Bad Werewolf

17

Remus Lupin and Lily Evans had a weekly appointment. Wednesday evening prefect patrols. As dull as the occasion sounded, sometimes it was the focal point of both party's weeks. It was a frequent detox. Lily confessed her burgeoning feelings for James that she couldn't inform Marlene, Mary or Alice of, for fear they'd leak such secrets. Remus would revel in complaining about the absurdities that were results of his companions' immaturity. He would also vent about the frequent waves of depression that accompanied his condition.

Things he felt would only increase the burden of his affliction on his friends. Indeed, the opportunity to figuratively vomit out their heaviest secrets was appealing but the seemingly eternal supply of chocolate provided by Remus certainly contributed to their elation. Lily's talent for a heated 'aguamente' spell provided them with an endless amount of cinnamon vanilla tea. Tonight, descending the stairs of the Owlery after a quick patrol, Lily could hardly hold in her knowledge of Remus' secret any longer.

Not the secret of his Furry Little Problem but something more on the embarrassing side. Something that Remus would call 'trivial' or 'juvenile.' Something that Lily would 'sweet' or 'lovely.' A crush.

"Well, Lily," Remus said as they descended the last step leading down from the Owlery. "I assure you James has feelings for you. You just rejected him for so long I think he's a bit hesitant to make a move. It's the beginning of the year though. Give him a few weeks at least. Besides life doesn't end after we graduate."

The two started across the Grounds, heading for the castle.

"I'm aware... but you know how impatient I am, Remus."

"Imagine if you were James and had to wait almost seven years though," snickered Remus.

"I dunno. I'd probably burst into flames... Could you hint to James that I'll say yes this time? Please?"

Remus groaned sipping some of the tea from his charmed cup, careful not to spill as they crossed the gentle slopes of the grass.

"Remus, you did it for years for James! Just this once for me!"

"You know, Lily, you both are perfect for each other. Each of you just loves to take advantage of my kindness."

Lily choked on her tea, laughing.

"Your kindness? Your kindness? Really?"

"Yes! What? Are you saying I'm not kind?" Remus asked, stopping.

"No! I mean, you're very kind! However, you are the most sarcastic person I've ever met! Kindness is not your defining characteristic!"

"Well, the student body would disagree..."

"Because they haven't heard you talk about your mates!"

Remus grinned and held out his tea cup to Lily who tapped her wand on the edge sending steaming water over the tea bag inside.

"They bring it on themselves, Lily. Besides, you're the only one I talk about them with."

"And you're so mean! With your impressions! Especially the ones of Sirius."

Remus resumed walking with a sort of strut and his shoulders hunched.

"I dunno what you mean, Lily Pad," Remus said in a husky voice, running a hand through his hair and spinning on his heel. "Got a cigarette, darling?"

Lily sniggered tossing back the rest of her tea and jogging to catch up with him. She linked her arm through his as they continued across the grounds.

"So, so mean!"

"I'm just utilizing my talents as a performer. Nothing mean about that," shrugged Remus. "And perhaps he shouldn't have so many ticks that are easy to mimic."

Lily smiled and sat down in the grass.

Remus, who thought it best to get back to the castle, had a weakness for Lily Evans and joined her with a grunt. He reached into his pocket and removed a rectangle wrapped in foil. He placed his tea cup in the grass and crossed his legs, peeling away the silver paper. He broke off a chunk and extended it to Lily who accepted gratefully. Remus' eyes searched the dark, star speckled sky for the moon. It was a week away from being full.

He exhaled, taking a bite of his chocolate. Lily, followed his gaze and looked back to Remus who was now staring down at the grass. She gnawed on her lower lip, folding her knees to her side.

"Try not to think about it, dear," she said softly.

Remus looked at her with a wry smile.

"Think about what?"

"The muggle studies homework," Lily smirked.

Remus blanched and shook his head.

"I hate that class, because if you have a muggle parent you already know everything!"

"You know everything! It's incredibly dull," Lily agreed energetically. "And people get angry about it saying you have an advantage!"

"But it's a mandatory class! Besides, they grew up with magic. You don't see us whining about the advantage they have in every other class."

"Exactly!" she nodded.

They sat in silence. Remus was no longer thinking about the full moon. Lily had accomplished her mission. Well, one of her missions. The other was to bring up the secret he didn't think anyone knew. The crush.

"On that note... what would you say is your favorite class this term?" Lily questioned.

It didn't take him but two seconds to respond.

"I'm really enjoying Advanced Transfiguration."

"Thought so..." Lily said with a smug smile.

Remus' looked at her with narrowed eyes.

"What are you smirking about, Evans?"

"Nothing, nothing. I just find it curious that the best Defense Against the Dark Arts student in our year prefers Advanced Transfiguration..."

"Well, being good at it doesn't mean it's my favorite. You know I enjoy challenging myself," he shrugged.

Lily cocked her head at Remus, her smile becoming mischievous. He raised a brow, swallowing a bite of chocolate. He had a sneaking suspicion of what Lily was going to say, but even he wasn't sure if her assumption was a baseless claim.

"What?" he said flatly.

"You sure Advanced Transfiguration isn't your favorite because of someone in the class?"

Remus continued to look oblivious, silently hoping she would drop it.

"Someone whose name rhymes with Shmorcas Schmedose..."

Remus rolled his eyes, stretching his long legs out in front of him.

"We sit at the same desk..."

"Awfully close at that desk lately..."

"Lily..." Remus sighed.

"What?"

"Please stop."

"Stop what?" replied Lily innocently.

"You know what, Lily."

"I most decidedly d-"

"I don't fancy Dorcas Meadowes."

"I didn't say anything about Dorcas Meadowes," she said primly.

Remus pushed a few strands of sandy hair away from his face, shaking his head.

"Alright, I don't fancy Schmorcas Schmedose."

"Oh, really?"

"Really."

After a pause, Remus looked out of the corner of his eye at a very smug Lily. Perhaps she didn't realize how depressing it actually was to discuss this. Knowing the ever optimistic Lily couldn't possibly see this, Remus decided to come clean.

"Lily... even if I did fancy Dorcas Meadowes I couldn't possibly date her. I'm not in the position to."

Lily looked confused momentarily, then her brows furrowed. Remus bit his lower lip and plucked up a blade of grass, twisting it in his fingers.

"I dunno if you're entirely correct there, Remus."

He laughed quietly to himself.

"Dorcas is my partner in AT. That's it. I'm perfectly content in things remaining as they are."

If you did not know Remus Lupin well, you would not see through this attempt to mask his disappointment. You would applaud him for his ability to accept things as they were, appreciate what he had and move on with his life.

Also, if you did not know Remus Lupin well, you would find him quite amiable. He would appear the shy and bookish type although he'd offer you a smile and nod in the corridor should your eyes meet when you crossed paths. Remus would be the first person to offer you his company at breakfast should all your companions be ill or even you just appeared anxious. If you missed class and needed notes, Remus would have no qualms lending you his. Should you seem stumped while taking an exam, Remus Lupin would surreptitiously offer you the correct answer-even with his strong aversion to cheating.

All of these things, because even if you didn't know Remus Lupin well, he was ever the advocate of the underdog. He welcomed the outsider. He conversed with the quiet. Probably because he knew what it was like to be all three. And while for two years he had remained saddled with all those attributes, it wasn't long after third year he disposed of them to become a sort of hero for the unspoken.

He remained 'the listener' of his social circle. He continued to be 'the smart one.' 'The brain behind it all.' Only with the power to aid the wounded with no mind to be rewarded for it. If you were like Lily or the Marauders and had the pleasure of knowing Remus Lupin very well, there would be sides to him you'd see that others didn't (as is mostly the case with the reserved type).

For instance, you would know that Remus was rather foul mouthed with a particular love of muttering 'fucking hell' under his breath when exasperated or even just 'fuck.' Taboo words like 'damn' or the insult 'arse hole' were lost on him. His insults were far more tasteful, or rather eloquent. Things like 'arrogant imbecile' or 'braggadocios prat.' Whichever he deemed appropriate.

Some companions would even playfully refer to him as 'mean' due to his pension for sarcasm and ability to point out the absurd. Heaven help you should Remus Lupin uncover a particular habit you'd formed. Then he'd be able to do an impersonation.

Unlike most people inclined to do impressions of their friends, Remus had a talent for knowing what was 'too far.' He could tell insecurity from nervous quirk. In summation, he knew the difference between entertaining and bullying.

And if you asked Remus Lupin why he was so constantly considerate or why he favored the underdog, he would look at you quite nonplussed. That is because he didn't know he was doing anything of the sort. It was all instinctual. Effortless. To put it simply, it was just how Remus worked.

But if you're reading this then chances are you already know all of this about Remus Lupin, which means you will understand Lily's indignation when he said...

"And if I did fancy Dorcas-which I don't-I couldn't do that to someone I cared about..."

Lily's emerald eyes narrowed as her friend finally looked at her.

"Do what, exactly?" she probed-though she knew the answer.

Remus shot her a knowing look.

"You know very well what, Lily."

"No. I don't."

He exhaled, wanting desperately to roll his eyes.

"Lily, I don't want to complicate her life."

"Complicate it how?" retorted Lily arching a brow.

"You're really going to make me say it?"

"Say what?"

"You know what."

"I don't."

"Yes, you do."

"No, I don't."

"Why do you want me to say it?"

"So you can hear how ridiculous you sound."

"So you do know?"

"Know what?"

The corner of Lupin's mouth quirked up as she continued to gaze at him knowledgeably. He leaned back on his hands in the grass as Lily reclined onto her elbows, her legs extended with ankles crossed.

"The last thing Dorcas needs is a werewolf boyfriend."

"That is not your defining characteristic, Remus. We've been over this."

"And as we've also been over, it actually is."

"Not to people who matter."

"Why is everyone so keen on me getting a girlfriend anyway?" Remus asked incredulously. "I'm not an incomplete person with-"

"Everyone thinks you could use a good shag honestly."

"Well, fuck, Evans, don't beat around the bush..." drawled Remus.

Lily grinned picking up her tea cup and moving it up and down in the air, testing its weight.

"What are you doing?" he asked.

"I'm seeing how hard I would have to bring this down to smash it over your head."

Remus laughed as Lily let the tea cup fall to the soft grass. She rolled on her side, smiling up at him.

"Well, I'm hardly going to take relationship advice from the girl whose acting like Jane Bennett from Pride and Prejudice..." muttered Remus.

"I'm not Jane!"

"...waiting on Bingley to propose even though she knows he likes her..."

"That's not fair!"

"...whining to Elizabeth all the while..."

"Does that make you Elizabeth?" Lily smirked.

Remus snorted.

"No, definitely not."

"So who are you?"

"I dunno," mused Remus. "I'm definitely not Bingley or Darcy... Merlin, I hope I'm not Wickham..."

"Definitely not Wickham."

"Oh no..."

"What?"

"Am I Mr. Collins?" winced Remus.

"No. Mr. Collins tries to have a relationship. You're doing the opposite."

"Huh. I know who I am."

"Who?" Lily inquired, sitting up straighter.

"Some random bloke who goes to the ball at the beginning. I momentarily made eye contact with all the Bennetts..."

"What?" she laughed.

"...I really enjoyed the food and alcohol but got tired and went home."

"What's this characters name?"

"Dunno," Remus half laughed. "Something like... Mark... Stevens."

"Mark Stevens by Jane Austen!" Lily said grandly.

"Yeah, my story wasn't a grand romance. It was about getting ready for the dance and enjoying the snacks."

"I would read that!"

"You would read anything by Jane Austen. You even liked Mansfield Park..."

"Her finest work!"

"Yeah... sure," murmured Remus.

There was a comfortable silence between the two friends. Both of them were busy thinking about different things. Remus, for example, was thinking about nothing in particular. This, of course does not mean to say that 'nothing' was on his mind, but rather he was content in contemplating the way the earth felt beneath him or how this gentle breeze was summer saying goodbye.

Lily, however, was constructing a way to phrase her concerns to Remus. Her concerns about his happiness. This was how Lily worked. This was why people told her so much. This was what Lily did best. She essentially had an algorithm for every person in her life that was designed to make them comfortable. And it wasn't manipulation or coercion. It was just Lily and her very flexible personality.

So after going over what she knew about Remus Lupin and the way he preferred to be addressed about personal matters, Lily said:

"You really shouldn't let what strangers say dictate how you run your life."

Remus slowly looked at her with a grimace.

"Normally, under any other circumstance, I would agree. Whole heartedly. I'm afraid, though, that that rule doesn't quite apply when one is a monster," he shrugged-still wearing the ghost of a smile. "And it's not something I wallow in or feel bad about. It's just the way the world is run."

"We need to change that," Lily said sternly. "Because the world is missing out on some great monsters."

"Aw, so sweet."

Remus leaned over giving Lily a kiss on the top of her head before ruffling it.

"Well, someone is looking to give me a leg up... just wish it wasn't a homicidal maniac with a pension for blood based prejudice..." observed Remus casually.

"Shame, that," she said, smoothing her hair. "Don't join them should they come knocking on your door."

Remus could tell Lily was only half joking. He shook his head, offering a grin.

"Never," he whispered. "I'm not one for organized group projects. I prefer to work alone."

"The Marauders," Lily stated.

"The only exception. Them and you."

"And Dorcas?"

"Lily..."

"Sorry," she said quickly.

Remus' eyes turned down, staring once more at the dark blades of grass. There was something sad in those eyes. No. Worried. It only took Lily a second to notice it and a minute to figure out what it was about. As nonchalantly as possible, she sighed and said:

"They'd never come to recruit you anyway."

"What? Who?" Remus asked.

Lily scooted over in the grass, resting her head on Remus' shoulder.

"Voldemort's followers."

"Oh, and how do you figure that?"

There was a very slight pleading to his voice that only Lily Evans could have picked up on.

"Because it is widely known that Remus Lupin is a very bad werewolf."

Remus snorted again. Lily could feel his shoulders shake slightly with soft laughter and smiled to herself.

"They'll say 'Let's go recruit Lupin. He's was the best duelist at Hogwarts!' Then the other will say 'Erm, no. He owns the complete works of HG Welles. That's not what we're going for with our regime.'"

"I never thought my taste in literature was what would be my downfall in my journey to pursue my evil side..." Remus said thoughtfully. "I thought it might be that my body is comparable with a broomstick."

"I think it's your lack of razor sharp teeth to honest..." Lily countered.

"I can't help that."

"And you're not even that hairy."

"I'll have you know I have to shave once every single year."

"And where are your claws, Lupin? What good is a werewolf with no claws?"

Remus lifted up a hand, casually inspecting his long fingers.

"It's a bad habit. I keep biting them down to stubs..."

"You don't even have a big tail!" smiled Lily.

"Size is not important, Evans" he scoffed.

And in that moment of humor and laughter Remus felt a surge of relief. Relief he didn't even know he needed. Gently, he let his head fall onto Lily's. The two stared across the moon streaked lawn.

"You're a bad werewolf, Remus Lupin."

"Thank you, Lily Evans."

I hope you guys enjoyed and I really appreciate your indulging in my Remus Lupin obsession. As you can tell by this chapter, my favorite part of Remus is his subtle heroics. The way he roots for the downtrodden even though he himself, is down on his luck. What's your favorite thing about Remus?