Heart of the Swarm Chapter 36
What was only a few seconds seemed so much longer to Jim. Without hesitation he had attacked the hybrid but after that everything seemed to be hazy.
He found himself lying on the floor of the building they had been hiding in. His chest felt eerily cold as if air was moving right through his body. He wanted to reach up and touch his own chest but found that he could not get his body to respond. He knew he was loosing a lot of blood. His severed hand alone would be enough to drain but he was sure that he had several more injuries.
His eyes were open but he could only see fading light and shadows. There were faint sounds as well. Probably the battle, he thought. He hoped Chase and the others found away out.
Then he felt her. Even in the haze and coldness he could feel her. The link they shared was a warm light beckoning to him. He felt his head being lifted up and gently placed on a pair of legs laced with armor. He didn't need to see whose they were. He had memorized every inch of her body. Every curve and hardened edge was as familiar to him as his own body.
He heard her whispering to him. She begged him to stay with her, not to leave her. He desperately wanted to tell her that he would never do such a thing. He wanted to tell her that every moment he spent away from her was agony in itself. He will Es his mouth to open but what came out was not his voice but gurgling blood. He choked on it, unable to breath.
He tried to calm himself. Maybe if he settled down he could buy himself more time. Time to say goodbye to those he cared about. This was different from his previous injuries. He could tell right away that he was beyond help. Even torture from Mengsk's shapeshifter did not drive his body over the edge like this. It had wanted to keep him alive as long as possible so it could deliver as much pain as possible. The hybrid did not care about such things. All it wanted was to end the threat that Jim had posed.
The realization that he was dying brought about a new onset of coldness. It chilled him throughout his broken body. It traveled up his spine. Not one single part of him was spared from this. He wondered if this was why people always said death was cold. He wasn't sure if he had ever believed them. After all the battles he had seen he thought of death as more like a fire that burned your insides until there was nothing left. He couldn't even begin to describe the icy touch that ran through him. It felt like it was shutting down each part of him until...
He didn't know what would happen then. Would he just fall asleep or would his final moments be filled with pain? It seemed strange that he had never pondered it before. Death had been a part of his daily life for so long now but none of this had ever occurred to him.
The one thing Jim knew for certain is that he was afraid. He was afraid like never before. He had stared down death in the face before but that was when he thought he had nothing left to live for. Those days were spent either on the battlefield or drowning himself in liquor. It was different now. He had never wanted to live as much as he did now.
How strange fate seemed to be. When he thought Sarah lost forever he risked his life almost recklessly. No matter the odds he always seemed to find a way to survive. Now that he and Sarah were finally together he finally got into a fight that he could not win.
He supposed he should have been grateful that he had a second chance with her. With the galaxy falling apart around them such chances were few and far between. How many lives had he already seen destroyed? How many people torn from those they loved? Husbands, wives, brothers, and sisters that felt the utter sorrow and guilt of having survived the horrors of their sector. They lived while others died.
He supposed he should have been grateful but he could not bring himself to feel that way. He felt bitter and angry at a life that had been denied him. Then when he finally was able to attain some semblance of that life fate had decided to deal him another cruel blow. After so many narrow escapes, after so many chance victories it seemed his luck had finally run out.
He felt Sarah trace her hand on his face. He could not see her but her familiar touch warmed his skin. He longed to tell her that he loved her. He wanted to tell her that he was sorry that he could no longer be there for her. When no voice escaped his lips a tear rolled down his cheek instead. Her clawed hand wiped the tear away and gently clasped his face. Even through that simple act he felt what she felt, the love and bond they shared.
The coldness was all over him now. It was all encompassing and absolute. His breaths became more distant and ragged. He struggled to keep his lungs filled. His rapid heart was slowing. This was it, he thought to himself. He wished he could see her face one last time.
Then something happened. The center of the coldness in his chest changed. Death's icy touch was replaced by a feeling he could not explain though it seemed familiar somehow. He could hear and feel something spilling into his gaping chest. Some sort of liquid was dripping straight into his heart. The drops were slow at first then more and more came. Every drop came with a numbing ache. He was grateful for it. He didn't that coldness to be the last thing he felt.
Then before he lost consciousness he heard her voice. It was something that he thought he would never be able to hear again.
"Please, Jim don't die." She whispered to him.
"Sarah..." He was able to say before the blackness took hold.
For someone who was dead Jim felt... aware. Not of his surroundings but of himself. He had expected death as either a transition to another plain of existence or he would simply cease to exist. He had not expected to be himself. Was it possible that he was still alive?
That, however, did not last very long. Then the pain began. It was unlike anything he had ever experienced. No gunshot or claw or blast could ever inflict the kind of torment he now felt. What made everything so much more horrifying was that he could not move, see, or hear. He was surrounded in darkness, complete sensory deprivation. His only companion was the feeling that he was being ripped apart and burned at the same time.
He knew now that he was wrong earlier. There was no way in hell he was still alive. In fact that is where he figured he was. In hell. That was the only explanation for what was happening to him. The pain impossibly intensified. He screamed in pain and it was that moment he realized he could move again. It was, however, nothing he could control. His movement were the result of the pain causing his muscles to spasm. He took back his earlier wish that he could move again. Each movement sent fresh waves of flame crawling up his limbs until they crashed heavily on his chest.
James Raynor knew that he was no saint but there were times he had thought he had done some real good. He knew now that whatever good he had accomplished in his life did not come close to balancing the scale. He had stolen too many things, killed too many and failed even more.
Those were his last coherent thoughts. He had failed so many people and as a result that the galaxy would burn but he knew that was what not what really mattered to him. He couldn't care less. What mattered to him was that those who counted on him would suffer. Sarah would suffer. Amon would ensure that hers would not be a quick death. He had abandoned her again.
"Sarah!" He screamed again before he was burned alive.
"This is complete insanity." Zeratul told her for what seemed like the millionth time. "You are playing right into their hands."
"I am not playing at anything." Sarah wanted to kick the lecturing Templar out of the room but she needed him in case anything went wrong. Of the Templar that still remained he was the strongest and it was he that had the best chance of aiding them.
Sarah had, at first, thought of using regular Protoss blood but instead opted for the blood of a fallen Nerazim. Unlike their brethren, the Nerazim wielded energies that were closer to the Zerg's. They were of the void. Sarah hoped that this would help her stabilize Jim. She also hoped that by using the blood of a Nerazim she would spare Jim any psionic communal link to the other Protoss.
She studied the equipment carefully over and over again. She went over the steps with the medics and those gathered. Everything had to go smoothly. The situation was already precarious enough and she wanted everyone calm.
A large container containing Protoss blood was hanging above Jim. A line ran from the bag straight into one of Jim's veins. They had discussed amongst themselves on how quickly they should give him the blood. They decided to go with a nice and slow drip so that they wouldn't overwhelm Jim's system.
In his other arm another line ran up to an empty bag which would in turn run into Sarah's arm. The whole set up was designed to slowly mix the various strains in Jim's body.
She looked at those around her. Their faces mirrored her concerns. The enormity of what was transpiring was not lost on them. They had no choice but to proceed. Only Zeratul still voices his concerns.
"It is not too late Kerrigan. Stop this. Raynor would not want you to risk your life for his." He pleaded with her.
Sarah nodded at him. "Just as I didn't want him to risk his life for mine. Yet he did. Time and again he came back for me. I tried to frighten him, tried to kill him but even in my darkest hours when my soul was lost he never stopped believing in me."
Sarah stroked her hand across the face of her beloved. "For me he found the courage to enter the darkness and pull me back no matter the cost."
She looked at Zeratul with eyes of steel. "No matter the cost." She repeated.
Zeratul had nothing left to argue with. Kerrigan was resolved in this. Despite all the time he had spent with these two he still could not fathom this unshakable bond they shared. Even before their minds were linked he had sensed their devotion to one another. It was difficult to describe but when you saw it was as clear as the brightest day.
"Are we ready?" Sarah looked at each one. They all nodded in turn. The medics, led by Michelle, had taken their positions. Zeratul stood close to Raynor so that he could sense if there were any problems. Sarah would have wanted to have Nova there as well. Of all the Terrans there was no one as gifted telepathically as she was but ever since she had learned of Raynor's situation she had all but disappeared. No one could find her and if a ghost with her powers did not want to be found then she wouldn't be.
Chase and Matt stood silently at the back of the room. They were not essential for the process but had refused to leave anyway. They would be with their friend when his fate was decided. Sarah supposed that having there could be useful. She did not yet know what mental and physical changes Jim would undergo as a result of this transfusion but the presence of his friends could help him calm down if he started to panic.
Sarah laid down in the bed next to Jim's. She took his hand and nodded to the others to begin. Their was a collective gasp and then silence as they began.
Jim was sure that if he was still alive his body would be nothing but a smoldering husk by now. The burning had spread through out his core until their was no reprieve. He had hoped that after a while he would get used to the pain and it would him cope but of course he had no such luck. Every time he thought he had experienced the worst of it the pain found a while new level. After a while he was no longer thinking. There was nothing except his torment. It became all he knew and there would be an eternity of this madness. If he wasn't already dead then he would have ended his own life to try and spare himself.
It was only when he started asking himself how it would be possible for him to endure an eternity of this did he realize that he actually had a coherent thought. He did not know how long it had been since he had thought of anything else. The pain was so intense that he could not focus on anything else.
It happened gradually at first. The pain and burning was still there but now there were gaps in between. Minuscule at best. They didn't last for more than a few seconds but it was the the reprieve he had been begging for.
It was during one of those reprieves that he thought of her. Sarah Kerrigan. The Ghost. The assassin. The Queen of Blades. She was all of those but to him she was just Sarah. The woman he loved. The woman he wished he could see again.
Out of the darkness he felt her. He felt her even though he knew it was impossible. She was alive and he was dead. He prayed that she had not died as well and that she would not end up with him in this hell. No matter what agony he faced it paled in comparison to seeing Sarah in pain.
He heard her call his name. He searched out her voice but it was gone. Like a sick joke her voice was their to give him false hope. Then he heard it again. The sound was enough for him to feel something aside from his terror.
"Please." He whispered to himself. "I'll endure anything just let Sarah be okay. Keep her from this hell."
Then her voice pierced his heart. "Always my white knight. Even now you are thinking about me. Let me take care of you now."
The world around him shifted. It was as if he had fallen into a sinkhole. Gravity shifted so that he was being pulled inwards into himself. Even the unending burning that courses through him seemed to be drawn into it. He had lost what little sense he had left. He couldn't tell which way was up or down. His conscious churned in a vortex of nothingness.
Gradually his awareness came back but something was different. The pain that had engulfed him for so long now was changing. It was still intense but for some reason he was able to think through it. It was difficult to explain. He understood that he was burning but it was as if his mind could block it off, cordon it so that it did not completely consume him.
For the first time in a while Jim was actually aware of his limbs and body. He was still surrounded by
nothingness but he knew he could see. There was just nothing to see.
Then a fresh wave of pain hit him like a tidal wave. Even though he didn't know how he was standing he doubled over, clutching his chest. Whatever he torment he felt he knew he had to fight it. He had to fight it with everything he had because if not then the hell he was in would never let him know peace.
"You have to stop fighting, Jim." Her soft voice called out to him. It had a faint echo to it which made it seem like her voice was coming from everywhere and nowhere at once.
It had to be some sort of trick. A trick by his own mind or from whoever or whatever controlled this hell. Sarah would never tell him to give in to the pain. She would tell him to fight with everything he had.
"Go away." He swiped his hand at nothing.
"Do you really want me to leave?" Sarah's voice echoed. She sounded so hurt by what he said that Jim's resolve began to waver.
If he was already dead that what could it hurt to have Sarah's voice there with him, even if it was a ruse.
"Let me in, Jim." She beckoned. "I just want to help."
He wanted to desperately say yes but as soon as that thought even entered his mind the but ing started all over again. It wanted him for itself. For some reason he knew, his body knew, that if he gave in to that voice then he would know unspeakable agonies.
"It's the only way." Sarah insisted. Jim could almost feel her breath now, she seemed so close.
"No." He clutched at his chest. He tried to claw at it. He was desperate to get rid of whatever was causing this.
"It won't stop until you let it all in. Give in." She begged him.
"What are you doing to me?!" He was barely able to speak now. Jim felt himself choking on his own blood, unable to breath. His lungs closed off as he desperately tried to take another breath.
"He's flat lining!" Michelle was yelling as the medics desperately tried to stabilize him. The transfusion had been going for over an hour now. None of them knew what to expect but they were hopeful that at least that his pain would subside.
Unfortunately for this small group things rarely went their way. Instead of getting better Jim's condition worsened significantly. Now not only was his body rejecting Sarah's blood but he was rejecting the Nerazim's as well. The scans were indicating that his body was breaking down at an alarming rate. They had never seen what has happening. When Chase and Matt asked for explanation the closest thing that Michelle could use as an analogy was that James Raynor was literally melting from the inside. It would continue until there was nothing left but a puddle of tissue.
It was Zeratul then who acted. He swiftly moved past the medics. His icy glare stopped them from even questioning what he was doing. He placed one hand on Raynor's head and the other on Kerrigan's temple.
He spoke was speaking to her but they all heard what he was saying. "His body is failing, Kerrigan. It's too late. I am pulling you out if there."
They heard no reply but it seemed like Zeratul had.
"There is no more time to give. Raynor's time has come to an end."
Zeratul had barely finished what he was saying when it seemed like the very air in the room sparked with energy.
Zeratul was hit with a concussive force. He sailed through the air and hit the far wall.
Chase ran to him and helped him back to his feet. "What's happening?"
Zeratul's eyes were glowing deep green. "Kerrigan has tied her fate to that of Raynor's. If he does now she will die with him. Pray that does not happen because if she dies then I fear this entire galaxy will join them on death."
He made his way back to the tormented couple. He placed his hands back where they were just a minute earlier. Instead of interfering Zeratul watched as Sarah and and Jim decided their fates.
"Listen to me!" Sarah was still yelling at him but Raynor was refusing to answer now. She wasn't even sure if he still hear. That did not dissuade from continuously trying.
"This is a trick! This is a trick!" Raynor mumbled to himself. He was having difficulty stating coherent again. "Sarah isn't here. She is alive and well."
Sarah's heart was breaking at what she was seeing. The man he loved was being driven insane by what was happening to him. She heard the story from Zeratul that the Khala had driven a Terran insane but she had hoped that her blood and that of the Nerazim would produce a different result. She convinced herself that she a would be able to save him no matter what happened. She would have been the medium that would allow Jim's body to accept the different strains but even she did not have the power to force him into it. His refusal to allow her complete access was going to be his doom.
She was running out of options. How could she convince an insane man that ignoring her was complete insanity. How could she reach him when he had walled himself off by focusing his thoughts on his belief that she was safe and sound.
Then it hit her. It was so obvious that she berated herself for not thinking of it in the first place.
"Jim, I'm really here " she told him again. "You have to let me help you."
No response.
"I need you Jim. If you do not let me into your mind then I am going to die." Sarah told him simply.
Jim was about to say that if have wasn't real then what did it matter if she does of not but he could not bring himself to do so. Could he risk that chance if she really was dying?
Sarah saw her opening and took it. "I need you Jim. Save me."
Jim was helpless. Even in the state he was in her life meant more to him than his own.
Jim's mental blocks came crashing down. He looked up at her, his eyes were stained with tears. Sarah entered his mind.
She had never experienced being so completely connected with someone. It was quite literally an entire new universe. She saw the galaxy as he saw it. Entire worlds swam by her and when she got to the center of his psyche what she saw there made her gasp.
She saw there an image of herself. She was dressed in her old ghost uniform. An unseen source of light gently touched the image of her. It created small shadows on her face that accentuated her features.
Being one with Jim she knew that the image was how he saw her. She felt what he felt.
The image shimmered in front of her and it was replaced by an image of her that more closely resembled her current form. The primal Queen of Blades.
She felt his fear and hurt that she had taken this form and chosen this path. She was ashamed when she saw his horror when he remembered the countless atrocities she had committed.
But underneath all that she could feel Jim's love for her. He never would have to say it out loud to her because here in the deepest reaches of his psyche she could feel it. To see it like this made her ashamed. She thought herself an unworthy recipient of such raw emotion. She swore that she find a way to return such a wonderful gift to him.
She would start here. She closed her eyes and expanded her consciousness until it reached even the farthest corners of Jim's mind. She let loose her full might as she urged Jim's mind and body to accept the blood that was coming into him.
She saw him quake with fear but she was quick to soothe him.
"It's my turn to protect you. All you have to do is let me." She told him. She did not use words per se but their shared consciousness was effective in getting that message across.
Sage told him that she would never leave him. She told him that no matter the consequences they were in this together and if they died here and now then so be it. They would die in the manner they chose. Together.
A/N Hope this one was okay. It might have been a little too mushy there.
I would like to thank Ragnarok666 for all the ideas for my story and help with all the starcraft lore that I am unfamiliar with. Please check out Ragnarok666's story Aftermath and Revelations. The SC books are tied into the story and It continues on after Wings of Liberty and is a great read for any starcraft fan.
sorry if this one was a little way to out there. I will tone it down a bit and don't worry I'm not making any huge changes to change Jim :-)