Along Came a Sister
September 16, 2016
It was another normal day at Lincoln's school, Royal Woods Elementary. In Mrs. Johnson's class, the students are looking at the class pet, a tarantula named Frank.
Lincoln: Hey, Frank.
Male Classmate: Frank! Over here, buddy!
Clyde: He's so cool!
Mrs. Johnson: Now, before we pack up, I need a volunteer to look after Frank this weekend while I'm out of town.
The kids all wanted to volunteer to look after him, especially Lincoln.
Lincoln: Come on, please, Mrs. Johnson! Me! Me!
Mrs. Johnson: Lincoln.
Lincoln: Yes!
Clyde: Way to go, Lincoln!
All the other kids moan in disappointment.
Mrs. Johnson: Now, Lincoln, this is a major responsibility. Frank needs to be fed twice and under no circumstances should he be let out of his cage. Unlike me this weekend. [chuckles]
The kids all awkwardly glance at each other over what their teacher meant on that last part and the bell rings. (Whoof. That was something.)
Lincoln: Well, see ya Monday, Mrs. Johnson. [grabs Frank's cage and heads out]
Later, Lincoln and Clyde are walking home.
Lincoln: This is gonna be the best weekend ever!
Clyde: I'm not sure your sister Leni will think so. Remember last Halloween?
[Flashback to last Halloween; the doorbell rings.]
Leni: [dressed as a flamingo] I got it!
Leni answers the door to see Clyde in a spider costume.
Clyde: Trick or tre-!
Leni: [terrified] AAAHH! SPIDER!
She then sprays bug spray everywhere and runs out the door while trampling Clyde.
Clyde: I'm all right...
[End flashback]
Clyde: She hid in her room for three weeks.
Lincoln: [to the viewers] If I had to worry about my siblings every time I wanted to do something, I'd never do anything. [to Clyde] Besides, I have a plan. Stealth mode.
Lincoln waves his hand in front of his face to change his expression and sneaks into the house.
Clyde: Now I'm worried.
Lincoln opens the front door to see if Leni is around. Looks like she was.
Leni: [terrified] SPIDER!
It looks to see that Leni is being chased by Luan, who is holding a rubber spider over her face.
Leni: GET IT AWAY! GET IT AWAY!
Luan: Aw, come on. It's fake.
Lincoln conceals Frank's tank with a trench coat and hears Walt chirping and covers up his cage with a hoodie. He makes it to his room and uncovers Frank's tank.
Lincoln: There you go, buddy.
Just then, someone knocks on his door and it reveals to be Luke.
Luke: Hey, dude, you mind if I borrow a ruler for my- [sees Frank and gasps] Whoa, is that a spider?! It looks so cool!
Lincoln: [swats Luke's hand away] Hey, don't touch him! Frank's supposed to stay in his cage!
Luke: Oh, my bad. When did you get him?
Lincoln: Actually, I was assigned to watch him over the weekend, and I have to make absolute sure nothing bad happens to him.
Luke: [rolls his eyes] Pfft, good luck with that.
Lincoln: What's that supposed to mean?
Luke: Well, you know that Leni has a phobia of spiders, right?
Lincoln: Yeah...
Luke: What if she sees Frank and tries to kill it?!
Lincoln: Luke, don't worry. Leni is not going to see it.
Just then, the door is heard knocking again and Luke opens it to reveal Lana with Lola's doll.
Lana: Can I borrow the big kid scissors? [sees Frank and gasps] Hey, what's that? Oh-ho! He's so creepy! Can I play with him? Can I?
Lincoln: No, no. Frank stays in the cage.
Luke: Sorry, Lana.
Lana: Aw...
Then, Lola comes in with angry expression on her face.
Lola: Lana, give me back my dolly! [sees Frank, gasps, and squeals] He's so adorable!
Lola & Lana: Has Leni seen this?
Lincoln: No. And we want to keep it that way, don't we? So, shh.
Then, Lisa comes into his room.
Lisa: Excuse me, some of us are trying to solve for Y. [sees Frank] Ooh! Is that an Aphonopelma Chalcodes?
Lincoln: Uh...it's a tarantula. My class calls him Frank.
Lisa examines the spider and is in awe.
Lisa: Fascinating specimen. Has Leni seen this?
Lincoln: No! That's why I'm trying to keep him a...
In no time flat, all of the other sisters, who are not Leni, are gathering around Frank's tank and are ogling him.
Lincoln: ...secret.
The siblings keep looking at him.
Luna: Has Leni seen this?
Lincoln: No! For the last time, Leni's not gonna see—
Leni opens the door, startling everyone.
Leni: See what?
Siblings: [covering up Frank's tank] NOTHING!
Leni gasps and her siblings gasp back, thinking that Leni has spotted the spider. But was actually something else.
Leni: Oh, my gosh! Are you planning a surprise party for me?! Wait! Don't tell me. I wanna be surprised. [leaves]
The others sigh with relief.
Lori: [leaving with the others] That was close. [pops back in again] You'd better know what you're doing, Lincoln.
Lori leaves the room, leaving Lincoln by himself. Lincoln looks in the tank to see that Frank is looking a little upset.
Lincoln: Hey, you look a little sluggish, buddy. Bet you'd really like to get out and stretch your legs. I guess a few minutes wouldn't hurt.
He carefully places Frank out of his tank and onto his drawer.
Lincoln: Now, where did I put those crickets? [gets them out of his backpack.] Maybe this'll cheer you up. [notices he's gone] Frank? Where'd you go? Frank, come out! This isn't funny! [beat] Crud...
Lincoln comes out of his room and crawls around on the hallway floor, gets out a magnifying glass, and looks for Frank.
Lincoln: Where are you, Frank? Where are you? Where are you? Where are you? [bumps into the twins]
Lola & Lana: Where's who?
Lincoln: [faking relief] There you are! The two cutest twins in town! Found 'em! See ya! [takes off]
Lola: He was talking about me.
Lana: I sure hope so.
The twins go back to skipping rope. Meanwhile, Lincoln checks Lisa's research table and knocks over a few of her beakers.
Lisa: What in Schrödinger's Cat?!
Lincoln: Sorry, Lis! I'll clean it up later.
An explosion occurs which blows Cliff away. Lynn comes running out of her room playing basketball, which worries Lincoln.
Lincoln: Lynn! Freeze!
Lynn: [freezes] We're playing Freeze Tag? Cool!
Lincoln checks Luna and Luan's room and gets bonked by Luna's drumstick during her jam session.
Lincoln: Ow!
Luna: Dude!
Lincoln: Really dig what you're laying down there, sis!
Lincoln then checks their closet and sees a spider, thinking that it's Frank.
Lincoln: Gotcha!
Luan takes off her Groucho Marx glasses while she was reading a Comedy for Dummies book, seeing what Lincoln was doing.
Luan: What are you doing with my fake spider?
Lincoln: Fake? Oh, nothing. [hands it back] Here. And here's your fake dog poop.
Luan: I don't have any fake dog poop.
Lincoln reviles in disgust, revolving the fact he actually touched real dog poop. But...
Luan: Just kidding!
They both laugh and Lincoln resumes his search. Lincoln checks Luke's room and was looking behind Luke's game shelf, having a few games hit the floor on accident. This gets Luke's attention as he paused the game and takes his headset off, lifting its mic.
Luke: Lincoln! What the heck are you doing?
Lincoln: Uh…just…looking for a pencil, that's all.
Luke: What do you need a pencil for? You've got plenty of 'em in your room.
Lincoln: Oh, right! I'll just…go look for one there. [nervously chuckles; dashes off]
Luke: [calls after him] Hey, can you at least pick up my games first?!
Lincoln continues his search in the hallway, heading up to the bathroom door.
Lincoln: Where are you. Where are you? Where are you? [checks under the door.]
Lori: [bursts open the door] What are you doing, you weirdo?!
Lincoln: I'm...uh...looking for my contact lens! Oh! There it is!
Lincoln picks up a lint ball and puts it in his eye, making it squint.
Lincoln: That's better.
He then runs off to his room past Lynn, who's still standing still.
Lynn: [through clenched teeth] Can I unfreeze now?
Lincoln is now back in his room and is starting to panic, not knowing where Frank is.
Lincoln: [frantic] Crud, crud, crud!
The other siblings open the door with angry looks on their faces.
Lori: Alright, Lincoln! You don't wear contacts! What is going on?
Luna: You've been acting even weirder than usual, bro.
Luke: I'm pretty sure you didn't even need a pencil to begin with.
Lola: Yeah. And there's no way you think Lana is cute.
Lana picks her nose in agreement and the siblings started to demand answers.
Lincoln: Okay, I'll tell you! Well, Frank was looking sluggish, so I took him out of his cage to get a little exercise, and then I turned to get the crickets, and he was gone.
Luke: Are you kidding me?!
The siblings ramble about Lincoln's idiocy and worry about Leni finding out about Frank. Just then, Leni appears.
Leni: What are we whispering about? Oh right! My surprise party! Don't worry. I won't tell me!
The second she turns around, Frank is shown to be on her back and the others scream in horror and follow them to the kitchen.
Leni: See? I know nothing. Just making a smoothie. [opens the fridge to get her ingredients.]
When her back is turned, it's revealed that Frank is gone again. The siblings mutter about the issue at hand and fear what could happen next.
Leni: Oh, I need milk.
Leni opens the fridge where Frank happens to be on the milk bottle.
Lisa: Wait! [slams the fridge shut] You're lactose intolerant!
Leni: No, I'm not. I'm tolerant of everyone, whether they lack toes or not. [opens the fridge again]
Siblings: NOOOO!
The siblings notice Frank's not in that spot anymore.
Siblings: Huh? [sigh with relief]
Lily: Eee, pider!
Frank is scurrying across the kitchen floor and Luna traps him under a pot. Leni turns around to see what's going on and Luna and Lily pretend to have a jam session by banging pots and pans and utensils together. Leni digs the beat as she's too distracted by the tune. They look under the pot to see Frank has escaped again.
Leni: So, who wants to try my new recipe? It's curds and... [takes a sip while Lincoln notices Frank on the ceiling light.] ...way, way too much spinach!
Leni's siblings gasp to see Frank on the ceiling light as well.
Leni: Ugh! I know! What was I thinking?
Just then, Frank plops right onto her glass and Leni looks down.
Leni: [thinking it's fake] Ha! Nice try, Luan, but I'm not falling for another one of your fake spiders. Though, this one looks pretty real.
Frank blinks, leading Leni to realize…
Leni: [terrified] AAAHH! SPIDER! [busts out the bug spray.]
Siblings: NOOOO!
The siblings rush in to try and save Frank but it was too late as Leni unleashes a massive spray cloud to ensure she got Frank.
Leni: [running off in fury] WORST, SURPRISE PARTY, EVER!
The cloud clears up and Lincoln spots what appears to be Frank's corpse.
Lincoln: [lamenting] Frank! No-ho-ho-ho-ho!
Lucy: I just wanna say I'm sorry for your loss...and that I'd be honored to serve as funeral director.
Lucy holds out a brochure for a business she owns called "Lucy's Lament".
Lucy: I keep an assortment of caskets on hand. Were you thinking shoebox, or for a little more money, mahogany?
Lincoln has settled for the shoe box deal, and everyone who does not fear spiders is there to attend Frank's funeral on the front yard. Clyde arrives with a casserole dish.
Clyde: Hey, Lincoln. I brought you this casserole. My nana says that there's no greater comfort in times of grief.
Lincoln: Thanks. [sighs] This might as well be my funeral, too. Our whole class is gonna hate me for letting this happen to Frank.
Everyone, kids and pets, gathers around to pay their respects to Frank.
Lucy: We are gathered here to mourn the untimely passing of Frank the Tarantula, a pet beloved by all.
Lola: [spiteful] Except Leni!
Lana: The murderer!
Lori: Yeah! This is all Leni's fault!
The others agree, except for Lincoln.
Lincoln: Guys, this isn't Leni's fault. It's mine.
Meanwhile, in the kitchen, Leni is washing her hands to wash away any and all tracings of Frank.
Leni: Ew! Ew! Ew! [overhears Lincoln]
Lincoln: I knew Leni was afraid of spiders, but I brought Frank home, anyway. It was a bad idea. I guess I deserve to have my whole class hate me.
Luke: [puts a hand on Lincoln's shoulder] I'm sorry, dude, but now we know Frank's in a better place now.
Just then, Cliff prematurely coughs up a hairball.
Lola: Ew! Gross, Cliff! Show some respect!
Lana: [notices something odd] Whoa, weird! This hairball looks like Frank! [picks it up]
Lola: Ew! Gross, Lana! Show some respect!
Lincoln then looks at the hairball and the corpse.
Lincoln: Because this isn't Frank. It's a hairball, too! Which means...
Luke: [gasps] Frank is still alive!
?: [terrified] AAAHH! SPIDER!
Lincoln: And it sounds like Leni just found him!
Clyde: Uh, that wasn't Leni. I know that scream.
[Another flashback to last Halloween; Clyde had come to after Leni had mistaken him for a spider and attacked him. Lynn Sr. approaches the front door]
Clyde: [coughs a little] Oh, hi, Mr. Loud. Trick or tre-
Lynn Sr.: [terrified] AAAHH! SPIDER! [tramples Clyde and runs after Leni.]
Clyde: I'm all right.
[End flashback]
Luna: [grinning] Dad's afraid of spiders?
Suddenly, a pest control van pulls up out front.
Lori: [concerned] And it looks like he's got the exterminator on speed dial!
Siblings & Clyde: FRANK!
The kids watch as the exterminator gets out of his van and notices two caterpillars.
Exterminator: Oh, hello, cute little caterpillar family.
The exterminator shoots them with bug killer and laughs wickedly.
Lincoln: [nervously] It's okay, sir. There's been a misunderstanding. You don't need to kill the spider.
Exterminator: Huh. What are you, a spider hugger? Nobody stops me from getting my spider...
The exterminator heads into the house to find and kill Frank.
Lincoln: I gotta go save Frank!
Lynn: [still in her freeze tag pose and through clenched teeth.] We can help!
Clyde: I can help, too!
Luke: Don't forget about me, Lincoln!
The others all request Lincoln to let them help him.
Lincoln: Okay. You guys distract the exterminator while I look for Frank.
The others head in to do their job, but Lynn is hopping about. Lincoln runs up to her and tags her.
Lincoln: Unfreeze.
Lynn now hustles. The exterminator is in the house looking for Frank until he hears Luna from upstairs.
Luna: [fake screaming] There's a big scary spider in the last room on the right! I hope someone can exterminate this ugly spider!
The exterminator sprays what looks like a spider and laughs triumphantly, but it turns out to have been one of Luan's fake spiders, making the exterminator flinch.
Luan: [tauntingly, wearing her Groucho glasses and holding a fishing pole with a fake spider in it.] What's the matter? Afraid of a little rubber spider? [laughs]
Exterminator: I ain't afraid of nothin'.
Lucy: [right behind the exterminator] Excuse me.
The exterminator screams at the sight of her and Luan smiles.
Lucy: The scary spider went in there. [points to the bathroom]
The exterminator rushes to the bathroom door and checks under there.
Exterminator: Hmm... [sniffs]
Lori: [bursts open the door] What are you doing, you weirdo?!
Exterminator: [embarrassed] Oh, well, uh...I-I-I-I-I-I-I didn't...
Clyde appears in his spider costume from last Halloween.
Clyde: Roar! I'm a spider. Come and get me! [the exterminator nonchalantly shoves him aside.] I'm all right.
Right then, Luke shoots the exterminator's face with multiple darts from two Nerf guns, making the exterminator stumble backwards.
Luke: Hasta la vista, baby! [blows on it]
The twins ensnare the exterminator into a jumprope tangle and high five each other. Lily shoves her pacifier in his mouth, he spits it out in disgust. Lisa walks up to the exterminator.
Lisa: Kids. They can be so juvenile. Mouthwash?
Lisa shoves the container in his mouth, and when he sloshes it, it's revealed to be a little spicy.
Lisa: My special ghost pepper formula. The tingle means it's working.
Lincoln comes upstairs with the magnifying glass from earlier.
Lincoln: Frank's not downstairs. So, he must be... [spots him]
Exterminator: [coldly] Upstairs...
Lincoln then breaks into a sprint and tries to save Frank, but the exterminator tangles him with the jump rope and beats him to it.
Exterminator: Ha! I've got you now!
Frank trembles in fear of his untimely demise.
Lincoln: [begging] WAIT! STOP! NOOOOOO!
The exterminator blasts bug killer everywhere, thus dooming Frank. The siblings all gasp at his untimely demise. Just as the cloud dissipates, someone in a hazmat suit appears.
Lincoln: [confused] Huh?
Exterminator: WHA?!
The person in the hazmat suit takes off their helmet and reveals to be Leni, and it shows she just saved Frank.
Lincoln: [overjoyed] FRANK!
The other siblings cheer as well.
Luke: All right, Leni!
Exterminator: [threateningly] Why you...
Leni: [strong-willed] Hold it right there, mister! If you exterminate this spider, you'll exterminate... [pointing to Lincoln] ...this boy's future! Everyone will think he's a spider killer and no one will ever trust him again! Do you really want that on your conscience?
Exterminator: [remorseful] Wow...I never thought of it that way. Lady, you just changed my life.
Lincoln & Leni: Really?
Exterminator: [disdainfully] Of course not, you spider huggers! Exterminator out! Here's my bill.
The exterminator plants the bill on Clyde's face and leaves the house.
Lincoln: Leni! That was amazing! But why?
Leni: I heard what you said at the funeral. And besides, maybe spiders aren't so bad after all. I mean, this one's kinda cute. [second thoughts] No, it's not! Take it! Take it! [gives Frank back and runs off.] Ew ew ew ew ew! It blinked at me!
Luke: Looks like she's still got a long way to go.
Lincoln: Let's get you back in your cage, Frank.
Lisa: I always thought Frank was a strange name for a female spider.
Lincoln: Frank's a girl?
Lisa: Mm-hmm. I can tell from the markings. Plus, female spiders always get sluggish before they give birth.
Clyde: Frank's gonna be a mommy?
Siblings: Awwwww...
September 19, 2016
It is now Monday morning. Frank has now been renamed Frances and all the siblings, except Leni, bid farewell to her.
Lincoln: I'll miss you, Frank, but I'm glad things are gonna be back to normal around here.
Meanwhile in Lori and Leni's room, Leni is brushing her hair.
Leni: 20...21...22...23...
However, it seems Frances laid her egg sac in the vents. The babies hatch and scurry into Leni's room as Lincoln steps out the front door.
Leni: [from inside the house; terrified] AAAAAAAHHHHH! SPIDERS!
Lincoln has a look on his face that just reads "Uh-oh".