Eleanor

I've found that there are very few distinct times in my life were I've acknowledged what an odd sensation it is to walk. I've tried to explain this revelation to Lucy, but she's never understood what I've meant. It just seems odd to me that, as earthbound creatures, we move with our limbs, yet literally those limbs never leave the ground beneath us, as if we're magnets to the land we're bound to.

These thoughts often came to me when my head had nothing else to occupy itself with, or rather I wasn't trying to think about the fact that I was currently on a horse, surrounded by a crowd of other creatures on a crowd of other horses, making my descent from Cair Paravel and off to Anvard.

I didn't think I'd ever find myself in such a position, as the break of dawn turned to a dull light of day. It all seemed too surreal that the padding of the hooves beneath us signified how we were finally going to battle.

The day went by unnoticed; it seemed a common theme here that time was slipping from us. The only person I knew around me was Edmund, trotting just in front of me. All the others had gotten displaced about throughout the pack, even my own family, who I hadn't seen for hours. I couldn't bear to look at my father now, with how blatant I'd been to him in regards to my mother. Lucy tried to assure me that at least with me feeling guilty, I had more of a grasp on how to relate to them. As much as she tried, her assurance didn't assure me.

When day finally bent into night, and camp was set up across the way from a lake, hidden only by a thin array of trees and a discreet fog, I found myself in a tent with Sophia who was snoring lightly beside me. I had one arm tucked under my head, listening to the symphonious chatter of creatures of the night. The world was already so dark that only the stars gave you hope that the sky would be blue in the morning, when I heard an incongruous crunch of grass from outside.

It was quite faint at first, but as its sound grew more prominent in the air I looked over to Sophia, turned away from me on the opposite side of the blanket in silence.

I stood from the ground quietly, tying the laces of my boots back on before I went outside. My eyes were met with the vastly tented field and before I could decide what to do, Edmund's figure appeared from the opposite side of the tent.

I jumped and looked away from him, holding my hand against my chest.

He was smiling. That stupid boy was smiling.

"Sorry to scare you," Edmund whispered, taking my hand. "Sleep was not coming to me. I'm glad you came out, because otherwise I would have had to search through all these tents. Do you want to come down to the lake with me?"

I playfully threw his hand from the grasp it held on mine. "I don't think I'd be able to get back to sleep, even if I tried, thanks to you."

"Oh, don't be so pessimistic," he said, looping his arm around my waist and walking with me down through the trees and eventually to the placid water.

Once we were in earshot of the water lapping against the earth, we settled next to each other in the overgrown grass.

"Wait… Ed… why did you want me down here?" I asked suddenly, drawing my knees closer to my chest, glancing sideways at him.

"I wanted some company," he said lamely, releasing what I could only perceive to be a slightly nervous laugh. I grinned, leaning over to snag a kiss along his jaw, resting my head on his shoulder.

The world was so quiet, yet not the same unsettling quiet that was usually held over Cair Paravel. The sky was lined with stars, the blackened lake before us was so still, and the forest around us made only the faintest sounds when wind rushed through the leaves. I indulged the idea that this part of the world was quiet, merely because it was supposed to be.

Just as my eyes began drooping against Edmund's shoulder, he moved slightly, rousing me completely from him.

"Were you just asleep, El?" he asked in disbelief. Even in the darkness, I could see that his eyes were crinkling at the edges, showing his amusement.

All I could do was nod as my palms began rubbing my eyelids. Edmund drew himself closer to me, and once my eyes landed on his, he grinned sheepishly.

"You're cute," was all he said.

"I'd say the same to you, but it's pretty dark."

"As if you've never seen me before."

"That's true. Then I'd have to say you're not."

Edmund nudged my shoulder lightly as a smirk formed on my face. I found I felt too lax to say anything else to him. As I heard a breeze whistle above us, I shivered.

"You cold?"

I nodded.

"C'mere, then," he motioned towards himself. I wasn't sure what he planned to do, but as I moved closer to him he moved in a way so I was settled in between his legs, the back of my head against his chest.

Edmund's arms wrapped around my torso. I tucked my chin underneath one of them, laying my cheek against his shoulder. He began talking, about nothing at all, but it felt so nice to hear something that didn't have to do with this war. I humored the thought that if I concentrated enough, the world would become so still that time would stop and I wouldn't have to worry about anything but this moment.

"We should probably head back."

I didn't say anything.

"Are you asleep?" he asked. I felt his head tilt down to look upon me.

Another moment passed and I felt his fingers skate gingerly along my jaw. To signal I was awake, I sighed, and looked up to him with a discontented smile. "No. I just don't want to go."

His fingers didn't halt their dance down to my collarbone as some daring smile posed itself on his face. Whatever he was about to say would be lined with sarcasm.

"You haven't contributed to anything I've been saying. Give me one good reason I should stay."

Without missing a beat, I sat up from my mold against him and said, "Because I want you to stay, and you wanted company and I came, even though my bum is frozen solid."

"Tell you bum I said 'sorry'," he smiled.

"Funny," I murmured with only the smallest smirk, pretending to not be amused. Our eyes were on each other's lips, so before he could find something else sarcastic to say, I leaned into him. Before another moment went by, his arms were around my waist, and so I scooted closer, back into my mold against him. My hands found his neck, the pads of my thumbs running across his cheekbones.

"I missed this," Edmund admitted, parting from me.

"Remember when we called each other 'Goose' and 'Cricket? That feels like a lifetime ago."

"It does," he noted, almost sadly. For a moment, I thought he was going to kiss me again, but as our lips drew closer, only a centimeter apart that I perceived, he halted.

There was something in the way the world was so quiet, something in the way that even in the corner of my eye I could see the scar on my palm, something in the way that even in this place, I knew I shouldn't feel safe, that made me believe there was something Edmund Pevensie wasn't saying to me.

"What is it?" I whispered softly, nudging his nose with mine. A sharp breath drew into him, as he moved his head enough from me so I could see the entire frame of his face.

"I just thought of something I said to you a long time ago."

"And…?" I edged on, as his eyes landed on the dew-dripped grass.

"It was my birthday, and you just seemed a little on edge…" he began, and then quickly added, "…which made sense. You had every right to be confused. We all were. But I just remember acknowledging that you were never scared of me, but you seemed afraid of something else."

"We're all scared, just like you said."

"I know that," he complied. "But it was something different, I don't know. And then you said you'd tell me when you found the words, and...have you?"

I crinkled my eyes slightly. "Have I what?"

"Found the words," he mused, in a melodramatic voice only just above a whisper.

"Have I found the words?" I contemplated, looking to the swaying trees behind us. "I suppose I have. I suppose at the time I thought I was lying to you because I never really believed I would find them. I think I was afraid of losing something, like if I admitted what I feared, that'd only make me weaker," I explained to him, and then I quickly added, "But let's be honest, I've got this black scar running amuck about me, so I think I'm in full throttle at this point…"

"Of course," Edmund murmured with a grin, infatuated with my facetious attitude.

"I was just afraid of getting my hopes up, and losing my family again," I admitted, with an anticlimactic shrug. "I didn't want to get close to them only to lose them a minute later, so that's why I was so reserved."

"Do you still love your mother?"

"I wish I knew how to love her," I said despondently, his fingers brushing a strand of hair from my face to behind my ear. "I wish there was something along the line that I could see that would justify how she's acted. Not just leaving us, but from not being upfront, not being someone I can depend on. Even now…"

I looked away from him. I couldn't look into any person's eyes while talking about it. It only made me think of looking into my father's eyes when I said that she was taken away, but with such brevity; how for a moment, he was hopeful as they widened, but as soon as the words fell from my tongue, they shrunk back to normal size, possibly smaller.

"I can't forgive her. I can't…" my voice cracked as my lip trembled, a different kind of color going to my face. I felt foolish acting like this, considering all that's going on and all that we've already lost.

"Maybe it makes me an awfully bad person, but even if something happened to her, I don't think I'd change my mind. I can't, because if she turns out fine but acts the same, I know that I wouldn't forgive her."

My words were rushed and suddenly any way I could work humor into the conversation to make everything seem more forgiving only made my stomach turn.

"Hey…" Ed cooed, holding my chin and moving it so I no longer looked away from him. I felt the pad of his thumb run along my cheek as he spoke, "You've got to stop thinking that you're making things worse by letting all she's done to you slide by. Clearly this may just take time, and if you said that you forgave her, well you know you'd be lying to yourself, and there's nothing wrong in that."

"But what if she dies?" I asked of him, my voice in a tremble. "What if she dies and that's all I'd ever know of her?"

"Everything will turn out how it's supposed to, I promise," he said. "You just have to have faith."

"I'm not that religious, remember?"

"But you believe in something, don't you? You don't have to look to some almighty figure in the sky. Just have faith that this will all work out, and whatever happens is the way things are meant to be. Have faith in your siblings, have faith in Lucy," his voice dropped low, as his lips drew closer to mine.

"Have faith in me," he drawled, pecking the corner of my mouth lightly. I smiled when his lips left mine, and then instinctively my hand clasped around the back of his neck, holding him before he could move any farther from me.

Author's Note: Aww... I've missed writing this kind of El and Ed time (definitely my favorite). I hope everyone's had a nice week. I'd like to thank sarahmichellegellarfan1 and sweetsunnyrose for reviewing... and cassiestrange for following. :D To anyone else reading, I hope you're enjoying it.

If you have a chance to leave a review and let me know what you think, that'd be great. I hope you all have a lovely week.

-JK