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Chapter 36

Discovering Skander is divergent was a nice distraction, but when it came time to start our plan, I found myself become very nervous. At first it was just an annoying feeling inside my stomach, but it got worse with every hour that passed. I felt like I was going to throw up, my hands were constantly shaking and I kept mixing drinks tighter and making mistakes. Scott and Charlotte had commented on it, but I had just said I was having a bad day. Scott didn't pay much attention to me, but Charlotte kept a closer eye on me. It didn't help my nerves.

I hated not being able to keep an eye on my friends, not knowing what was happening with them. Marc, Sigrid and Victor were currently sitting outside the bar, acting casually. Judging by their amount of laughter I am guessing they are telling jokes. How can they laugh at a moment like this? I am practically dying from stress. It is a miracle that Scott and Charlotte haven't asked more questions.

I told Skander to get Michael and bring him to the bar. I had informed my partner in crime about what Skander had told me earlier, but left out the Divergent part. Skander would ask questions as to why I would tell Michael about it. I will tell him tomorrow. It didn't feel right to exclude the Dauntless born initiates like we were planning on doing. They disserve a fair chance. Michael wasn't buying Skander's explanation in the beginning and it took some of my convincing to finally get Michael to take Skander with him. They would find a way to get Sigrid, Andrew and Tyra in the simulation as well. Kane and Skander didn't need the help.

We all agreed on not letting Luissa join us. Skander pointed out that she would spill the beans to her uncle in a heartbeat. While one member of the group was in the simulation room, the other Dauntless born initiates would keep an eye on the girl. We had to be subtitle, but she went to see her uncle and she hadn't returned from that yet. Sigrid was keeping an eye on the corridor that leads to Max his office.

"Andy tell me what is going on? You look distracted and are hardly functioning," Charlotte points out to me after two hours and I curse myself for not hiding my anxiety better. I felt nearly sick from worry. My stomach was turning over every ten minutes and I was hot and cold at the same time. I hated not knowing and I took only a little comfort in seeing Sarah join Marc, Sigrid and Victor. She looked shaken up, but she also smiled. I wanted to walk over to her and find out how it went, but I couldn't leave the bar. I hope she comes here out of her own.

"Yeah, I am fine Charlotte. Just ate something bad I think," I assure the woman and smile at her. Scott was taking to some Dauntless men. They were regulars, almost here every night. Charlotte didn't seem convinced and laid her hand against my forehead: "You look like you might have a fever. You are very pale. Maybe you need some fresh air."

"That might help. Do you mind if I…" I ask and eye the storage room. Fresh air might do me some good. Charlotte assures me its okay and she pushes me towards the storage room. I thank her and walked out the door in the back. It leads to a deserted street. I sit down and lean my back against the cool wall. The cold helps me calm down. I have only been this worried in my life when Marie was inside our apartment building when it was on fire. I never knew I could worry this much. I was literally getting sick from it. I felt like throwing up, but nothing came. Just breathe Andy, just breath. Everything will work out and what's the worst that could happen? We all become factionless. At least we will be together. But I am not so sure they would throw us all out, because that would mean they would only have one initiate to pass this year, Luissa. Everyone else is involved in our scam tonight. They would punish us, hard, but I don't think they want to throw everyone out. And if they did, what is so bad about that? I mean, we can go to Tabassum and he would help us. Michael, Skander and I would be a lot safer. And we would be together.

But to be honest, I didn't want to become factionless. I want to become Dauntless. I want to succeed in this initiation. I want to be a member of this faction even though I don't agree with how things are run around here at the moment. But change doesn't happen overnight. What was that saying again…Rome wasn't built in one day. I think that would apply in this situation. Rome was a city in the ancient world I believe, somewhere in Europe. I wonder what's left of Europe. I wonder what it looked like. They never showed us any pictures outside of America, because it didn't matter what had happened in the past. The world outside of this city is dead, there is nothing left. I find that hard to believe actually. There used to live billions of people on this planet and only we are left? And if that is true, why do we need the fence around the city? What is it protecting us from? Or is it suppose to keep us inside the city? But why would they do that?

Maybe I am more Erudite then I like to admit, asking these kinds of questions. Maybe I am not interested in science and stuff, but there are other things I find fascinating, like history and biology. Not that we ever saw much of those subjects in class. History only focused on the history of this city, but it's only a hundred years old. What could happen in that period of time that is interesting to learn about? I'd rather hear about what happened outside of these fences. I wonder what happened in Europe and Asia. And what about people who lived on islands, like New Zealand? They are all gone too?

But why would they lie about something like that?

I need to stop thinking like this. It's not like I am going to get an answer about the outside world. I wonder if the others think about stuff like that. I am sure that Michael does and maybe Sarah too, but what about the others? Marnie and Kim only talk about clothes, boys, training and stuff like that. I don't think I have ever heard Marc and Victor discuss serious matters like politics and their dreams. Lucas is more of a thinker then his brother. He might not do badly in Erudite. Annie and Rob are starting to see things aren't as they appeared to be, so I think they are thinking more about this city and its faction system. I never understood the idea's that brought life to the faction system. It's so against human nature and limited. No wonder they hunt Divergents. We would suffocate in this system and rebel against it if we got the change.

I wonder how Marnie is doing in the simulation system. I hope Michael can help her. I think he would be a good teacher. God, I just hope nobody gets caught! Please, let us all make it through this night without any trouble. Please let us all stay together tomorrow! I notice my breathing is starting to sound shallow and I am having difficulties to catch my breath. I tell myself to take slow and long breaths, but my lunges refuse to listen. What if they punish my friends like they did with Sacha? What if they just shoot them and pretend it is justified? Breathing started to hurt and I can't calm down. What if I catch up to my friends after my job here and there is a group of Dauntless men standing there? My breath starts getting stuck in my throat and I can't breathe anymore.

Am I having a panic attack?

I need help; I cannot get out of this on my own. But who am I going to ask for help? If I call for Charlotte or Scott they will ask questions and I can't answer them right now. I don't really have a backup story that could explain my panic attack. But if I don't get any help, I am going to end up suffocating and Charlotte is bound to find out because she will wonder what is taking me so long.

Focus Andy, you can beat this. Just breathe and forget about your friends for a moment. They aren't stupid and they can handle themselves. Thinking about my friends only made matters worse and I started freaking out completely.

I place my hands against my ears and tried to block out any sounds, but the problem was that the noises I was hearing where coming from inside my own head. My brain wouldn't stop coming up with worst case scenarios. I closed my eyes and tried to block everything out, but it wasn't working. A faint noise came from my right. I think it was the door. I didn't look up and stayed focused on the mantra going through my head: just breath, your friends are fine.

"Andy, breath threw your nose," I hear a voice say, but my freaked out mind wasn't capable of figuring out who it was. I had to put all my energy into the action. My body was growing tired and I wasn't sure I was going to stay much longer conscious. It was working, but at a very slow pace. I felt two hands cup the back of my head and a forehead leaned against mine: "Breath with me, slowly and keep breathing threw your nose."

Cool air started entering my nose at a quicker pace and I could feel my body calming down. I was capable of breathing, but the panic stayed just below the surface. It could come back if I let my mind wonder to my friends. I felt the two hands at the back of my head take my hands away from my ears and I felt suddenly very cold because of the silence. I felt almost naked because of the silence around me. It was unnatural to me even though it was a deserted street, that wasn't used anymore expect by Scott, Charlotte and maybe four people from Amity.

The hands pulled me closer to the body in front of me and I laid my head against the man's chest. The scent I inhaled confirmed to me my suspicion of who was standing in front of me: Eric. He was crouched in front of me and he had taken his jacket off and laid it around my shoulders. When did he do that? I didn't mind it, it helped keep the cold away and the scent coming from it was having a calming effect on me.

"That's it, just breath. You're safe," Eric whispered and I felt my panic be replaced by anger. I was safe? He thinks I am safe? I pushed myself away from the man and looked at him. My eyes sending him daggers. He killed Sacha and I am safe? I was supposed to be down there with her. Would he have killed me so easily as well? My voice wasn't even when I spoke, but my anger was clearly audible in it: "I am safe you say. There is nowhere safe for me and you know that. I was supposed to be in that storage room. I was on my way down there when you intercepted her. I should have been there."

"But you weren't, so stop thinking about it," Eric tells me and it unnerves me that he can stay calm at a moment like this. I feel like bursting out of my skin and attack the man in front of me and he is just calm. Where is his anger for me yelling at him? I just admitted being involved with Sacha and he doesn't say anything about it: "I should stop thinking about? That's the third person to do die because of being involved with me."

"Third?" Eric asks and I feel like smacking him for thinking I am that naïve and stupid: "You think I am that stupid that I would believe Max when he told me my parents died in the Erudite fire? They weren't even in the building!"

"How do you know that?" Eric asks me and this time I can't stop myself from raising my hand. He doesn't stop it and my hand makes contact with his cheek. He turns his head from surprise and because of the force I had put into the slap. His question only made one thought go through my mind: "You know more about it!"

I launch my body forwards and push Eric back. He falls and I crawl on top of him quickly. I place one foot on one of his hands to keep it in place, while I push one arm down on his throat. In the back of my mind I know that Eric can overpower me easily, but I can't think straight anymore. He knows more about the murder of my parents and he didn't say anything about it. How dare he: "What do you know"

Eric lays his free arm around my waist and pulls me backwards. I have to let go of his other hand and he uses that to pull my arm away from his throat. I throw my fist at his jaw, but he catches it and he graphs both my arms. I can't pull them lose. He sits up and keeps my arms in place between us. I try to get up, but the grip he has on my arms is making that impossible: "Let me go!"

"I heard something that involved your parents, but I heard it a week after your parents death," Eric explained and I stop trying to get lose. He didn't know about it beforehand? Eric saw the question in my eyes: "No, I didn't know they were planning that. The Erudite fire was a cover-up, but apparently it wasn't a good one. How do you know it wasn't an accident."

"Max said my parents were found in our home, but Marie was alone there when the fire broke out. They went to Jeanine late that night," I said and felt myself calm down. Is he being honest? Did he really not know that they were planning on getting rid of my parents? But he must have known about the Erudite fire. Apparently not: "I found out about the cover-up a day later. I would never put that many people in danger to cover something up."

"Why not? You killed Sacha while you could have shot her in her leg or something. You didn't have to kill her," I tell the man and raise my voice again. The only reason I am not latching out again is because Eric is still holding my arms in a death grip. For some reason he seemed conflicted. He wanted to say something, but he couldn't. He looked down and I wonder why he killed Sacha. I lower my voice when I speak: "Eric, why did you kill her?"

"Because of you," he whispers back a few seconds later and I am confused. Why would he kill her because of me? What did I have to do with it? I wasn't down there, so no one could have known Sacha was there to meet with me. The tension I was keeping my arms faltered and I lowered them. Eric's grip lessened on them while he spoke: "They were asking questions about my involvement with you and my loyalty to the faction."

"What do you mean?" I ask. He killed her to fool everyone. Max isn't sure that Eric is doing his job, but why does Max think that? Eric continued: "You know I am observing you and yet I have never watched over you in the simulations. What? You really think Four is that subtitle or smart. I knew what he was doing and I let him. It didn't go by unnoticed."

It was the first time the words were spoken out loud between us. He knew that I knew that he was observing me and that he is involved with Jeanine, but we never admitted that in words. We just knew and that was what made this whole situation so damn messy. Or maybe bearably. Eric continued: "I know what you are and I know that the results Four entered in the system are false, but I never reported that."

"Why didn't you?" I ask and Eric looks up. My eyes meet his. He lets go of my arms and lays them at the back of my head. Despite being outside in the cold air, his hands are warm. They feel comfortable against my cold skin. He leans his forehead against mine and spoke: "Because I am selfish and I don't want to give you up."

I understood the meaning behind those words and I felt myself blush. Eric chuckles at the red covering my cheeks and he closes the distance between us. I let him and lay my arms around his neck. I push my chest against his and he lets his hands slide down my back. He lays his arms around my waist. I didn't care that we were sitting outside in the cold, on a deserted street and Charlotte and Scott could walk in on us any second. I just wanted to feel him and know that I was safe for a moment. I let him deepen our kiss and one of my hands found its way into his hair. We kissed slowly and gentle, but it had meaning. Eric was on my side, he was looking out for me. A thought occurred to me suddenly. I broke the kiss and leaned back slightly to look at Eric. He looked confused at me: "What happens tomorrow?"

Eric knew what I was talking about. His shoulders slump and it wasn't something I liked seeing him do. It meant that he didn't know and when Eric didn't know something, things were bad: "I don't know, we'll figure it out then."

"Are we?" I ask. I want to be sure. I want a confirmation that I am not facing him tomorrow, but just my fears. I want him to be honest and guarantee me that he will help me. I don't want him to be lying to me. He told me himself I couldn't trust him. Eric pulls me closer and I lay my head against his chest. I feel his lips leave a kiss at the top of my head: "We are."

"Then I need you to do something for me," I say and Eric pulls back and eyes me curiously: "What are you up to?"

"Me? Nothing, but you are going to have drinks with Lauren and Four and make sure they have a good time," I say and Eric still looks confused at me: "I can't tell you more, because you can't know. Just get them drunk or something."

"You want me to get another woman drunk?" Eric asks me and it hadn't occurred to me yet how my request must have sounded. Yeah, that basically what I am asking you to do: "I'll live, as long as it's not Amber."

"You know about Amber? Is that jealousy I am detecting in your voice?" Eric asks me and he leans his head closer and I shiver when I feel his breath touch my ears: "I didn't think you were the jealous type."

"What can I say, I don't like sharing," I answer honestly because there was no way that Eric would let this go if I lied. The man chuckles and he kisses my neck. I close my eyes and enjoy the path his lips are following down my neck. I moan out slightly when I feel Eric's warm hands crawl beneath my shirt and slide up my back. It was a very comforting feeling, but we had to stop. It was a miracle that Charlotte and Scott hadn't walked in on us yet: "Eric…we need…to…stop."

"Then pull away, I'm not stopping you," Eric teases me and I moan out again when he finds the sensitive spot beneath my ear. I had to pull away, but I couldn't bring my body to listen. One of my hands finds its way back into Eric's hair and I let my nails slide gently over his skull. Eric moans and I feel empowered by that to let my free hand slide under his shirt. I loved feeling his solid and firm muscles beneath my hand. I let my hand slide up and down his chest and I can tell by the way he is starting to breathe louder, that he is enjoying it. He pulls his lips away from my neck and finds mine again. He pulls his hands away from my back and I can't suppress myself from letting out a disappointed sound. Eric chuckles and his lips find my ear: "Don't worry, initiate. I'm not done with you yet."

I felt my stomach do a summersault at the thought and I forgot all thoughts of my friends for a few minutes. Eric stood up and he picked me up with him in the process. I loved when he did that. I loved it when he was being dominating. I loved that he could just pick me up and practically do with me whatever he wants too. My stomach did another summersault at that thought. My feet make contact with the ground and Eric pushes his jacket of my shoulders. It falls to the ground and is forgotten for awhile. The man's hands find their way back beneath my shirt and this time they slide to my chest. I moan in pleasure when he touches me so intimately. He breaks our kiss: "I thought you had to go? Are you enjoying yourself to much?"

"Damn you," I curse at him and let my nails slide down his head a bit harder this time. He groans at me and his lips find mine again. He deepens the kiss and I let my nails slide down Eric chest and he shivers significantly. I repeat my action and let my nails slide down to his stomach. He breaks the kiss and he sounds very husky when he speaks: "If you don't want us to stay here for another couple of hours, I suggest you do not do that again."

I don't stop the blush from covering my cheeks and I am very pleased with Eric's reaction. I pull my hand out his hair and kiss him one last time before I pull away. I let my nails run down Eric's stomach one more time and he groans in the nook of my neck. He bits my neck playfully and I chuckle. It's nice being the one in control for once. It is usually Eric who drives me crazy.

I pull myself lose and feel very pleased when I hear Eric curse my name under his breath. I pick up his jacket and give it back to him. People would ask questions if they saw me wearing it. I want to walk back inside, feeling very pleased with myself, when Eric stops me and presses his chest against my back. One arm is laid around my chest and it prevents me from walking away. Eric's whispers in my ear when he speaks: "Two can play at that game." I shiver and feel my breath get stuck in my throat when I feel Eric's other hand slide up my thigh and being pulled away just when it is getting to close to its destination. A rough kiss is left behind in my neck and Eric walks inside. I follow him after a minute of cursing him in my head and use the cool air to calm myself down.

Damn him.

When I join Charlotte behind the bar she eyes me with a smirk covering her face. She saw us. She doesn't say anything, but doesn't stop smirking and I end up smacking her from behind with a towel to get her to stop. When she wants to say something about it, I cut her off: "Don't even dare."

"I wouldn't. I have to admit if it had been me and Scott in that ally, you would have ended up doing the bar all by yourself for the entire evening," Charlotte tells me with a low voice to make sure that Scott didn't hear her. Damn her and Eric. The blush covering my cheeks made the woman laugh: "Don't worry, I won't tell anyone. This secret is too good to share!"

"I hate you," I tell Charlotte and she gets back me with her towel. We laugh and go back to work. Scott is refilling the taps, while Charlotte and I serve customers. I can see Lucas, Victor, Andrew and Sarah sit outside the bar, still acting like nothing was going on. Eric was standing around a table, talking to Lauren. She was holding a drink that I might have spiked with a bit more alcohol than usual. Four was standing next to Eric, talking to Tori. They were laughing. The whole evening I keep serving customers and keeping an eye on my friends and Eric. Every time someone new joined my friends, I feel a bit better.

Around two the bar was practically empty, say for a handful of people. Lauren and Tori were drunk. They needed support to get back to their apartments. Four laid Tori's arm around his shoulder and I was surprised he could handle the contact. Maybe it is because of the alcohol. Eric walks back to the bar and talks to Scott. I ignore them, but feel Eric eyes on my body while I talk to two Dauntless men. They were drunk and telling me funny stories. Apparently listening to drunken customers comes with the territory of working in a bar. Charlotte joins us and after a few seconds she whispers in my ear: "If you want, you can go. You might be able to pick up where you left earlier."

I was glad that the lighting in the bar covered my flaming cheeks, because I would never live this one down. Charlotte laughs and I punch her on her arm and stop myself from thinking back to Eric's hands on my body. I send the woman a threatening glare: "Watch it Charlotte, I know where you live and I can…"

"Yeah that might be true, but I am currently wondering where it is you sleep at night," Charlotte mocks me further and I bite the inside of my cheek to stop myself from doing something stupid. There was a little bit of truth in what she was saying. With the way things were going, I might start to wonder where I would sleep at night.

"Get out of here," Charlotte tells me and pushes me from behind the bar. I ignore Charlotte and Eric's eyes following me and leave the bar. I need to join my friends and forget about Eric for tonight. I walk over to Lucas and he grins at me: "Everything is going according to plan. Sarah, Marnie, Kim, Rob and Sigrid have gone in the simulation and Michael was able to help them."

"Good, I am going to join them. Maybe Michael needs some air or something," I say and leave my friends behind. Michael knew I was going to join him when I was done with my shift in the bar, so he should be expecting me right about now. I try to walk casually towards the simulation room. I take the long route to make sure that no one is following me. Still I get there quickly and I knock one time on the door. It would signal Michael that it was me at the door. The door is opened quickly and I am pulled in the room.

Annie is lying in the simulation chair and she seems to be relatively calm. I turn to Michael and he looks tired. He should go to sleep before he does something wrong because of his fatigue: "How is she doing?"

"Good, she needed some help with her fear of heights, but once she knew that I was watching over her, she started to focus and was able to get passed her fears," Michael explains and he sits down in the chair behind the computer. He informs me how the others did during their tries. Because we let the Dauntless born initiates join us, they had made some changes in our lineup. They couldn't have the Dauntless born initiates leave one by one, because Luissa would notice. Sarah was the one who needed the most help. She froze every time when she was confronted with her fears. Michael isn't sure if she will be able to handle it tomorrow. The others usually need Michael's voice to remind them that it was only a simulation and that they should focus. Rob turned out to be really good at getting passed his fears once he let go of his emotions.

Michael showed me how to work the simulation program. I shivered when I saw that I had to inject my friends with a needle. There were buttons I had to stay away from because they would record the simulation and that would get us caught. The program was fairly simple.

Annie woke up quickly after that. She was surprised to see me standing there, but glad as well. I gave her a hug and told her she did well in the simulation. Almost everyone was in the simulation between twenty and thirty-five minutes. Andrew joined us ten minutes after Annie had left. Michael showed me how to put Andrew in the simulation and we guided him threw it. We could manage on his down with his first five fears, but he couldn't get passed killing someone. He walked into a room and he was ordered to kill a man. He was sitting on his knees, waiting for it to be over. He wasn't fighting or anything, just waiting calmly. Andrews fear made me realize that I didn't have this kind of fear. In fact I had pulled the trigger on a man once. True it was during an ambush, but still. I was capably of murder. It was something I hated about myself.

When I still lived in Erudite I never really thought about what I liked about myself and what I hated. Since I arrived here, I have been reflecting a lot on myself and what kind of person I want to become and what kind of person I am turning into. There is a big difference between those two.

Andrew ended up facing three new fears, but he was able to face them. I had a feeling that the Dauntless born initiates were better at dealing with their fears. They seemed to be able to get over their emotions quicker than us transfers. Maybe that is because they are raised to be brave from a young age.

Michael left with Andrew and I got company from Tyra and Marc. They were the last once to go into the simulation. Skander and the twins were on the lookout and we would all leave together when we were done. Marc helped me guide Tyra threw her fears. I was surprised to find out she wasn't as collected as her fellow Dauntless born initiates. She let her emotions get to her easily and we had to guide her threw all her fears. I discovered I wasn't as patient as I thought I was and Marc ended up doing most of the work. Tyra seemed to listen to him. Her last fear involved confinement and she got a panic attack. The scene looked familiar to mine and I felt my own fear surface: "Tyra, you need to stop thinking and just focus on breathing threw your nose. Just focus on that, that's it. Through your nose. It will help you calm down. I know what this fear is like, but you have to look around to find away to get out of the confinement."

When Tyra was capable of breathing properly again, she searched the floor for something to jam the lock with. She found a rock. The lock broke and she walked out of the locked space. She woke up from the simulation. She was relatively calm. She thanked us for our help. I nodded: "Don't mention it. Just think about our voices when you go in tomorrow and you will do fine."

Tyra helped me get Marc ready and he went in the simulation smoothly. Tyra sat down on the ground next to the computer and I sat down in the chair behind the computer. Marc was doing a good job dealing with his fears. I sigh: "Almost done and then we can get out of here."

"Yeah, it's been a stressful night," Tyra agrees with me and I look at her. She had bangs under her eyes and she was having difficulty at keeping them open. She looked overall exhausted. I probably looked the same: "You can say that again. I had a panic attack in the bar because I was so worried about you guys."

"Really?"

"Yeah, these people are my family and you guys aren't too bad to hang out with. I want us all to walk away from this without getting caught. I don't exactly have a great track record at getting away with things I am not supposed to do," I explain and Tyra laughs: "You are right and that does not calm me down."

"I know, I just want us all to get threw stage two of initiation, together," I look at Tyra and she nods. We were on the same page and maybe these people could become part of our family one day. They could help us find our place here in Dauntless and learn to live according to their standers.

"Have you thought about what kind of job you want to do if you get passed initiation?" Tyra asks me after a few minutes. Marc is still able to face his fears alone, but we sometimes give him some encouragement to make sure he knows we are with him: "No not really, I don't even know what kind of jobs there are here."

"Leader, guarding the fence, be a representative for Dauntless, working in the compound… You might be good in the kitchen," Tyra jokes and I grin evilly at her: "I know, I can poison everyone in this compound and make it look like an accident."

"Maybe you're right, I might just join you. We can rebuild Dauntless in whatever fashion we want," Tyra thinks out load and join in her fantasy: "I am in charge of fashion and I decide that everyone wears the same black shorts."

"What's with you and shorts? I have never seen you wear anything else," Tyra asks me and I wonder why everyone thinks it's so weird that I always wear the same cloths. I don't have anything else and I don't want to snoop of from the Dauntless more than I am already doing: "I don't know. They are comfortable and practical for training."

"Yeah, but don't you want to stand out a bit more? You are pretty plain this way," Tyra points out and I think about it. Dauntless is famous for its interesting clothing styles and haircuts. Maybe I don't look as Dauntless I think I do: "Maybe one day I'll wear a top instead of a t-shirt."

"If we get passed this stage of initiation, Kane, Skander and I are getting a new tattoo. You guys should join us. Maybe we can get something that represents tonight and our teamwork," Tyra suggests and I agree with her. It would be nice to do that together. But the thought of a needle piercing my skin freaked me out. Tyra noticed and I explained: "I hate needles. I really hate them with a passion you cannot believe I posses. I'll watch you guys get tattoos, but I'll stay on the sideline."

"We shall see about that," Tyra says and I don't like the way she says it. I wouldn't put it passed her and her brother to force me to get one and knowing my friends, they would support it. I shiver at the idea and make a mental note to stay away from Tori's place for a few days.

We end up only having to help Marc with his last fear. Tyra talked him threw it and it surprised me how calm her voice was when she spoke. She was usually the spitfire of the Dauntless born initiates and here she was talking like a mother to a child who was afraid. It's funny how you get to see these sides of people. They are sides I never thought I would see or that I even knew existed. Tyra saw my surprise: "I have four younger siblings, who I had to babysit a lot."

We shut down the program and double check to make sure that we don't leave any evidence behind. We slowly open the door and Marc spies into the corridor. It is deserted and he doesn't hear any noises coming from the pit. Everyone must have gone to bed. It is four o'clock already. Great, I usually get up in three hours and Michael has to get up in one for kitchen duty. I feel bad from him. It's going to be a long day for him. I lock the door behind me and hide the keys in my pocket.

We walk quietly but quickly away from the simulation room. We split from Tyra in the pit and Marc and I end up running to our room to release our build up stress. We open the door and everyone is still awake, even Michael although he looks terrible. Marc closes the door behind us and I burst out laughing. All my fears for getting caught and something happening to my friends just poured out of me. I was laughing so hard, I had tears running down my cheeks. The others looked at me and after a few seconds burst out as well.

"I cannot believe we did that!" Marnie laughs and rolls from her bed. That makes everyone laugh even harder. I found it most unusual to see Sarah laugh so openly. She didn't do that a lot. It was a refreshing sight to withhold.

"I feel like my fears are almost nothing compared to actually breaking into the simulation room and using it," Marc whips the tears from his eyes and Kim agrees: "Yeah, screw those fears, they weren't even real. When I was walking to the simulation room, I felt like the whole compound was watching me."

"Oh don't you all dare to complain. I had a panic attack because I was so worried about you losers and no one thought it might be a good idea to let me know how things were coming along. I hate you all," I say when I can control my laughter and everyone looks at me: "I am serious; I had an actual panic attack because of you people."

"Oh poor you," Annie says and she gives me a hug. I fold my arms over each other and try to look angry, but the laughter from the others is too contagious to ignore. I lay my head on Annie's shoulder and we all laugh together.

What a perfect moment. I hope we can all still be here tomorrow night.

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