Elsa was standing in a dark chamber or cavern. Well, at least the walls were effectively hidden in a blue-black murk. But the ground beneath her feet seemed to be almost glowing white. She looked down and gasped.
She wasn't standing on any ordinary floor, not even the rough hewn one of a rocky cave. She was standing on a giant snowflake that had to be nearly ten feet across from one edge to the other. Nor was it the only one. Six-sided crystals of every conceivable shape and size surrounded her. They crisscrossed and overlapped haphazardly, yet there was no mistaking one undeniable pattern.
The huge flakes formed a wandering, meandering path that stretched off into the unknowable distance.
After only a moment's hesitation, Elsa began to walk. It seemed like the only sensible thing to do. She followed the glowing white road, not daring to step off of it even in those places where it narrowed to a chain of individual crystals barely wide enough for her to stand on. Despite their moon-like shine, the snowflakes illuminated nothing to either side of the path. Either the material that made up the rest of the floor reflected no light whatsoever, or there simply was no rest of the floor. She was unwilling to take the risk in order to find out one way or the other.
Since there was nothing else to see, Elsa found her eyes drawn downward to the pearlescent ice beneath her feet. Each crystal tile was a unique work of art. Some were nearly solid sheets of ice, but with ridges and grooves around the edges that would suddenly turn inwards, stretching back to converge near the center. Others appeared to be fragile, feathery traceries – six symmetrical arms radiating outward from a central hub, but with infinitely intricate branches up and down their lengths. They looked like they would surely crack under the slightest pressure. Yet there were a few places where she had no choice but to trust their delicate webwork with her full weight. They didn't so much as vibrate when she stepped across them.
She was so mesmerized by the endless variations and the geometrical beauty that the passage of time and distance went completely unheeded. She felt no fatigue, no impatience. She thought she could continue down this path forever and never get tired, neither physically nor spiritually. Every step was like an epiphany. Every new pattern only made her feel more alive.
"It's beautiful, isn't it?"
Elsa's head jerked up at the sound of the voice. A short way ahead of her, the path ended, with the last few crystals climbing up the base of a wall that could barely be made out otherwise. But between her and that terminus stood an all too familiar figure.
"You again," she said aloud. She'd meant for it to sound bold and defiant, dismissive and unimpressed. Instead, it had come out more weary and wary.
Her dark self smiled, one corner of her mouth crooking upwards again the way it always did. "I'm glad to see you remember me. I was beginning to think you must have forgotten."
"Very nearly," Elsa admitted. "You were – are – just a dream, after all."
"Oh, I am, am I?" The other girl's amusement colored her voice and lent a dark sparkle to her eyes. "And do you often tell yourself that you're dreaming whilst within a dream?"
Elsa was determined not to let herself become flustered. "Not often, no. But it has happened once or twice. I will admit, it's a rather peculiar feeling. Given how peculiar things feel at this particular moment, though, I'd say that would be just about right."
"Yes, we can be very peculiar, can't we?" The voice spoke right into Elsa's ear. She turned to find herself, somehow unsurprisingly, nose to nose with... herself. The familiar face beneath the unfamiliar hair grinned back at her broadly.
"What do you want?" Elsa sighed.
"Me?" The voice and the face were the epitome of bruised innocence. "How can I possibly want anything? This is your dream, after all. What do you want?"
"At the moment, a good strong pinch so that maybe I could wake up."
Her doppelganger reached out and obligingly tweaked her arm quite sharply.
"Ow!" Elsa exclaimed, rubbing the spot.
"Well, it seems that didn't quite work out after all, did it? But now you have to ask yourself: did you really feel that pain, or did you just dream that you felt it?"
Elsa rolled her eyes. Then she turned her back on her annoying twin and walked the few remaining strides until she reached the very end of the road. Even this close, she could not see the wall clearly. As she looked from side to side, it seemed she could almost catch a glimpse of it out of the corner of her eye. But the minute she turned to focus on it, it vanished.
Figuring she had nothing to lose, she reached out her hand to where she knew the wall must be. There was definitely something there, because her fingers refused to move forward any further. Still, she could get no sense of the surface. It was neither warm nor cold, neither smooth nor rough, neither hard nor yielding. The only appreciable aspect that it had was its there-ness.
This has got to be a dream, she told herself yet again. Which means that no amount of common sense is going to get me out of it. So I might as well play along.
She turned around and leaned back against the wall-that-almost-wasn't. The other her was now sitting down on one of the snowflakes. The path branched at that point, only to come back together a short distance further along, so there was a gap in the middle of the road. Her legs were dangling over the edge into that hole. The two girls stared at each other, one still smiling, the other inscrutable.
"What should I call you?" Elsa asked at last. "What is your name?"
"Hmm. Well, if this is just a dream, that means I must just be a part of your own mind. The smart and clever part, I'm sure. So I suppose that means you should call me Elsa!"
"No, I don't think so," she said, shaking her head. "It's confusing enough that we have the same face."
"Well then, since I'm apparently a figment of your imagination, I suppose it's up to you to choose a name for me."
Elsa considered this for a moment. She wasn't particularly happy with the idea. If she came up with the name, then it felt like she'd be in some way taking responsibility for this... whatever she was. You generally don't give a name to something that you'd be just as happy to see go away. You name something that you care for, that you'd have reason to call out to. It would be like naming a pet.
On the other hand, a name would allow for some distance between them. She wouldn't have to think of this girl as "the other me" all the time. Instead, she would be able to think of her as...
"Fare," Elsa declared.
"Fare? Fah-ruh." Her twin rolled the word around in her mouth, as if tasting it. "Norwegian for danger?" A wide grin split her face. "I like that!"
"Why am I not surprised?" Elsa muttered. Taking a deep breath and squaring her shoulders, she decided to make one more attempt at getting a straight answer, though she had very little hope of succeeding. "So why am I here?"
"You've come here because you're hoping to find what you're looking for."
"And what would that be?"
"Answers, of course."
Elsa laughed. "Then clearly, I've come to the wrong place."
Fare rocked backwards, looking up and around at the darkness that surrounded them both. "Maybe," she conceded. "Or maybe you're just asking the wrong questions."
The princess scoffed. "I'd ask you what questions I ought to be asking, but I somehow doubt you'd give a useful answer to that question either."
Fare's lopsided grin returned. "She can learn!"
"Yes, I can see how that would come as a surprise, particularly if you're supposed to be my teacher."
"I really don't understand why you're being so touchy," Fare commented offhandedly. "I mean, all I've done so far is try to help you."
Elsa opened her mouth, prepared to deliver another pithy rejoinder, when she actually stopped to think over that statement. Might it not actually be true? After all, hadn't she had the revelation about her ice magic after their last talk? If she allowed herself to believe any of this, then Fare had steered her in that direction. Yes, she'd done it as cryptically as she possibly could have, but still.
"Why should I believe you?" she inquired. Her tone, though not exactly friendly, was at least less confrontational than it had been a moment ago. It was the sound of someone who was looking for a reason to trust.
"Ask me no questions and I'll tell you no lies," was Fare's sing-song response. Naturally, though, she couldn't just leave it at that. "Ask me a question, and I'll ask you one back. Then, will you lie to yourself?"
Suddenly, Elsa saw the trail of hints that had been laid before her as clearly as she could see the crystalline path upon which she stood. Fare had tried to help her by getting her to think about ice. Elsa had spent months looking for answers as she struggled to learn this new skill. But now... well, it wasn't exactly that she was lying to herself so much as that she was not being true to herself. She had turned away once again from everything that Fare had encouraged her to embrace during their last meeting.
"This is because I've stopped my practices, isn't it?" she asked meekly.
For once, the other girl did not reply. Instead, she merely looked back at Elsa expectantly, like a teacher waiting for her student to work her way through a particularly difficult problem.
"I'm sorry," Elsa admitted. "It was all my fault. I got careless, and Father nearly caught me. As it is, he saw me without my gloves on, and now he thinks that I'm able to rein in my powers. But I can't! I still need more time. The problem is that now I'm afraid to even try any more, because what if he finds out? I just know he wouldn't approve, and he'd be so angry with me. I still remember that look on his face when I lost control on my birthday. I mean yes, he apologized for the way he acted, but that doesn't mean that his disappointment wasn't real. And that was just an accident. If he found out I was doing magic on purpose, I don't know what might happen..."
Without saying a word, Fare rose to her feet. She walked forward, right through the gap in the path into which her feet had been dangling only seconds earlier, as if it were now solid as stone. She closed the distance between them until she stood only an arm's length away. Then she stared at Elsa, scrutinizing her with the same look that most people reserved for something foul stuck to the bottom of their shoe.
Suddenly, she pulled back her hand, palm open wide to slap Elsa across the face.
Elsa cringed away from the blow, raising her hands in an attempt to shield herself. Only after several seconds had passed did she realize that the hand had not fallen. Cautiously she turned back, peering between her still upraised arms to see what had happened.
Fare stood in exactly the same position she had held before Elsa had recoiled. However, a pillar of ice had somehow sprouted straight up from the giant snowflake below them, and it now encased the dark-haired girl's wrist and forearm, effectively immobilizing her swing. This did not seem to alarm Fare in the slightest. In fact, she was examining the column critically, her eyebrows raised ever so slightly. Without taking her eyes away from the shaft of ice, she spoke.
"Why are you so afraid of what ordinary people think of you? Clearly, you have little reason to fear that they might hurt you. What is it that you think would happen if they found out your little secret?"
"It's... it's not like that," Elsa stammered. Then, remembering that she might as well be arguing with herself here in this place, she sighed. "Alright, yes, I suppose it is. But I'm not afraid that they might hurt me. Even though I don't know if I could actually defend myself like this in the real world, that isn't the problem at all.
"I'm scared that they might fear me. Or hate me. Is it really so wrong, to want to be liked? But if I can't control my powers, then they would have every right to fear me. If I can't keep myself from doing again what I once did to Anna... Well, there's a word for someone like that, for a person who brings pain and suffering indiscriminately to those around her."
She wrapped her arms tightly around herself and turned her face away, as if warding off another oncoming blow. The next word came out like the foulest profanity, one that she was embarrassed to even find upon her lips.
"Monster."
She felt Fare's arm drape across her shoulders. How she had freed it from the ice, Elsa did not know. In this nonsensical dreamscape, it hardly mattered. When the mysterious girl spoke, however, her voice was devoid of the haughty arrogance that normally colored it. It was warm and kind and filled with understanding.
"Did you ever stop to think that, to the so-called monsters, the normal people are the wicked ones? How do we know that the imagined horrors of our collective nightmares would not simply prefer to be left alone, in peace? But because they are different, because they are special, they are persecuted and pursued and never given that chance. Is it so hard to understand how, after being so mercilessly harassed all their lives, they might finally strike back at those who have tormented them? Can they be blamed for lashing out at those who would not allow them a moment's respite?"
"Not everyone is like that," Elsa answered. "I choose to believe that most people, in their hearts, are basically good."
"Then why worry about what they think? If ordinary people are so wonderful, why are you afraid of how they might react?"
"I wish you wouldn't do that," Elsa said.
"Do what?"
"Talk about 'ordinary people' as if it's some sort of insult. My mother and father are both ordinary, by your definition. So is my sister. That doesn't mean I love them any less, and I won't have you belittling them."
Fare paused before she spoke again. "You didn't answer my question. If you think that... people are basically kind and forgiving, then why should you fear how they might react?"
Elsa considered this for a long time before she finally gave her reply. "Because I'd like to think that I am a kind and forgiving person myself. And I'm terrified of me."
"Ah." The faintest touch of its usual smugness had crept back into the other voice, so much like her own otherwise. "And now we finally get to the real problem. What was it that Mother and Father used to tell us? People fear what they don't understand. You do not understand yourself, Elsa. You still do not comprehend your abilities and what they can do, and so you fear them.
"Which means, of course, that the only way you can ever hope to overcome your fear is to learn who you truly are. So yes, you are here because you stopped practicing. You are here because you are afraid to move forward, but also because you're afraid to remain where you are.
"In the end, I suppose, that's what it all comes down to. You can continue to hide in fear, knowing that nothing will ever change. Or you can take a chance and try to push ahead despite your fears, knowing that if you succeed, everything will change.
"The choice is yours, Elsa. It always has been. It always will be. It's a choice you will have to make every day for the rest of your life."
She recognized the truth in those words. How could she not? It was as if they had come from the very depths of her soul. So now she had a decision before her. Whatever she chose could very well decide the course that she would follow for all the years yet to come.
"Thank you, Fare," she said, and she turned to smile at the enigmatic apparition.
Except that the other girl was not there. Elsa spun completely around, looking for her only companion upon this icy road. Then she noticed that even the road had vanished. All that remained was the single crystal upon which she now stood. As she watched, it too began to shrink, forcing her towards the center as the edges inexorably melted away. In a matter of seconds, there would be nothing left.
The choice is yours. The words came back to her once more. She had to decide. Would she stay where she was, afraid to move, waiting until the darkness consumed everything around her? Or would she take a chance and continue her journey forward, in hopes that one day she might find the light once again?
The snowflake was barely large enough for her to stand on now. There was no more time. Whatever she was going to do, she had to do it now. She inhaled deeply, feeling her shoulders straighten as her lungs filled with air. Then, as the last bit of ice disappeared beneath her feet, she lifted her right leg.
Looking straight ahead, Elsa stepped off into the black unknown.
"I knew you could do it."
The familiar voice came out of the darkness like the sun suddenly exploding over the rim of the world. In an instant, the inky blackness was gone, and Elsa found herself standing amid the featureless whiteness where she'd had her first dreamlike encounter months ago. There was no path here, no guideposts to mark her trail, no way to even know which direction she should take.
But there was hope.
As she stood there, trying to come to grips with everything that had just happened, she looked about for the source of those last words. The voice had not been her own. Nor was it Fare's. And yet she was certain that she knew it. It was only because it had been so unexpected, particularly in this strange place, that she struggled to put a name to it.
When the realization finally hit her, it sent her staggering back a step. She redoubled her efforts, searching in every direction in a vain attempt at finding the speaker. Even if this was a dream, she would give anything to see the face that went along with that voice. At last, though she knew it was probably futile, she called out into the emptiness.
"Anna!"
From the infinite distance, the voice came again. It might have started out as a shout (it was impossible to tell), but it reached her ears as barely a whisper.
"I will be right here."
Elsa whirled on the spot. It had sounded like the words had come from that direction, though she couldn't be sure. Still, it was as good a direction as any other. Striding forward with purpose and determination, she set off on a journey that she could only hope would end in a too-long-delayed reunion with her sister.
Wait for me, Anna, she thought. I'm coming.
• • •
"Ellinor! Ellinor, wake up!"
The queen felt herself being shaken roughly, but it was a distant, disconnected sensation. It was the voice that finally penetrated through to her, that reached down and grasped at her. With a mighty effort, she turned towards that voice and fought her way slowly up from the heavy depths of her sleep.
Her eyes opened to see Agdar leaning over her, concern etched into every line of his face.
"Ellinor! Oh, thank heaven." He sat back heavily on his haunches. The hand that had been shaking her so insistently now moved to clutch at his heart. His eyes, pupils wide in the near darkness, stood out starkly against the skin of his face, which seemed to have been drained of all color. In short, the king looked terrified.
"What is it?" Ellinor asked muzzily, still not fully awake. "What's wrong? Has something happened?"
Agdar stared at her for a heartbeat, as if the words she had spoken were somehow incomprehensible to him. When he finally spoke, it seemed to take him a great deal of effort.
"You wouldn't wake up."
She glanced around the room. "Well, it is the middle of the night, Agdar," she said a little dryly. Suddenly, she shivered. And having starting shaking, she found that she could not stop. Only then did she take stock of her own situation.
She was drenched from head to toe in a cold sweat. The bedclothes were tangled about her as if she'd been thrashing in her sleep. Her pillow had been flung off the bed and lay on the floor several meters away. She looked again at her husband, her eyes now grown wide, and only then noticed the parallel red scratches across his neck.
"I've been trying to wake you for more than three minutes," he said. "You were having some sort of nightmare. At first, you were just tossing and turning, but then you started to flail about like mad. I tried to restrain you, to keep you from hurting yourself. Then you fought me, as though your very life depended on it.
"I was beginning to fear you would never wake up."
Ellinor just stared back at him, trying to make some sense of his story.
"Do you remember what you were dreaming?" he asked her with startling intensity. Clearly, he hoped the answer would help explain what he had just been through. Unfortunately, all she could do was shake her head.
"I don't remember anything," she said. "Just the sound of your voice calling my name, and then waking up here in bed. That's all."
Something about the look he gave her then – or more to the point, something about the way he turned away from her to hide his look – sent another violent shiver down her spine. "Agdar?" Pushing herself up on one elbow, she reached out with her other hand and turned his head to face her. Even so, his eyes were lowered and he would not meet her gaze. "Agdar, what aren't you telling me?"
She watched him visibly pulling himself together. Then at last, he raised his eyes to hers. "This isn't the first time something like this has happened," he said with great care, "though it is the first time it's ever been this bad. It doesn't occur all that often. At first, it was just the tossing and turning, and that would always subside after a minute or two. I never thought anything more of it than just an occasional bad dream.
"Then sometime during the last few years, it started to get a little worse. I've taken a few surprisingly forceful smacks from you in the middle of the night. But when I would call out your name, that seemed to be enough to get through to you, and you would calm down again. You would never wake up and you would never say anything about it the next morning. Since it didn't seem to be bothering you, and the only real consequence appeared to be a little bit of lost sleep on my part, I still didn't say anything. After all, what we've been going through would be reason enough to give anyone a few bad dreams now and then.
"But tonight..." He reached up and, with both of his hands, grasped the one of hers that was still pressed against his cheek. His gaze was now locked with hers, which was just as well. Words seemed to have failed him, but everything left unsaid was there to be read in his eyes.
She gently pulled her hand back toward her chest, and he followed it down until he lay beside her on the bed. Turning to face him, she ran her fingernails through his light auburn hair. "I'm sorry to have worried you," she said softly. "And I wish you had told me about this sooner. I suspect you're right, though. It's likely just the stress taking its toll. Tonight was probably only worse because of my little incident with Anna. Hopefully, it won't happen again."
He nodded once, then leaned forward and pressed his lips gently against hers. "I really don't mind a few sleepless nights. It's only the thought of losing you that I can't bear."
She smiled tenderly. "I'm not going anywhere, Agdar. I promise."
So saying, she rolled over and fitted her back against the curve of her husband's chest and thighs. His arm slipped beneath hers, and their fingers intertwined. She felt him kiss her once just behind her ear before he settled himself snuggly against her. After only a few minutes, she felt his breathing become slow and steady as he once again fell back to sleep.
Ellinor, however, found that sleep had now fled quite beyond her reach. For despite the fact that she could not remember a single thing about whatever nightmare had so violently plagued her that night, she found herself absolutely petrified at the prospect of facing it yet again.
When Agdar awoke the next morning, she made no mention of the sleepless hours she had spent staring off into the night.
