Hi, all! I'm sorry this has taken ages to put up. Life won't settle down, so loads of ideas on how to continue, with very little time to do so.

Enjoy!

"Welcome home, Ms. Barrow." The customs officer handed her back her passport and smiled.

"Thank you." Deja took her carry-on luggage and went to get her suitcase. It felt good to be back in England. Strange to be here without Grisha, though. She'd thought that the next time she would set foot in London, he would be by her side. But he had made her go, with a half-promise to maybe play catch-up with her in a few weeks. She hoped Hetty would let him.

While waiting for her luggage, she texted him, saying that she'd arrived safely and was on her way to Nanna. She got one back while she lifted her suitcase from the carrousel. Glad to hear it. Enjoy your stay. Say hi to Nanna and your parents from me. I love you.

She hadn't wanted to go. Not really. But he'd made her. After all, maybe it was a good way to gain perspective and figure out what she wanted to do. She had all this time on her hands now that there was no café waiting for her.

Nate had stuck around for a few weeks. While she was hesitant to open up further to him in the beginning, in hindsight now, she was grateful that she had. His door was always open, and he was a good and unbiased listener, just as he'd said he would be. In the end, both she and Grisha had benefitted more from his time than either of them were ready to admit.

Also, the past couple of weeks had made her realize something. Difficult as it still was, working through the grief over losing Lindy and her café, and however torn she'd sometimes felt on whether or not to leave him, she couldn't do it. She loved him. She loved the man more than she'd ever loved anyone else. But this breathing space was good.

She tilted her head up at the sun. It was a different kind of heat than the one she had grown accustomed to, but sunshine and warmth nonetheless, and she was grateful for it. She hoped that Grisha would be able to join her and they would have a few days in London together. She wanted to show him all the places she used to frequent growing up.

Hailing a taxi, she thought a moment about where to go. She hadn't told anyone she was coming. As the taxi driver took her suitcase and she got in, she gave him Nanna's address. It was time.

It wasn't Nanna's live-in nurse Leah who opened the door, as Deja had expected. It was her aunt. "Well, look what the cat dragged in," she quipped. "That's a surprise."

"Hi Auntie Eve," Deja said as she wrapped her arms around the older woman. Her aunt was two years younger than Alistair, but always impeccably dressed and put together. Nothing that showed she was almost sixty.

"Well, hello darling. Let me look at you." Evelina 'Eve' Wallis –Barrow took a good look at her niece. "You want a cuppa?"

"Always."

Eve smiled. "Mother is in the living room. She will be thrilled to see you."

True to her aunts words, Nanna was. Elizabetta Barrow managed to look younger than her almost eighty-three years, but Deja could see she was getting older. Her aunt had her good looks from somewhere. Nanna straightened in her chair. "Well, amore, this is a surprise! Come here! Let me hug you!"

Deja let herself be hugged and bossed around, served with tea and homemade sponge. She swallowed a bite and looked at her aunt. "How is Uncle Ben? And Theo and Daisy? It's been ages since I've last seen them."

Eve's face lit up at the mention of her children. "They're good. The children are growing up so fast." She reached over for her purse and pulled out pictures. For the next half hour, Deja was brought up to speed on the adventures of her niece and nephew and their families. Both Theo and Daisy were married with kids, so there was always stuff to catch up on.

Deja only half-listened to what her aunt was saying, being rather distracted. Thankfully, after she put the pictures away, Eve looked at her watch. "I have to go. I'm meeting Ben for lunch, and isn't Leah supposed to be back soon?"

"She will be." Nanna saw her out and sauntered back into the living room, looking at her granddaughter. "Amore, what's happened?"

Deja looked up. "What? I can't come to surprise my grandmother?"

"Of course you can. But I'd have thought you would've brought your man."

She pulled her lips into a half smile. "Grisha couldn't get time off. So it's just me."

Sitting down, Nanna studied her. "Something happened?"

Deja had told her parents basics of what had happened at Indulge. Which meant she had told them that there'd been a fire, killing Lindy and injuring both Jess and Jay. "Did Mama tell you about what happened to the café?"

"The fire? Yes, she told me."

"Well, Lindy died, and most of the insurance work has been done, so I have all this free time on my hands… Grisha sort of kicked me out."

"Going by what you've told me about him, he had a good reason to do so."

"Maybe. It's good to be back in England. Gives me time to think things over, think about what I want to do for work, now there's no more café."

"You're not going to rebuild it?"

Deja bit her lip. "I don't know yet. Maybe…"

"But…?"

There was this thing weighing on her mind. "What if we get married and have kids? I don't mind them growing up in the café, I mind not being there to bring them to bed and sing lullabies and tell bedtime stories. So keeping that in mind, maybe it's better to do, I don't know, high-end catering or something, instead of building up the café."

Nanna shrugged, sipping tea. "Are you?"

"Am I what?"

"Getting married? Thinking about kids?"

She felt a blush creep up her cheeks. "Maybe…"

Nanna grinned. "Amore, there is no such thing as maybe in love. You either are or you aren't."

"Well, I am," Deja decided there and then. "I'm in love with him, I love him, I want to be with him. That what you want to hear?"

"Only if that is what you want."

"It is."

Nanna wasn't fooled. "But?"

"Why do you keep saying that?"

"Because I am not a fool, Deja Jade. I may be old, but I'm not dumb. Something has happened that makes you question not if you love him, but if you want to be with him. If not, you wouldn't be here on your own."

"He couldn't get away from work, Nanna." She squared her shoulders. It wasn't that she didn't want to tell her grandmother, it was more that she didn't know how. She didn't know how and she didn't know what Grisha would say if he ever found out that she had. But the words came out anyway. And with it, everything she doubted, and felt, and loved, and questioned. Nanna listened to her, sipping tea, eating sponge, not judging. "…and now I'm here."

Nanna pondered over her story for a moment. "Does your father know this?"

"NO." Deja shook her head. "No, of course not. He'd kill Grisha with his own two hands if he ever found out."

"How long has it been?"

"Six weeks or so. Maybe a little longer."

"And you've told someone other than him?"

"Of course I have." The pointed look Nanna gave her told her volumes. "Okay, perhaps not of course, but yes, I have."

"Good for you. So why are you still doubting him?"

"I'm not!"

Nanna wasn't fazed and calmly waiting for the rest.

"It's not him, Nanna. I love him. It's his job. His job and all the consequences and dangers that come with it. Cause what if we do get married, and have kids, and his job is going to get him killed? Then what am I supposed to do?"

"You're supposed to love him, amore. That's all you're supposed to do. And would you rather not have anything with him at all than worry about the fact that he might get killed? He'll die eventually, we all do. Besides, from what you've told me, he's asked you to tell him to quit and you haven't told him so."

"It wouldn't be fair to tell him that."

Nanna patted her hand. "You have to figure out if loving him now, for as long as you'll be together will be better than not loving him at all. And you know that, you just needed to hear someone say it."

Deja rolled her eyes. "Yes, that is why I came all the way across the Atlantic. Just to have this conversation." She sighed. "Leaving him is not an option, Nanna."

"Are you going to tell him to quit?"

"No."

"What other option do you have left, then?"

"Loving him, job and all."

"Exactly."