Zero turned and shock closed his throat.
Before him, the building where he had lived before the war loomed intact, the same as the day he had closed the gate for the last time with the key he still kept in his dresser's drawer. There were still those horrible turquoise shutters he vowed to repaint from the day of his wedding, there were still alyssum flowers and daisies on their bedroom balcony... and there was her, coming to him, a bundle in her arms and a gentle smile on his face framed by her long hair.
- Sayuri * ...
His voice came out in a hoarse sigh: it was so much time he didn't call that name... an eternity.
She approached him, as beautiful as the last time he had seen her from space, lying in a hospital bed with their newborn baby in her arms, as beautiful as in the picture inside his medallion. He squeezed it between his fingers.
Yeah... This is a dream. She is gone, and our son too.
He opened it without taking his eyes off her and his finger lingered on the GPS detector button.
He had pressed it for the last time before that awful crater, with that acrid smoke into his nostrils, that slimy mud pasting his boots on the ground and the burned memories of their life together barely recognizable among the blackened pebbles. The mark "lost" and the metallic voice repeating it had dug an even deeper hole in his chest.
He pressed the button and looked down on the small LCD screen: a yellow heart rhytmically throbbed on the green background and an arrow pointed to her... to home.
The lump in his throat grew, the desire to take her hand and go in, the longing to return to all he had known and lost, to be the man he once was again assaulted him ferociously.
No.
He shook his head.
He had to cling to reality with all his might.
He returned with his mind at the day of rain and despair in which he had buried his family and a part of himself in that empty coffin, his eyes burning and head aching by too many tears and Barbour shed during the night.
He felt the strenght and warmth of Kaibara's hand squeezing his soggy shoulder while the priest kept babbling about things he had never believed in and couldn't comfort him even a bit.
A paradise in which one day they would finally meet again and live forever united in joy... how he wished he could believe it!
Maybe he still did, and Oneiros just detected it.
The God of Dreams is shaping a perfect world for me too. I must be careful or I'll lose myself.
Sayuri's hand rested on his cheek, soft, warm, so real.
She gently forced him to lower his head and look into her eyes, so alive, so blue...
- Zero - her voice was the same he remembered, the sweetest sound that could ever exist in the world - You are pale, my love. Are you OK?
A gust of wind suddenly blew her scent into his nostrils, her soft hair trickled his face and he wished with all his heart to take it again between his fingers, to sink his nose in the crook of her lithe neck, fill his lungs with that sweet fragrance and kiss that delicate, rosy mouth.
Just once again.
He closed the medallion and looked back at Harlock.
But if I did, I'd give in. And then what would become of us? And Mayu, Marina and all the others... no, I can't.
- Zero!
- What...?
- Come on - Sayuri frowned, her lips curved in that girlish pout Zero had adored so much - You didn't really get drunk again somewhere with those ne'er-do of your friends, did you? You're not a kid anymore, how many times do I have to tell you? You have a son to think about: what kind of example do you want to become, for him?
Harlock walked beside him and gave him a mischievous look.
- Now I understand why you didn't want to go home, old man - he chuckled - So, here's another brand new dad in trouble. You didn't tell me. And you were right: the hangover would have been even more massive, otherwise!
He winked and stood in front of Sayuri, who eyed him from head to toe.
- I'm sorry, I'm afraid it was my fault. It was since the battle in the lunar orbit that me and your husband didn't meet and perhaps we exceeded a bit with memories and celebrations - he held out his hand - Phantom F. Harlock, Captain of Death Shadow, United Fleet.
Sayuri shifted his bundle on her left arm and took it with a smile.
- I am Sayuri, Captain Harlock. Pleased to make your...
- No - Zero stepped between them - This is not real! Harlock, Like I said, you're in a dreamlike world, an alternate reality created by a computer on the basis of your most intense desires... and now, of mine too, it seems.
Sayuri looked at him worried.
- Zero, what are you saying?
- I'm afraid he's still a little out of phase - Harlock grabbed him by the arm but he jerked away.
- That's it, I tell you! I never talked to you about my wife and son because they were already dead when we first met - his voice came out hoarse; every word, every memory was a stabbing pain in his chest - In sixty-nine humans lost the war, Harlock: my family died in the bombing that followed the lunar orbit battle...
- Zero, don't...
- We didn't meet then - he ignored him - But in the seventy, when you had already rebelled against the Collaborationist Government and had become a pirate who attacked Vorder's ships. To preserve the truce and avoid reprisals by Machine Men, I accepted the mission to capture you, but then...
- Stop, Zero - Harlock looked at him upset - You're scaring your wife.
- That's not my wife! - Zero clenched his fists and shut his eyelids not to see the hurt in those beautiful blue eyes - It's a projection Oneiros created on the basis of my memories, my love for her, my desire to have her back with me and my guilt, just like Maya, Tochiro and Emeraldas!
- Stop talking nonsense - Harlock grabbed him again, this time harder - Calm down and try to remember...
- No, you try to remember - Zero broke free with another sharp tug and took a few steps back - We are no longer in the seventy, Harlock: fourteen years have passed, now! We are no longer the young men of the past, you are no longer a soldier and now your ship is the Arcadia! As for Maya, Tochiro and Emeraldas, they're dead too. Deal with it!
- I warn you, Zero - Harlock's voice was low and menacing - I'm beginning to lose my patience. Calm down and think, or I'll have you do it by force.
- Give me your hand, rather - Zero stretched his out, again - If you really are convinced that this is the real world, you should have nothing to fear from something so simple. If nothing happens I'll be convinced, and believe me, I will be happy to go home with my family and let you enjoy your carefree twenties!
But it will not happen. It can not happen.
He looked once more at Sayuri, pale, fragile and more beautiful than ever, his bundle to her chest.
Part of him was hoping to be wrong, to be really prey for the consequences of a massive intoxication; the other knew that those hopes were absurd, doomed to shatter... and that was just how it had to be.
- Are you still at this? - Harlock slapped his hand away, a stormy expression on his face crossed by that old scar making him even more threatening.
Zero held his gaze.
- You see it? At this point, under normal conditions, you would have accepted the challenge, if only to contradict me. If you do not do it, it's because Oneiros is restrainig you... and because somewhere inside you know I'm right. You know that, if I you did it, this beautiful dream would fade away and you are afraid, afraid to go back to that cold reality you built around you to escape pain, to that loneliness where time never pass and the only hope is the end of everything...
Harlock stepped back. His arm lifted a few centimeters, his right hand stretched out, trembled and twitched in a fist that came down to his side. He looked confused, as if he could not control his body and did not know how to explain it. Zero gave him a sad smile.
- I understand, you know? Outliving the ones you love is hell, but looking only to the past and live in regret is far more worse... and it does not solve anything, believe me. If you do not have the strength to take my hand, it does not matter. I can prove you that this is not the reality.
He turned to Sayuri and brushed away the edges of the blanket forming the bundle in her hands.
The beautiful, bright brown eyes of his son opened and stared at him, his radiant smile made him want to cry.
- How did we call him? - he asked Sayuri, his heart pierced by a flaming blade while those tiny hands closed around his forefinger.
A part of him was begging all the gods of all the religions he had never believed in for her to answer him, but Sayuri just stared at him bewildered; her trembling lips opened and closed blankly and her blue eyes, those beautiful blue eyes he had once so loved to get lost in, filled with tears. Zero rested his hands on her shoulders, close to tears himself.
- Do you know why she can't answer, Harlock? - he asked without even looking at him - Our son was born in the April of sixty in Megalopolis, a week before the lunar orbit battle.
The silence that fell between them was heavy, anguished.
Zero closed his eyes, raised his head and tried not to shed the tears burning in his eyes.
- Sayuri and I promised to give him a name when I came back, along with peace - his voice trembled - But we could not keep that promise: I could not bring peace... and when I came back I no longer had a child to give a name to.
He felt Harlock hold his breath and wondered if something had moved in his memories.
Sayuri propped the baby against his chest and reached for the pendant hanging from his neck.
She opened it and as the notes of a lullaby wheeled in the silence, she pressed the search button.
On the screen, just like that day long ago, the word "lost" was flashing.
The child laughed, his hands still wrapped around Zero's index.
A tear fell on Sayuri's cheek.
- So, we are just a memory, a wish, now...
Zero nodded, unable to speak.
- But a wish not so strong as to make you decide to stay.
He motioned with his head in denial and wiped away her tears with a finger.
There was always that part of him that suffered and cried and wanted to stay, surrender, sink happily in that wonderful dream and never wake up... and to hell with the Army, his duty, Project Herakles and those criminals playing with people's lives and feelings, to hell with reality.
But that was not his life and could never be it... not with the awareness of having abandoned Harlock, his comrades and especially her, who had become his hope, his today and tomorrow.
- There's another woman, isn't it?
The image of Marina swirled vivid in Zero's mind.
Another nod.
More tears on Sayuri's cheeks.
- Have you forgotten us?
- How could I? - Zero wiped those too, another caress full of nostalgia, love and regret - You are in my thoughts all the time, my love. You'll be for as long as I live.
It was true. With her, he had shared something unique and unrepeatable and, even after so many years, the love he felt for that woman had all the strength and purity from when it blossomed.
And that child was part of him, a wonderful miracle he knew it would never repeat again, and therefore even more precious.
Sayuri smiled.
- But you can not live forever alone, in the past and regret - she put her wet cheek against his hand - You went on with your life... Yes, I understand.
The child yanked his finger with a surprising energy for a tiny being like him and Zero felt a shock when his gums tightened around the phalanx and he began to suck.
- Are you happy?
He thought of Marina, his crew... his friends that now were his family.
- Yes - his voice was still hoarse and could hardly come out, but it was the truth.
- Then - she brought her face close to his - I am too.
- Sayuri...
- No - her hand left the pendant and rested on his cheek - Don't say anything. I know that if I were in your place, you wouldn't want me to get old alone and without love. I can let you go if it's for your happiness... Do it too.
Now, Zero was really just a step away from bursting into tears like a child.
His rational side knew it was stupid, that the one in front of him was not his Sayuri but only a projection of his mind, a lucid dream that perhaps his own subconscious was controlling to convince Harlock and shut his guilt... but he didn't care.
I'll never have another chance.
He took his son into his arms for what he knew would be the first and last time in his life.
His heart jumped in his chest when he felt the weight and the warmth of that little body in his arms, the softness of those brown hair, already thick and crazy like his own against his hand. The child stretched out his arms to him, kicked and laughed, just as if he knew he was his dad.
- Seiryu - he murmured, happy and desperate at the same time - His name is SEIRYU ** ...
- Your star - Sayuri looked at him moved, perhaps lost in her own memory, when, in their youth, they had chosen their guiding stars under the clear, starry sky in a valley that no longer existed, destroyed by bombs like their love story.
- Forever.
He bent down to kiss her parted lips and a tear rolled down his cheek.
- Do it now - Sayuri's voice was a whisper against his mouth.
Zero loosened his grip and let her take the child back.
Another rebel tear escaped his closed eyelids. He hugged them one last time, wishing they to vanish and come back to live only in his heart, wishing them to stay with him forever and not leave him ever again.
- Goodbye, my love.
Under his hands, Sayuri's shoulders lost their heat and substance.
Zero opened his eyes and watched as her pale skin, her soft hair and her beautiful blue eyes slowly lost their colors.
Seiryu stretched his hands out towards him again, then both vanished in a flicker that reminded him of the rippling on a calm lake's water when throwing a stone in it.
Behind them, the house vanished in turn.
In place of that building where he had spent so few years and so many happy moments, appeared that hole.
Zero didn't know what had been built in that place after the war; he never came back there from the day he returned after that terrible battle.
He wiped his eyes and turned back.
Harlock had approached him in silence; he put a hand on his shoulder and squeezed it, his expression unreadable.
- You'll meet them again, one day - he let him go - At the faraway point where Rings of Time come together, at the end of your long journey...
- Yes - Zero thought back of Tochiro and sighed - Maybe I can start believing it.
Harlock stooped, picked up a handful of ash and watched while a gentle breeze blew it out of his hand. Zero stood silently behind him, his arms folded across his chest.
- Do you believe me now?
- Such things can not happen in reality - Harlock stood up and clenched his now empty fist - So, as crazy as that sounds to me, it must be as you said.
He released his fingers and pulled the glove covering his right hand, turned to Zero and looked him straight in the eye.
- Just tell me one thing - his eyes darkened - How did I fall into it? Why am I here, devoid of my memories, living a life that is not mine and could never be?
Zero stared at him. The one before him was the young Harlock he once had known: a proud, valiant space warrior, disappointed by his own kind but still full of confidence in himself, his friends and future. He doubted he could understand and above all forgive the more mature and disheartened himself who had fallen into Kurai and hisassociates' web .
Perhaps he could even refuse to go back.
But I owe him the truth.
- You lost all your hopes and will to live, Harlock. Your enemies took advantage of it.
- Do you mean that I forgot just that promise? To live at all costs and never let the flame of hope burning in my heart be blown off?
Zero closed his eyes and thought back to the period following the loss of his family.
He had felt worthless, hollow, a dead man, back then.
For Harlock, to lose Maya, Tochiro and Emeraldas one after another must had been just as hard, and the idea of seeing his friend die again, indeed, of having to be the one giving him that freedom... he could barely imagine how much it could have pained him.
- Some experiences can blow off even the most bright and blazing of fires, Harlock. You're a human being, after all.
A grim grin drew itself on Harlock's scarred face.
- I am a stupid human being, if I really got carried away like that, whatever reason I could have - he threw away his glove and held out his hand - Do me a favor, Zero: When we come back, give me a good hammering, if I were to fall into it again. Indeed, give me a good hammering anyway.
Zero returned his grin and raised his arm in turn.
- With pleasure, my friend.
Harlock's fingers tightened around his palm and, as Kurai had told, their minds made contact.

* Sayuri means "little lily", but also "purity". As Zero's wife had no name (at least in the Italian series, the only one I saw), I invented it... but I accept corrections if I'm wrong! ^ _ ^

** Seiryu means "Heavenly Dragon" (yes, dear Zero is somewhat obsessed with Dragons! XD).
In eastern mythology, he's East guardian, associated with spring, blue and green colours and water element; he controls the rain, supports and defends his country. He's also the Emperor's symbol of the and, with Suzaku, the Red Phoenix (emblem of the Empress), he represents both the conflict that the joy of marriage.