Curtis Townshend's House of Pain (Part II):

"…And then I blasted those fuckers away!" said Rover, "I was up against five guys and I still won! It was the most epic game of paintball this side of the Western County!"

Rover, Curt, Snake, Poncho and Alfonso were all sitting together at a table in the Roost, having coffee and talking.

"Awesome story, man," said Poncho, "I'd love to play paintball with you some time!"

"That's nothing," said Rover, "You should hear about that epic Quake match I had online the other week!"

"Dude," said Snake, "This guy's awesome! I can't believe you get to live with him. It must be like a party every day!"

"Yeah," mumbled, "It's real fucking great…"

"After this," began Rover, "Curt and I are heading to the beach to play some catch, right Curt?"

"I'll see," said Curt, "I might be busy later."

"Aw, come on, man! You're no fun. Hey, wanna go to the Able Sisters'? I can show you how to make vulgar patterns!"

"Um..." began Curt.

"Hey Brewster," called Rover, "Another round for my new buddies!"

Curt sighed.

Lindsay and Sakura walked around Treehut holding a number of shopping bags.

"You're right," said Lindsay, "This is the best place for shopping. There are so many unique items!"

As the girls spoke, they took a shortcut through a small flower patch.

"Yeah," said Sakura, "And the people here are so nice. Aw man, if I could afford to keep buying train tickets, I would do all my shopping here from now on. I would never live here though."

"Why not?" asked Lindsay.

"The people here are, well…"

All of a sudden, a small mound of earth appeared in front of them. A short mole emerged from the mound, holding a pickaxe. He was dressed in blue overalls and a mining helmet. He resembled Mr. Resetti except he was a Star-Nosed Mole, possessing a pink "Mustache."

"You!" he said, pointing to the girls, "What are you doing in this flower patch?"

"Uh-oh," said Sakura, "I…Um, we didn't know..."

"What are you afraid of?" laughed the mole, "I ain't gonna bite your head off, hehe! My name's Mr. Binetti. I run the town surveillance center!"

"Oh," said Lindsay, "Nice to meet you."

"I saw you in my surveillance footage," said Binetti, "I hate to say it, but you can't walk here."

"We're sorry," said Sakura.

"Don't worry about it," said Binetti, cheerfully, "You're new in town. You didn't know. Have a great day, and don't be afraid to stop by the surveillance center if you need help getting around. Take care!"

The mole burrowed back underground and headed off.

"Wow," said Sakura, "You see what I mean, Linds?"

"Tee-hee," chuckled Lindsay, "It's so weird! Come on, let's keep going."

As the girls continued to walk, they passed by a restaurant.

"I have to use the washroom," said Lindsay, "Do you need to go too?"

"Go ahead," said Sakura, "I need a smoke anyways."

With that, Lindsay ran inside. Sakura placed a cigarette in her mouth and prepared to light it, but suddenly stopped.

"What the…" she said.

A short, white female cat passed by. She looked perfectly normal except that she had absolutely no face. At first, Sakura thought the cat was wearing a mask, but it soon became clear that she simply had no face.

"Hello, stranger," said the cat, "Do you happen to have the time?"

"Um," said Sakura, surprised, "I, er…"

"What's wrong?" said the cat, "Is there something on my face?"

"No," replied Sakura, "Not at all…"

"Oh no," said the cat, taking out a small pocket mirror, "Not again! Oh God! My face must have come off when I washed this morning!"

"How can you see?" asked Sakura, "Or talk? Or, for that matter, how are you even alive?"

"Please," said the cat, "You gotta help me! I'm gonna call a doctor as soon as I can, but I need a temporary solution to this problem!"

"Well, I can probably draw you a new face or something. I got a pen with me."

"Oh, could you? Please! That would be so great!"

"Yeah," Sakura said, pulling a pen out of her pocket, "You're lucky my two older brothers were animé nuts. They taught me how to draw pretty well."

Sakura began drawing a pair of "animé eyes" on the cat's blank face.

"Sweet," said the cat, "By the way, my name is Blanca."

"I'm Sakura. I'm just visiting your town. You guys have a lot of cool stuff here!"

"Thanks. I love this town, too. I moved here a few months ago with my ex-boyfriend. Lately, though, I've been thinking of moving out."

"Too many painful memories?"

"Well, my boyfriend was a real jerk. He was so selfish and he never paid attention to me because he was obsessed with his stupid little video games! But ever since I kicked him out, I kinda miss him. He was a pretty sweet guy after all."

Sakura added the finishing touches to her "Masterpiece."

"There," she said, "Done!"

Blanca pulled out her mirror once more and stared into it. She found herself possessing a simple, but otherwise pretty face.

"It's so beautiful," she said, "You're quite the artist! I wish I could give you something…"

"Nah," said Sakura, "Don't worry about it. It was nothing."

"If you ever need my help with something, please some by my house, okay?"

Blanca handed a piece of paper to Sakura with her address on it.

"Bye," said Blanca, walking off, "And thanks again!"

Not long after, Lindsay emerged.

"Shall we continue?" asked Lindsay.

"Man," said Sakura, "You're never gonna believe what just happened…"

For the next several days, Curt endured having to live with Rover the Cat, who, everyday, found new ways of making Curt miserable. Meanwhile, Curt sent out a bunch of applications, but so far, he was having no luck.

"Dammit, Rover," snapped Curt, who was standing in the bathroom, "You can't just keep your laundry here!"

There was no answer. Curt headed into the living room where he saw the cat playing on his laptop.

"Let's go!" shouted Rover, into his earpiece, "We have only a few minutes to complete this mission. On my go…"

Curt suddenly appeared and slammed the laptop shut.

"HEY!" yelled Rover, "We were about to storm the castle and…"

"Dude," said Curt, "Your dirty laundry has been sitting in the bathroom for three days now. I know I don't have a laundry machine, but that doesn't mean you can just leave it lying around!"

"What else am I supposed to do with it?"

"The Laundromat is just two acres away, for Christ's sake!"

"Yeah, but I was hoping you would take it along with your own laundry."

"I'm not your maid…And there's no way in Hell I'm touching your dirty underwear!"

"There's no need to worry about that. There's no underwear in the pile."

"No underwear? So, does that mean you've been wearing the same pair all week?"

"Yeah. What's the point of changing if no one ever sees it, right? Ha!"

Curt shuddered.

"Hey," began Rover, "Tonight want me to teach you how to make a tuna casserole? I love tuna, you know."

"Remember last time?" asked Curt.

"Don't worry," said Rover, "I'll use an actual casserole dish this time…And some PAM. Aw man, it's gonna be great!"

"Whatever," muttered Curt, as he walked away.

Rover re-opened his laptop.

"Time to finish…" said Rover, "What the? They started the attack without me! Guys, wait up! LEEEEEROY! JEEEEENKINSSS!"

"Rough week, huh?" asked CJ, who was standing behind the counter at Greas-E Burger.

Curt downed a soda.

"You don't know what it's like to live with him," said Curt, "He's a lazy, idiotic pain in the ass"

"In other words," said CJ, "He's you."

"Very funny," said Curt, as held up the empty cup to CJ's face, "More please."

CJ grabbed the cup and refilled it before placing back onto the counter.

"Aw man," said Curt, "I don't know what to do."

"What you should do," began CJ, "Is put your foot down; let him know who's boss. Remind him he's your housemate, not your friend."

"I can't…He keeps threatening to leave. I still need him to live with me or I won't be able to afford my house anymore!"

"Um, didn't you read the contract? If he suddenly leaves for no valid reason, then he'll have officially broken the contract and will have to pay you a buttload of money."

"So, he's just as stuck with me as I am stuck with him?"

"Pretty much."

Curt's face lit up.

Later, Curt returned home. He slammed the door to his house open.

"Hey Curt," said Rover, "I hope you don't mind. I'm putting my clothes in the same wardrobe you keep yours. Don't worry, though. I'm keeping them separate. Mine are sorted by colour, see?"

Curt approached the wardrobe. He grabbed all of Rover's clothes and tossed them to the floor.

"Hey!" snapped Rover, "It took me half an hour to sort them!"

Curt then approached the tanabata palm in the corner and picked it up.

"I fucking hate this thing," muttered Curt.

He opened the basement door and threw the plant downstairs.

"Woah!" shouted Rover, "I don't know what's gotten into you, man, but I don't like it!"

"I'll tell you what's gotten into me," said Curt, "I'm fed up of your nonsense! From now on, you can't mix your laundry with mine anymore, you can only play your stupid games in the basement, and I'm not eating anymore of your casseroles. Are we clear?"

"Oh yeah?" said Rover, "If that's how it's gonna be, then maybe I should leave."

"Go ahead," said Curt, holding up a copy of the contract, "If you leave, then you gotta pay a fine! Check AND mate! HA!"

Rover grabbed the sheet from Curt's hands and read through it.

"Aw man," said Rover, "Listen, dude, I'm sorry. It's just, I was hoping we were gonna be good buddies and stuff!"

"Please," said Curt, "You thought I'd just forget that little fight of ours and welcome you in with open arms? We're not buddies, we're housemates. With the way you act, it's no wonder Blanca left you!"

"Dude," sniffed Rover, "That hurt…"

"Look, if you wanna stay, then you gotta follow my rules, got it?"

"Okay," Rover said flatly, "I'm…Sorry. I'm gonna take my stuff downstairs now."

Without saying a word, Rover grabbed his clothes and his laptop. Curt couldn't help but feel a little bad as he watched the blue cat slowly make his way down the stairs. Perhaps he was too harsh…

The next day, at the Roost:

"Aw man, Brewster," said Curt, who was sitting at the bar, "He was so quiet…He didn't say a word all night. I feel bad."

"Maybe you were a little hard on him," said Brewster, who was wiping a glass, "Don't forget, he probably still feels rejected after breaking up with his girlfriend."

"I know," said Curt, taking a sip from his coffee, "I just got caught up in the moment. I needed to put my foot down and I went overboard."

"It's good you tried to establish some ground rules," said Brewster, "But living with someone is always a challenge…When I used to live in Mallsville, as a struggling café owner, I shared a flat with this guy. He used to waste his days playing video games and getting high. Aw man, this one time, he was out with some friends, and on the way home, he ran over a cat (A non-sentient one, of course), and he put the damn thing in his car, and brought it home because he thought I could help it. The fucking thing was still breathing, but it was mangled beyond recognition. I told him to just leave it, but he…"

"Um," said Curt, "What does this have to do with anything?"

"Right," said Brewster, "I'm off track…My bad. Anyways, as much as I couldn't stand him, I learned that living with someone meant learning how to put up with him. You don't like Rover, but you need him around. You better get used to him!"

"So you eventually put aside your differences with this guy?"

"Yup. Of course, not long after my café closed down and I decided to move to Hell to start fresh. I think the guy died of an overdose…Or was he shot? I forget. Anyways, it was here in Hell that I met my ex-wife. My whorish, backstabbing, disease-ridden ex-wife. But that's a different story."

"Damn," said Curt, "Rover and I need each other, and I treated him like a jerk! How do I fix this?"

"Curt?" said a voice.

Curt turned around. It was Sakura.

"I've been looking for you," said Sakura, "I went to your house, but Rover said you were out. Speaking of which, he looked kinda glum. What happened?"

"Nothing," said Curt, "Just a fight."

"Okay," said Sakura, "Anyways, I brought you that thing you wanted from Treehut!"

"Sweet," said Curt, "You're still shopping there?"

"Nah," said Sakura, "That place creeps me out. Besides, most of the stuff they sell is junk, anyways. It's cool and all but if I keep going, I'll run out of space in my house!"

"Yeah," said Curt, "Thanks, anyways. Maybe I'll give it to Rover to, you know, cheer him up."

"What's wrong with him exactly?"

"I don't know. I think he's finally realizing what a loser he is thanks to my rant. But hey, at least he was a funny loser. Now…It's even more painful to live with him. Plus, I think he's still secretly depressed about his girlfriend. Last night he was playing Two Days Ago pretty loudly in his room."

"His girlfriend, eh? She wouldn't happen to be a white cat, would she?"

"Her name is Blanca. I think we all met her at least once. But she moved on so what can we do about it?"

"Not quite," assured Sakura, "Hold on. I think I got a plan…"

Sakura approached the small house where Blanca lived. She had followed the exact address that Blanca had given her. When Sakura reached the door, she knocked and the white cat quickly answered.

"Sakura," said Blanca, "What a pleasant surprise!"

To Sakura's surprise, Blanca's face was still blank and her drawing was still there.

"Your face," began Sakura, "You still haven't gotten a new one yet?"

"I booked an appointment with the plastic surgeon in New Salzburg," Blanca explained, "But he was very busy, so it's not until next week. Oh well. What can you do? I like my cartoon face, anyways, tee-hee!"

"That's good," said Sakura, "Listen, can you do me a favour?"

"Of course," said Blanca, "Anything for the girl who gave me this beautiful face!"

"Good," said Sakura, "I need you to come with me to Hell. I'll pay for your train ticket and everything. There's someone I need you to talk to…"

Later, Curt and Rover walked towards the train station.

"Listen man," said Curt, "I know you're still bummed, but I just wanted to say again that I'm very sorry."

"It's alright dude," said Rover, "I know I've been acting like a douche. I'll change. Now, can we go back? I got another, er, meeting…"

"Wait," replied Curt.

A few seconds later, the train arrived. A number of passengers stepped off and headed into town.

"I don't know what there is to…"

Suddenly, Rover stopped. He looked up at the platform and saw Sakura and his ex-girlfriend, Blanca, stepping off.

"B-B-Blanca?" he said, in awe, "Is that really you?"

"Oh Rover," said Blanca, running towards the blue cat, "I'm so sorry!"

"Your face," said Rover, "It's beautiful! You look just like just like a manga character! Aw, man, you should keep it!"

"Glad you like it," she said, "Listen, it was stupid of me to just throw you out like that. Could you ever forgive me?"

"Of course," said Rover, "And I'm sorry I didn't pay enough attention to you. But hey, with a face like that, it's gonna be hard to ignore you from now on!"

"Aw, that's so sweet! Rover, will you move back in with me?"

"Hell yeah! Oh, but wait…I can't leave because of the contract."

"No problem," said Curt, "I'm gonna call the HRA tomorrow and tell them to take us out of the Share-a-House program! You're free!"

"But Curt," said Sakura, "How are you gonna afford to pay your house?"

"Didn't you hear?" said Curt, "I got a new job! Starting next week, I'm working at this new office place they're building! I can't wait!"

"That's great," said Rover, "I'll miss you, buddy."

"Me too," said Curt, "I had a blast living with you!"

"If ya ever need another house mate," began Rover, "You'll know who to call, hehe!"

"Indeed," said Curt.

And so, Rover and Blanca left town and returned to their home in Treehut. Curt began his new job, and so far, he hates it. But hey, it's a living. With a steady income, Curt can finally live stress-free...At least for now. More adventures await next episode of Animal Crossing!