A/N: Fin-Fish Jun-Tenshi- I know it's not much of an answer, but all I can say if you'll have to wait and see.

hotcheeto0910- thank you so much for like my story and reviewing it! I understand your worries and I hope I don't disappoint with what I make happen.

musa22lbl- I'm sorry I'm an evil writer. I hope you still like my story…

October 23, 1944

I had never felt such failure in my entire life. The guilt was eating at me right next to the sorrow no matter how much Peggy tried to help. It didn't make any difference what she thought, I couldn't stop from hating the world and mostly hating myself. What kind of a mother loses her own child? That's what I had to tell people who asked. I lost the baby. Is that really true? It wasn't like when Steve would lose his house key in Brooklyn, or when Bucky would lose his homework in school, or when I would lose the grocery list for the week. This was an unborn child, not some trivial item I misplaced, but I still said those words because it was I could think to say. I was mostly angry I let myself get excited too soon. It was early and I shouldn't have let anyone else find out I was pregnant until I was more sure everything would be fine. I was angry I let myself get to the point of collapsing and had to be taken to a doctor. If that had gone differently, I wouldn't have had to tell everyone that baby I had a month ago was now gone. Steve didn't know and just the thought of having to tell him when he got back made me even more sick. I couldn't stop picturing how happy he was when we heard the news. I couldn't understand how it all went away so quickly. It felt like I was being told I was pregnant and the very next day told I wasn't. It was all so fast; less than a month wasn't long enough to have a baby. I waited every day dreading the time when Steve would be back, but also wanted nothing more but to be held his arms. Today was that day. I waited in our room I heard him and his team were back because I didn't want to crowd. Open the door and immediately smiled when he saw me sitting on our bed. I tried to return it but tears came instead he dropped his bag and was sitting next to me in a second.

"Mads, what's wrong?" He asked with concern wasting his voice.

"I'm sorry, Steve," I said first and he put his arm around me and I shrugged it off. As much as I wanted it there, I couldn't bare it if he took it back when he heard what I had to say. I could see he was confused and a little hurt, but I had to tell him. "Steve, I lost our baby."

"What?" He asked in a whisper.

"I woke up last week in blood and I felt cramps and pain. I had a fever too and so I went to the doctor. He said our baby was gone. It was a miscarriage. I'm so sorry, Steve." He looked at me with sad eyes and I didn't know what to expect, but it certainly wasn't what he said.

"Can I hold your hand?" He asked, and I felt like we were teenagers again. Somehow I no longer saw Captain America (not that I ever really did. He was always just Steve when we were alone together), but I saw the quiet and timid Steve Rogers I fell in love with. I nodded my head and he took my hand that was sitting in my lap and he held it with both the kids. "Maddi, you didn't lose our baby. Please don't blame yourself." I couldn't help but cry more. I didn't expect him to instantly try to take the burden off my shoulders. "Anything you need, Maddi, I will do everything I can to make it better."

"Thank you," I said and I leaned in closer to him to feel his comfort a bit more.

November 9, 1944

I tried everything I could to keep my mind away from thoughts of the miscarriage . It had been too long, I couldn't keep sulking in my feelings, but I couldn't help but think how it would feel to be farther along in my pregnancy. I just felt so tired all the time. I was tired of the never ending war that took so much time from being with my husband away from me. I was tired of putting my entire life with the projects Howard put me on when I just wanted to put it all aside and start a family with Steve. I thought so much about how things would be different without this war, and it will build anger and resentment in me. Or if Steve had never been offered the super soldier serum, we would be happily married in Brooklyn. Maybe we would still have a baby on the way or maybe we already would have one. I wouldn't have to share my time with Steve the rest of the world, and we would be happy. I couldn't remember the last time I was truly happy.

"Mads," Steve said as I was getting ready and he sat on the bed in the morning. "I know you're still feeling upset, I just–"

"You know?" I asked putting down my make-up case and turning to him. "How could you possibly know? You're never here," I snapped at him and he looked taken aback.

"I'm here now," he kept his calm voice steady. "And I know you, Maddi. This isn't like you, I need to know that you're okay."

"What could I possibly say, Steve? I'm swell? I'm absolutely terrific? Steve, I miss Brooklyn, and I miss you all the time. I miss not waking up to the sound of bombs or gunshots only miles away. I miss not having nightmares about never seeing you again. I miss the way I felt when I had never carried a baby before. I was hopeful and excited! Sorry to disappoint you, but I can't give you any reassurance of me being 'okay' because I'm not." He stayed silent after my outburst. I didn't even cry; I wasn't sad anymore. I was just empty and angry.

"I miss Home too, I miss being with you every day too–"

"You brought us here!" I cut him off by yelling. "You couldn't stop dreaming of fighting in a war you had no business being in. Now look at you, you're Captain America. The entire country is in love with you, you get to fight just like you wanted. You get to be admired and respected by so many people! You got exactly what you always wanted! I wanted a family. To have our children back home and live a normal life with you. Your crazy desires to prove yourself to everyone took that away from me."

"That's not fair, Maddi," he responded once I finally stopped my yelling. "You're not the only one who wanted a family together. All I've ever wanted was you and I wake up everyday realizing how lucky I truly was to be with you. You were my dream girl since we met, I didn't want to have a family with anyone else because it was always you. My career ambitions are just like yours. I was supportive when you were in college, while you searched for recognition and respect in your field. You being a woman had never made me believe you couldn't do the things you set your mind to. Those are your goals outside our family and these are mine, and we have supported each other through it all because that's a family does. I wanted that baby just as much as you did, and I know that what I feel doesn't come close to how you carried our child and had to go through a miscarriage alone. All I want is to keep supporting you through this like I have in everything else, through every other death you or I have faced, through every time you have had this helpless feeling. I know you don't want to hear this right now, but Maddi, I know you. I know you better than I know anyone else, and I know you better than anyone else knows you. We can get through this because we have gotten through so much together. It's okay to grieve, but please let me be here for you when I can."

I watched him with hard eyes as he spoke and I stayed silent when he finished. I didn't want to listen to what he had to say, mostly because I knew it would probably change how I felt. I wanted to be angry, I felt like I had the right to be angry. My life wasn't how I imagined it would be and I needed to hold someone responsible for it. I thought back to how much joy was in my life when I married Steve. It was my fear of losing him that made me tired of waiting to call him my husband. Despite that being the immediate reason, I knew I wanted to marry him for years. Maybe if we had married sooner like the rest of the world instead of waiting so long, things would be different too. I'm sure if I had expressed want for it, Steve would have married me years ago. It was my desire to get a degree and work towards a career that caused me to wait for a family. There was no denying that I was the reason we had waited and it just made me feel awful inside. Steve was right because we both got what we wanted when getting to Europe. He was bravely fighting the war and I was working on scientific projects I could have never dreamed of before. This brought more fury than comfort into my heart. It proved our inability to be good parents. God must have brought this miscarriage on us because he knew we couldn't raise a baby while we both had things we occasionally put before our family.

The science major and me immediately scoffed at my thought. I remembered studying slightly about pregnancies and miscarriages, and while much of it was still very unknown to us, it had become more certain that miscarriages could happen to anyone for many unknown reasons. Sometimes they just happen, and doctors don't know why. No matter how many times I tried to remind myself of this, I just could not help but try to find what went wrong. Was it something sent from God? Was it my fault or Steve's fault or both our faults for being in an environment not fit for pregnancy? All I did in the end was nods head to Steve so he would know I heard before turning back to putting on my make-up for the day. I could hear him sigh and stand up. I was ashamed in myself for more reasons than one, so I couldn't bring myself to even look at him. Once he left our room, I let out a sob. I wanted help he offered, but I didn't know how to accept it.

I hadn't spoken to Steve the rest of the day, and he was leaving the next morning. I felt awful inside at the thought of him going back in the middle of the war after I said hurtful things to him. I mustered up my strength and sat across from him at dinner. He was eating alone and looked up to see me sit down and gave me a small smile as he said hello.

"I'm just so angry, Steve," I said immediately in a helpless voice. "All the time. I don't want to be, but sometimes it's easier than being sad. I should move on, I was barely pregnant!"

"But you were pregnant, Maddi," he replied in a soothing tone. "It's okay to be as upset as you are because we were going to have a baby together and now we aren't. I just want you to know that no matter what you're feeling, I want to make sure you'll get better. Even if it takes longer than you think it should, I want to be with you for as much as I can." I reached my hand across the table and he quickly took it in his. I squeezed it like it was my lifeline, he squeezed it back in reassurance.

"I said awful things to you, but I shouldn't have. I'm really sorry, Steve." A few tears roll down my face he smiled at me.

"It's alright, Mads. I'm not mad about it. I love you," he told me.

"I love you too. So so much," I replied. Just being there with him in a calm and loving way actually made me feel like a large portion of what was weighing me down was lifted off of me.

December 15, 1944

Steve came back from another mission and he seemed like something was bothering him, but he played it off as being tired when I asked. "How are you feeling?" He asked instead.

"Much better actually," I said, and it was the truth. "It feels really weird being happy and okay again, but I really think I am." I would still think about 'what ifs' from time to time, but I wanted to move forward with the life I had. I had Steve, and wonderful friends, and a chance at happiness. I wasn't going to waste it anymore.

"That's wonderful, Maddi."

We spent the day together and I could tell Steve was exhausted both physically and emotionally. "You want to go rest?" I asked kindly and he tried again to brush off my worries.

"No, I'm fine, I just want to be with you right now." I looked at him skeptical eyes.

""Come on, what's really going on, Steve? You can tell me."

He hesitated before finally replied "I don't want to burden you or make you feel bad. Not now that you're doing so well."

"No, no, it's alright! Really you can tell me. You know we don't keep feelings from each other." He sighed and seemed to give in.

"It's just been pretty hard these past few days. More than usual because I had a dream we still having a baby." I remained silent and you gave me a weird look before continuing. I wasn't expecting this to be what was bothering him. "We talked about it a lot and worked through it together, but I feel like with everything else going on with the work, I haven't really had time to process it. I feel guilty for leaving you so much I'm not putting our family first."

We sat next to each other and I placed my hand comfortingly on his cheek. "Steve, you've been so strong for me these last couple months. Despite being able to be a bit happier every day, I still have moments of sadness for what could have been. It's time for me to be strong for you. I want you to always tell me how you feel; you don't need to pretend to be happy all the time to make me feel better, and you don't need to feel guilty. You're fighting for our country, and that is for me and our future family to live happy lives together. One day this all will be over and the United States will not only thank Captain America, but more importantly they'll thank Steve Rogers. I'll be equally as grateful for your amazing service." He leaned into my hand and closed his eyes.

"Thank you," he said in barely a whisper. I got closer to him and held him in a tight hug. I could feel him relax and I knew that it had been a while since he truly was able to feel more at ease. I was happy to be the person that brought this comfort to him as he was always the person who brought so much comfort to me.

A/N: I hope you don't all hate me! Let me know your thoughts and feelings and predictions!