury me.

Sarah likes movies. Angela never did. She would sit and eat popcorn and gossip and I'd miss the whole movie. It always annoyed me. I've been thinking about her a lot today. I've been asking her about Soda, I don't know what I'm asking. I just wanted her to hear me. I did wonder what she would be doing while all this was going on. Angela was always in on the action. What role would she play?

Sarah's role was more different than Angela's would ever be. Sarah was my rock, like Angela, but it was weird, she wasn't my rock like Angela. I compare them a lot, Angela and Sarah, though they are nothing alike and never will be. Sarah's here though, eating popcorn, watching lame movies, and holding my hand while my family packs everything up to leave.

"You sure you don't want to go?" Kathy asked, stroking my hair just like she had been doing this whole day.

I shook my head, taking another handful of popcorn and stuffing it in my mouth. "I just...not today. I can't."

She nodded and seemed to act like she understood. I knew she didn't though. Darry was the only one that did. Not even Ponyboy knew why I was staying home today of all days and not right by my family's side. What was the point? Seeing Soda die?

Pony passed through. He didn't show his face. Darry and him had a long talk and then spoke with me. I don't really remember that talk. I just remember a lot of crying from all three sides. "You sure?" he asked.

I nodded, pulling my knees up to my chest. Darry passed too. He kept his head down and went straight to the door and put his jacket on. He didn't say anything. He had a lot of papers in his hand and he went straight out to the car. Kathy turned and looked down at me and sighed. She rubbed her face.

Pony sat and put his shoes on. "I'll call you."

I didn't want him to but I didn't say that. Soda had died yesterday in my eyes. I didn't need a phone call telling me it was over and Soda was dead. I just wanted to be alone. I just wanted everything back to normal again. I wanted to talk to Randy.

Sarah came through and sat beside me. "We'll be here."

Kathy and Pony went to the door. "Call if you need anything."

And they were gone to send another one off to death.

Death is described as the event of dying or departure from life. Death is also the permanent end of all life functions in an organism or part of an organism. Death, dying, demise - the time when something ends. Death is the natural conclusion to life. We go back to all that is. Dying is natural.

"I can't believe you stole this from your parents!" she exclaimed, skipping over a rock as we walked. "Damn, Sammy!"

Sam laughed, taking a sip of the goods he had retrieved. He pushed the bottle back to Michael who tried to give it to Randy who passed it on to me. "I told ya'll I'd hook us up. You know I take care of ya'll."

Who controls who lives and who dies? God or someone else? Is death its own person who feeds off the souls of lost ones and collects them and goes on its way? This idea is often confusing, everyone having their own beliefs. Though, do us as humans, can't we control death?

We all followed Sam as he stumbled. "Whoa, man!" Randy caught Sam before he did a face plant into a ditch. "Maybe you should take it easy on the poison?"

Sam shoved Randy off and took control of the bottle again. "Don't tell me what to do. S'm fine!"

Humans are complicated creatures that way. We're advanced and, at the same time, too advanced. We think about things. We have minds and we feel things. We have souls. Now those souls are all different. They are gifts given to each human being. We don't understand our souls or what purpose they serve. We just know we have them and at any moment, they can be taken away.

The boys were playing with the flat football still. Marilyn and I sat on the stairs, smoking and trying not to up-chuck in front of the boys. This wasn't the first time for either one of us, but there was something strange about the way it tasted. Maybe it was just how strong it was compared to what we had before. Or maybe it was because Sam was as high as a kite.

No one said anything.

Humans are complicated. The things that go on in one's mind are complicated. It's hard for us to see clearly in situations. Our minds get clouded and we can't see what's right in front of us. We can't see right and wrong so we just ignore everything. We sit back and we watch and we don't say anything.

"Looky boys!" Sam hooped. He stumbled again and caught himself on the rail of the stairs. "Look what we have here!"

The guy just watched him as Sam decided to play.

"Sam, maybe you should lay off?" Randy stepped in, trying to part Sam away. "C'mon. Let's get out of here."

Sam, again, pushed back, almost falling, yet again. He giggled and wiped the discards of the liquor from his mouth. "I'm just having some fun, Ran. C'mon. Let's have some fun!"

We have a feeling when we know something is wrong. It's a sense we are given. We just don't channel it. We ignore it. We are young. All of us. Our minds are young and thinking is hard. Reacting is even harder. Sometimes we are forced to do both though and that's what gets us in trouble in these situations.

Marilyn stood up and watched the boys. I got up shortly after her, now wondering myself. Sam was still wobbling, trying to hold himself up. Randy was trying to push him away now, being more stern. Then there was the yelling. Lots of yelling and shoving. Marilyn and I went closer, only getting there just as it happened, seeing the fall and hearing the bang. We stopped, and gasped.

Death. Dying. They control the mind. Everyone reacts differently to death and dying. Some see it as a peaceful thing. Like this soul is finally going 'home'. How exactly is death peaceful though? How can you say when someone brutally dies that it's peaceful? How can you say when someone's life is taken from them that it's a peaceful, natural, thing? It's ugly, disgusting, inhuman, for another human soul to take another.

Blood. Lots of blood.

"No one's ever going to know!" Sam kept swearing this as he danced around the body. "I mean, look at him! He's just a dirty grease. No one's even going to know he's gone. I-It'll be ok. We can do this guys. Don't fall apart on me! I'll make sure ya'll go down with me!"

There is a time in life when we are all faced with challenges. No one tells you the right path to take. That's only up to you. You have many roads you can take. It's your job to pick the right one. It's decisions like these that you will have to live with the rest of your life so you must make them right.

Sam leaned against the big Holly tree and smoked. Everyone was dead silent. No one moved. No one wanted to. I was crying. Marilyn was crying. The boys were crying. Everyone was except Sam. He was oddly calm. He swore to us though. He kept swearing it.

No one will know. We're in this together now. The five of us. No one will find out. I'll make sure of it. If I have to bring you down, I will. Don't test me. This is just us now. Us against them.

Everyone dies. Everyone lives. It's nature. It's nature to lie, to cheat, and to steal. It's our nature to do wrong things…..so we do. We don't know any better. We just know it kills us as humans.

We all lie.

"What if someone starts looking?" Randy asked, shaking beside Michael.

Sam breathed out smoke and took a deep breath. "No one will. No one even knows this guy. He just dropped off the planet. No one knows him. No one will come looking. No one. Trust me."

There was a knock at the door.

"What are you doing here?" I asked again once we got into my bed room. He had sat down on the bed and covered his face with the towel I had given him. I repeated myself again, "Why are you here, Randy?"

He gazed up at me. His face was red. He was drenched with rain and he looked like he'd been crying. "We need to talk."

"You first."

Randy rubbed his hair with the towel and sighed. "I got a few things I want cleared up. This is crazy, you know that? All of this happening. I thought when Sam died it'd just be over soon and the pain would go away but...this came up again. I thought it was dead too. Guess I was wrong."

I leaned against my dresser and crossed my arms. What was the point in Randy being here? There was nothing more he could say or do. "What's your question?"

He looked at me. "Who did you tell?"

I stared at him and narrowed my eyes. "I didn't tell anyone. What makes you think I did?"

"You told Dally," he said flatly. It wasn't a question but more a statement as if he already knew. "You told Dally we killed that greaser."

I scowled and shook my head. This was why he came. "You come into my house and accuse me of that? I promised I wouldn't tell and I haven't told a soul. What makes you think I have?"

"You don't think all of this ties together?" he asked. "Sam dies and then all this comes up again? Sam died because someone killed him too. What did we do Danni? You don't think those two things tie in together?"

I paced around the room, watching my feet. I'd thought about this when Sam died but never like what Randy was saying. He was saying someone else knew. "Who killed Sam then? Only the four of us knew."

"That's what I'm asking."

My patience was growing thin. My head hurt and all I saw when I shut my eyes was Soda. I didn't have time for this right now. I wanted this to be the last thing I thought about today but it was the first and the only. "One of us."

Randy's eyes widened. He stared at me for a minute as if he wanted me to retract my statement. I stared back at him and waited for him to say something. "Who? Wh-what? None of us would do that!"

I shook my head and thought for a minute. "Then who? No one else was there and no one else knows. What if...did Sam tell anyone? That's your only argument that doesn't have fingers pointing to the twins."

"What about you?" Randy jumped up and started attacking. "Where were you the night Sam died?"

"I was with Dally!" I defended myself with a slight yell. "So there you go, can't blame both of us. Start pointing fingers somewhere else because we had nothing to do with Sam. Why don't you look at what's right in front of you."

He's face twisted. "Marilyn?"

I walked closer to him. "You don't know everything about her. Three summers ago, she lost her virginity to Sam. Two summers ago, she caught Sam with another girl and cut all her hair off at a party the weekend after, not even saying a word to Sam."

He looked to the side. I breathed calmly and watched him collect himself. "You're crazy."

"Then tell me, who killed Sam? I have better things to worry about right now so unless you have proof of something, don't waste my time with this."

He shook his head and stood up forcefully. "There are some things we just haven't figured out yet! Marilyn didn't do it though, alright?"

I knew Marilyn didn't kill Sam. She didn't have the guts to do anything like that. Though right now, the look in Randy's eyes, I was starting to wonder. "Then where was she that night?"

"How should I know?"

I sat down on the ground and rubbed my head. Sam died four months ago. The whole town grieved for a few days before questions started coming up. Things started to stir up. Things that were put to rest a long time ago. Someone stirred them back up. Someone who knew. Someone who killed Sam.

Feelings started to come up again. I felt tears gather in my eyes and I tried to stop them.

I never imagined that this would happen, but here I am. I'm stuck in this hole I've dug. He warned me. He told me what would happen if I didn't stop. This is what I get. I never thought I'd go this far. The line between greasers and Socs was broken once. Why did it have to break again?

I once knew the man who sat in front of me. He was once my everything. So many nights we spent together, I thought I knew him. How can I decide what's right when he's always there looking over me? No one can win this never-ending, losing fight. In the end we all lose. How did we get here? He was no man, he never was. Him and all those people he calls his friends, are pure evil. That's all they are.

"Do you see what we've done? Is this what it's going to take to end this? Will this ever end? Someone's life is on the line because of what you've done, what we've done," I announced.

He refused to look my way. He knew it was just as true as I did.

"How did we let it get this far?" I peered up and looked at the guy standing in front of me. Sweaty hair hung in front of my dirt covered face. He didn't answer. Instead he slipped his hands in his pockets and sighed. "Look at what we've done." I breathed out. "He's dead because of us! Dead!"

"You think I don't know that?" Anger beamed in his cold eyes. "We screwed up ok?"

I shook my head. "No, no we didn't screw up!" I got up from the hard floor and raced over to him. "This is all your fault and those people you call your friends!"

He gripped hold of my arms and tried to stop me. "Calm down! I'm sorry ok? How many fucking time do I have to say it?"

I pulled away and brushed through my hair. I was sick of that word; sorry. No one ever meant it. "He's dead," I repeated. "We killed him."

There was silent and I stopped and breathed, trying to catch my breath. Randy stared at me, not wanting to say anything else. He didn't want to say it. He didn't want to correct me. Randy knew we didn't kill anyone. We had done worse. We covered it up.

"We did it!" he shouted, screaming in my face. "We killed him. You know it and I know it so why say it again? Why bring all this up again? I'm sorry, Danni. I'm sorry your brother is dead, I'm sorry Jane's dead, and I'm sorry Sam's dead! Happy?"

Tears started to gather back. I swallowed and shook my head. "We can't take it back, Randy. You can only say sorry for so long before it means absolutely nothing! We've killed more than just one person. You've killed more than just one person with this. I've killed more than just one person. It's never going to end."

It was silent again. I caught my breath while Randy stared blankly at the floor. "Someone killed Sam, Danni. Someone that knew what we did that night."

"Then maybe Sam got what he deserved."

It was quiet for a mere second before it registered for Randy. The fireworks started to fly. "How could you say that?" He stood up again, towering over me, threatening. "Take it back now!"

"No!" I shouted. "Why should I? You want to hear my opinion? I think someone did find out. I think someone found out exactly what we did. Someone came looking and Sam got caught. I'm sorry the guy is dead but I'm not sorry he's gone."

Randy breathed out slowly. His fists were in balls and I knew I had crossed a line. All I could do was look up at him and wait. "You're a bitch."

"I'm sorry I had to be the one to break it to you Randy but, Sam killed someone and he drug you down with him. All of us. I'm sorry to tell you: Sam wasn't so great of a friend. Sam wasn't the knight in shining armor that you always saw. He was the dragon that blew everything down in flames. Now we're the ones who have to be punished."

His upper lip twitched. He'd thought about that. He knew that. "Don't say that."

I wiped some tears out of the way. "Own up to it. We did it, Randy."

"I hope Dally rots in that cell," he barked, gathering his things and heading for the door. "I hope he gets what he deserves."

"Fine," I said calmly. "Dally's not the one with the pounds of guilt hanging over his head, is he?"

Randy rolled his head back before heading out the door. "And you say I'm brain washed."

He left.

I followed him down the stairs and watched him go out the front door. I went into the kitchen and grabbed one of the jars we used to store jam. I slammed it against the wall, then picked up another one and did it again until I fell on the floor and cried.

Sarah picked me up off the ground and we'd gone back to watching movies. She didn't ask what Randy said or why he was here. She sat quietly, talking about anything but that and Soda.

When Sam died I was with Dally. I heard about it the next morning from work from Mrs. Adderson. I learned from the papers what happened and then learned about the theory of it not being an accident. I didn't cry for Sam. I never would either.

I'm here because of Sam. I didn't want to point fingers, but pointing them at a dead person seemed like the best move. Sam was the one who killed that kid. Not me, not Michael, not Marilyn, not Randy. We were just pawns for him. What were we now though?

The phone rang. Sarah exchanged a look with me and I got up and picked it up, knowing already what was going to come from the other end.

"Hello?"

"...he's...d-d...-dead."

What are you waiting for? I'm not running from you. Come break me down. Bury me, bury me. I am finished with you. Look in my eyes. You're killing me, killing me.